May 22: Daybook

I think the Daybook is supposed to be a Monday thing. Meh.

Today…

Outside my window... there are things happening about which I’m not complaining... much. We had a beautiful few days of weather, and today we had some rain showers. ‘Tis okay, as long as the sun promises to return. Our yard came alive with new blooms last week, but it’s still got a long way to go. Come back, sunbeams in the yard!

This weekend, I… worked on getting my office better organized. Somehow, even with all my screaming and griping and cursing, it’s still the room where everyone dumps stuff, and it gets super-messy super-fast. Grrr. One huge task I actually completed was organizing all my PTO stuff into a file box. As co-prez, I sense I’ll be a bigger PTO nerd than ever before, so organizing that stuff is high priority.

This weekend, we did some family things: on Friday night we played poker—well, Katie watched the Disney channel while the rest of us played poker. Jack had a bad night, and he was really bummed. In our last hand, I went all in, even though I didn’t have anything, and so did Vic. Jack won the hand, and he was the happiest little guy EVER. It was so cute, I didn’t even bother explaining side pots and all that; we just let him have everything. We acted all angry that he beat us and were all FINE, THEN YOU CAN CLEAN UP THE CARDS AND CHIPS. Sneaky, huh?

Today we went to the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. We all really liked it. There were several fun action sequences that got me a little sweaty-palmed, and overall the movie was better than I expected it to be. We give it eight thumbs up.

All the talk about pirate movies this weekend reminded me of how Jack used to be obsessed with Pirates of the Caribbean. He was five years old, I think, when he “read” the DVD cover and said, “See, it says ‘Pirates. Of. The. Carrot. Bean.’”

Also, this weekend we… were not raptured. Huge surprise.

I am thinking... that I am NOT ready for school to be out. There are only 12 school days left. I haven’t even begun to plan the kids’ summer activities and I just know they’re gonna be bugging me every day: I’M BORED! I’M HOT! I WANT TO EAT! So demanding, those kids.

I am thankful for... my friends and how they make me chuckle. Today April texted me when we were at the mall and said “Does your friend Val have a green and white lightweight jacket? We’re at Nordstrom and see someone who looks like her in your pics on Facebook.” I texted Val to ask if she was at Nordstrom and freaked her out a little. She said that yes, she was shopping, and I said my friend April saw her and I think that freaked her out a little more because she doesn’t know April. Unfortunately, April was on a very short shopping trip, so we didn’t get to meet up. We stalked Val to Jamba Juice though.

I have to say that the first time I remember ever seeing Val, I immediately knew who she was because I recognized her from Sunshine’s Facebook photos. April’s really not creepy, Val, I promise!

I am creating... piles of things to take to Goodwill. It’s such a good feeling to fill up the trunk with donations, or better yet, the back of the van. I went through kitchen cupboards and filled up the empty boxes our new dishes came in, so I’m getting rid of as much stuff as I added. Yay me!

One of my favorite things… is when Justin Timberlake hosts Saturday Night Live, like he did last night. He’s right up there with Alec Baldwin as BEST HOST EVER, at least in my mind. Every episode he’s in is so, so funny. LOVE. Watch it here if you want.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Work, a party, a trip or four to Goodwill, hopefully a date with my girls.

Here is a picture I gotta show you: This is the Google street view of my mom’s house. At first, I thought it was probably from before my mom lived there, but then I recognized Erin’s car in the driveway and Erin’s husband and Erin’s dog. I guess if we know the date Erin and Kevin visited Mom, we can pretty well pinpoint when the Google camera came down her street.

I’m so disappointed; there’s nothing exciting on the Google street view of our house. It’s obviously autumn, and this was done before we tore down our front porch rail and re-landscaped our yard. Booooring. Pouty/yawn-y face.

Want to blog your own Daybook? Here’s the info: The Simple Woman’s Daybook.

