Jan. 31: SB XLII preview, sorta

I'm no Pepsi fan, and the game of football is the suckiest suckfest of all suckfests that ever sucked. I do enjoy Super Bowl commercials, however. And I really ♥s me some Andy Samberg teamed up with Justin Timberlake...

Jan. 30: The actual "Gay Agenda"

If this doesn't scare you, I don't know what will.

I know that many of you have heard Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and others speak of the "Homosexual Agenda," but no one has ever seen a copy of it. Well, I have finally obtained a copy directly from the Head Homosexual. It follows below:

6am: Gym

8am: Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites)

9am: Hair appointment

10am: Shopping

12 noon: Brunch


  1. Assume complete control of the U.S. Federal, State and Local Governments as well as all other national governments
  2. Recruit all straight youngsters to our debauched lifestyle
  3. Destroy all healthy heterosexual marriages
  4. Replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents of Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels
  5. Establish planetary chain of "homo breeding gulags" where over-medicated imprisoned straight women are turned into artificially impregnated baby factories to produce prepubescent love slaves for our devotedly pederastic gay leadership
  6. Bulldoze all houses of worship
  7. Secure total control of the Internet and all mass media for the exclusive use of child pornographers

2:15pm: Get forty winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from stress of world conquest

4pm: Cocktails

6pm: Light Dinner (soup, salad, Chardonnay)

8pm: Theater

11pm: Bed (du jour)?

(Source: all over the www)

Jan. 30: And then there were two

So, Edwards dropped out of the race today. I was sorta bummed, but either Clinton or Obama are okay with me so all is not lost. Both have acceptable coiffure (I was never sold on John's 'do).

I remember way back when Bill Clinton first ran for president that it seemed fairly obvious early in the race he would be elected. I think the country was ready for a change after 12 years of Reagan/Bush. And when that jackass G.W. ran, even though I certainly didn't want him to be president, the country appeared to want a more conservative guy in charge. I hated that Bush "won," but it wasn't a huge surprise. Now that he's proven to be a bigger jackass than anyone thought possible, it seems clear to me that we're ready to get a Democrat back in office. But maybe I'm delusional and/or totally biased. With all the talk of candidates and issues these days, it really is hard to stand back and get a feel for what the general population wants; it's easier to choose a side than be objective right now.

What do I think? How nice of you to ask! The social issues are a big deal to me. I do not want Roe v. Wade to be overturned. I don't understand why people are threatened by gay marriage. Same with stem cell research. Next important, for me, is the war. Our soldiers have done the job they were sent to do and it's time for them to come home. I side with Democratic goals for our environment.

Social security, welfare reform, healthcare, immigration, etc. are areas that I'm less decided upon. I definitely want to research these things further, and will be doing that over the next few months.

My friend Chris has assembled a chart, admittedly biased, of the major candidates and their positions on the big issues. Check it out. I also encourage you to take a stand visually by doing some shopping at Stamp and Shout.

I'm still hoping for this write-in:

They may be the only guys who definitely know how to pronounce "nuclear."

Jan. 29: The whole fam dam

The Manullang family went to have portraits done in late December. To get us all in the same country was a big feat, not to mention the same studio. This was an occasion worth celebrating. Here's the big family pic, which will go somewhere on the web site if I ever get around to updating our family pages. Click it for a big'n.

I want to give a shout-out for the photographer, Martha Bieker, of Fun Time Photography. She's done our kids' soccer team pictures the last few years but this was the first time we'd gone to her for family portraits. I was thoroughly impressed with her professionalism and hard work, and she's also a lovely person! When Darlene and I went back to see the proofs, Martha had them set up in a slide show projected onto the wall with delightful musical accompaniment. She had even popped popcorn for us. If you're in the Portland area and looking to have portraits done, I recommend you call Martha. She has a beautiful outdoor setting besides her indoor studio. She also has some of those tickle things to get you to smile. Y'know, just in case you're not feeling the love.

Jan. 28: Toodles, blech-drink

The headline caught my eye: "Say Goodbye to Postum."

Ah, Postum. What self-respecting SDA can say they never tried it? And what self-respecting human being can say they thought it was a suitable replacement for the sinful caffeine-laden coffee? A favorite of Adventists and Mormons (only), Kraft Foods says the popularity of Postum has declined and they're no longer producing it. Apparently since the announcement was made, people have been selling it on eBay for 20 times its purchase price (which, in my opinion, is about a bazillion times its actual value).

