Sep. 29: Things.

These are the things I walked by on my way to Sunshine’s house this evening:

  1. Many garbage cans. They did not smell good.
  2. A cookie, covered by ants
  3. A kitten that looked like a baby tiger but now that I think about it, mostly like a regular ol’ cat
  4. A porta-potty that appears to be a permanent fixture in someone’s backyard. Can’t possibly be against the homeowners’ association CC&R’s. Noooo.
  5. Eight houses. She lives only eight houses away. It’d be better if she was next door (Big Love!) but I’ll take eight. Eight’s good.

Sep. 27: Daybook (and much more!)

(this is not actually me. I don't use a desktop computer.) My laptop is all farked up. Here’s what happened:

  1. The monitor part didn’t come on. This has been happening occasionally in the past couple weeks, but usually restarting it helps. This time I restarted four times and it still didn’t come on.
  2. I went downstairs and lugged up the monitor from the kids’ desktop computer, which hasn’t been connected to the computer because I can’t get the Internet working on it ever since we moved it downstairs and ask me how much I care because I don’t.
  3. I plugged the monitor in to my laptop and turned it on. My laptop finally came on. So did the monitor, but the screen was all wonky so I unplugged it. I was happy.
  4. My happiness was brief. The touchpad suddenly started going all jumpy and weird.
  5. I restarted.
  6. Still jumpy and weird.
  7. I went downstairs and lugged up the mouse from the kids’ desktop. Okay, not so much “lugged” as “carried.” Fine.
  8. I plugged the mouse into my laptop.
  9. Still jumpy and weird.
  10. I tried using the keyboard to navigate and type stuff. Every other keystroke worked. This made me look like a bad speller.
  11. I cursed and cursed.
  12. I used my PTO laptop to research the issue. Verdict: I think my personal laptop is on its deathbed. So now I’m being a bad non-profit organization treasurer and using non-profit organization resources for personal (albeit very important) use.
  13. I am sad.

Does this stop me from blogging? Only temporarily. I’ll still do my Daybook because I love you. Not really. Some of you, though. And your emails are still getting to me, but replying to them is difficult. Not impossible. Depends on how much I love you.


Outside my window... it’s overcast and dreary. Welcome to autumn in Portland. Blech. One of the few things I like about this season, however, is SOUP. I love soup weather. I love using the crock pot. This paragraph is making me hungry.

This weekend, I… did all that stuff above, a little cleaning, met with my fellow board members, and worked on forms and letters all the live-long day(s). Not super-duper fun. But it started out with a very happy and much-needed Happy Hour on Friday night, so it evens out. I hang with some awesome ladies.

I am thinking... that it’s gonna be a lot more of the same all week, but-cept for the Happy Hour. Unless I have my own Happy Hour. Hey! There’s an idea! Jen’s Happy Hour Every Night From 5pm to Close (We Never Close). I am sooo on it. You’re all invited.

I am thankful for... alcohol, or at least the possibility of alcohol. And those awesome ladies. Drinkin’s no fun without the awesome ladies. In fact, it’s kinda depressing without them.

I am working on... PTO things. Never-ending, I tells ya.

I am going... insane. You think I’m kidding? My brain is overflowing with school things and pushing important stuff out, like I can’t think of anything because I’m going insane. Why don’t you believe me?

I am reading... a lot of configuration options for the new laptop for which I now need to shop. The part I hate the most has a dollar sign in front of it.

I am hoping... to talk to my oncologist this week. I’m going to (nicely) demand a port.

I am hearing... dogs snoring. How is it that they spend the first ten minutes of my awakeness barking and snarling, and when I’m finally awake, they go back to sleep? Grrr, pups… very grrr.

Around the house... there are some newly clean spots that were cluttery for a very long time. I tackled a few this weekend, and am feeling all organize-y.

One of my favorite things... is when I’m all organize-y.

Plans for the rest of the week: it starts and ends (literally) with PTO.

Here are a couple images I want to share:


Want to blog your own Daybook? Here’s the info: The Simple Woman’s Daybook.

Once again, I leave you with my favorite quote from the Broadway musical Avenue Q. I think it’ll be my new sign-off. “We'll be fine, thank you! See ya! Hope you don't get gonorrhea!”

Sep. 24: Sucky news that sucks and sucks

Just as I was finishing up my IDCEAYWTPFriday post this morning, my oncologist’s office called to give me my next few appointment dates. I knew about the one on Oct. 12; the other doctor in the practice who saw me before my chemo last month told me the treatment on Oct. 12 would be my last. Apparently he assumed it was my last because it was the last one Dr. O had put in the system; however, that was incorrect.