Apr. 19: Stuff I learned from a dirty magazine

OK, maybe Cracked isn’t a dirty magazine so much as it’s frequently naughty. Either way, it’s the last place I ever expect to learn anything that’s true, much less interesting. I have Cracked in my RSS feed because occasionally—very occasionally—there are some fascinating and/or amusing articles worth reading. Recently, there have been these little fact nuggets:

• Mt. Everest has 3G coverage. Being on that little hike is no longer a good excuse for not taking your turn on Words with Friends, buster.
• Someone’s invented a new and improved snot-sucker for you to get all the gunk out of your kid’s nose. Best of all, it’s not even a tiny bit disgusting!
• Antarctica has a Spoolhenge. Don’t believe it? Google it.

• There have been some odd entries into the dictionary in recent years, but it’s hard to believe there have been words added that are completely, totally, made-up and RIDICULOUS: grrrl, threequel, screenager (whu?), bouncebackability.
• Michael J. Fox’s middle initial is actually “A.”
• Talk Like a Pirate Day was started by guys from Oregon.

OK, so they’re not all gems. Still, I learned somethin’.

Sep. 19: Arrgh and all that

Arrgh! Today be Talk Like a Pirate Day, me hearties. Avast! Me already sense me can't keep this up all day long, plus me just sound like Cookie Monster.

Sep. 18: My very own pirate

I'm all ready for tomorrow.

(That's supposed to be me hanging all over Jack Sparrow, BTW... he's totally into me, in case you couldn't tell...)

Sep. 18: Shiver me timbers

Here's my last attempt to learn y'all some pirate lingo so you're prepared for tomorrow, which is the very important Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Here be some phrases that ye need know if ye want to not be mistaken for no landlubber!

• Ahoy: Used to hail a ship or a person or to attract attention
  
  
• Arr!, Argh, Arrgh!, Yarr!, Harr!, etc.: A general piratical term - can be used with anything
  
  
• Avast!: Used as a command to stop or desist
  
  
• Belay: Used in the imperative as an order to stop. Belay there!
  
  
• Blimey!: Used to express frustration
  
  
• Bucko: A friend
  
  
• Dead men tell no tales: Phrase explaining why pirates leave no survivors
  
  
• Gangway!: Used to clear a passage through a crowded area
  
  
• Hang the jib: To look ill-tempered or annoyed. To pout.
  
  
• He's gone to Davy Jones' locker: He is dead. (Davy Jones's locker is also the bottom of the sea)
  
  
• Me hearties: My comrade; boon companion; good fellow; a term of familiar address and fellowship among sailors. Captains often refer to their entire crew this way.
  
  
• Shiver me timbers!: An expression of surprise
  
  
• Sink me!: An expression of surprise
  
  
• Smartly: Quickly
  
  
• Splice the mainbrace!: To have a drink, or perhaps several
  
  
• Yo-ho-ho: Completely meaningless, but fun to say

Source: puzzlepirates.com

Sep. 17: Pirate convention

Today's pirate-related post is a YouTube video of an SNL sketch.

Sep. 16: Pick up a pirate

If you need a pirate costume, or if you just want to go lookin' for treasure, check out piratemerch.com. Another megastore is deadmentellnotales.com. They've both got a-vast (get it?) selection of all things pirate-y.

Here's a cute animated way to learn pirate-speak.

Courtesy of the International Talk Like a Pirate Day web site, these are the top ten pickup lines for pirates.

10. Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
    
9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
   
8. Come on up and see me urchins.
   
7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
   
6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
   
5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if I fired me cannon through your porthole?
   
4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
   
3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.
   
2. Well blow me down?

And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is...

1. Prepare to be boarded.

Sep. 15: More piratey things

Just a few more days until Talk Like a Pirate Day is upon us. Ye must prepare ye-self, and me be here to help ye.

Here's a Bejeweled-like pirate treasure game, Pieces of Eight. It makes me feel old because the coins look way too similar for me to be any good at it. Cursed be Lasik!

What do pirates like to do in their free time?
Watch pirated DVD's, Arrrrgh!

What has 8 legs, 8 arms and 8 eyes?
8 pirates.

Why was the pirate so mean?
Because he was an AAAAARRsehole!

