Jul. 31: Month in summary

Seems like I just wrote my June review, and it’s already time for July’s. I really should blog as much as I think about blogging. That would be a lot more blogging.

Special days I celebrated this month and how:

• Independence Day was spent with neighbors and we blew shit up. Yay!
• Relay for Life was last weekend. I was there as much as I could be.
• The biggie: Victor’s birthday a couple days ago. He turned old. We joined Sonya and her family over at their parents’ house for a way-fun birthday dinner celebration. I gave Vic a kidney stone to celebrate, because I’m a giver.

Gifts I gave and/or received this month:

• I guess the kidney stone thing was supposed to go here.
• Also, I didn’t really give Vic my kidney stone, but he was glad it was gone so I could stop whining.
• I didn’t really stop whining.
• I never really stop whining.

Books I read this month:

• I started reading The Light in the Ruins, by Chris Bohjalian. It’s fantastic so far. Dina and I went to his reading/signing at Powell’s a couple weeks ago and he was charming and told such great stories. One of my favorites was about how some bonehead who had self-published a ridiculous novel asked where Bohjalian got “those Oprah stickers” because he wanted to put them on his books to help them sell better.
• Whenever I mean to type “Bohjalian,” I SWEAR, I start to type “Boyardee.”
• I’ve picked up several books to read but haven’t been able to concentrate enough to finish a single one.

Movies and TV shows worth mentioning:

• We saw Despicable Me 2—adorable!
• Identity Thief. It was OK, with a few LOL moments.
• Vic and I have been watching Magnum, P.I. on Netflix, just for kicks. Wow—in 1980, Magnum’s shorts were SHORT.

New recipes or restaurants I tried

• Ranch Chicken Bake. There are tons of recipes out there, but this is the one I used. It was waaaay easy and pretty tasty. Most importantly, Katie and Jack both liked it. We served it with roasted zucchini and carrots. They did not like that part.
• Larks Home Kitchen Cuisine in the Ashland Springs Hotel. Delicious!
• Fancy Water. Jack came up with the name for a plain ol’ pitcher of water that contains slices of oranges, limes, lemons, and cucumbers. Although it isn’t a new recipe, I tried different varieties of citrus this time around. Can’t say it’s better, or even different, but it sure is yummy.

Special or unusual purchases I made:

• Capes! Relay for Life was superhero-themed this year, and I found an etsy artist willing to make us a big huge batch in cancer-fighting colors. I know I will totally wear my cape all the time, just like all the bridesmaid dresses I’ve collected over the years.
• Lots and lots of liquor. And then some more. We have enough for at least 37 parties.
• Materials for several DIY projects around the house—all very creative and mostly fun. Yay!

This month’s disappointments:

• The kidney stone was not a joke; I had another one. Apparently it was in my kidney when the other one made its presence known in June, but the ER doctor failed to mention that. This makes me madder than you can possibly imagine. I passed the stone on Monday and this is what I have to say: I am tired of kidney stones. No more.
• The timing of Relay for Life wasn’t so great this year and I felt like I missed out on so much of it. Total bummer. At least I did all my fundraising beforehand. HUGE thanks of you who donated garage sale items and/or $$ to American Cancer Society!
• I feel like the last part of July was a groggy blur, seeing’s that I was on some heavy-doody drugs. I think it was fun, though. Someone told me so.
• I dropped Katie’s iPod. iPhone Steve to the rescue!
• What’s the deal, Trader Joe’s? They’ve been out of Powerberries for months. Fortunately, they have lots of Roasted Coconut Chips, which I love.

My accomplishments:

• Our Geeks Who Drink trivia team (These Are Not the Answers You’re Looking For) finally took back our first place title. We were in second place again the next week, though. That other smart team is super-smart.
• I decided, for no reason whatsoever, that it was time to redecorate our bedroom. The furniture stayed the same, but I changed up our bedding, window coverings, and small décor. I don’t think Vic has noticed. He actually kinda hates when I make these kinds of changes, but at least this one didn’t involve paint! For me, though, the little touches make a cheery difference in daily life. I gotta do ‘em.
• Mom and I worked on a kitchen project all day today. We completely re-did the chairs—foam, lining, fabric and all—which was a task long overdue. The fabric on them wore out really quickly after we got them. Grrr. I chose a new fabric that goes better with the colors in the kitchen and family room; it’s prettier and sturdier and although it barely looks different in the photos below, you have to trust me when I say it is a HUGE improvement. Here are the before and after photos, both with Lucy Butt Goodness:

• Throughout the entire chair renovation project, there was no bloodshed. This is always worth mentioning when I’ve been using power tools (and yes, in my world, a staple gun is a power tool).
• An accomplishment I share with a couple hundred other people: our Relay for Life event raised almost $62,000 toward curing cancer.

