Oct. 13: Today’s birthdays

It’s Erin’s birthday today! Here’s how you can figger out how old she is: I was 13 when she was born. I remember I was so excited because I sorta became an aunt that day. A few weeks after that, her grandpa and my mom got married. (And then 24 years later they divorced, a much happier occasion for most everyone involved.)

Erin’s one of my favorite people in the world. We have a long, fun history, and if I could give her anything for her birthday, it would be the following.

A dog that scoops its own poop, or even better, someone who will train Lucy to do it.



Empty bottles so she can make lots of limoncello. Ideally she’d be so grateful for all the bottles that she’d return some to me. Full. (Of her homemade limoncello.)



A nanny. Erin’s not a diaper-changin’ kind o’ gal, but I desperately want her to have a baby and I think this might be the only way she will. So here’s a Mary Poppins that hopefully won’t be a self-righteous bitch.



Happy birthday, Erin! I love you a ton.

Today is also Jim Jordan’s birthday. He’s older than Erin. He would probably love cool gifts too, but I didn’t get him anything because I was worn out from shopping for Erin. Sorry, Jim. Here’s some cake. I hope your day doesn’t suck.