Dr. O has scheduled me for treatments on Oct. 12 and Nov. 2 before I have a PET/CT scan on Nov. 16, and then two more treatments, the last one being on Dec. 14.

FOUR MORE TREATMENTS? WTF? This news was so disappointing. I’m more exhausted than usual and feel completely beat down since that phone call. The thing is, this was very likely the plan all along; there have been no tests run that would indicate a need to continue chemotherapy any longer than Dr. O originally prescribed. I think I was simply given incorrect info from the other doctor, and I had been hanging on his words because I liked the way they sounded: “you’re almost done!”

Sure, I can find a bright side to it, but please excuse me if I don’t do it right now. I’m angry and frustrated and so unbelievably tired of fighting cancer. By the time I have my last (“last”—we’ll see!) treatment on Dec. 14, it will have been more than an entire year of being on chemotherapy. I’m so done. I’m so not happy about this.

Give me some time, and I’ll find a way to joke about four more treatments. It may take a while, though; I’m still pretty grouchy about it. I went out with the girls tonight, and that definitely helped. I love my girls.

Baby steps.

Sep. 24: IDCEAYWTPFriday

It’s Friday, and that means you get a post called I Don’t Care Enough About You to Write in Transitioning Paragraphs Friday.

  • This has been my Week o’ Val™. We went out to lunch Monday, she was my chemo buddy Tuesday, we sat through a meeting together on Wednesday, chatted (felt) each other up yesterday after school, and we’ve got Happy Hour plans for this evening. How lucky am I?
  • Answer: (very lucky!)
  • We held our first PTO meeting of the year the other night and had amazing attendance! We board members were quite happy about that. It’s exciting to start the year out with lots of interest, and it makes us feel like all our hard work is worthwhile. Yay! Next up: Back to School Night, Donuts with Dad, and the big-big-biggie: Jog-a-Thon.
  • I wrote a few weeks ago about Loveliest Lori’s emergency medical situation that scared us all half to death. I’m pleased to say she’s doing better now and recuperating at home. I know I’ve mentioned that her brother-in-law is the drummer for a little band called Journey, and here he is, serenading Lori at her home in Salem. She’s trying very hard not to cry throughout his performance. I cried just watching the video—not sure how she held back the tears.
  • You know what’s funny? I can ask my husband to do a little Internet research on very specific Jog-a-Thon stuff and he does it for five minutes and gets bored. But I tell him one of my friends is looking for info on a trip to Walt Disney World and he’ll spend two hours on an email to her. Of course, I do not have a point in stating this fact. Nope. (Also, Ms. Secretly-Planning-a-WDW-Vacation, you can expect that email later today.)
  • Remember when I got bit by a dog? I took a picture of the bite a few days after it happened and even though it’s all blurry, you can still see the weird bruising and spots where that friggin’ little dog’s teeth broke the skin. It’s taken forever to heal, too, since my immune system is in less than tip-top shape. This is a little smaller than actual size:

  • I know, right?
  • Speaking of dogs, Oliver’s suddenly doing much better with the potty training. Yay! He’s becoming a bit of a barker, though—he’s kind of freaked out by people he doesn’t know. It’s weird. I’m doing my best to make sure he gets familiar with people who come by often, because the last thing we want is more of the insane barkiness we already have. If you’ve been to our house, you know of what I speak.
  • For my best girls, if this weren’t totally inappropriate to hang on the walls of our homes, I would get it for each of you. I’m just not sure we want to deal with hearing our kids say it to all their best friends:

  • I was never all that amused by Keyboard Cat, but somehow DJ Kitty made me LMAO. See if it makes you LYAO too.

Tons of things to do at school today. I need to get out the door. Have a great weekend!

Sep. 22: Chemo #15

Yesterday was what we hope was my second-to-last chemo session. I’ve got one more scheduled for October 12.

I met with Dr. O yesterday, and she said we’ll do a PET/CT scan in November. I don’t think it’s actually scheduled yet. I just realized that when I left yesterday I went out the back door and didn’t stop at the receptionist window to get my next appointment card. Oops. Add a phone call to tomorrow’s to-do list, I guess.

I told Dr. O about the steroid injection in my hand, and she said I’m using my hands incorrectly blah blah blah… I asked why it would be causing so much pain now, and she said she didn’t know but was positive that it wasn’t related to the chemotherapy. coughBULLSHIT!cough. It is soooo related to the chemotherapy. But whatever. It should get better. SHOULD.