Anything else noteworthy:

Nothing I can think of. Instead, you get sillies:

That’s it for July.

Jan. 31: Month in summary

Time to summarize January at the Manullangs’ house.

Special days I celebrated this month and how:

• New Year’s Day. Spent most of it recovering from the night before.  
• Friends’ birthdays. Some involved bacon!

Books I read this month:

• I started and stopped reading Anna Karenina.
• I’ve read three or four books on essential oils and how to use them in place of harmful chemicals in my home. The things I’ve concocted have worked well so far, but I’ve got lots more to try before I can truly be called a witch doctor.
• Uncle Tom’s Cabin, by Harriet Beecher Stowe. I’m enjoying it very much.
• I bought, but have not yet read, my pal Lisa Schroeder’s newest young adult novel, Falling for You. Yay, Lisa!

Movies and TV shows worth mentioning:

• I saw Anna Karenina—the new one, with Keira Knightley. It was fine, but a bit too artsy for me. The good thing is that it saved me from wasting any more time reading the novel. The story just was not my thing.
• Grey Gardens—the original documentary from 1975—was an absolute delight. Ca-razy women, those two.
• Sleepwalk with Me, with Mike Birbiglia. Hilarious.
• Team America: World Police. This movie is by the creators of South Park, and just what you’d expect it to be: filthy, somewhat funny, totally inappropriate. The Kim Jong Il impersonation was pretty good though.
• As for TV shows, it’s been all Downton Abbey, all the time! Season 3 started wonderfully, with Shirley MacLaine and Maggie Smith bickering about customs and countries and class. And then episode 4 just completely ruined the ride.

This month’s disappointments:

• I’ve felt rundown and tired for the last several weeks, so I went into my two year post-treatment tests nervous. Even though I have the results now and there’s little of which to be concerned, I still feel rotten. Pfffft. I don’t know if the time of year, or what.
• My two year post-treatment CT showed a lymph node that has grown since the scan six months ago. This required a PET scan to follow-up, which I had today. Results were mostly good, but I’ll know more after my oncologist gives her interpretation. This blip means I’ll have to have another CT in six months, which is a bummer because I was supposed to be done with CTs and PETs and was hoping to get my port removed. I hate cancer. I hate being afraid that it’s going to come back, and having a good reason to worry that it will, and all the appointments and tests and radioactivity. Ugh.
• I am EXTRA sick as a dog today. I had to take medication on an empty stomach (the PET scan required 6+hours of fasting), and I started antibiotics yesterday for a sinus infection, which are giving me a headache and nausea. I have a terrible cough, which makes my head hurt even more, and now I’m whining and whining and you’re sorry you ever read this.

My accomplishments:

• Lots of school stuff is getting done. We’re planning the carnival for next month.
• I’ve got a trunk-ful of donations to take to Goodwill. That always feels good.
• Katie and I cleaned out her room and we’re still friends.

Anything else noteworthy:

• Debi and I got to spend a day together when she visited Portland with friends a couple weeks ago. It was so much fun catching up while shopping and eating. I like that girl.
• The Relay for Life 2013 kickoff party was last week. This year’s event is July 27-28. Our team name has slightly changed: we’re the Super Hoe-Downs, to go with the superheroes even theme. I’m so excited to wear a cape!

Silly stuff to share:

Bring it, February. I am soooo ready for ya.

Oct. 20: Down and out

I’ve been on the verge of a rotten cold all week, but somehow managed to keep it at bay. Until last night, that is. Yesterday was a long and chaotic day, and when I got home, my body was all I’VE LET THIS HALF-COLD GO ON LONG ENOUGH AND HEREBY GIVE NOTICE THAT I AM OFFICIALLY ATTACKING YOU IN TWO SECONDS.

