Sep. 14: In which Jen rants a little

It’s Day #14 of our September Blog Challenge and today the topic is:

What has happened lately in the media that makes you want to rant?

Goodness, there are just so many things.

I guess marriage equality is a biggie for me personally—for several reasons, but mostly because I don’t like that some people are treated unfairly for no logical reason. Actually, a lot of the people who are doing the unfair treating think they have a very logical reason: because the Bible says so. Here’s the thing:

Having been raised in a church that claims it takes the Bible very literally—rest on the Sabbath, which is the seventh day of the week, as specified in Genesis; avoid unclean foods specified in Leviticus 11; when people die they are dead, not in Heaven or Hell; ornamental jewelry draws attention to a person rather than God; one’s body is a temple, which has been interpreted as anti-alcohol, anti-drugs, anti-caffeine, etc.—I find this trail mix analogy to be perfect. In fact, I remember sitting in church around the age of nine, bored out of my mind during the sermon, and looking up the scriptures listed with each of the 28 fundamental Adventist beliefs. (What else could I do to make the time pass? I’d already circled all the words in the bulletin that had been said, and I giggled through the hymnal as I put “in the bathroom” after each title. Excuse me, but “He Lives” and “Who is He in Yonder Stall?” still give me the chuckles.) In my impromptu solo Bible study, I was surprised to find that there were some “rules” the church followed explicitly, but others they completely overlooked. Even at that age, I saw the inconsistencies between what the Bible told us to do and what we actually did. See, trail mix! Here are just a few examples.

In Leviticus chapter 12, it says that women are unclean for a week after they give birth to a boy and two weeks if it’s a girl—I guess girls are dirtier? Oh, and boys must be circumcised at eight days old. There would be far fewer arguments on cafemom.com if people just did what the Lord commanded.

Leviticus, chapter 19 has things to say about haircuts and tattoos.

27 Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.
28 Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.

In chapter 20 there’s a whole bunch of stuff about being put to death for cursing your parents (no one would ever make it past 17 years of age, for sure). And in chapter 21 we find out that God doesn’t like people with handicaps???

16 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
17 Speak unto Aaron, saying, Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations that hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God.
18 For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,
19 Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded,
20 Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;
21 No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the LORD made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.

 

Hoo, boy.

I especially love this one: in 1 Timothy, the very book in which Paul condemns homosexuals (kinda; 1:10), he also says “bodily exercise profiteth little” (4:8) and “Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach's sake and thine often infirmities” (5:23). Sounds to me like Paul was a fat, drunk homophobe… so it totally makes sense that we follow every word he wrote.

If you’re using the Bible as the reason you don’t believe in marriage equality, then I call shenanigans. You gotta come up with something better.

As I said, it’s the discrimination part of being against marriage equality that bothers me most.

It’s weird, but I don’t think of my marriage as being interracial—Victor’s as white as white can be on the inside—but indeed, it is. There was a time when marrying outside of one’s own race was illegal too.

I look at these images and am awfully glad I wasn’t old enough to have an opinion at that time. I’m also glad I hadn’t met Victor and fallen in love but was forbidden to marry him. That would absolutely break my heart, for other people to tell me that I can’t marry the person I love. I would wonder why it’s even any of their business… how a white girl marrying an Asian boy could make anyone else’s marriage less special… how they can stand behind the Bible as the basis for these discriminatory beliefs, a book which also forbids divorce and adultery, a book that tells us to love one another.

Whether you question the Bible’s origins and interpretations or not, it’s hard to deny that Jesus Christ once walked the earth and that he was a pretty decent guy. In fact, Christians are named so because his followers are supposed to be Christ-like. Here’s what Jesus said about love:

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. John 13:34

And that, my friends, is my rant for the day. I promise that tomorrow will be way less soapbox-y.

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If you’re a blogger and want to do our blog challenge with us, let me know and I’ll send you our list! Otherwise, tune in here (and on Sherilee’s happy little blog) every day in September.