What be a pirate's favorite way of listening to music?
He buys them on ayeTunes with his ayeMac and puts them on his ayePod!

What does a pirate and a pimp have in common?
They both say YO HO!

What ye be callin' pirate throw-up?
Pieces o'....... ate!

What did the pirate say when he couldn't find his ship?
WHERE THE HELL IS MY SHIP?!?

Don't forget, the Portland Pirate Festival is next weekend.

Sep. 14: Celebrate yer pirateness

Big event ahead. Wednesday, September 19, is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. You can bet we'll be celebrating big time in our house. Of course, it may not be different than any other day. Jack is a bit... um... crazed.

As we approach this hallowed (three syllables, please) day, I'll try to post a pirate-related something-or-other to get you in the mood. I know, I know. I'm a giver.



And here's a test to reveal your inner pirate; it's The Official Talk Like a Pirate Personality Inventory (TOTLAPPI). My results:

You are The Cap'n!

Some men and women are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any scalawag who stands between them and unlimited power. You never met a man - or woman - you couldn't eviscerate. You are the definitive Man of Action, the CEO of the Seven Seas, Lee Iacocca in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. You’re mission-oriented, and if anyone gets in the way, that’s his problem, now isn’t? Your buckle was swashed long ago and you have never been so sure of anything as your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off his head if he shows any sign of taking you on or backing down. If one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

Next Wednesday you will NOT be able to use your given name, so look around the web for a pirate name generator and get a new swashbucklin' name. These were my results from five different generators: Dirty Jenny Kidd, Dry Bone Bronson, Jacquotte the Short, Insane Madeline Read, Buccaneer Sal. Be sure to leave your new name in the comments below so I know which of you scallywags are playing along.


My favorite Captain Jack, who has just told me that he should have been born on Talk Like a Pirate Day

(or, as ye shall now call me, Insane Madeline Read)

June 6: POTC-AWE end credits

I finally got to see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. I thought it was great--I liked how all those loose ends from Dead Man's Chest got tied up. Not sure how someone could fall asleep in such a loud and action-filled flick, unless they're just really old or 47½.

I found out after I got home that I should've stayed until the credits were done, because there was a bonus scene at the end. This was no bonus scene like in the previous two movies--which were really not bonus-y at all, just pointless extra scenes--it was actually a big plot thingie.

Here be spoilers. Do NOT watch this if you have not yet, but plan to, see the movie. Because remember... it is actually a big plot thingie.

If the clip is missing, search youtube for "pirates credits end" (or something similar, no quotes) and you'll probably find another.

And finally, I just can't resist sharing a cute kid story...

There's a part in the movie where Jack Sparrow has miniature selves talking to him. Last night (our) Jack came into our room with a Jack Sparrow action figure on each shoulder and said, "Look, I'm just like the movie!"

Alright now, to the depths with ye--

Jen

May 24: Brought to you by the letter "P"

Primo day 'round these parts. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End premieres tonight (in Portland, anyway). Jack is not pleased to postpone Pirates until tomorrow. It's a perfect opportunity to prepare him for one more of life's pains. Savvy?

It's also a proper time to think about the plight of real pirates with all this POTC hype... aw, poor pillagers!



Take pleasure in your Thursday, plunderin' pirate!

--Jen

May 19: "Museum" critique

We just finished watching "Night at the Museum," a surprisingly entertaining movie. It wasn't too scary for the kids but still suspenseful enough to keep Mom and Dad's attention. Besides Dick Van Dyke and Mickey Rooney being total bastards, I give it a thumbs up.

Oh yeah, and I love Ben Stiller. I also love Owen Wilson, much as I try not to. I did not love the Attila the Hun dude. I think he probably smelled bad.

Also movie related, it turns out there are only FOUR more days until Pirates. They're doing a limited opening on Thursday; some of the Portland theaters are running five or six showings that evening. This isn't necessarily good news for us, since Vic is really not wanting to take Jack to see the movie on its opening weekend, and starting it a day early is just more anxiety for Jack. Whatever will we do?