I was D.O.N.E. Stoopid body.

I now have one of those drippy, sneezy, congestiony, achy, coughy, nasally, itchy, bitchy colds and I kinda hate everyone. Also, there’s this thing right under my eye that burns and sometimes even bleeds. It looks like bad diaper rash. Do you think it’s herpes? I ask you because I assume you would know.

I’ve been in bed for the past 24+ hours and plan to spend the next 24 hours the same way. I’m getting some naps in, catching up on Hulu, and hoping Monday morning doesn’t come too soon, because I still feel horrible. However, self-prescribed bed rest isn’t necessarily the worst thing ever. Here’s one of my favorite things about needing to hang out at home…

…my built-in cuddle buddy. (In this picture she looks so tuckered out. Must be because it’s exhausting destroying everything in our house.)

Mar. 5: Shtuff in my head today

Apr. 4: Daybook

First and most importantly, happy birthday to my dear friend The Lovely Deanna Gutierrez! Today I send you my very best wishes for an utterly enjoyable day.

Today…

Outside my window... I see rain, rain, and more rain. Pffft.

This weekend, I… had lots of down-time. My throat is hurting so much that it makes my whole body hurt. For the last several days I’ve awakened thinking I NEED TO STAY IN BED TODAY TO GET BETTER, but every day I find a reason to get up and go out and make my body fight harder. This is not good.

One other thing I did this weekend was watch Deliverance. I’d never seen it start-to-finish, and I was flipping channels and it had just started, so I settled in. What a disturbing movie—me no likey. I can see why it was such a big deal at the time, though. This afternoon I ran across an episode of SVU in which Ronny Cox played a physician, and I felt kinda sorry for him even though he was a bad guy, just because of what happened to his character in Deliverance.

It’s OK if you’re doing this right now:  

I deserve it.

I am thankful that... the kids’ report cards that came home last week show they’re both doing well in school. Proud momma.

I am working on... art projects in my office. If I feel they’re complete enough this week, I’ll post pictures.

I need to tell you about something I love: the iPhone app iAssociate 2. It’s a word association game and really fun.

I am kind of excited because… this weekend is my 25th high school reunion. Actually, the class of 1986 is celebrating in October, but it’s alumni weekend at the school so I’ll play along. And by playing along, I mean that I might go into the school building around church time on Saturday morning but there is NO WAY I’m going in and sitting down for the actual church service because, well, me sitting in church could very well start the apocalypse. Our class is meeting for lunch at Spaghetti Factory, and because of Lisa’s and my very delinquent planning, it’s most likely going to just be me, Lisa, and April there. At least I know we’ll have fun.

A few plans for the rest of the week: work, port flush appointment, lunch with Kim F’n and other fab friends, and a tour of the school Katie will be attending next year.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing: It made me giggle.

Have a good week, my pretties.

Want to blog your own Daybook? Here’s the info: The Simple Woman’s Daybook.

Oct. 4: Daybook

Today…

Outside my window... the sky is blue and bright with just a few clouds. Very pretty right now, especially with the trees changing color all around. I mean, if fall has to happen, it’s not so bad when the sun is shining. There are maple trees all along the streets in our neighborhood, and they all seem to be just a bit different variety, so they change colors at different times. It makes it quite beautiful.

This weekend, I… spent too much time on PTO things. Saturday night we went to Five Guys for dinner. I had never been there before. Except for the weird cheese they use on their burgers, I thought they were pretty good. The fries were so-so. I spent a lot of yesterday reading a book, in between PTO projects.

I am thinking... that this week will be busy and fun. Bun. Or fizzy. I like “fizzy.” Even though it should probably be spelled “fusy.” Which reminds me of a name I saw on a class roster at school that was spelled something like Yclqapdemrtz, and the teacher had written in parentheses, “(pronounced ‘Heidi.’)” People these days. Somebody should let me kill people for naming their kids shit like that.

I am thankful... that I am my husband’s only wife. I watched the first episode of Sister Wives yesterday and OMG, that lifestyle is odd. It appears to be nothing but a big ol’ ball of fun to these folks; they don’t seem to be following a church doctrine or doing it for Biblical reasons. Maybe more of that will be featured in other episodes. Whatever. I can’t get over the ego on that guy.