Jun. 23: Don’t ring mah bell

Neighborhoods like mine are magnets for unwanted doorbell ringers. When the kids aren’t home, I don’t answer the door unless I’m expecting someone. But when they are home, they race for the front door and then wake me up come get me when the person there asks “Is your mom or dad home?”

We are looong overdue for a “no solicitors” sign. We used to have a doormat that said GO AWAY, but it was always out of order; people would ring our doorbell and say, “I love your mat! Wanna buy magazines?”

I don’t like guns, but these people make me wish I did. And that I kept a collection by the front door.

Last night I searched for “soliciting” on Pinterest and found some very exciting options. Tell me what you think.

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This sign was the most common search result (soooo… I don’t like it).
What’s good about this particular one, though, is that the pretty frame is deceiving;
it draws people in by giving them the impression that it has something nice to say,
and then it says GET THE EFF OUT. Sneaky-good.

 

Not my cat. I like my cat. But a random cat, sure.

I’m afraid too many people don’t understand what the word “soliciting” means, exactly.
This explains it a little. I like the idea of having a window decal more than hanging a sign,
but our front door windows are six inches from our doorbell and therefore we cannot
be sure an idiot would see the message before pressing the doorbell. Because idiots are such idiots.

 

This could not be more straightforward.

 

This could not be more awesome.

I like it.

This could definitely work on some people.
Heh heh heh.

 

I wouldn’t do the Pokemon thing, but I’d have no problem
asking for some kind of show tune or Robert Frost poem.

A Robert Frost poem WITH VOICES.

Again with the sensible. I like the sensible.

Good. Very good. Probably too wordy, though.

I think this would be like the GO AWAY doormat; people would ring the bell
just to say how hilaaaarious we must be!! To have a sign like that!! So funny!!!!!!

The message is cutesy, but the butterfly ruined it for me.
Also the “y” in “says”—why is it way up there? Bad font choices irritate me.

I like. I like very much.

For the most part, I like the message of this one… but I might add the words “we know” to the end.
I hate those little poopus kids who come from other neighborhoods to sell stuff.

Simple. Good.

Disgusting… and probably pretty effective.

So many choices, right? I’ve gotta put something out front, because no way am I spending my summer pretending that our yellow Lab is way more vicious than she seems. Even an idiot who doesn’t know the meaning of the word “solicitor” will figger that one out.

Aug. 6: Silly, mean, deep, mean, inappropriate. And mean.

This morning I thought I’d do one of those “currently” posts, but YAWNERS. It got boring, fast. Instead, I’m going to share stuff I’ve been collecting—some’s funny, some’s profound, but none of it’s YAWNERS, I promise. Here ya go.

 

 

Bachelorette party cake = BRILLIANT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I totally did not think of Tina when I saw this… nope…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Something happened on Facebook this weekend that angered me greatly. A friend shared a well-written article about the protests surrounding that chicken restaurant (you know the one) that has donated to anti-gay campaigns for years, and it prompted a “friend” of that friend to leave an incredibly offensive and ignorant comment about why she thinks gay marriage should not be legal. What bothered me besides the Bible verses she used to support her statement was that she prefaced the whole thing with, “I know and love a number of homosexuals, but…”

I wanted to reply with many, many words that would offend her right back. I know a lot of words like that; I totally coulda. Because no, you don’t love a number of homosexuals if you think legalizing their marriage will destroy the family basis of society and have “a much more far-reaching agenda than appears on the surface, including legalizing pedophilia and bestiality.” You don’t love them at all. You hate them. You think they’re icky and sinful and wrong. And that makes me think YOU are icky and sinful and wrong. Argh.