Actually, the trouble I’ve been having with my left hand is much improved since the steroid injection. It took a lot longer than a few days to take effect. I still have pain, but it’s not nearly as bad; I don’t feel like I’m going to drop things nearly as much as I used to. I really am trying to change the way I pick things up or hold them, so I’m sure that’s helping too.

Dr. O suggested a cool wine bottle opener and a jar opener. Never mind that I don’t drink wine and never ASKED for a suggestion. She also started in on a big long blathering about research showing that alcohol in moderation can be a good thing, though what makes it good could be lifestyle or actual physical benefits; no one really knows. Make sense? I didn’t think so either. But it was pretty funny how she went on and on about it, even after I told her that I don’t drink wine. I’ve decided I’m going to interpret her info as permission for me to get falling-down drunk every single day.

Ah, life just got really, really good.

I mentioned my dandruff problem, and she mostly blew it off. Told me to use Nizoral, which I’ve been using—it’s the shampoo I wrote about here. People are always telling me not to freak out about my dandruff, but I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I’ve never had dandruff, and now it’s just plain weird that I have all these flakes in my lap when I rub my head really hard. It doesn’t matter that there’s no need to rub my head really hard. Oh, just shut up. I have dandruff. DANDRUUUUUFF!!

June 2010 My new BFF Val was my chemo buddy yesterday. She was awesome. She brought tons of trashy magazines and we gossiped and solved the world’s problems and made fun of people and read naughty stuff out of Cosmo. I brought Mad Libs and forgot about them. I also brought Pop Rocks and forgot about them. And did we do pole dances? Forgot! We were too busy just having fun.

Listen, if you’re gonna get cancer, you need to make friends with my friends. They’ll keep you laughing all the way through it. They’ll cry with you when you need it. They’ll let you be angry and throw stuff. They are the best. Really.

Thank you, Val, for being my chemo buddy and for being my everyday pal, too. I ♥ you—so much!

However, I do not ♥ chemo and I do not ♥ cancer. I’m so looking forward to that PET/CT so we can celebrate OJ’s disappearance. He’s a big effer and I’ve had enough of him.

Sep. 21: Daybook


Outside my window... the weather’s kinda sucky. Fall is here, for sure. Summer was awfully short in the Northwest this year.

I am thinking... about how much I’d love to go to bed right now. I’m not even a little bit tired, though. I had chemotherapy today, and the steroid always keeps me awake for a few days unless I do something about it. Tonight I’m going the Benadryl route. Anyway, I’ll be thankful for the energy tomorrow, when I’ve got a million things to do.

I am thankful for... commas. (That’s for you, Val.)

I am working on... lots of forms and flyers for upcoming meetings, etc. Getting the PTO budget up to date. Too much, really. If you know me, though, you know I thrive on this stuff. Gimme more!

I am going... to read Cosmo before I go to sleep tonight. Such trash!

I am reading... um… Cosmo. Don’t you pay attention?

I am hoping... Cosmo will help me fall asleep. Also that I can get back into the mode of regularly updating my blog again. The overwhelming-ness of everything lately has left me with little creativity or urge to write.

I am hearing... “showtunes radio” on Pandora. Love it. I’m thumbs down-ing all that Andrew Lloyd Webber junk though. Oh, how I hate everything that guy’s ever done. Ick.

Around the house... the puppy is showing some signs that maybe he isn’t so well potty-trained after all. Fortunately, he’s highly motivated by food, so we just need to treat him more often and he’ll remember the important things. Our next lesson: not licking my tongue.

One of my favorite things... is spending time with friends. I’ve been so lucky this week, and it’s only Tuesday! Here’s Val, me, Sunshine and Kim F’n at lunch yesterday:


We are very, very happy to be together. We are also very, very happy that our tummies are full of yummy cheese fondue and other German delights. One thing about which we’re dreadfully sad is Sherilee’s absence. She was unable to make it to Portland and we missed her very much. NEXT TIME, FOR SURE.

Plans for the rest of the week: the first PTO membership meeting of the year is tomorrow afternoon. That’s a biggie. There are tons of things I need to get done around the house too. I shall be as busy as a beeeeee.

Here’s a photo I want to share:

This is my dear friend, Kim F’n, and her fiancé, Eric. Yep, they’re getting married! I’m so happy for them! They’re doing the Brady Bunch thing and it’s going really well—such a blessing. Watch for lots of updates over the next several months. Maybe even a countdown clock to their big day. Happy friends make Jen happy too.


What’s your celebrity couple name? Keric? Erm?

Also, Eric, that’s exactly like the shirt Jack wore for his school pictures today. I’m pretty sure he’ll think that’s way cooler news than you will.