I don't know why a handful of people are upset. First of all, if you want coffee but can't take the caffeine, here's an idea: try decaf. Dur. Secondly, you can easily make your own Postum. This is my best guess at its contents:

1 cup hot water
12 moldy teabags
4 cans cat food (any flavor)
1 Tbsp. Mrs. Butterworths
Dash black pepper
3 stickbugs
1 paper towel

Mix all ingredients in a food processor. Strain a little bit, and drink.

I guarantee you, it'll taste exactly like the real thing and no one will ever know the difference.

Goodbye, Postum, indeed. Good riddance.

Jan. 28: Sonya's even older now

Victor's sister, Sonya, is my favorite of all his sisters, and not just because she's the only one. I like her. Today's her birthday. She's older than me, so I'm smiling an extra lot as I type this. People older than me make me point and giggle and briefly forget that I'm turning 40 in a few months. Thank you, Sonya, for being elderly.

I wanted to write a nice little limerick like I did for Lori last week. But unfortunately, the only thing that rhymes with "Sonya" is "bone ya" and I think that's a little inappropriate to write about one's sister-in-law, no matter how smart her sense of humor may be.

In your honor, Sonya, I drank coffee out of my Shenzhen mug this morning. Have a great day! We all love you tons--

Jan. 26: I'm just quasi-evil

I try, and I try, and I try. I just can't catch a break. I'm too dang good. Meh.

You Are 34% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

Jan. 25: Potty all the time

I avoid public restrooms as much as possible. They're rarely clean enough and almost always smell bad. Rest areas and fast-food restaurants are the worst. Target stores, while pleasantly clean in their shopping areas, have filthy restrooms. And don't get me started on Honey Buckets and outhouses and porta-potties (oh my!).

My hang-up only got worse after I had kids. I know they're not as germ-conscious as I am and will touch anything and everything. Ugh. And ever since Katie has been potty-trained, she loves using public restrooms. No matter where we go out to eat or how long it's been since we left home, after she's sat at the table for a while she says she needs to use the bathroom. Drives me nuts.

My sister is the perfect traveling companion for me because she has the same aversions. Our mom, on the other hand, has a bladder the size of an acorn and stops at every public restroom she comes across. But she doesn't question our insistence that she use the alcohol hand cleaner when she gets back in the car, which is why we allow ourselves to love her anyway.

Like George Costanza, I keep a mental database of acceptably clean public restrooms. Nordstrom, some Las Vegas hotel/casinos, Disney parks, the Woodburn outlet mall... there aren't many. And while this probably makes it sound like I'm obsessed, it's actually something I give little thought to, mostly because I ignore bladder pressure. Don't be surprised when you hear I've died of kidney implosion syndrome. (I totally just made up that disease, but I hope it already exists because I don't want it named after me.)

Here's a lovely little web site that lets you locate clean public restrooms in many parts of the world. Best part: The Bathroom Diaries won't mock your OCD tendencies.

Jan. 24: Dreamy. Very dreamy.

The next James Bond movie is no longer Bond 21. The producers have revealed the title, and what's most shocking is its lack of sexual innuendo. I guess we'll look for that in the film itself, hm?

And I know you can't get past Daniel Craig's ears, Kath, but I think he's yummy. Maybe Lori can settle this one.

Jan. 24: What $$ won't do...

If you haven't seen the video from Bill Gates' last day at Microsoft, click the link. It can be a little slow to load, but it's worth it.

Every year, Bill Gates gives the opening keynote at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. This year was his last, as Gates is stepping down from his day-to-day role at Microsoft this summer. So to the delight of CES attendees, Gates played a tongue-in-cheek video that chronicled his last day at Microsoft. Stars like Matthew Mcconaughey, Jay Z, George Clooney, Steven Spielberg, Hillary Clinton, Barrack Obama, Bono, Al Gore, Jon Stewart and Brian Williams appeared in the clip. Clip from CES 2008.

Bill's last day

Thanks for the link, April. I think the workout and Guitar Hero stuff was my favorite!

Jan. 23: Printer problem

Geez, I sure am prolific today. Here's an e-mail forwarded from my friend Becky, who's always good for a laugh.