I am working on... the T-shirts for the upcoming Jogathon, a flyer for tomorrow, newsletter items, and finishing up the book I started reading yesterday.

I am going... to have surgery on Thursday. I’m getting my port! I check in at 12:30, am supposed to go into surgery at 2:30, and should be home by evening.

I am reading... a book, as well as the magazine I accidentally took from the doctor’s office today. Oops. Heh heh.

I am hoping... that the sore throat I started getting yesterday does NOT turn into a full-blown sickness. I’m suddenly wishing I’d paid more attention to all of Sherilee’s Emergen-C and and Airborne treatments when she’s warded off these things, because they always seem to work for her.

I am hearing... a lot of peace and quiet. It’s lovely. Katie and Jack are spending the night at Grandpa and Grandma’s, and Vic just left with Jack for football practice. I’m going to read for a while.

Around the house... I’ve got some cleaning to do. Sheila R is coming for a visit next week. Sheila, if I meet you at the front door with a hotel room key, it’s because I never got around to the cleaning. And please let me come with you.

One of my favorite things... is when I order regular fries at Burgerville but find a few sweet potato fries mixed in. BONUS. Those things are yum-mee.

Plans for the rest of the week: school, school, and more school. School district meeting tomorrow night. Wednesday is Donuts with Dad at the school—I love this event! Surgery Thursday. Victor’s going to a family wedding in California on Friday, and Mother Mary is coming for a few days starting Saturday.

Here’s an image I want to share:

This is the kind of polygamy for me. And no, I don’t care if they’re all gay. 

One more thing: I went topless today! It was my first time going out in public without a hat or scarf in almost ten months. It felt weird, but in a good way; I loved feeling the wind on my head but I also felt a little naked. Pretty sure I can get used to it, though.

“We'll be fine, thank you! See ya! Hope you don't get gonorrhea!”

Want to blog your own Daybook? Here’s the info: The Simple Woman’s Daybook.

Mar. 11: We scanned for him…

…but we don’t know if there’s anything left of OJ lurking in my bod.

This morning I had a CT to see how well the chemo is attacking the tumor and if I need to continue treatment. Victor is hoping to talk to the radiologist today, but we should have the written report by tomorrow sometime. However, what the radiologist finds and what my oncologist decides I should do with my treatment are two different things. Dr. O ought to have some REAL answers for us on Tuesday.

It’s possible that Tuesday could be my last full day in the chemotherapy room. It’s also possible that I’ll continue with another couple treatments. Honestly, I’d like to be done with this, but because I hope never to have to go through it again, I’m totally fine with more chemo if I need it. I want that awful OJ to be gone, gone, GONE.

I’ll also find out on Tuesday how my follow-up treatment is going to go. Dr. O has already mentioned continuing the “R” of my regimen (CHOP-R), which will require shorter visits to the chemo room. I don’t know yet if I’ll do the Rituxan on the same schedule—every three weeks—or if that will change too. From the information I have, it seems that Rituxan doesn’t cause hair loss, so that means my hair should start growing back soon after I’ve stopped my full chemotherapy treatments. That’ll be kinda nice.

I’ve had more side effects since my last chemo than ever, and am also feeling a lot more tired than I have in the past. For the past few days I’ve been fighting a sore throat, the awful acne crap is back, my head hurts, and my vision is worthless. It’s frustrating. I want to be done with this. And yet… I want to be done because the cancer is gone. Grrr.

There was a link on my twitter feed today to a poster a bunch of friends made for someone going through cancer treatment—it was a collection of photos of each of them giving cancer the finger. I’d love to do something like that, but it’d have to be IV pole dancing or eating Pop Rocks or something that relates better to my own experience with cancer. Suggestions? And know that if you suggest it, I’ll be expecting you to participate…

I am overwhelmed with the support I continue to receive from friends and family and people I don’t even know on my blog, Facebook, and email. Thank you so much for the notes of encouragement and all the other ways you let me know you care. Every challenge is easier to face when I know I have a big ol’ army behind me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Mar. 8: They don’t tell you everything

Before I started chemotherapy, I knew I could plan on a few sure things: baldness, nausea, and fatigue. But there are so, so many other things that happen to a person during chemo that the doctors, nurses and a lot of books fail to mention. How did I find out about these things? When they happened to me. About a week after my first treatment I started noticing stuff going on with my body that I had not expected, stuff that made me go WTF, CANCER??? The baldness isn’t humiliating enough?

