Jun. 30: Month in summary

june2013June is over? ALREADY??? That was fast.

Special days I celebrated this month and how:

  • Jack “graduated” from elementary school. They had a nice little ceremony and party for the kids, and all of us parents stood around wondering where the time went. Seriously, where did it go? Just yesterday they were registering for kindergarten, I know it. Sheesh. I would be wistful at this milestone, but Jack is so excited about going to middle school that it’s hard not to be happy for him as he moves ahead. Here’s a pic of Jack and Mrs. Johnson, Best Teacher Ever. We love her!


  • School’s out! We had our annual last day of school party with lots of fab folks joining us for the celebration. One of Jack’s classmates, who showed up with a car-load of other kids we hadn’t invited, certainly left her mark—she clawed the heck out of two kids AND broke Tina’s fence. I think she might secretly be a Hulk. Scary. Besides the antics of Lady Destructo, though, we had a great time.
  • Our lovely, brilliant, tender-hearted and talented niece, Julianne, graduated from high school. Although we weren’t able to attend her actual graduation ceremony in Seattle, we went to her party the next weekend. Here’s a picture of Her Highness that I stole from Sonya’s Facebook album:


  • After Julianne’s party, we stuck around to spend Father’s Day with family at Sonya’s house, and it made for a very pleasant weekend. We’ve got some nice family, we do.

Gifts I gave and/or received this month:

  • Grad gifts, Father’s Day gifts, birthday gifts, retirement gifts, anniversary gifts… it was a little bit of everything in June.
  • I got some very special thank-you gifts for PTO-related doodies. People can be so kind!

Movies and TV shows worth mentioning:

New recipes or restaurants I tried:

  • These cinnamon roll pancakes. We were underwhelmed, possibly because of extremely high expectations. I mean, LOOK at those! They look delicious! They turned out so-so.
  • Dina brought Mexican caviar to the last day of school party. I forgot how much I love it. Even with the tomatoes.

This month’s disappointments:

  • I had that kidney stone that was pretty much no fun at all.
  • farmI was standing under a long shelf in the garage when it collapsed and I was showered, ouch-ily, with Little People houses and farms, followed by a big storage box of the kids’ keepsakes. I’ve never hated happy memories so much.
  • We were planning to go to San Francisco next week, but when I looked into making reservations for lodging and activities, I realized that our dates coincided with the start of the America’s Cup trials being held there. We decided to postpone the trip for a less crowded time, which bummed us all out. We have some good alternatives planned, though, so the week won’t be a waste.

My accomplishments:

  • This isn’t my accomplishment, but it was a huge one for Katie: she sang a solo for her school’s talent show. We were so proud of her—I was amazed that she was willing to get up in front of everyone to perform. She did a great job, and although we have the video to prove it, she has forbidden us from posting it anywhere so you’ll just have to trust me.
  • Another biggie: today is my last official day as PTO president. Bittersweet.
  • We held a garage sale yesterday to raise $$ for our Relay for Life team. I have eleventy bags of clothes to take to a resale shop before I can figure out exactly how much we earned, but thanks to very generous donations of sell-able items from friends and family, it was a worthwhile weekend.
  • Preparing for the garage sale meant sorting through our attic, garage, bedroom closets, and big/deep closet downstairs. I was able to clear out HUGE amounts of space and get rid of things I haven’t needed in ages. What a feat! I love to de-clutter and simplify.

Anything else noteworthy:

The funnies I’ve been collecting for you this month:















That’s all I got. Happy July!


Jun. 23: Don’t ring mah bell

Neighborhoods like mine are magnets for unwanted doorbell ringers. When the kids aren’t home, I don’t answer the door unless I’m expecting someone. But when they are home, they race for the front door and then wake me up come get me when the person there asks “Is your mom or dad home?”

We are looong overdue for a “no solicitors” sign. We used to have a doormat that said GO AWAY, but it was always out of order; people would ring our doorbell and say, “I love your mat! Wanna buy magazines?”

I don’t like guns, but these people make me wish I did. And that I kept a collection by the front door.

Last night I searched for “soliciting” on Pinterest and found some very exciting options. Tell me what you think.

This sign was the most common search result (soooo… I don’t like it).
What’s good about this particular one, though, is that the pretty frame is deceiving;
it draws people in by giving them the impression that it has something nice to say,
and then it says GET THE EFF OUT. Sneaky-good.
photo 2 (3)


Not my cat. I like my cat. But a random cat, sure.
photo 1 (2)

I’m afraid too many people don’t understand what the word “soliciting” means, exactly.
This explains it a little. I like the idea of having a window decal more than hanging a sign,
but our front door windows are six inches from our doorbell and therefore we cannot
be sure an idiot would see the message before pressing the doorbell. Because idiots are such idiots.

photo 1 (3)


This could not be more straightforward.
photo 1 (4)


This could not be more awesome.
photo 1

I like it.
photo 2 (2)

This could definitely work on some people.
Heh heh heh.

photo 2 (4)


I wouldn’t do the Pokemon thing, but I’d have no problem
asking for some kind of show tune or Robert Frost poem.

photo 2
A Robert Frost poem WITH VOICES.

Again with the sensible. I like the sensible.
photo 3 (2)

Good. Very good. Probably too wordy, though.
photo 3 (3)

I think this would be like the GO AWAY doormat; people would ring the bell
just to say how hilaaaarious we must be!! To have a sign like that!! So funny!!!!!!

photo 4 (2)

The message is cutesy, but the butterfly ruined it for me.
Also the “y” in “says”—why is it way up there? Bad font choices irritate me.
photo 4 (3)

I like. I like very much.
photo 4

For the most part, I like the message of this one… but I might add the words “we know” to the end.
I hate those little poopus kids who come from other neighborhoods to sell stuff.
photo 5 (2)

Simple. Good.
photo 5 (3)

Disgusting… and probably pretty effective.
photo 5

So many choices, right? I’ve gotta put something out front, because no way am I spending my summer pretending that our yellow Lab is way more vicious than she seems. Even an idiot who doesn’t know the meaning of the word “solicitor” will figger that one out.


