Mar. 31: Haiku for you

gave nana a cell
can’t do voice mail or ringer
thinks we never call

mac and cheese. fine food.
don’t give me generic crap
kraft kraft kraft kraft kraft

i pick my wedgie
outside sheila’s classroom door
'til she kicks it closed

molalla. rural.
paulsens moved but are still sane
no buttless chaps yet

my seester, she’s tops
rivals letterman in lists

"achy breaky heart"
rewritten, shows ex-step-kin
as they truly are

"donny will visit!"
i wrote in my diary
now stop peeking, kath

throw me out naked
toss my undies too. thanks lots.
i am scarred for life

new mom alisa
quits job, stays home with baby
could lose marbles soon

kirsten shares deep thoughts
bad me, i make them dirty
no more mailing list

i love that lori
no point in stealing from kath
still no san fran trip

april works “green” now
recycles disks for ag use?
hm, our dad was right

she’s getting pierced soon
all holes visible, please, mom
we’re sending a spy

i want a clean house
mission: organization?
easier to move

only five years old
jack makes sacrifice for lent
no more potty mouth

katie’s like her mom
grinds her teeth and gets ulcers
kiddie xanax, please

my head hurts so bad
down to my last resort now
where is my chainsaw?

vic snores all night long
methinks c-pap is c-crap
i shall smother him

i can’t fall asleep
erbit, erbit, erbitting
i will kill that frog

kathy’s dog molly
scary face but empty head
forgot she’s a pit

vic does the dishes
he’d never have married me
if he only knew

i hate minivans
but cool people drive them now
world, what went so wrong?

sonya’s in china
they hock loogies on the street
careful where you step

debi. deanna.
high school friends, they know too much
i’ll ever be kind

kath reads instructions
"that’s what she said," we both say
jinx, buy me a coke

presley is a doll
teach her jesus stuff for fun
see sally’s stink-eye

few leave notes for me
so i will write about you
i’m a comment whore

Mar. 30: A word to the unwise

These are just a few of the things that have been making me crazy.

  1. “It’s” and “its.” If you’re using i-t-s as “it is,” use an apostrophe. For example, “It’s so pleasant to sleep with the window open at night.” If you’re using it as a possessive, there is no apostrophe, as in, “The problem with that frog in our backyard is that its constant croaking is going to make me kill it.”
  2. This one also involves the use of apostrophes. What makes people think they need to use apostrophes for plurals? Why do they do that to me? “We took the kid’s to the pet store to fit them for collar’s and leash’s.” NOOOOOOO! That’s so incorrect! ‘A-member, the apostrophes are to be used when referring to something that belongs to someone (except in the case of “its,” of course) or as a contraction. Don’t make me hit you, mmkay?
  3. This one is the “and I” vs. “and me” thing, and has come up around our house quite a bit lately because Katie’s been learning what’s correct when. Here’s how I learned it: if you were talking about yourself and would say “I,” then if you’re talking about yourself and someone else, you say, “and I.” Here’s an example: “I bought leg warmers for Kathy,” and “Lori and I bought leg warmers for Kathy.” But if you would use “me” then you don’t say “and I.” “Sheila loaned me her ‘Xanadu’ soundtrack for my road trip.” “Sheila loaned me and Kathy her ‘Xanadu’ soundtrack for our road trip.” It’s not “Sheila loaned Kathy and I her soundtrack.” See the difference? Now you’ll never make the mistake again, right?
  4. Jack jumping on the bed while I’m taking a nap. But that's a whole 'nother post
  5. High shipping rates for online orders. But that’s a whole ‘nother 'NOTHER post.

And hey, don't blame ME for the inconsistent grammar usage rules of our English language. I love you, I really do. But I'll love you more if you change.


Mar. 29: Thank you, come again

This just might be a dream come true for Simpsons fans. Looks like 7-11 stores will be converted into Kwik-E-Mart stores to promote the upcoming Simpsons movie. I just hope hope hope they'll sell chutney flavored Squishees. Here are a few different links to articles; I'm not sure how long these news items are kept online:, Daily Progress, and TV Squad.