I didn’t have to respond because other people did, and they did it in a way that was so much better and more fair than I would have. They quoted the Bible AND EVERYTHING. It was the best. Because this is the truth:

And it reminded me of something I heard Aziz Ansari say on the subject (he’s the actor who plays the very annoying Tom on Parks & Recreation):

“My whole take on the gay rights issue, particularly gay marriage, is, let’s be honest, if you’re against gay marriage, you just don’t like gay people and you want to stick it to ‘em. And I’m not saying that I wouldn’t do the same thing if I was presented with similar opportunities. If there was a law up for debate where it was like – ‘hey man, do you think guys that wear tight t-shirts and get bottle service at nightclubs should be allowed to own property?’ – I’d be like, ‘No!  @$#@ those guys! Yeah, uh, it violates the sanctity of owning property and it says in the Bible that they’re douchebags.’ Whatever I need to say so you don’t think this is coming from purely a place of hate.” —Aziz  Ansari

Bullseye.

Don’t think that I don’t realize how much of my post today has to do with not liking people. While it was not a conscious decision to lump all these things together, well, there they all are. Heh heh heh.

So’s not to leave a “Jen be so meeeeean!” taste in your mouth, here’s a picture of Lucy and Millie being friends that don’t chase or hiss or bite or claw. Sometimes they are very sweet critters.

I hope your day also has very little chasing, hissing, biting, or clawing.

May 24: Godless liberal

On Friday I drove past a national cemetery and the kids pointed out the little American flags at each grave. I explained they were there because those people had fought for their country and this was one way that we honored them on Memorial Day. The conversation that followed went like this:

Jack: Mom, is there anything under the flags?

Me: Yes, there are people buried under them, in caskets.

Jack: What’s a casket?

Me: It’s a box that dead people are put in before they are buried in the ground.

Katie: That’s a coffin.

Me: Coffin, casket, same thing. It’s a box.

Jack is quiet for a moment. Then he speaks up again:

Jack: OK, so when those people are buried in the ground, are they in Hell?

Me, chuckling quietly: Some of them, I guess. But no, their bodies are in the casket in the ground. People that believe in Heaven and Hell sometimes think a person’s soul goes to Heaven or Hell when that person dies, not their body.

Jack: What’s a soul?

Me, suddenly thinking a sex talk would be much easier than this one: It’s the inside of you, but not your guts and stuff. It’s not something you can touch or see. It’s who you are, like your spirit.

He thinks some more.

Jack: Do I have a soul?

Me: I suppose. I think everyone does.

Jack: Do you have a soul?

Me: I used to, but I sold it to the devil.

This is just about the time Child Protection Services should take away my every parental right because I clearly am unable to raise these children to be decent adults. But they weren’t in the car with us, so NEENERS on them. We’re doin’ it my way, folks!

Jack, interrupting my laughter over how hilarious I find myself: Really?

Me: No, that was on The Simpsons. Homer sold his soul to the devil for a donut. Oh, and there was another episode when Bart sold his soul to Milhouse and the pets started growling at him, and when he went to the store he couldn’t make the doors open when he stepped on the thing. He thought it was because he didn’t have a soul.

Jack: Oh.

Me: Jack, some people really don’t know what they believe about whether or not we have souls, so instead they just make jokes about it.

Jack: Are they funny?

Me: Sometimes. On The Simpsons, always. But no one really knows for sure if we have souls. You just decide what you want to believe.

Jack: I have a soul. And I want to go to Heaven.

Me, to myself: Yes, and that’s how you’ll rebel against me, isn’t it? Become a Bible-thumping Jesus freak? Probably get a call-in radio show? And write books about how you barely survived your heathen upbringing? And after all I’ve done for you…

Me, to Jack: OK. Have fun. I’m going to the other place.

Katie: Why?

Me: Because Heaven sounds sooo boring. Angels and clouds and everyone’s always nice to everyone. Blech.

Katie and Jack, laughing: You’re weird, Mom.

I was raised—with the best intentions—that anyone who believed differently from me and my church was wrong. I want my kids to grow up with an understanding that not everyone believes the same way they do, and that’s alright. I suppose making jokes about their serious questions is not the best route, but just think about all the work I’m creating for their future psychiatrists. The economy will finally bounce back!

And then you’ll all owe me big time.