One more thing, a joke Orlando Bloom told on The Tonight Show the other night:

How do you know you’re a pirate?

You don’t know, you just aaaarrrrr.

--Jen

May 11: Stuff I stole today

My head hurts. Bad. Like, so bad I'll scream if anyone asks me to do something or insists on talking to me or looks in my general direction. Not a good day for a "Mom & Me" brunch at preschool, but Jack says I must go anyway. Gah. Miss Crystal'll be sorry she invited me.

Also, I'm mad at computers today. Long story. Not interesting.

Since I am in no mood or shape to think up thoughts all by myself today, I'm going to use the age-old blogger's technique of borrowing from another web site. These things actually made me kinda chuckle this morning.

---

Lame joke du jour (oregonlive.com):

What's the definition of the word "aspect"?

What you get when you bend over a chicken coop.

---

The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? (kgbreport.com)

---

Probable future names of Hershey's candies, adding to the progression of Kisses® to Hugs® (mcsweeneys.net):

1. Hershey's Kisses®
   
2. Hershey's Hugs®
   
3. Hershey's Handshakes
   
4. Hershey's Eye Contacts
   
5. Hershey's Awkward Silences
   
6. Hershey's Restraining Orders

---

Surprises in the new Spider-Man movie

• Rummaging through the attic, Peter discovers that his kindly old Aunt May used to be his Uncle Jay.
  
• Near the beginning of the movie, Spider-Man sits down and addresses the audience directly saying, "Having gotten your attention with the previous films, I'd like to spend the rest of this one talking to you about something very important to me - The Church of Scientology."
  
• A surprising amount of screen time is devoted to Aunt May shopping for a new fanny pack.
  
• That it is possible to make a third installation of a series without it degenerating into utter crap.
  
• In the final shot, Spidey will reveal a new costume. It'll look exactly like his normal costume, but it'll have those armpit webs. Blackout! and roll credits.
  
• Action sequences are padded with footage from Spidey's 70s-era educational appearances on The Electric Company. Also included, a whole scene in which he teaches the audience about conjunctions.
  
• Following the trend set by the last two movies, now whenever characters make a self-referential comic book joke they will look at the camera, nod and wink.
  
• In a bit of fan-service, Spidey and MJ will be caught in the rain again. To "up the ante" and add more sex appeal, MJ will be revealed to have a superfluous, yet large, third nipple.
  
• Spider-Man and the New Goblin spend a tedious 20 minute sequence in which, in full costume, they enjoy a meal at Burger King. The only dialogue during this scene are the lines "Man, this is tasty!" "Mmm Mmm!" and "I'm having it MY way!" repeated several times.
  
• Continuing the series' trend of giving the villains stronger ties to Spider-Man, Peter discovers that Sandman may have killed his Uncle Ben and Kraven the Hunter used to date his Uncle Jay. (capnwacky.com)

That's all for today, because I like you. Just don't ask me for nothin'.

--Jen
P.S. Fourteen days until the new Pirates of the Caribbean comes out. Jack reminds me of the countdown several times a day ever since Vic told him last Friday, "Jack, there's only 21 more days until we can go see the new Pirates movie!" I'm actually a little more excited about Ratatouille (49 more days).

Jan. 24: A chat with Captain Jack

A recent conversation with my 5-year-old, who is a huge fan of all things Pirates of the Caribbean:

Jack: Mom, how did you know to name me Jack?
Me: What do you mean?
Jack: How did you know I would like Jack Sparrow?
Me: Honey, Jack Sparrow didn't even exist when we named you (as if he'll understand this...). We didn't know who you would like. Daddy and I just liked the name "Jack."
He contemplates this.
Jack: I like my name but I want you to call me Jack Sparrow.