• For the first few days after each chemo treatment, everything that comes out of me is toxic. They say I’m supposed to flush twice, clean around the toilet with antibacterial stuff every time I use it, wash my hands eleventy times, etc. Why do I need to clean all around the toilet? I don’t dance while I’m sitting on it. I just sit. It’s insanity, I tell you. As far as the hand-washing, I do that like an OCD freak anyway, so no changes there. The one fun thing about being toxic is threatening to spit on people for those few days.
• My vision has gone all wonky. It comes and goes, the wonky-ness, but I can almost always count on it being bad. And the worst part is that sometimes it’s far-sightedness, and sometimes it’s near-sightedness—it’s inconsistent and annoying as hell. One minute I can’t read street signs or see my kid in his school play. Next, I can’t read the newspaper or focus on the computer screen. See? Annoying. As. Hell.
• Have you ever heard of chemo brain? I hadn’t. It’s totally a thing, though. Forgetfulness, stupidity, loss of the ability to speel words correlcty… I do not enjoy this one bit. I think chemo brain is similar to pregnancy brain or mom brain, but I don’t remember because I’m a dummy now.
• My skin is drier than normal, but not all over. It’s dry in patches. I’ve never had this problem in my life.
• Ugh, don’t get me started on my manicure. My fingernails have begun to bend at the tips. This is usually hereditary and/or a sign of low calcium, but even as I guzzle gallons of milk, it just gets worse. They’re also striped now—you can read my fingernails for my chemo schedule, just like a tree for its age. And then there are my cuticles—dry and hangnail-y like never before. I rub Bag Balm on them every night, but by morning you can barely tell. That could be because the cat loves the taste of Bag Balm, but I’m still blaming the chemo drugs. Oh, and professional manicures and artificial nails are out of the question—too much risk of infection.
• Approximately two weeks after each chemo, my neck and chest break out with an acne-like rash. I’ve bitched about this in recent weeks because I’ve never had an acne problem, EVER. It disappears right after each treatment and then comes back again about a week later. Fun! And so pretty!
• Yeah, they tell you your hair’s gonna fall out, but you kind of assume it’s just your long, flowing tresses that you’ll lose. Then one day you look in the mirror and see that girl in high school who shaved her eyebrows off for no apparent reason but she looks psychotic and everyone suddenly suspects she’s the one who pooped in the gym shower. Losing your eyebrows sucks BIG. Eyelashes too. The hair loss on the rest of my body, I’m not complaining about—that kind of maintenance I do not miss. But the eye hair! I curse the missing eye hair!
• The hair on my head did not come out at its roots—oh no, that would be too clean. Instead, it broke. It broke off right near the skin, but left a teensy root, like a practical joke played by Paul Mitchell himself. What this means is that my head is not smooth-bald, it’s stubbly-bald. Stubble is sexy on some guys, but not on my head. Worse yet is that between each treatment, the hair begins to grow back… and then breaks off again. I wonder if God gets a huge kick out of this. Someone must. It sure ain’t me.
• Don’t get me started on what chemo, pain meds, and anti-nausea stuff do to one’s digestive system.
• I’ve read in every cancer book about mouth sores and what a problem they can be. They are easily infected, can interfere with the ability to eat, are extremely painful, etc. I’ve had one small mouth sore and I think it’s not so much due to chemo, but because I bit the inside of my cheek while I was showing off blowing huge bubble gum bubbles for the kids.
• I’m dizzy a LOT. And not just the weird for-a-second dizziness, but the for-a-couple-minutes-I-might-just-fall-over dizziness. I’d do well to get myself a cane, but I don’t want to look like a pimp.
• This one I’m not complaining about too much: chemo can put women in a state of menopause. If my body starts in with huge hormonal fluctuations and hot flashes, I’ll be very upset, but for now, I’m fiiiine with menopause.
• Fatigue? Depression? I could go on for days about this stuff. I won’t though, because I’m too fatigued and depressed.
• I read about loss of appetite being common with chemo patients, often as a fear of eating due to nausea. And I’ve definitely experienced it—the oncologist said I’ve lost ten pounds since this started, in fact—but the odd thing is that it comes and goes, changing within seconds. It’s not like I don’t want to eat for a day or two; it’s more like I don’t have an appetite now I have an appetite here comes my food oh wait I don’t feel like eating this now I’ll take it home I’m starving I don’t want to eat. My tummy is a total food tease.
• Not helping the appetite problem is that my taste buds are different now. Things taste bland where they used to be delicious, or they taste metallic where they used to … not. This is something that happens with a lot of medications, and is a well-known chemo side effect. I hate it.
• I’ve been lucky not to have too much trouble with nausea. This was a huge fear of mine, after being rehydrated in the ER three times last year during particularly bad migraine episodes.
• I’m wetting the bed again. Not with pee, mind you, but with sweat. I have awakened several times on drenched sheets. What is with the night sweats? I’ve tried different types of sheets, different types of jammies, no jammies, a cold room, a warm room, no blankets, piles of blankets. Nothing seems to stop them. Am I running a fever? NO! So, um, again I ask, WTF, CANCER???