Mar. 28: We are family

I don't look around much here at, but happened to notice tonight how out-of-date some of the pictures were/are on the family pages. I didn't have time to do very thorough updates; I added things here and there to Darlene & Wellington's page, Manullang grandchildren, Saltmarsh grandchildren, the dogs' page and the Nienhuis family. Sonya, feel free to e-mail me some recent-ish family pics for your page!

Enjoy. --J.

Mar. 28: Everything she wants

You think I just whip out this blog stuff on the fly, don't you? Well, I don't. I spend hours researching each topic I write about, and more hours doing the actual writing. And when I have nothing to say but sense the world is dying for another one of my brilliant posts, I do NOT make stuff up; I think of a Wham! song title and then pull a little sump'n from my bag of tricks. Well, not so much "tricks" as "stolen ideas." Here's another.

Google a phrase including your name. Or for fun, Google a phrase using someone else's name. Like your seester's. She's always good for a laugh or six. Today's phrase is "Kathy wants to ..."

  • ... tell her family and friends that Phil is only pretending to be a Jew
  • ... connect the dots
  • ... sell books to pay for skateboards
  • ... know, "Who are those people in my picture?"
  • ... release her third solo album
  • ... go back to the womb
  • ... know everything
  • ... sit by the window
  • ... take a fruit salad to a picnic she's attending
  • ... know how you ripped my jeans
  • ... get wif Shane
  • ... be adored and worshipped like the royalty she feels she is
  • ... check every part of every suit under the black light
  • ... lay a smackdown on Susie
  • ... pound on my head for wearing my socks instead of selling them as art
  • ... move the toilet across the hall
  • ... enjoy her money, not sock it away for retirement
  • ... call him Tom
  • ... build a pergola
  • ... visit your place on February 11. Are you free that day?
  • ... resurrect the acting ambition she gave up at 19, when she decided to marry some rich guy instead
  • ... have soup when she comes home from school
  • ... drag me to this friggin' hillbilly festival village thingy tomorrow night

Silly Kathy. Always wanting something.

Wanna know what Vic needs? Read this.

Mar. 27: Sunglasses of Justice

Today's subject is CSI: Miami. At first I liked it better than the original CSI because it was brighter and most cases were investigated during the day (in case you aren't a faithful viewer, the original show follows the night crew of Las Vegas CSI). But Horatio Caine quickly grated on my nerves. The ridiculous one-liners, the dramatic putting on and taking off of his sunglasses, the staring off into the distance as he threatened suspects... it was all just a little much. A little too Shatner-esque, you might say. But then I saw a few episodes with children, and he was so gentle and sweet with them. It made me hate him a lot less. And then the other night I had a dream about him and he was in love with me. Yes, I know that I could kill the little guy with barely a sit upon his lap. And I know that he has an ego the size of I don't know what. But I was completely and totally butt crazy in love with him right back. And then he had to go catch bad guys and I woke up. I shall never know what became of my relationship with Lt. Horatio Caine but I'd like to think I wised up and slapped the shades right off his smug little face.

Someone with a lot of spare time created this video, showcasing David Caruso's many dramatic pauses coordinated with sunglasses modeling (this is actually a "sequel" to the original 7+ minute one; look around on YouTube if you're curious):

I'm pretty sure that the writers gave Horatio the "pithiness" trait because David Caruso is, like, the worst actor on earth. And yet... I think I love him. Oh my goddess, help me.

Mar. 24: Unspeakable beauty

It's true. I'm incredibly attractive. Especially since I had my brows waxed and got my hair cut this morning. I even took a picture with my camera phone to prove it. See? See why I just can't even stand myself? It really is truly difficult to be me, to walk around with such gorgeousness.

I stopped at Trader Joe's on the way home and they did NOT have stroopwafels, which angered me greatly. But nobody cares. Including you, I bet.

S'OK. I love you anyway.