Oct. 25: X-ray vision, the sequel

I got my eyes fried again. My LASIK enhancement was last Friday, and I could see better almost immediately. Five days later, my vision is still great, even while reading. We'll see how things end up once it has all stabilized. Before my first surgery I was -9, and ultimately ended up a -3. Obviously there was a lot less correction to be done this time. Keep your fingers crossed! Mostly, I just really don't want to go through the surgery again. It's quick and completely painless but the smell of the laser burning through one's eyeballs is --shudders-- revolting.

Never been much of a Rush Limbaugh fan. I avoid stories with his name in the headline (although I greatly enjoyed the one about him being detained at an airport for being caught with a big stash of Viagra!). But this story, in which he makes fun of Michael J. Fox's Parkinson's disease, proves he has reached the same level of JACKASS-itude as Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell.

I think Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is a great show. I've never regularly watched one of Aaron Sorkin's productions, but I'm finally seeing why they've been so popular. Other season passes on our TiVo right now: The Office, My Name is Earl, The Simpsons, The New Adventures of Old Christine, CSI, CSI: Miami. Shows I'm not yet sold on: Six Degrees (I do enjoy seeing Campbell Scott every week), 30 Rock (love Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin is hilarious in this), The Class (trying awfully hard, and not quite there).

The last movie I saw in a theater was Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. When it comes to the cinema, it's depressing to be me.

I added a few Simpsons quotes to the "Click here for chuckles" link on our home page. Check 'em out.

One of Katie's top front teeth fell out yesterday. I'm hoping the other one will start loosening soon, because right now she looks like she lost a boxing match. She is completely thrilled about it, though, and her little brother is trying not to show how jealous he is. Sorta cute.

Daryl and Sally went to a Doodlebops show. I think they took Presley too. I haven't heard how they liked it (possibly because they have not yet recovered), but Sally said she was pretty excited because she knows every word to every one of their songs. YES, I know she was kidding. She's not a nutjob. Anyway, if this doesn't get them the Mom & Dad of the Year award, I don't know what will. Hey guys, ya want the Aunt & Uncle of the Year award too? Cuz Katie and Jack would love to see the Doodlebops in concert, and we aren't ever going to take them.

We're having a Halloween party for the neighbors on Sunday. I've been putting together a playlist of Halloween music, and I just have to share it with y'all because it took me a very long time to find everything. The criteria: scary-sounding music or scary-sounding song title or dark theme or Halloween-y (costumes, candy, tricks and treats) or dark arts kind o' stuff, etc. Pretty much anything you would've been forced to throw into a bonfire if you went to an Adventist boarding academy in the 70's and early 80's (right, Lori & Kath & Martin?). Here ya go:

• Spooky (Dusty Springfield or Santana)
  
• You Can Do Magic (America)
  
• Love Song for a Vampire (Annie Lennox)
  
• Bad Moon Rising (CCR)
  
• Stayin' Alive (BeeGees)
  
• Bewitched TV show theme
  
• In the Midnight Hour (Billy Idol)
  
• Only the Good Die Young (Billy Joel)
  
• Wanted Dead or Alive (Bon Jovi)
  
• I Want Candy (Bow Wow Wow)
  
• The Devil Went Down to Georgia (Charlie Daniels Band or Johnny Cash)
  
• Freak Out (Le Chic)
  
• Ding Dong the Witch is Dead (from The Wizard of Oz)
  
• Do You Believe in Magic (Shaun Cassidy--heh heh--or The Lovin' Spoonful)
  
• She's Freaky (Pitbull)
  
• Spirit in the Sky (The Eagles or Norman Greenbaum or Nitty Gritty Dirt Band)
  
• Devil in Disguise (Elvis Presley)
  
• That Old Black Magic (Frank Sinatra)
  
• Midnight Train to Georgia (Gladys Knight & the Pips)
  
• I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor)
  
• Crazy (Gnarls Barkley)
  
• Knockin' on Heaven's Door (Guns 'n Roses)
  
• I'm Your Boogie Man (K.C. & the Sunshine Band)
  
• Beetlejuice theme (Danny Elfman)
  
• Munsters TV show theme
  
• Supernatural (Raven)
  
• The World is a Vampire (Smashing Pumpkins)
  