Dear Printer Repair Man:
Please come to my house and check my printer. Every time I use the printer - and I am away while it prints - my papers are wrinkled, even shredded. Sometimes the ink is blurred. I hope that you can find the problem!!
Concerned Computer Owner

Dear Concerned Computer Owner:
While you were gone today, I checked your printer, and I found your problem. Please click on the [video below] for the answer.
Your Printer Repair Man

Jan. 23: "The Office" character quiz

Jen's results:

Which Character From The Office Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

Vic's results:

Which Character From The Office Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

Jan. 23: Evil personified

You've probably heard about that evil family that protests soldiers' funerals, praising their deaths and blaming everything on homosexuality. I find it incredibly disturbing that there are people so hateful and self-righteous and vocal in our world today. The flyer they released yesterday should not be a surprise, but it makes me sick anyway. Click the text below to read about their plans to picket Heath Ledger's funeral.

(Not mentioning their name or web site is intentional, BTW)

Jan. 23: Brooke is 1 today!

It's hard to believe that Brooke is already a year old. Seems like just yesterday I was holding that brand new beautiful little bundle in my arms. Brooke is my friend Alisa's first child and is absolutely and undeniably adorable (just like her mom!). The most recent photos I have are not high enough resolution to publish here, so instead I'll post Brooke in her Halloween costume:

Have a great day, sweet girl! I hope to see you again soon!

Jan. 23: Lori’s big day

Today is Lori’s birthday! I couldn’t find a clever poem to honor her big day, so I wrote a very un-clever limerick myself.

It is time once again to eat cake
And a big celebration to make
Get your champagne or beer
Because Lori’s so dear
Toasts all around, now partake.

This was actually better than my first attempt, which rhymed “Lori” with “chicken cacciatore.”

For really and for true, my wonderful friend, I hope you have a fabulous day that's all about YOU.

Jan. 22: Only 24% evil???

Ah, man. And I try so hard!

This site is certified 24% EVIL by the Gematriculator

This site is certified 76% GOOD by the Gematriculator

Chris, you gotta try this on your blog... I'll be waiting for the results.

Jan. 21: I call it animal abuse

Oh my lord. This delightful little story was posted at snopes.com today. Click here to read the article about Mitt Romney strapping his dog's crate to the top of the car and driving for 12 hours. My favorite line: Romney dismisses such critics by saying "They're not happy that my dog loves fresh air."

Yep. Dog loves fresh air so much, he shat hisself.

Jan. 20: Catching up

On a scale of 1 to 10--1 being "tolerable" and 10 being "I'm about to take a chainsaw to my neck"--my headache pain is down to a 2. Hooray. It still hurts but I can function. For a lot of people MY 1 is their 10... and I don't mean to make you all sound like whiny babies, but come talk to me after your headache's hung on for five days... THEN I'll give you some sympathy.


I'm feeling much better now that I'm feeling better. And guess who benefits? Yes! YOU benefit! I'm not sure how. Just humor me, mmkay? First, I need to get to the importantest of business, and that is the birthdays I failed to mention this past week because I couldn't focus my aura-filled eyes on my computer screen.

Happy Birthday, Kirsten!

My dear friend Kirsten's birthday was January 15. I'm sure it was lovely, as she is a lovely person and the guy she married and the boys she birthed all recognize that. At the very least, I hope someone took her to a restaurant where she had to look down at the menu instead of up. Sorry for the belated wishes, but I hope you had a super day, sweetie.

Happy Birthday, Aiden!

Aiden turned two years old on January 16. He is the adorablest little guy. I'd prove it to you but-cept I haven't gotten the Rothsteins' most recent family pic added to their page yet. Par-done; I'll try to get to that this next week. Anyway, Sheila, please share all the details of the big celebration. Ain't it fun doing stuff like that when you're fixin' to pop with another kidlet?

I mentioned the other day that Webkinz have invaded our home. I've even got my own account, because how else can I monitor my children's activities??? (Yeah, that's the reason...) Users set up their pets' homes with different rooms and yards, furnishings, etc., and I have to say that it's a lot of fun. Mostly I get on the site and play a few games to earn KinzCash, then buy stuff and KinzPost it to Katie and Jack. They love getting mail from me because they know it's something they have been wanting but can't afford. Jack, on the other hand, does not send out the most useful gifts. I think he re-gifts the crap he wins on the Wheel of Wow and Wheel of Yum. This morning he sent me a trophy podium. Yesterday it was a monkey t-shirt and a bowl of almonds. He sends Katie birthday messages a few times a day. She gets irritated, and I have to remind her that he can't read and he's just sending her the prettiest messages he sees and AT LEAST SHE'S NOT GETTING SHIAT LIKE TROPHY PODIUMS. At least the boy's heart is in the right-ish place.