Want to blog your own Daybook? Here’s the info: The Simple Woman’s Daybook.

For now, I leave you with my favorite quote from the Broadway musical Avenue Q: “We'll be fine, thank you! See ya! Hope you don't get gonorrhea!”

Sep. 19: Hair watch #7, Day #131

Wow, these hair watch updates sure got boring fast, didn’t they? If you’re curious, my last update has links to the all the ones before it. Yaaaaaaawn

So, yeah. My hair’s been growing. It’s long enough now that I could go hat-less, but it looks way too ugly, so I’m still wearing hats. At this length, every cowlick and bald spot shows. I don’t want anyone wondering why I chose such an unattractive hairstyle; it’s all sticky-uppy in some places, and in others it’s as flat as can be. I don’t find it one bit amusing, so please stop laughing immediately.

Here’s the thing: my hair’s long enough to get hat-head, pillow-head, and a new one, which is scarf-head. This is pretty much what scarf-head looks like:

beforeThe several chins are an illusion. Yup.

Notice the weird looking curls and flat sections. Ugh. Today I decided I’d had enough. I went in for a clean-up trim. It seemed very strange getting a haircut at this stage—I didn’t think I’d get one for at least another few months—but it was a good decision. I’m all neat now.


Wow—I just noticed all that grey hair sticking out everywhere. I guess color will be my next big hair event. Seeing all those little hairs on my neck in the picture is making me all itchy right now. I need a shower.

Hopefully my next hair watch update will be me without a lid. That’d be pretty cool.

Sep. 17: All ears

Early this week Sunshine and I went out for Thai food and I saw a weird thing on my broccoli. I wasn’t altogether sure it was food. Sunshine said it looked like a tiny ear. She’s lucky I love her, huh? I’m not a big fan of people telling me things in my food look like things that shouldn’t be in my food. I pushed it to the side and ate my food anyway because Thai food is so delicious even if there are random body parts mixed in, it’s still worth eating. Pretty much as soon as we left, we said we should’ve taken a picture of the tiny ear. Damn. Fortunately, I have a good memory and Google Image Search at the ready. Here’s what the ear I almost ate looked like:

…but-cept it was much, much smaller. And brown. And more swirly. And not covered in skin. And probably not an ear at all, no matter what Sunshine says.

Last night Victor came in with a flashlight and said, “Look in Jack’s ear.” I knew whatever I saw in there, it would probably end with me gagging a little. I mean, is it ever anything good? You don’t very often hear someone going, AND YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE WHERE I FINALLY FOUND THAT GOLD DOUBLOON! Sure enough, I looked in there and saw something dark and fibrous. And just like whatever that was in my Thai food, I knew what was in Jack’s ear didn’t belong there.

We took him to the pediatrician this afternoon. Dr. H set our minds at ease immediately with a story about a live cockroach he found in a patient’s ear once. WTF? I used to like that doctor. He looked in Jack’s ear for a long time without saying anything, and although he couldn’t identify what was in there, he assured us it did not have antennae. I was relieved.

He left the room to retrieve teeny tiny surgical tools. The guy was having entirely too much fun with this. Victor played assistant and held the light while the good doctor yanked out a giant piece of something that looked way too much like what was in my Thai food. So gross, I tell you. So gross.

Dr. H put the giant piece of something on a tissue and took it out in the hall, where his nurse immediately turned away from him. He looked all dejected, but then another nurse ran in, asking excitedly WHAT WAS IT WHAT WAS IT??? and suddenly Jack was a rock star. But none of them could figure out what it was; Dr. H tried to slice it but mostly just smashed it. I asked if I could take a picture of it, and put a pen next to it for perspective. I know, it doesn’t look that big here, but you try walking around with that chunk in your ear canal and see if it makes you a brattier than normal 8-year-old. I bet it would.

Dr. H finally decided it was probably a big glob of the end of a Q-tip with a bunch of disgusting wax mushed in. He was concerned that there might be more of it left in Jack’s ear, so he asked the nurse to flush it. Again, Vic played assistant. Jack didn’t enjoy this part very much at all (it wasn’t painful, just uncomfortable), but a bunch more gunk came out, so it was probably a good thing they did it.

Katie sat across the exam room from Jack, playing the role of Bratty Big Sister and laughing her butt off. I thought she was a big meanie, but I guess me playing Photog Mom probably wasn’t much better. The good news is that when we walked out of there, Jack was doing much better. He said he could hear again and his ear didn’t hurt at all anymore.

