Sept. 27: One more mouth to feed

No, we're not having another kid, unless someone's invented something more powerful than a Prozac-Xanax-Vicodin cocktail for Mommy. Last weekend our neighbor brought us a stray dog (a Rat Terrier, just like cousin Shelby!) and we haven't had any luck finding her owners. That's actually not too upsetting for us because she's turned out to be a real sweetheart, and we're hoping to keep her. We've been calling her Casey, as in "at the bat," or the famed Yankees manager, not K.C. as in "& the Sunshine Band." Just to clarify.

I've added a couple new pages to the site. There are pictures of Katie and the first tooth she lost here, and another couple of pictures from soccer practice earlier this month. I'll add pictures of our sweet Casey once we're more confident she's here to stay.

Sally and Presley are visiting next week!

Hooray for the new TV season making my TiVo useful again. Now I can watch all that crap whenever I damn well please.

Time for a survey for you parents out there. Every once in a while I hear myself saying something to my kids that I never thought I'd need to say. This goes beyond "Don't run into traffic," and "We don't need to see the food in your mouth, thank you." I know I'm not alone, and I want to hear some of the things YOU have surprised yourself saying. For funsies, I'll start:

1. Do NOT take things out of the toilet.

2. Please don't spit on the dog.

3. We don't pee in the front yard.

4. Who left their sandwich in the bathroom?

Now it's your turn.

Sept. 18: Another year wiser?

Victor got me a great birthday surprise: a wide-format inkjet printer. It can print on paper up to 13" x 19" so I can use it for scrapbooking and other paper crafts. I love the gift, but I also love the idea that my husband was actually paying attention to me a couple weeks ago when I mentioned I wanted one. What a good guy. I received lots of cards, e-mails, and phone calls from my favorite people over the past few days. The kids are headed to Grandma & Grandpa's while Vic and I enjoy dinner this evening at Ruth's Chris (thank you, Daryl & Sally!!). Not too shabby a birthday for this 37-year-old, all things considered.

I think we might be starting another house project. Vic and I have decided to re-claim the spare room upstairs since the playroom thing just hasn't really thrilled K&J. Vic also wants to switch our family room/living room back to the way it was originally, which is no easy task because it will involve much gnashing of teeth and painting. You'd think we would learn. But you'd be wrong.

I just heard about another Dine For America event coming up October 5. The restaurant associations ran this the first time right after 9/11 and raised $20 million, and this year it'll benefit Katrina victims. Here's a list of participating restaurants in Oregon and here's the DFA web site. Be sure to dine out that evening--you'll see even fast food restaurants are participating. If you've been looking for a way to help out, it doesn't get much easier than this.

Jacob had a heck of a start to school when he broke his wrist last week. Poor guy; that wasn't the worst of it. Here's the latest from Sonya's last e-mail: We went to the hospital this morning to have a second routine x-ray to check that things were healing properly. Unfortunately, things weren't healing well at all, so the doctors admitted him immediately into the pediatic ward for an evening procedure. Basically they needed to straighten his wrist by pulling (sort of re-breaking) it straight. Yikes. Gives me the creeps thinking about it. This was a big surprise for all of us, and as Jake had assumed he was going to be back to school by lunch recess, the news of a procedure/surgery and then a hospital stay was quite shocking. At first Jake was really concerned about the general anesthetic and being put asleep. Then he was worried about how much blood they needed to draw for a test. Finally in the evening, when his only concern was worrying that people could see his "buns and crack" (sorry, his words not mine) with the hospital gown he was wearing, I knew he was back to his old self and would be fine. The procedure went well; he and Chris called around 9:00 pm and I should be picking them up after lunch tomorrow.

"Yikes" is right. That oughta learn ya how dangerous playgrounds can be.


Sept. 13: Life's more painless for the brainless

It's official, I'm a soccer mom™. Katie joined a soccer league a few weeks ago and had her first game last weekend. It was at 8:30 on a Saturday. Yes, you read that right. 8:30! No one in their right mind should be up at that hour! If I had known there would be games that early I wouldn't have signed her up. I mean, it's not like the kids play an actual game. They're spending too much time finding bugs in the grass, and waving to their parents on the sidelines to follow a soccer ball around a field. Actually, it's all very entertaining, though I think Vic is going to play "single parent" the next time we have a game that early. Bleah.

Katie started kindergarten last week and loves it. Jack's in preschool two days a week and is doing well so far, but then, he's only gone 1½ times.

We painted our bedroom last weekend. It had been navy blue for a few years and I was looking for something a little less dramatic, so we went with a soft bluish-green ocean-y color. I changed the curtains and all the bedding to white. We assembled the nightstand lamps we bought at Ikea a hundred years ago, and I can also finally display the beautiful spring water candle lamp I got at the last candle party I went to. The room has changed so much; it's calming and lovely and bright and makes me feel happy. Vic doesn't get how a room color can do that, but he knows better than to make fun.

My friend Debi is having a baby! She's ten weeks behind Deanna's pregnancy, and I think it's safe to say those sisters have made their parents giddy with grandparently joy. Now, as a public service, I offer the following name suggestions for the new additions, courtesy of the Cornwall Records Office researchers in London:

  • Abraham Thunderwolff
  • Freke Dorothy Fluck Lane
  • Boadicea Basher
  • Philadelphia Bunnyface
  • Susan Booze
  • Elizabeth Disco
  • Edward Evil
  • Fozzitt Bonds
  • Truth Bullock
  • Charity Chilly
  • Gentle Fudge
  • Obedience Ginger
  • Offspring Gurney

And then there are Ed's favorites, Syllabi and Memoranda. Yes, Debi and Deanna, you're welcome. You know you can always count on me to help with the important things.

I don't have much else to say, but want to share some silly stuff with y'all. First, a joke:

Bad Dog!

One day I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence. To my dismay it was the next-door neighbor's 10-year-old daughter's rabbit. For years I had watched her come home from school and head straight to its cage, free it and play with it in the yard. I knew today would be no different, and fearing for our dog I had to think fast. The rabbit was quite dirty, as if it had put up quite a struggle, so I washed it off with the hose, combed it with the dog brush, and blew it dry with the leaf blower. Upon finishing its grooming I hopped the fence and placed it in its cage, hoping its death would be written off as "natural causes." Within the hour the neighbor's car pulled in as usual and out popped the little girl. As usual, she headed straight for the cage, only this time she stopped about six feet away and screamed, "DADDY!!" Her father, panic stricken, stood looking at the cage. Being the good neighbor that I am I rushed to the fence and asked if there was anything I could do. Her father less than calmly blurted, "What kind of sick individual would dig up a little girl's dead rabbit and put it back in its cage?"

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. The agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

If you've ever had a bad seat on an airplane, you'll appreciate this complaint letter (thanks, Deb!). I checked it out at and it appears to be authentic, but even if it wasn't, it's still pretty darn funny. View the PDF.

Thinking of joining a cult but just can't decide which one? Here's something that might help you narrow down your choices (because who wouldn't want magic unders???): Cults: A Handy Reference Guide

OK, that's enough silliness for today. Feel free to forward more to me at --


P.S. Almost forgot! Here's a pic of our country's fine leader during Katrina coverage:

Couldn't have said it better my own damn self.


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