June 19: Homing hamsters

June 19: You are hereby damned

When you're really, truly angry for a perfectly justifiable reason ... when there are so few people who know how to properly punctuate their writing no matter how much you complain and mock ... when the Xanax bottle is empty ... when that bitch keeps taking the good parking spot ... when you're ready to sic a ninja on anyone who dares speak to you ... when you just don't want to take it out on the dog again ... when you think you'll die if you have to hear the "High School Musical" soundtrack one more time ... when your Internet connection is so @^#$*#% slow ... when sending a dead possum in the mail again just seems a bit too much ... when people continue to put two spaces between sentences ... when you have to push "mute" every time you hear that jackass of a president try to speak ... when flames are shooting out your ears because the phone won't stop ringing ... when Taco Bell just can't get your order right ...

Don't just sit there. Do something. Visit You Are Damned to damn a soul or twelve. It's one of the most valuable services available on the web, it's free, and you'll feel better.

Your dog will thank you.

--Jen
P.S. By having shared this brilliant web site with you, I am immune from all damning. Don't even think about it.

June 18: Camping sucks

I hate tomatoes. I may have mentioned that earlier today. But I also hate camping. This hatred can easily be traced back to the way I had to camp when I was a teen. The jackass that took us refused to pay for a camp site, so he would park on the side of a gravel road. Anywhere. There were no facilities, no fire pits, no running water, no hookups of any kind. Got the picture? That was how we camped, and it was a nightmare from start. To. Finish.

Showers? Who needs 'em?

Toilets? Find a stump.

I know! You're probably saying, "That is not camping! That is something homeless people do because they don't have a choice! It is not fun! It is not an adventure! It is not anything but you being cheap and filthy and cheap!"

I bet you're jealous you didn't grow up with that jackass. (He was not my father, by the way. This guy didn't give a $#!+ about me or Kathy, and we felt just about the same toward him. Not that I'm bitter or anything... )

Anyway, whenever the subject of camping has come up in the past 15 years or so, I do whatever is necessary to get out of the potential outing. My friends think I'm crazy because many of them love camping. But they are clearly idiots. "Camping" to me and Kathy, now that we can be bossy and control our environment somewhat, is a hotel with no room service. Blame the jackass for making us "camp" in hellish conditions, and blame our mom and dad for being ultra-clean bathing-type folk. Those things really just don't go together.

Unless you go camping with Carolyn Neil. She sweeps her camp sites. She makes delicious food that most people would not dare attempt while camping. She's a delightful camping hostess. I'll bet she even showers.

... and I have forgotten the point I was trying to make.

.
.
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Oh yes. I read this frightening article online and it just adds fuel to my non-camping fire. Read this tragic and horrific news item.

To sum up, I shall paraphrase the title of my favorite Charlie & Lola book: I will never not ever go camping.

I may hate camping, but it doesn't change my feelings for you one bit. Lovies!

--Jen

June 18: You, "tomato." Me, "yuck!"

These are my tomato-hating friends:

• Jim
  
• April
  
• Ed

Apparently, that is all. My husband used to be on that list, but I don't know who he is anymore. A couple weeks ago I caught him eating a sandwich with a big slice of tomato on it. And yesterday he came home with two tomatoes because he "was craving them" while grocery shopping. I shoulda been suspicious when he walked in the door and said, "Jen, honey-Fräulein, I am home."

Um, has anyone seen that guy I married? He looks a lot like the dude that snores next to me all night but he's got a worse German accent. Also, he hates tomatoes.

--Jen
P.S. I only hates me the fresh ones.

June 17: B-E-A-utiful

I've been a Steve Carell fan since his days as a reporter on The Daily Show. I'm not sure I'm going to see his new movie, Evan Almighty (wasn't a big fan of Bruce Almighty, though he was hilarious in it). Nevertheless, the movie poster made me laugh, probably harder than it really should have. I had to share.

June 17: Rats

Katie and I went to a sneak preview of the new Disney/Pixar movie Ratatouille last night. We give it four thumbs up!

The story was sweet and funny and entertaining, but it was the animation that was absolutely stunning. What have they done with their software? It's like they have a pastel filter on it, but it makes things look amazing instead of blurry. Being set in Paris certainly didn't hurt.

All the rats are cute, but you should know there are at least two scenes where they're scurrying all through the old lady's house and the restaurant kitchen. It might be a bit unsettling if you're bothered by that sort of thing (if they were spiders I'da been outta there faster than you can say, "Hey lady, that's not an exit!"). Ye be warned.

Disney's Ratatouille web site has lots of pictures, downloadable wallpapers, movie clips, and a cool 19-page PDF activity book.

The animated short they showed before the movie was Lifted. It was good, definitely better than the last one (I thought One Man Band was a little high-brow, especially to be shown before Cars, even though the animation style was quite beautiful).

As this was a sneak preview, and every other sneak preview I've ever gone to has sold out long before showtime, I bought our tickets at Fandango earlier in the day. I'd never actually used the service before, and it was so easy I didn't mind paying the $1/ticket convenience charge. The best part, of course, was knowing that we wouldn't have to wait in line forever just to find out the movie was sold out. I will totally use Fandango again.

The only bummer of the evening was that this was going to be the first movie all four of us would see together in the theater. However, Jack was naughty naughty naughty earlier in the day and we're trying to teach him about consequences. He does not like learning about consequences, especially when it means staying home and missing Ratatouille. Vic wasn't so thrilled about staying home either.

So that's my not very critical critique of Ratatouille. It's really a great feel-good movie and we liked it very much. It opens everywhere June 29. Just be sure to check out the IMDB site before you go so you know who does the voices and then it won't drive you crazy the whole movie long like it did me. (Ohhhh! Peter O'Toole! Of course!!)

June 14: Cartoon exit obstacle course

Usually these weird Japanese "sports" shows drive me crazy, but I thought this one was pretty clever even though it ends with a "funniest home videos" moment. Ah, getting hit in the 'nads... that old chest"nut"... it works on so many levels. Hope you enjoy it anyway.

June 14: Happy birthday, Mom!

What a perfect day for my fabulous mom to be celebrating her birthday! This week she moved into her new home and today the big burly mover dudes will arrive with all her things, all undamaged (or they'll have to answer to me--heh heh). She's surrounded by family and friends and embracing her new life--no one deserves it more or has worked for it as hard as she has. Congrats, Mom, and happy day! Many lovies from your favorite daughter--

Jen
P.S. That thing I said about you going to hell? Kathy made me.

June 11: One more foot in hell

She finally did it. Mother Mary got her ears pierced at the ripe young age of 39+. Pretty sure they're getting her room in Hades all ready right now. Click for a larger version of the pics.

Betty, Janet, Karen and Mary

June 10: Look out below