May 8: Plug in your dongle

I've said it before and I'm saying it again; if you don't visit Overheard in the Office at least once a day, you're missing out on unparalleled hilarity. Here's an example.

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9AM Oh No, My PayPal Account Is Empty! How Will I Pay This Strapping Young IT Guy?

Tech guy: I need to update your microscope software, have you seen the dongle?
Grad student: Um... Excuse me?
Tech guy: I need to plug the dongle in to get access to your machine.
Grad student: Uh... What would... That... Look like?
Tech guy: Oh wait, never mind, I see it. Thanks!
[Tech guy leaves.]
Grad student, to undergrad nearby: What the hell was he talking about?
Undergrad: I don't know, but I feel like we were about ten seconds away from being in a very nerdy porno.

North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: LabCat
via Overheard in the Office, May 8, 2008

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For reals, check it out. It's okay, I'll still be here when you get back.

May 8: I hate yard work

May 6: Typing race

OK, all you fast fingers out there. Here’s TypeRacer, a typing game that pits you against other typists. You should probably turn the Out-of-Office reply on your e-mail and warn your co-workers you won’t be one bit productive today because this game is totally addictive. I haven’t played it much yet but so far I kinda suck at it. I need to play when the 124wpm people are offline!

Good luck.

May 4: Grouchy kitties

A long time ago some guy told me about hiring Wilford Brimley to do some advertising for the company he worked for. Apparently he was one of the most difficult people to work with, like, EVER. Talk about a diva! Every time I see his grouchy diabetes medication commercials I am reminded that he is as much of a dick as he seems to be. Check out this link to Five Cats that Look Like Wilford Brimley. Those cats look mean.

(BTW, sounding like Sammy Davis, Jr. in that last sentence was unintentional.)

May 4: Happy birthday, Sally!

Seems like lots of people are turning 40 lately, but Sally is not one of them. She’s still got another year, damn her. But we love her anyway because she keeps us young (or something like that). Actually, I love Sally because she can make me laugh until birthday cake comes out my nose. People like that are rare, so you gotta hang onto them! Have a great day, Sal. See you soon!

May 3: ABC’s o’ me

Tagged by Chris...

A - ADVOCATE FOR: basic human rights, including marriage for anyone who wants to be married
B - BEST FEATURE: my eyes, I guess—the only part of me that isn’t fat
C - COULD DO WITHOUT: close-mindedness, religion (same thing)
D - DREAMS & DESIRES: to have more money than God. Oh, and world peace, I guess
E - ESSENTIAL ITEMS: laptop, good moisturizer
F - FAVORITE PASTIME: scrapbooking, beading, reading
G - GOOD AT: scrapbooking, beading, reading
H - HAVE NEVER TRIED: marijuana, regretfully (it’s too late now, isn’t it?)
I - IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: take family and friends on a big ol’ vacation
J - JUNKIE FOR: a fabulous restaurant
K - KINDRED SPIRIT: several people, fortunately (for me)
L - LITTLE KNOWN FACT: I sat on Spiderman’s uncle’s lap when I was two years old
M - MEMORABLE MOMENT: several, but my wedding day is probably the biggie
N - NEVER AGAIN WILL I: try to list the things I will never do again
O - OCCASIONAL INDULGENCE: Morton’s Godiva chocolate cake
Q - QUOTE: “It’s your god. They’re your rules. *You* go to hell.”
R - REASON TO SMILE: “You’ve got mail!”
S - SORRY ABOUT: being a meanie that one time
T - TAG SOME FRIENDS: Lori, Sheila, Kath
U - UNINTERESTED IN: sci-fi, cleaning my kitchen
V - VERY SCARED OF: spiders, middle-of-the-night phone calls
W - WORST HABIT: procrastinating
X - X MARKS MY IDEAL VACATION SPOT: Maui
Y - YUMMIEST DESSERT: Breyer’s coffee ice cream
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Virgo

May 3: Queen for a day

I can’t believe it, but I was actually asked to go on another one of Jack’s field trips. Geez, they really must be desperate. You might remember the last one didn’t go so well because of inappropriate behavior of some of the chaperones. These chaperones shall not be named because they know who they are and they were just having fun and what’s the harm anyway, it’s not like they started a fire at the fire station or embarrassed the firefighters with their depravity.

My memory might be fuzzy on that one.

So yesterday’s field trip was to the Children’s Museum. For you Portland old-timers, the Children’s Museum is where OMSI used to be. There’s no weird blue planetarium thingie anymore. And remember the jet outside the building? Now it’s a covered eating area. Weird. Katie and Jack go to the Children’s Museum regularly, courtesy of Grandpa & Grandma, but yesterday was my first time. I was completely and thoroughly impressed—it’s noisy and crowded but totally fun.

The joy began as we were standing in line to get on the school buses and the four boys in my charge asked what they were supposed to call me. I told them “Queen” would be just fine. Jack thought that was ridiculous and said he’d call me “Jen” (evidently much less ridiculous). But the other three boys actually called me Queen all day long. They would run from one section to another, yelling back at me, “Queeeeeen! We’re going over here now!” If being “Queen” doesn’t show you exactly the kind of fabulous day I had, then are you even paying attention?

I won’t be asked to chaperone again, I know that. But it has less to do with my behavior this time and more with the fact that there are no field trips left in the school year. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. Right, Sabrina?

May 3: Happy day late, Lisa!

Happy birthday to my friend Lisa (Ross) Nicholson, who celebrated a big day yesterday. You can party with us in July, okay?

(And big apologies for the late wishes. Yesterday was super-bizzy but I thought of you all day, I promise.)

Lovies!

May 2: Obama facts

From last night’s Late Show with David Letterman:

Top Ten Surprising Facts About Barack Obama

10. My first act as president will be to stop the fighting between Lauren and Heidi on “The Hills”

9. In the Illinois primary, I accidentally voted for Kucinich

8. When I tell my kids to clean their room, I finish with, “I’m Barack Obama and I approved this message”

7. Throughout high school, I was consistently voted “Barackiest”

6. Earlier today I bowled a 39

5. I have canceled all my appearances the day the “Sex and The City” movie opens

4. It’s the birth place of Fred Astaire (Sorry, that’s a surprising fun fact about Omaha)

3. We are tirelessly working to get the endorsement of Kentucky Derby favorite Colonel John

2. This has nothing to do with the Top Ten, but what the heck is up with Paula Abdul?

1. I have not slept since October

Top Ten Archives (warning… you’ll waste a good hour or two if you follow this linky goodness)

May 1: Just because

In case you need a laugh today, take a trip down Unfortunate Memories Lane and remember the music stylings of this fine gentleman.


As always, you're welcome.