Mar. 22: I shall call her ... "Mini-Mo"

A new picture of the ever-adorable Gwen, here in her finest punk rocker form:

Mar. 22: Meet Knut

I saw this polar bear cub video on Cute Overload this morning. The movie's sorta long, and it has THE most annoying soundtrack, so I'm including a second one that is much shorter (though you still might want to turn down your volume).

Here's the shorter but equally adorable video:

Now comes the best part. Turn your volume back up to hear Stephen Colbert's Mini Threat-Down:

Gotta love Stephen Colbert. Gotta.

Knut's not so bad either.


Mar. 21: Run for Olivia

A letter I received from The Medici Family yesterday:

Hi everyone,
Just wanted to let all of you know of the event we are organizing in memory of Olivia. On April 22, 2007 we are hosting the 1st Annual Olivia Medici Memorial 5K Run/Walk--A Reason To Race!. The event will be held in Beaverton, Oregon at 8405 SW Creekside Place near the Old Fanno Farmhouse. Proceeds of the event will directly benefit the families and sick children at Duke University Hospital and OHSU/Doernbecher Children’s Hospital. For registration and event information you can log onto You can register by selecting the "register" tab at the top of the page and scrolling down to the "Olivia Medici Memorial 5K Run/Walk" on April 22, 2007. Olivia’s website,, will be updated soon with journaling and new information regarding the race and "The Olivia School."

We hope to see you there!
Annalee & Mark

If you're in the Portland area--or could be on April 22--I hope you'll consider participating. And if you're a dummy like me, you're probably wondering if 5K is do-able. I looked it up; 5K = 3.106855961 miles. If I can do it, so can you.


Mar. 21: Same baby, new name

I got an e-mail from the Nicholsons a few days ago with some updated baby news. Drum roll, please:

Well, in true Cam and Lisa style, after trying our little one's name out on her for a few days, the baby formerly known as Sydney got a new name. This would be the other number one name that we had been wrestling with at the hospital.

So Sydney Noelle Nicholson is now Sage Noelle Nicholson!

I liked the name Sydney, but I like Sage too. So I'm OK with this news. I'm pretty sure Cam and Lisa are relieved to hear that, even though I don't remember getting a call from them about it. Surely they meant to run it by me first, didn't they?

Sally, correct me if I'm wrong, but you had a different name when you were first born, didn't you? I can't remember how old you were when it was changed to Sally.

I don't think I know anyone else who started with one name and ultimately ended up with another, though I think that would've happened if Katie had been a boy. We never could settle on a boy's name--not too smart, considering we didn't even know what we were having. We didn't have a girly name picked before Jack was born, but after eleventy ultrasounds we were pretty sure he was gonna be a boy.

No more words.


Mar. 21: Party smart

Don't you hate when you go to a party and end up sitting next to someone who is incredibly offensive? Like they make cracks about your old age when you are clearly 30+ years younger than they are ... or they have T.Rex breath ... or they keep drawing attention to themselves with loud "witty" comments ... or they sit by you ...

Don't let it happen again! A wise man I know once said, "Sometimes you have to take some time at the beginning of the party just finding out who the dicks are."

Even though he ended the sentence with a preposition, he is still very wise. Really. That's what he reminds me when he sits next to me at parties, anyway.

I'm here to help. --J.

Mar. 17: Enough with the pinching

Remember that time in grade school when you forgot to wear green on St. Patrick's Day? Was that the worst day of the year, or what? Still haunts me.

Apparently today has a little more significance than we give it by drinking green beer. So in honor of this most hallowed of holidays, I link you to a quiz that will test your St. Patrick's Day savvy: St. Patrick vs. Samuel L. Jackson. Who's the bigger bad-ass?

I also use this occasion as an excuse to post an animated GIF because I know Lori loves 'em and because I love Lori. And so's not to leave my seester out, here's a pic just for you, Kath, because I know you loves ugly piggies. I'm gonna say that feet and St. Patrick's Day go together because I just think they should. And then you can't say I wrote a bad paragraph.

Shamrock lovies!

Mar. 14: Mom my ride

Once again, Kirsten wins "e-mail of the day." Her prize? The contents of our driver-side door pocket.