As we left, Vic admitted that when he looked in there with the flashlight last night, he was kinda freaked out over what it could be; he thought it looked bloody. It certainly didn’t look like remnants of a Q-tip to me either. As parents, you get all sorts of thoughts running through your head over this kind of thing. Could it be a popped/infected ear drum? Embedded foreign matter? Brain tissue, like he’s leaking smarts? An infection that might permanently affect his hearing? Would he need surgery?

When I got an MRI last fall in hopes to find some answers about my back pain, it all felt fairly routine. Then, of course, they found that big cancerous tumor and now I wonder if we’ll ever feel comfortable before simple little exams anymore.

Anyway, whew. Everything’s good. No one in our family has eaten an ear or anything that was pulled out of an ear ALL WEEK.

Sep. 17: IDCEAYWTPFriday

It’s Friday, and on most Fridays that would mean you get a post called I Don’t Care Enough About You to Write in Transitioning Paragraphs Friday. But I got nothin’, folks. Nothin’ to say, or certainly nothin’ about which you want to read. So today I’m going to share some of my favorite Twitters with you.

Now, if you check in here regularly, you read these in the left sidebar over yonder, but there’s a chance you’ve missed some. That is something that cannot be tolerated. These are clever, funny people. You need to see examples of their brilliance. Click their names to see their Twitter feeds and follow them for yourselves, if you choose. The awesomeness is beyond your imagination, I can assure you. Okay, not really. But these Twitters are definitely chuckle-worthy. I’ve dedicated some to my friends who I know will appreciate them most.

stevewhitaker I wonder if Huey Lewis ever found out if that was it. 10:38 AM Sep 15th

adamisacson Thanks to ringtones, I now associate all my favorite songs with the annoyance and dread of being interrupted and having to talk to somebody. 5:43 AM Sep 13th

This (and all the Glenn Beck ones, really) are for Mike Devitt and other fellow Beck-despising friends:

gknauss My five favorite nuts: 5. Peanut (honey roasted) 4. Macadamia 3. Cashew 1. Glenn Beck / Right testicle (tie) 12:59 AM Sep 13th

Applies to Popsicle sticks too:

strutting Q. What did the Laffy Taffy wrapper say to the kid? A. I want to warp your still-fragile definition of the word "joke." 4:10 PM Sep 9th


cpinck Thanks to his first day of school, my son raised his hand when he wanted to ask me a question. I called on his brother instead. 7:15 AM Sep 9th

bcompton I keep forgetting which end of the hand towel is for my face and which end of the hand towel is for my butt. 6:34 PM Sep 8th

JimGaffigan Before we start burning, is it "Koran" or "Quran"? Oh, we should also bail on that whole freedom of religion stuff while were at it, right? 4:22 PM Sep 8th

CranberryPerson Family football day- discovered my younger son got my ability to bust out a sweet touchdown dance despite being in the wrong end zone. 5:52 PM Sep 5th

This isn’t for anyone specific, but I just gotta say that “yam bag” is my new favorite term for scrotum.

biorhythmist Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Give a toddler a wiffle ball bat, he goes at your yam bag like a piñata. 5:34 PM Sep 5th

Oh, lord. Did I really just write “scrotum” on my blog? Let’s move along:

JimGaffigan If you are too young to make breakfast, you should not be allowed to get up before 7am. 6:52 AM Sep 5th

samhey Now when I see a mother bird regurgitate into her blind babies' mouths, I think of Glenn Beck. 10:02 PM Sep 4th

_mattie Sometimes having an old dad sucks, but then he'll accidentally call an email a telegram and it's all worth it. TEN POINTS FOR: ADORABILITY. 10:49 AM Aug 31st

ereillypdx Earthquake drill. Really expected it to be roomier under here. 10:32 AM Aug 31st

Ed, try being in a grade school during an earthquake drill, when everything is sized for 8-year-olds. That day was one of my most painful as a classroom volunteer.

Sherilee and my other foodie friends:

JephKelley Malcolm Gladwell: Please do your next book on cold soups. Topic: How they ever became popular. Name: "Gross Things; The Story of Cold Soups" 11:51 AM Aug 30th

Val, if this were their only problem, right?

badbanana Just once I'd like to see these young vampires show a little respect and put on a freaking cape. 2:04 PM Aug 29th