But that's not the most interesting thing about Jack's Webkinz activities, oh no. Today I looked at the house he has created. Now, I have my house set up with a living room, bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, and rec room, along with a backyard and front yard. Katie's is similar. Pretty standard house elements, right? Here's a screen shot of one of Jack's rooms. He chose a beach theme for the wallpaper and flooring. I'm not sure about the chair facing the wall, but that's not really my biggest concern (click the photo to get the full effect):

Yikes, huh?

How's a mom supposed to keep ignoring his invitations to come over and play???

Jan. 20: Mistaken identity

Still have the headache. Grr.

Last night I took a super-hot shower just before I went to bed. It didn't help my headache, but it relaxed the rest of me enough to fall asleep, which is what I needed. Unfortunately, going to bed with wet hair pretty much guarantees a scary awakening. This is what I looked like when I got up this morning:

Actually, I had a little less eye makeup on, but otherwise, YES, I could have easily been mistaken for The Little Mermaid's Ursula. Plus I'm so grouchy that if the hair didn't convince you, the bitchiness would.

Jan. 19: Good excuse

I missed some birthday shout-outs this week. I have a million good things to say (as always). Funny pictures to post. Jokes to pass off as my own. Alas, I have been sidelined by another migraine. We have now entered Day 4. The pain makes me want to punch people.

I love you anyway, even if I'm too grouchy and nauseous to say it every day.

Jan. 14: HSM3 news

This ought to make a few people I know giddy with excitement...

Disney has finally announced that all the big stars of the previous High School Musical movies will return for the third. This one is actually destined for the big screen--I'm surprised it took Disney so long to milk the franchise that way.

"High School Musical 3: Senior Year" finds high school seniors Troy and Gabriella facing the prospect of being separated from one another as they head off in different directions to college. Joined by the rest of the Wildcats, they stage an elaborate spring musical reflecting their experiences, hopes and fears about their future. With incredible new music and exciting dance numbers designed to take maximum advantage of the big screen, this motion picture extravaganza delivers plenty of high-energy entertainment from East High's talented ensemble.

Zac Efron is downright dreamy. I don't care what team you say he plays for, Lori.

Jan. 14: Penguin slap

Don't care if it's fake.

It's funny.

Jan. 13: Google hints

Here's an article that offers ten obscure Google search tips. It's pretty good, but what's even better are some of the comments readers added at the end.

I ask you, is there anything Google cannot do?

Jan. 11: Webkinz sorta rock

Santa introduced our family to Webkinz a few weeks ago, and we've all gotten hooked. After Katie and Jack go to bed, Vic and I log in to their accounts and play games, earning them KinzCash. The kids visit each other's Webkinz rooms, play games with their friends, and use their KinzCash to buy furniture and toys to outfit their Webkinz mansions. It's great fun and appears to be a safe environment.

Having recently added to our collection, we've found the interaction between the numerous pets in our mansions is nothing less than delightful. Here are the critters we've adopted:

George, a Lil'Kinz golden retriever

Penny, the penguin

Spotty, the leopard

Elvis, a Lil'Kinz basset hound

Lucy, the pug

Snowflake, the polar bear

My favorite games--since I know you were wondering--are Goober's Lab (it's like Bejeweled), Quizzy's Word Challenge (where an adult can earn loads o' KinzCash easily), Cash Cow and Cash Cow 2, and the fun occasional ones like Balloon Dartz.

This craze has led to Katie's decision to have a Webkinz-themed birthday party next month. Why I agree to these things--hosting parties wherein I must create the theme myself because no pre-made party goods exist--I do not know. I am the poor man's birthday girl's Martha Stewart (without the evil).

Shining Stars are the Toys R Us/Russ online critter friends. The kids got a lion and bunny for Christmas (thank you, Theo-Trevor-Taylor) and have registered them but had some trouble getting around on the site. We haven't given up though.

Build-a-Bear is getting in on the action, as well as Littlest Pet Shop and a few other brands like Kookeys, Zetapets and Neopets. I don't know much about those. Yet.

Ah, marketers, how you make me want to thank and kill you at the same time. Ye certainly know what ye do, and I curse ye.


Related Posts with Thumbnails