• Addams Family TV/movie theme
  
• One-Eyed, One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater (Dr. Demento)
  
• I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight (Cutting Crew)
  
• Jaws movie music
  
• Stairway to Heaven (Led Zeppelin)
  
• Dead Man's Curve (Jan & Dean)
  
• Devil with a Blue Dress (Little Richard)
  
• Little Shop of Horrors theme
  
• Die Another Day (Madonna)
  
• Men in Black (Will Smith)
  
• Thriller (Michael Jackson)
  
• Sugar Sugar (The Archies)
  
• Love Potion #9 (The Drifters)
  
• Monster Mash (Big Bopper)
  
• I Put a Spell on You (Nina Simone or Ray Charles or CCR)
  
• Magic (Olivia Newton John)
  
• Friend of the Devil (Counting Crows)
  
• Ooogie Boogie Song (Danny Elfman, from Nightmare Before Christmas)
  
• Psycho movie music
  
• Vampire Heart (HIM--funniest drummer name: Gas Lipstick)
  
• Crazy (Patsy Cline)
  
• Live & Let Die (Paul McCartney & Wings)
  
• Candy Girl (Jackson 5)
  
• Toccata & Fugue in D (Bach, used in Phantom of the Opera and every creepy movie ever made)
  
• Let's Go Crazy (Prince)
  
• Some Call it Magic (Raven)
  
• Witch Doctor (Ray Stevens)
  
• Superfreak (Rick James)
  
• Somebody's Watchin' Me (Rockwell & Michael Jackson)
  
• This Magic Moment (Roy Orbison)
  
• The Candy Man (Sammy Davis, Jr.)
  
• King Tut (Steve Martin)
  
• Strangers in the Night (Frank Sinatra)
  
• Tainted Love (Soft Cell)
  
• Magic (The Cars)
  
• The X-Files TV show theme
  
• Ghostbusters (Ray Parker, Jr.)
  
• They're Coming to Take me Away, Ha Ha (Dr. Demento)
  
• Get Your Freak On (Missy Elliott)
  
• Very Superstitious (Stevie Wonder)
  
• Weird Science (Oingo Boingo)
  
• Go Away Little Girl (Donny Osmond)
  
• Witchy Woman (The Eagles)
  
• YMCA (The Village People--best costumes EVAR!)
  
• Nightmare on My Street (DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince)
  
• Halloween (Dave Matthews Band)
  
• Jeepers Creepers (Billie Holiday)
  
• Suspicious Minds (Elvis Presley)
  

Yes, this is a very strange combination of music styles and no, some of these songs will not make it into the final playlist. And I may just set the mp3 player to play "random" because then no one can make fun of me. Right? No one will ever make fun of me...

Of course, a mention of the Smashing Pumpkins reminded me of one of my favorite Simpsons quotes. This is during Homerpalooza, or something like that, when Homer first meets them:

Billy Corgan: "Billy Corgan, 'Smashing Pumpkins'."
Homer Simpson: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely."

Gwen is coming for a visit! Aren't you jealous?

--Jen

Sept. 19: Happy "Talk Like a Pirate Day"

In honor of National Talk Like a Pirate Day, here are some sorta funny pirate jokes.

1. A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender says, "Hey, there's a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants, what's up with that?" The pirate replies, "Arrr, it's driving me nuts!"
   
2. Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates. Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again called for his red shirt and once again, though the fighting was fierce, he was victorious over the two ships. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain, "Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle?" The captain replied, "If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man as Captain Bravo. As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirates ships approaching from the far horizon. The crew stared at the captain and waited for his usual reply. Captain Bravo calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants!"


3. What is a pirate's best feature?
   His booty.
   
4. Did you hear about the new pirate movie?
   It's rated Arrrrr!
   
5. What kind o' socks does a pirate wear?
   Arrrrgyle!
   
6. What's the problem with the way a pirate speaks?
   Arrrrticulation!
   
7. What's a pirate's favorite color?
   Depends on the pirate.

Try out this cool English-to-Pirate Translator.