I have to just keep telling myself: IT’LL ALL BE OVER SOON. IT’LL ALL BE OVER SOON. IT’LL ALL BE OVER SOON.

Mar. 2: Whiny, unhappy Jen

I ran errands with my nephew today. He needed to hit Voodoo Doughnut again for goodies to take back to his bandmates, and every good Portland resident knows that visitors should never be denied a trip to Voodoo Doughnut. We ran to Barnes & Noble for him to pick up reading material for the flight home, the Mac store to get his phone fixed, and finally, the airport. It was a lovely long weekend with him here, in which my liquor cabinet was drained and Scout fell in love because apparently Stephen drops a lot of food. I know rockstars don’t want to be described as “sweet boys,” so I’ll just say this: Steve’s bad-ass. He’s also such a sweet boy.

Once upon a time I hope to see him again, hopefully in concert and hopefully when he’s super-famous and everyone in the venue will be impressed when they hear me say, “Yeah, the drummer’s my neph.” That would be way cool for me, huh?

While walking around B&N this morning, a wave of nausea hit me and I started sweating profusely. Once I sat down it seemed to dissipate a little, but I still felt pretty crappy—dizzy and more nauseous than I’ve probably felt since this whole cancer thing began. I didn’t even go into Voodoo Doughnut, for fear the intense fried dough and frosting smells would make me feel even worse. I know! The sick-sick-sicky feeling didn’t really improve throughout the day, and I went to bed immediately after returning home from the airport. I’ve been here pretty much ever since, sleeping off and on, too tired to even turn on the Law & Order: SVU marathon. I know!

There’s a pain in my left side that could be my spleen rebelling, and that makes me nervous. My skin is tender everywhere, and even the lightest touch makes me want to curse loudly. It hurts to sit for more than a few minutes, to rest against my pillow, to walk across the room. Yes, I know I’m being whiny and complain-y and all that. I’m sorry; I really do try not to bitch about feeling rotten as often as I actually feel rotten. But these few days of one-week-post-chemo truly suck and make me not want to see people or talk to people or email people or even blog most of the time. I’m working on being a nicer person during this time; please bear with me. (I kinda think Stephen’s lucky he got out of here when he did.)

My physical therapy appointment went well on Monday. I have another on Wednesday afternoon. The therapist is cool and we hit it off immediately, but I don’t think she thinks there’s much wrong with me that she can fix. We’ll see. Even if it doesn’t improve my range of motion, lingering back pain, etc., it can’t really hurt, can it?

No matter how much I complain about the chemo side effects, though, I’m relieved that I don’t have herpes like some people I know. That must be so embarrassing!

Nov. 26: Random (without the Sunshine) things

Here I go with another bulleted list. I don’t know if I can blame my scattered thoughts on stress, a variety of new drugs coursing through my veins, my general airheadedness, or a little bit of everything. Whatever it is, it’s making me think things that can be shared in a bunch of very short posts or one long list.