Jun. 20: Trying again

Can I tell you something that happened that made me super duper mad? Of course I can? Thanks! 

I couldn't sleep the other night at 3am so I blogged on my iPad while laying in bed hoping to fall asleep at any second. Then I tried to make the post slightly interesting and I lost the whole thing.

Why did this make me mad? You are being very helpful today, so I'll tell you.

One. Because I lost it. (Stupid question gets stupid answer.)

Two. Because I tapped out the entire post with my fingers. I didn't use my keyboard because it was in the other room where I keep it buried under other technology that I once thought would be useful but has become totally unnecessary. Tapping lots of letters, as you probably know, takes FOR-FLIPPIN'-EVER.

Three. How did I lose the post? It's a mystery that haunts me to this day. I do know that I won't be using that piece-o'-shit Blog Press app again.

Four. Because I was still awake at 3am. This rarely happens because I take I'm Just This Side of a Crazy Person drugs. Sometimes when I drink caffeine in the late afternoon I will then have a hard time falling asleep. Sometimes I can't make my brain stop running and that keeps me from falling asleep. But when I tapped out that post the other night, none of those things had happened AND it was the third night in a row of insomnia AND I was sleep-depangry (you figger that one out).

Five. There is no five.

Six. It was probably one of the best posts I'd ever written. It would have undoubtedly gone viral because of its unprecedented use of correct grammar, spelling, and profanity, as well as its shockingly perfect level of profundity. Profanity-and-profundity are my favorite kinds of posts, though I admit I prefer the shockingly perfect profane to the shockingly perfect profound.

Seven. Six is a lie. The post sucked.

Eight. When I realized the post was gone, I was still wide awake but in no mood to re-create it. Grrr.

Nine. I finally got a decent night's sleep but can't remember anymore what my lost post was about. I do remember that I had just added these photos when it disappeared:

(...she says before she saves repeatedly, then goes to photo library with her fingers crossed...)

Yay!!! It worked! 

...and that's it, friends. The pointlessiest post ever.


(This post was tapped out on my iPad using the Blogger app, which is considerably less shitty than the Blog Press app. Still shitty, just less so.)

Jun. 10: Kidney stone, buh-bye!

You didn’t actually think I would pass a kidney stone and keep it to myself, did you? If so, I can only assume that you’re new here. (Welcome! Look at stuff I found in my pee!)

This morning, without pain, this little nugget showed up.


It’s hard to believe that wee (hardy har har har) tiny thing made me want to die a thousand deaths the other day. The fact that its passing was painless just shows that that prostate medication was doing its job. Even though I’m done with this kidney stone, I’m going to keep taking the Flomax to ensure my prostate’s continued health. I mean, you never really know, do you? This is certainly the first time that I have ever thought about whether my prostate was in good working order.

And just because you’re all SHE IS SO VULGAR AND/OR DISGUSTING!, here are pictures of two more things that used to be in my guts:

IMG_1114 IMG_4462

This over-sharing isn’t so weird now, maybe???


P.S. Lest you think your good wishes and happy thoughts went unnoticed, THANK YOU! I like to laugh when I feel like crying, and you guys never fail to make me do exactly that. I love you!

Jun. 9: Owie ow ow owie ouch owie

We're on a mini-vacation in Sunriver this weekend. It has been a favorite vacation spot for almost 30 years because I absolutely love being here. I love the smell in the air. I love the peacefulness. I love sitting on the deck and watching giant grey squirrels frolic about. Sometimes a deer even wanders by. Sunriver is a lovely place, full of lovely things.

Yesterday, at 2am, was less than lovely, though. I woke up with excruciating abdominal pain. Because of its location, Victor was concerned that my appendix was the culprit. When the pain showed no sign of dissipating, we sped up to the hospital in Bend. 

It seemed like forever before they got a painkiller in me. I don't think I've felt pain like that in my entire life (I've never been in labor); it was what I can only describe as SUPER-STABBY. When the nurse injected me with Dilaudid, it barely touched the pain. She gave me another dose and I was finally able to relax a bit. 

They took me for a CT, and as I stood to get back in bed the stabbing pain came back. So did the cursing. And nausea. They take a thousand years to shoot me with drugs, but one mention of the word "nausea" and they've got a puke bag in my face in half a second. It wasn't long after the CT that they determined I had a kidney stone. The nurse gave me Toradol, which made the SUPER-STABBY completely disappear. I think I'm in love--that Toradol is goooood stuff. 

They also gave me a bunch of info on my treatment, like why they were sending me home with prostate medication. I was all YOU KNOW I DON'T HAVE ONE, RIGHT? Flomax is supposed to enlarge my ureters, which will make a large stone less likely to get stuck and infected. They gave me a stylish accessory set of a hat-like container and strainer so when I pass the kidney stone, I can save it to display on my mantle. Or give it to a urologist. One of those.

We got back to Sunriver at 7am and I went straight to bed. I got up a few times during the day, but I probably slept 21 of the 24 hours after that. Today I haven't been needing Percocet or Toradol--so I've slept much less--but my prostate is KILLING me. Except for that, and feeling a bit dizzy, I'm actually doing quite well.

I can think of at least 16 things I'd rather do than visit an ER on vacation. I need to come back here healthy, and soon, so my last memory of Sunriver isn't peeing into a hat.




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