(And Victor wonders why I'm so anti-minivan...)

Mar. 9: Pictures of other people

My goodness, I seem to have a lot to say today.

Be sure to check these new and improved pages at

Remember, your name would be on this list if you would just send me some digital pictures of yer damn self. And because of certain readers, I must add this: no rear, frontal or side-al nudity, please. You know who you are.


Mar. 9: Take me to your leader

Can't believe I almost forgot to share the movies we made after the Mission: SPACE ride at Epcot a couple weeks ago. They're only available online for 90 days; run, don't walk! Fer garsh sakes, see 'em while you can!

First, my graceful moon landing.

And check out this scary alien invasion!

Wish we were there--
Jen and Vic

Mar. 9: Fabio shampoo

Mar. 9: I just calls 'em as I sees 'em

Riddle me this: If Ann Coulter was 50 pounds heavier and had short brown hair, would anyone pay attention to her?

Seems lately she's been taking cues from the Pat Robertson school of media whoring, just in case. For example, she calls global warming "a crock" and vehemently defends Scooter Libby, somehow ultimately blaming liberals for his big mouth. Give her some time and she'll come up with a viable excuse for Newt Gingrich's newly-revealed extra-marital affair during the Clinton probe. But y'know, whatever. She can justify all things conservative, she can say whatever will make headlines, she can flip her hair around like a beauty queen, who cares. It's the brazen, irrational allegations and unprovoked attacks that take away her credibility; they make her a lot less of a political analyst (or whatever it is she considers herself) and a lot more of a loony. See one of the most recent examples of her balls here.

Note: I am certainly no fan of Tucker Carlson, but I mostly agree with what he says in this case. And normally I would never recommend watching anything remotely having to do with Pat Buchanan, but he can barely get a word in between the other two yammer-ers, so it's harmless.

My goodness, after reading a few blog entries on her web site, I feel dirty. Like I've just been enjoying Mein Kampf. Ick. And no, I'm not including the link to her blog because if you're stupid enough not to find it on your own, you're probably stupid enough to say, "Golly, she makes a good point!" Proving just how hateful and ignorant she is, Ann Coulter fights back à la Donald Trump (Rosie O'Donnell says Trump is a poor "moral compass," and he comes back with, "well, she's a fat pig." Huh?). Instead of trying to defend or explain her accusations and assertions, Coulter claims to be misquoted or says things like, "I'm so ashamed, I can't stop laughing!" (her actual response to the John Edwards thing).

"Beyond bee-yotch" is overused in describing this woman's character. I much prefer "narcissistic, attention-craving, uninformed a-hole." A little more wordy, but I like it. It fits.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: (some) people make me hate them.

But you? Ah. You, I love.


Mar. 4: Thoughts of me me me

We got home from Florida late last night.
Me sleepy.

There are two ginormous piles upstairs: suitcases begging to be unpacked and laundry to sort.
Me no want to see or smell either.

I have eleventy hundred e-mails to read.
Me want to, me just know it will take a long time (please be patient!).

We came home to find a nasty dent on the front left fender of my Passat.
Me sad.

While on vacation, some jackass delivering our breakfast asked when my baby was due.
Me started diet immediately. Me also tucked in my shirt. Me also did not tip him.

Sydney Noelle Nicholson was finally born on Feb. 27. No pictures yet.
Me thrilled for Cam and Lisa!

Today is the 4th, and a special day for the Saltmarsh and Baughman Trinities.
Me wearing my special bracelet, Kath, and thinking of us all. Thank you.

Gwen had her first birthday on Mar. 1.
Me cannot believe that little monkey's already a year old.

Watch for a detailed trip report with lots of pictures from our days at Disney World and Disney anniversary cruise. We had a fabulous time, to say the least.
Me always take many, many words to "say the least."

More later. For now, big lovies! It's mostly good to be home.


P.S. Katie and Jack are up way too early and eating a nutritious breakfast of souvenir chocolate coins.
Me Mother of the Year.


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