• We had a very fun Thanksgiving today. Our friends Christina and Scott came over with their daughter Sophie (Katie’s BFF) and their adorable Papillon, Mambo. Christina prepared the turkey and it was EXCELLENT. She also made an extra-delicious stuffing, salad and dressing. Victor did the mashed potatoes, yams and pumpkin pie. We totally forgot about our green beans and the cranberry sauce. But it didn’t matter—we all had a fabulous meal and a lot of fun spending the day together. Hooray for good friends!
• I fell asleep right around 8:30 last night and didn’t wake up until almost 9:00 this morning. I didn’t sleep all that soundly the whole night, and I had very strange dreams, but at least I was resting. That long sleep was long overdue. It’s probably too much to hope for more of the same tonight, but I am.
• Facebook was more fun than usual today, what with everyone sharing their holiday plans, photos, and greetings. It almost felt like we were spending the holiday together. OK, not really. But it was cool anyway.
• I’m not going shopping in the morning. I think those doorbuster sales and early bird deals are sooo not worth it. In fact, I haven’t begun Christmas shopping yet, although I’ve made several gift decisions. Since I try to avoid the mall this time of year, I have a feeling that by the time I get around to actually making purchases online, I’m going to be paying extra for expedited shipping. Pfft.
• Modern Family is still making me LOL every week. Watch it at Hulu or ABC and I bet you’ll see what I mean.
• Is my mom’s dog Gilly the luckiest dog ever? And really, Mom’s pretty lucky too.
   
• The IV contrast administered before a CT scan comes with a warning—they say you’ll feel it go into your arm and it’ll kinda warm up as it moves through your body, make your neck and chest feel all warm, and then go down into your pelvic area and make you feel like you’ve wet your pants. Can I just tell you that I REALLY appreciated that information? Otherwise I probably would have made everyone get out of the room before I got up, because I was POSITIVE I had peed my pants laying on the CT table, with all Victor’s coworker/friends surrounding me. That was one of the weirdest sensations I’ve ever felt.
• Speaking of Vic’s coworker/friends, they sent us flowers on Wednesday. I’m feeling extra-special with the otherwise not very fun procedures being done in their department. Good folks.
• And speaking of flowers, I got delightful surprise from my friend Dan—whose wife is an amazing floral artist—when I got home from my play date with Sherilee on Tuesday. I know it’s silly to suggest that flowers make everything all better, but MY GOODNESS, they sure did put a big smile on my face. Knowing that someone cares? Pretty much the best.
• (I really, really like flowers.)
• And as far as other caring friends go, I had one look into pulling strings to get my biopsy results before tomorrow. How nice is that? I know some amazing people, don’t I? (The answer: YES.)
• Whatever the biopsy results, and whatever treatment is done based on the results, I really really really hope to sleep in my bed again soon.
• The Christmas CD suddenly felt overwhelming this week. Every time I go to iTunes to work on the playlist, something weird happens with a few of the files and I get frustrated trying to track them down and then I decide it doesn’t need to be done right that second anyway and I close iTunes. I don’t think the CD will go out late this year, but for those of you hoping to get it a little early, I don’t think that’s gonna happen. So sorry.
• Also, I think our family Christmas picture this year will either be a drawing by one of the kids or mug shots, because the chances of us getting arrested are looking much better than ever getting a photo session coordinated. Y’all know what we look like anyway, right?
• One day last week I walked into the school and saw a bunch of Jack’s buddies waiting to go into the principal’s office. It took me a very long few seconds of staring at each kid to assure myself that Jack was not one of them. A few days later I was walking into the school and saw those same boys headed into the principal’s office again. Same issue, apparently, just more discussion. And Tuesday, while I was out on my play date, I got a call from the principal. I won’t lie to you: IT SORTA SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME. But he wasn’t calling to tell me Jack was fighting or Katie was caught smoking in the boys’ room again; he just needed some data about the school’s volunteer hours blah blah blah. Still. Not nice to scare the mom of a Sweathog like that.

I’m sleepy. I’ll post tomorrow after I hear from the pathologist or oncologist or whoever else might call whose title ends in “ologist.”

Nov. 23: Some answers

I had an MRI on my back yesterday. This morning we got the results: there was something there. The radiologist recommended a CT of my abdomen to get a better look at it, and once again: he could see that thing.

That thing—apparently what’s causing the often excruciating pain I’ve had for the past 6+ months—is some kind of mass in my abdominal cavity, just in front of my spine, and it does not belong there. There’s some concern about what it is, so I’m having more tests done on Wednesday, including a biopsy. By the beginning of next week we should have the biopsy results and a much better idea of what the future holds.

