stuff jen says: Jan. 14: What Vic needs

Here's a fun game. Google "[your name] needs" and see what you find. According to the Interweb, Vic needs about 507 things, including:

...a chocolate fix, but he's too lazy to walk out of the house to buy some
...high hopes (high apple pie in the sky hopes?)
...constant maintenance (so I'm not the only that thinks so?)
...some coffee just to calm him down a little bit (yeah, he talks waaaay too much)
...to be able to add (hm, and I thought Asians were good at math)
...to be prepared to answer to the presidents
...his Sacred Stars of the Milky Way lodge regalia for a special meeting (one o' those Stonecutters things, I guess)
...a trip into the Scottish highlands
...more love (what a whiner)
...a face lift
...a hug (altogether now: "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh...")
...fixing (nah, he had that taken care of four years ago)
...a hammer (so he can hammer in the morning, hammer in the evening, all over this land...)
...help all the time
...to spring for a dictionary and look up the meaning of "irony" (although I don't recommend it if it will in any way make me look bad)
...to stay exactly the way he has been for the past five seasons (that's what I tell him but I think he knows the truth)
...a kitchen assistant and a weekend waitress (yeah, I pretty much hate working in the kitchen)
...to kill Shane for there to be completion (okaaaay...)
...this CD (Justin Timberlake's FutureSex/LoveSounds??? I KNEW it!)
...little introduction
...a skunk and a hedgehog (Just two of the critters Katie and Jack have recently asked for)
...a bath
...more competition and panda loving these days (Sure.)
...Barbie and Barbie needs Vic (So I've heard him screaming in his sleep)
...aspirin but Norris says lavender oil on the temples is the thing!
...to kill monsters to be an effective monster
...to speak to you in the next six weeks
...to do as he is suggested (duh)
...$50,000 to pay a private investigator looking for his missing wife (wuh-huh???)

Heh heh. That was fun.

--Jen

facts of jen's life

So, who do you think you are? I think I’m Jen. People who don’t know me sometimes call me Jenny. That’s weird.

Tell me about yourself. I was born a small black child, and am now a grown-up, or at least my kids think I am. I’m in my mid-40s and live in the ‘burbs of Portland, Oregon. My husband is Victor, and my kids are Katie and Jack. Read this if you want the real and very long scoop.

Tell me things people might not know about you. I am an ordained minister and can perform marriages. Why no one has asked me to do this for them yet, I do not know. ● At the request of my Disney-hating friend Ed, I got mouse ears embroidered with the name “Satan” and I didn’t even get kicked out of Disneyland. It’s quite possibly the ballsiest thing I’ve ever done. ● I “helped” write this book, published in 2012: You Take it From Here, by Pamela Ribon. My name is in the back, and I’m still geeking out about it. ● I recorded a song in a studio in 1994 and it got local radio play for a few months. At least two times I turned on the radio in the car and my song was playing at that moment—very cool. ● I nearly died from a zit in 1986. I am not making this up. ● Victor and I once appeared on The Tonight Show. Really. If you can find a VCR, I’ll show you the tape.

I read some of your posts and I think you might be an alcoholic. I drink way less than I write about drinking. If I ever STOP talking about booze, then it’ll be time for an intervention.

What do you love? Books. Coffee. Fonts. Broadway musicals. San Francisco. Bacon. Rum. Law & Order. Naps. Butter. Home. Crack cocaine. iDevices. Words. Disney vacations. You.

If you could punch anything or anyone in the face, what/who would it be? Cancer. I was diagnosed with lymphoma in November 2009. I kicked its big fat ugly ass and am in remission now. ● Comic Sans. ● People who won’t take responsibility for their problems—the “I didn’t do anything to deserve this!” attitude. Look in the mirror. That’s who to blame. ● Celebrities who are famous for no reason. Y’know, if we stop looking, they’ll go away... ● Bad grammar and spelling and the dummies who use it.

You seem bitter. Did someone piss in your Cheerios? I’m not bitter. I think unicorns-and-rainbows stuff isn’t very interesting to read, so I tend not to write that way. But also, now you’re being kind of a jackhole.

It seems like no one ever comments on your blog posts. Why is that? Most people comment on the Facebook links. I don’t know why.

What if I want to tell you something? Two ways to reach me: leave a comment on a post, or e-mail me at jenniferTAKETHISPARTOUTmanullang at gmail-dot-com.

Jan. 14: What Vic needs

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