MooeyTie I'm shocked that you profess conservative values on Facebook just under the spot on your profile where you also admit "I don't like books." 7:25 AM Aug 29th

theTCAT Glenn Beck has a dream. That one day people won't be judged by the content of their character, but on the color of their skin. #beckrally 10:03 AM Aug 28th

essdogg If I was Glenn Beck's manager I so would've tried to get a Kool-Aid sponsorship out of this rally. 9:58 AM Aug 28th

essdogg So when does Minister GlennBeckhan's Million Honky March get started? 6:50 AM Aug 28th

badbanana Bristol Palin is going to be on this season's Dancing With the Stars. I wonder which star she'll be paired with. 1:30 PM Aug 26th


CallMeBez Yeah? Well your kid's 5th birthday party sucks, so hiring an obese clown-stripper was the only way to ensure I didn't die of boredom. 11:29 AM Aug 26th

I would totally buy this:

badbanana Other words just added to the Oxford Dictionary: Bromance, Chillax, Frenemy, and Interweb. Guy Fieri will be on the cover. 1:20 PM Aug 23rd

Sorry, Erin, but I’ve heard this is true:

scottsimpson Remember: when a Realtor is retrieving their Open House signs, attack! That is the only time they can be killed. 11:21 PM Aug 22nd

For you, Fancy Lori™:

FakeAPStylebook Strunk & White sure were a couple of dicks, weren’t they? 3:00 PM Aug 20th

Dan K:

badbanana New York Yankees nicknames. Best: The Yankee Clipper. Worst: The Yankee Candle. 6:56 AM Aug 20th


samhey Sometimes when I squash a spider, I scowl at its corpse and flex my glutes. Then I see its leg twitch and I freak the fuck out. 6:42 AM Aug 20th

Just plain funny:

sween Voldemort probably goes by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named because his first name is Leslie. 8:15 AM Aug 18th

Richter_Andy Some domain names are so cheap! Just got for $10! Also, anyone know how to get in touch with Celine Dion? 9:35 AM Aug 17th

Kath, Cassie, et. al.:

thedayhascome We can put a man on the moon, but we can't design a margarita glass that doesn't spill while jogging? 8:25 AM Aug 17th

Good ones:

adamisacson If they're not going to paint these speed bumps, they should at least give us a freeze-frame and a Waylon Jennings voice-over. 6:39 AM Aug 16th

CcSteff I've reached the stage of pregnancy where both my husband and my belly button look like assholes. 5:14 PM Aug 15th

Dan, again. Sher and Corinne, too:

strutting Rejected drink idea: the poutini. (May be available in Canada.) 11:14 AM Aug 14th

Love these:

StephenAtHome If a Butterfinger doesn't list butter as an ingredient, then is it all just finger? 11:34 AM Aug 12th

mollycrabapple Eat Pray Love makes me want to Stab Stab Stab 10:41 AM Aug 12th

samhey I fear my daughter's chalk drawings in front of our house are hobo warning symbols: 'don't trust him- brings milk when you ask for juice.' 8:17 AM Aug 11th

adamisacson What the hell? This is just a Cheeto wrapped in rice and seaweed. Definitely avoid the Delaware Roll. 4:53 PM Aug 9th

capricecrane "Lady Gaga Gets Licked By Fan." Just to be clear -- which one are we concerned for here? 3:40 PM Aug 9th

Jen E and Sally, my fellow Scarry fans:

sween Listen, Richard Scarry. I was fine with a snake wearing a shoe. But a walrus owning its own home? In that neighborhood? Please. 4:52 AM Aug 7th

Enjoy your weekend, friends.

Sep. 16: Thursday Thunks #17

Thursday Thunks (TT) is a blog meme for those who need a little kick in the butt to find something to post about. Your blog posts/answers to TTs can be type or pictures, doesn’t matter! YOU pick, not us, we just give you the assignment (yep, just like English class... only we won’t grade your spelling and grammar).

  1. What number blog post is this for you?
    Had to look it up. Wow: #1670. Wow.
  2. You are driving down a road and your GPS says turn right, but the road has a “dead end” sign. You check your GPS and according to its map, there is a road at the end of the dead end road that you need to turn onto. Do you follow the GPS?
    Haven’t you seen that episode of The Office? I don’t trust my GPS very much in some situations; in fact, I’m quite sure Nigel Fingerbottom would like to drive me right into a lake because he’s always yelling “recalculating!” at me.
  3. If you had a $2 bill, would you spend it?
    Sure. It’s money, isn’t it? I like spending money.
  4. When there is nobody else around and you sneeze or cough, do you cover your mouth?
  5. Have you ever stopped to help a stranger with a flat tire?
    I don’t think I’d be much help. Beyond being able to identify the flat tire as flat, I know not one thing about changing tires. I’m a girl! Besides, isn’t that why we pay our AAA dues? (Which reminds me, I think I let ours lapse. Oops.)
  6. Have you ever ridden an elephant?
  7. Time to bitch and moan! What is your biggest complaint about your current friends on Facebook?
    For keeping up with the friends I really care about, FB is priceless. For the others, well… some of them are annoying as hell. Can I just leave it at that?
  8. School is back in session for all little girls and boys now. What in your life changes when kids go back to school?
    It’s certainly easier to schedule work for my clients—no need to arrange for child care—but what makes life much more hectic is my involvement with PTO. Things get crazy right after school starts, slow down for a while, then peak a few more times during the school year. Generally speaking, though, I like that the kids are back in school. When I’m at home, I love the house being so quiet for so many hours in a row.

