Mar. 24: Day 4 of music meme

Day 4: A song that makes you sad

The winner is: “I Don’t Have the Heart,” by James Ingram. I had a hard time finding an embeddable video, and if you just can’t stand watching the one below (it’s very poor quality), try this one.

As you can see/hear, it’s a really, really, super-duper sad song. I mean, this guy has asked someone to write a song that basically says, “It’s not you, it’s me” and he decides to sing it to her with a full orchestra and backup singers. They’ve obviously been practicing, right? So the songwriters, the whole orchestra, the backup singers, probably even the bartender knew about the “It’s not you, it’s me” song long before this woman. It’s like the part in When Harry Met Sally… when Harry tells Jess about how his wife left him:

Harry: So I go to the door, and there were moving men there. Now I start to get suspicious. I say, “Helen, when did you call these movers?” and she doesn’t say anything. So I asked the movers, “When did this woman book you for this gig?” And they’re just standing there. Three huge guys, one of them was wearing a T-shirt that says, ‘Don’t fuck with Mr. Zero.’ So I said, “Helen, when did you make this arrangement?” She says, “A week ago.” I said, “You’ve known for a week and you didn’t tell me?” And she says, “I didn’t want to ruin your birthday.”

Jess: You’re saying Mr. Zero knew you were getting a divorce a week before you did?

Harry: Mr. Zero knew.

And the lyrics, so you can get the full gist of what a kick in the girl-nuts it would be to have this song sung to you (as well as what dicks the songwriters probably are to write such cruelty and make it sound pretty):

Your face is beaming
You say is ‘cause you’re dreaming
Of how good it’s going to be
You say you’ve been around
And now you’ve finally found
Everything you wanted and need in me

I don’t have the heart to hurt you
It’s the last I want to do
But I don’t have the heart to love you
Not the way you want me to

Inside I’m dying
To see you crying
How can I make you understand
I care about you
So much about you, baby
I’m trying to say this as gently as I can

‘Cause I don’t have the heart to hurt you
It’s the last I want to do
But I don’t have the heart to love you
Not the way you want me to

You’re so trusting and open
Hoping that love will start
But I don’t have the heart, oh, no
I don’t have the heart

I don’t have the heart to hurt you
It’s the last I want to do
But I don’t have the heart to love you
Not the way you want me to
…and then he pretty much keeps saying “I don’t have the heart” over and over and over. Burn!

So, yeah, this song bums me out. I think you’d have to have a heart of stone if it didn’t bum you out too. Or maybe you’ve never been told, “It’s not you, it’s me” in which case you probably aren’t a for-really-and-for-true human being and also I cannot possibly be your friend anymore.

Mar. 1: So, so unbelievably uncool

I don’t have a lot of time this morning, but I just wanted to post a quick little something today so I don’t go three whole days without blogging. Three whole days, I know! It’s shameful. But not really.

I’m achy and sore and tender and grumbly ever since yesterday. It’s that one-week-after-chemo feel, which is now controlled with the ever-delightful Vicodin. It doesn’t make the pain go away, but it makes me care less, and that’s probably the most for which I can hope. While I’d love to curl up in bed with a good book all day, I’ve got physical therapy in an hour and then I promised to take my nephew to Voodoo Doughnut and a coffee place downtown, so I’ll be spreading the grouchiness throughout the city today. Yay me.

Someone should probably warn the physical therapist that if he or she hurts me this morning, he or she is going to get a punch in the crotch.

So, yeah, my rockstar nephew is visiting and I’ve never felt like such a dork in all my life. Last night Victor and I decided Stephen is cooler than both of us put together, and then some. So sad. But I’m learning some things from him, oh yes I am, which are definitely garnering cool points for this Auntie Zen (in no one’s opinion but my own). For instance, when one fist bumps one’s friend, said fists should then “explode.” The fact that I’m explaining this, I believe, proves exactly how much my dork-ness has recently increased. Ahem.

But for really and for true, it’s fun having Stephen here. He doesn’t do anything to intentionally make us feel old and unhip; it’s not like he walks around telling us how old and unhip we are. He’s thinking it, sure, but he’s too nice to say so. Last night he went running in the neighborhood at midnight (to all of my neighbors: so sorry if he scared you—he’s quite harmless, but you should know he’s a black belt in karate, so don’t surprise him), and that might be the most action our street has seen at that time of night in years. Oh, and we took him all the way out to Boring yesterday to get some stepping stones for the front yard. We’re really into showing him the very best and most interesting parts of the city at the most exciting times of the day. Feel free to schedule your next Portland city tour with Jen & Vic Will Put You To Sleep Immediately In The Minivan And They Won’t Even Listen To Cool Music While They Drive Travel Company™.

I’ve gotten to hear some recently recorded demos by the band that Stephen’s bandmates have emailed him. That’s been pretty awesome, like a teeny preview that makes me all special ‘n stuff. There’s some other band news that may or may not be secret so I have to keep it under my Proud Auntie hat for now, but trust me… it’s way cool. Sunshine almost hyperventilated when she heard.

Oh, one more apology to my neighbors: Stephen got Jack an electric guitar and amp. That excessive noise you were complaining about all weekend? It was coming from our house. While the guitar came with free lessons courtesy of the rockstar, Jack is still at Lesson #1, which is The Chord Progression That Almost Lets You Play ‘Polly Wolly Doodle’ And Drives Mommy Coco For Cuckoo Poops. We hope to get through at least one more lesson before Stephen leaves tomorrow.

June 14: Cartoon exit obstacle course

Usually these weird Japanese "sports" shows drive me crazy, but I thought this one was pretty clever even though it ends with a "funniest home videos" moment. Ah, getting hit in the 'nads... that old chest"nut"... it works on so many levels. Hope you enjoy it anyway.