I have to say, I’m looking forward to the biopsy because I get to be somewhat sedated. A chance to rest, somewhat pain-free? Sign me up for more!

But oh my goodness, how easy it is to let one’s mind wander to dangerous places. I really, really, really need to not do that right now, when everything is still so uncertain. The kids got home today and I burst into tears at the thought of telling them anything. I decided it’s best not to freak the hell out of anyone until we know more. For now, anyway, I’m not saying anything more to Katie and Jack than that I’m going in for tests on my back.

The woman I wrote about the other day, the friend-of-friends who had been fighting cancer for the past year, passed away on Saturday night; this news being in the forefront of my mind is not helping with the whole keeping-emotions-in-check thing.

The one emotion I’m finding it very easy to feel is extreme anger toward my primary care physician, who blamed my back pain on bad alignment and muscle spasm for so many months. I knew this was something, I knew it wasn’t my imagination, and I knew it was more than a chiropractic problem. The fact that the pain has only increased over time means this mass is growing, and so my doctor dragging his feet on finding the answer just pisses me right off.

Trust me, the anger brewing inside me is probably way healthier than the alternative, which is not much more than thoughts that result in gallons of tears.

Happy thoughts, please. Many thanks.

Oct. 21: All H1N1-y

The swine flu has hit our house. It might not be the swine variety, actually, but it’s definitely the flu. Katie started feeling crappy on Monday; yesterday she had a fever of 101° so I kept her home again today. It’s just a matter of time before the rest of us get to feeling swiney. This makes me not one bit happy.

Last night I had a back spasm that could not be relieved. I know, because I tried everything and nothing worked. Not even tears. Not even whining. Not even cursing loudly at the heavens, and just to make sure all my bases were covered, at hell. I was awake way too much during the night, which meant Vic was awake too, and because Insecure Dog Casey will not let me go to another room without her, she was awake as well. What this all means is that Casey is NOT the most snarly one in the house today. Although the spasm is finally gone-ish this morning, I’m exhausted and am going to use Katie’s sick day as mine, too.

Jack said 13 out of 23 students in his class were out sick yesterday. Attendance at last night’s PTO meeting was especially low—I think there were only eight people there besides the board and principal. The good thing about that was MORE BROWNIES FOR US! Fancy Lori™ brought a platter of delicious chewy brownies that I probably could have devoured. I kinda wish I had—it’s hard to imagine that it would’ve made me feel any worse than I do now. Plus, y’know, BROWNIES. Brownie overdose is one of the best kinds of overdoses, wouldn’t you agree? Brownie hangover? Not so much.

Tomorrow night is another one of our Broadway in Portland shows, AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY. Heard of it? Me neither. After reading the very good review from The New York Times when the play opened on Broadway, I’m looking forward to seeing it. (I love the title of the review: “Mama Doesn’t Feel Well, but Everyone Else Will Feel Much Worse”—sounds like a normal day in our house. Heh heh heh…) The tour cast has a few actors I’ve heard of, and nearly every one of them has been in at least one Law & Order, so there ought to be some familiar faces, for sure.

Saturday night is PTO’s first Movie Night of the school year. We’re showing Monsters vs. Aliens, in which fun will be had by all.

I led three volunteer training sessions yesterday, and have another one Friday. Next week is crazy busy with even more PTO duties/doodies. I’m coordinating the book fair that runs all week, as well as a teachers’ dinner on one day of conferences. Most of my PTO peeps are helping me with these events, and there are lots of volunteers to work the book fair. Those things are the only way I can face the week without first curling up in a fetal position under my desk.

Yesterday I found a festive, easy dessert to make for the teachers’ dinner. Is this the cutest?

Those aren’t regular candy corns on top; they’re seasonal Hershey’s Kisses that—according to many reviews I read on message boards across the ‘net—taste like diaper-flavored jelly beans. But they look adorable, right? And cute food is fun food. If I’m not able to find the Hershey’s variety, I’ll just use regular candy corn. Or maybe I’ll use regular candy corn anyway, because I don’t want to set off a diaper-scented puke-fest at the teachers’ dinner.

I’m going back to bed.