Sep. 14: Moxie 2—you can play it!

One of my favorite iPhone games is Moxie 2, and now there’s a web version! That means even you losers without iPhones can play Moxie now! It makes you a little less loser-y.

The best way to understand how to play the game is to watch this short video:


And if you think you’re gonna die if you don’t play it immediately, go here. Warning: Moxie 2 is totally addictive. Hope you had nothing else planned for today.

Sep. 13: Daybook

I know I’m late getting to this. I was gone most the day and am just sitting down to my computer for the first time today. My brain is overflowing with information (not smarts, as you might have assumed) and this may not make any sense, so, y’know, look out.


Outside my window... it’s a beautiful, sunny, blue sky kind of day. Well, it was. It’s dark now. A leetle scary, even. I think the street light is out.

I am thinking... that our blue sky days are going to be gone soon. The forecast for the rest of the week goes down, down, downhill. I don’t mind the cooler temperatures, but I will miss the sunbeams.

I am thankful for... good friends and school peeps. I am blessed beyond measure.

I am creating... too many things right now. There’s a ton of school stuff on the horizon: work things, home projects, plans with friends… too much. Must focus.

Thankfully, I got one of my huge projects done this past weekend; I finally finished and published the new web site for the PTO. I’d link to it to show it off, but then you’d know where my kids go to school and you would go there and take them and that would make me sad.

I am going... crazy. Pretty sure. Big surprise, eh?

I am reading... the new book by Sara Gruen, “Ape House.” I haven’t started it yet, actually. The fact that it’s about monkeys does not exactly appeal to me, but I’ve enjoyed Gruen’s other books so I’m giving this one a try. While I’m on the subject, her last book, Water for Elephants, was fascinating and if you haven’t read it, you should.

I am hoping... that our sweet puppy Oliver is housebroken. It’s looking that way. Cross your fingers for us, please.

I am hearing... way too much noise coming out of Katie’s and Jack’s bedrooms, considering the time. I don’t think reading is supposed to be that noisy.

Around the house... we’re getting back into the school routine. It takes some time, all the setting of alarms and sharing of bathrooms and eating of breakfasts and completing of homework and signing of questionably timed reading logs. One of the big changes this year is that there’s no bus for our neighborhood anymore; right now Tina and I are sharing carpool duties, and it seems to be going well so far. There are an awful lot of cars in the parent pick-up line now, though.

One of my favorite things... is getting a nap. I got one today. Bliss.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Some work, some school, some football. Going to Salem on Saturday to see the Loveliest Lassens for Trevor’s birthday pool party in the rain. Oh, and I’m planning to turn 42 this weekend.

Here is a picture for thought I’m sharing... that Fancy Lori™ sent me forever ago, and I keep forgetting to post it.

shirt  shirt2

Want to blog your own Daybook? Here’s the info: The Simple Woman’s Daybook.

Sep. 11: Football game #1

Okay, okay. Jack’s first football game was not as excruciatingly painful as I had anticipated. Did I enjoy myself? Not for a second. But I didn’t whine and moan and act like a mom who didn’t want to be there, and for that I think I deserve a prize of some kind. Like a Grammy. Yes, I think a Grammy would be totally appropriate. I’ve always wanted one. This may be my only chance.

Here’s Proud Dad, showing off Baby’s First Football Jersey. Let’s hope that pride wears off before he demands pictures of Baby’s First Jockstrap and Baby’s First Groin Pull. I do think the jersey’s pretty cool, though, and was a little disappointed that Jack didn’t get to wear his for the game today. Since every player in the league has the same jersey, one team in each game always wears their league T-shirts and the others wear the jerseys.

I know you would be suspicious that I was not actually the author behind this post if I let THAT stupid league decision go by without commentary. Yes, the league geniuses gave EVERY PLAYER the same color jersey. Brilliant, I tell you. Brilliant.

So, this what my little footballer looked like on the field today:

That is, he looked like that when he wasn’t watching the other game or running toward the wrong endzone or playing with his cute little belt.

In one play, Jack hiked the ball:


He looked all important. I was proud. But then I wasn’t so much. Because I admit that I don’t know much about football, but I’m pretty sure the center isn’t supposed to just stand there after he hikes the ball:

See that guy in the Montana sweatshirt who should be going up to Jack right now and reminding him that he could be doing something besides just standing there? He’s Jack’s coach. He’s really great—gets the kids motivated, but isn’t a jackass. The opposing team’s coaches were obviously kicked out of the NFL for making players cry; I did not like them one bit. Here’s a picture of the one I called Coach Pinkie Ring:

The blurriness of the photo—I wasn’t intentionally pointing the camera at him; he’s in the background of a cute Jack pic—makes him look kinda rugged and handsome, but I assure you he was a wannabe and one of the biggest assholes on the field. He yelled at the boys nonstop, and it pissed me off. At one point I saw him shake his clipboard and scream to a kid, “You BETTER make a play on this one.” WTF???

Most of the boys had never played a game of football before today; I think a bit of patience is called for here. I’m sayin’ something next time, you can bet your embarrassed-to-know-me ass. It was ridiculous. If our coach had done that, after the game I would’ve found a way to go up and introduce myself while accidentally kicking him in the nuts 12 times. Oops! Clumsy me! And leave my kid alone!

Some boys in the league are going to learn the rules of football and good sportsmanship this year. The boys on Coach Pinkie Ring’s team are going to learn how to go home and cut themselves to deal with their humiliation. Oh yeah, this is what all eight-year-olds are supposed to learn in team sports.

Yup, I can hardly wait for next Saturday. Vic would be wise to make my morning coffee Irish if he wants me to keep my mouth shut during the game.

Sep. 10: IDCEAYWTPFriday

It’s Friday, and that means you get a post called I Don’t Care Enough About You to Write in Transitioning Paragraphs Friday.

  • Busy, busy week. So much going on, so much on my plate, too much for my brain to slow down enough to sleep well. It’s really a good thing I don’t drink as much as I talk about drinking, because if there was ever a week to abuse alcohol, it was this one.
  • Sunshine and I played pampered girls today. After a busy morning at the school, we got lunch at New Seasons—delicious baguette sammiches—and then went for pedicures. I haven’t gotten one in almost a year because the risk of infection is high with my weenie immune system, but IMMUNE SYSTEM BE DAMNED. My piggies needed some pretty. And boy, did they get it! Some of my other parts got attention too, thanks to the very eager massage chair. That thing meant business.
  • Oh, and I got a brow wax today, too, because my eyebrows are growing like ca-razy now. Yay!
  • Love this art (click it to see the artist’s etsy store):


  • I would like one day to go by in which I find no dog vomit or steaming piles o’ crap on the floor. Is that so much to ask?
  • The first week of school went pretty well for both kids. They’re each in classes of 30 students, and that’s the only thing I’m really unhappy about so far—but what can be done about it? As Jack’s teacher said, that student-to-teacher ratio “is not ideal.” That’s for friggin’ sure. It’s like that in almost every classroom, though, and the deep budget cuts across the district are to blame. Pffft.
  • If you want to read some funny emails, check these out. I regularly read the site, but haven’t mentioned it in a while; the latest post is one of my favorites, I think.
  • Here’s another goodie, because if it weren’t for coffee I might not have made it through this week alive. Well, awake, anyway:
  • littlebean

  • Loveliest Lori is out of the hospital, finally, and recuperating at home. So grateful.
  • I got a new hat yesterday. It’s one I can wear now, while my hair is still too short to go without some kind of coverage, and later, when I’m once again hairy and style-worthy. After I bought it, I got in the car, cut off the tags and put it on my noggin. I checked the rear-view mirror and thought, “Oh, Jen! Cute hat! What good taste you have!” A few minutes later, a spider dropped down from the bill and scared the crap out of me. I was sure that a spider egg had just hatched in my hat, and I ripped that thing off my head so fast! I haven’t seen any more spiders near the hat since then, but I haven’t touched it either. Stoopid new hat.

    I hate spiders, but I do love this fascinating and totally factual video. Pretty sure I’ve posted it before, but you should watch it anyway because I said so.
  • Tomorrow’s Jack’s first football game. I already talked about how I hate the league and the assclowns who run it; now let’s see how an actual game proceeds. Will I have pictures? You bet your ass (clown).
  • Here’s the last of my inspiration art to share with you on this fine day.


Have a good weekend, friends. xoxo


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