Feb. 22: For realsies, even more + other stuff

My oncologist called this past week and said she and the radiologist decided to biopsy that thing in my throat after all. They’ll be doing an ultrasound-guided biopsy, and I have no idea how that’s different from the one I had in ‘09, which was done with CT, but I’m pretty sure it will hurt and I will not have fun.

The biopsy is scheduled for the afternoon of Wednesday, February 26. I was supposed to meet with the oncologist that day to decide on treatment, but we moved that appointment to Monday, March 3.

I’m thankful that everything suspicious is being checked thoroughly, and I understand that that takes time… but it doesn’t mean I can’t be frustrated that this whole thing is being drawn out even further. Sooo… I hoped to have some news to share on Wednesday, but it’ll be a week from Monday instead. Grrr. Also: pfffftt.

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On the side of the bright, Victor and I are away from home for the weekend. Don’t try to steal crap from our house though—my mom is there with the kids. Tomorrow is our anniversary (17 years!) and we’re celebrating with a little shopping, a movie in a real theater, restaurants, and probably a lot of falling asleep in front of the hotel room TV. In fact, if none of the rest happens, I’d be OK with that. We’re old and tired.

This is the first year that our anniversary happening the same weekend as the elementary school carnival is no big deal, which is all kinds of awesome. The awesome part is that we actually get to celebrate our anniversary ON our anniversary. It actually isn’t awesome (to me) to miss the carnival. I kinda love that carnival. It’s always a butt-load of work for PTO (but not me this year!! YAY!), but is such a fun event. Vic is not even a little bit sad to miss the carnival—as a PTO husband, he was given a lot of grunt work. In fact, I don’t think he misses much about PTO at all.

I’m suddenly kinda mad at him.

But not so mad I’ll go help at the school. Sorry, Wendy.  :)

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Sales at Dear Girl ~ Jewelry with Intention are going really well. I’ve sold quite a bit on etsy, but I’ve had people come to my house and poke around in the warehouse (my hall closet) and buy that way, too. I’m having a lot of fun with the whole thing, and I’m grateful for friends who have pinned my stuff on Pinterest because I’m starting to get sales from people who found me that way. Thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who have purchased, and for the rest, I hope you’ll take a look at the store. I can do custom orders, too, so let me know if you don’t see something that’s perfect because I will totally make you a perfect thing. I will. I can.

I suggested that part of our anniversary celebration could be a tour of all the bead stores in town and Vic didn’t go for that AT ALL. My next husband will enjoy beads more. And he won’t snore. Or be a mean drunk. Or beat me with sacks of oranges. Or stomp on my dreams.

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Yesterday Mother Mary got to meet Max, her great-grandson. I love to say that she’s a great-grandmother. It makes her sound ancient and that’s fun!

He is just the sweetest little cuddle-bug. I loves ‘im.

Also, look in the background—do you see the liquor cart? I’m sure Erin & Kevin will have to put theirs away when Max starts crawling toward the shot glasses, but our kids are past that age so we’re safe—our kids can just walk right up and drink straight from the bottles. (BEST. PARENTS. EVER.) I am so gonna add this Leave It To Beaver-esque feature to our living room, pronto. Maybe that’ll be our shopping quest for the weekend.

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Pics I’ve been saving to share with you because I loooooove you:

 

Scary how much Google can figure out from what you type in the search box, huh?

 

I think I want this friend:
 

 

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I usually do these little-bit-of-everything posts on Fridays so I can use my shirtless Ponch pic, but this is Saturday, so here’s non-Friday-lovin’ Ponch because I couldn’t bear to upset Fancy Lori™. She likes her Ponch.

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That’s all for now. Laterz.

Feb. 14: More medical stuff

Here’s the latest:

In my last update, the ENT had just put things in my nose. He didn’t see any cancery kind of stuff in my throat, but ordered an MRI to rule it out completely. The MRI was yesterday.

When you’re going to have an MRI, every medical-type person you have contact with asks if you’re claustrophobic. What they should be asking is if you value your ability to hear sounds with your ears. The MRI I had a few years ago was on my lower back; this one was on my head. And guess what? My ears are also on my head. My ears do not work anymore because MRI machines are the loudest thing in the entire universe and my head was trapped in one for 30 minutes.

Seriously, when they give you the squishy foam earplugs that fall out the second you put them in, and you say it’s no big deal and you’ll be fine without them, you have no idea how much you’re lying. You are a lying liar who lies, that’s what you are. And you’re about to need to learn sign language.

I don’t understand why the machine is so loud. Like, why scientists haven’t done anything to make it quieter. I can’t be the only person whose first words after the procedure were HOLY SHEE-AT, THAT WAS HORRIBLE. I don’t know why everyone is so worried about claustrophobia when that’s far from the worst sensation a patient can experience.

Fortunately, good news followed that awfulness: the MRI results were what we were hoping for; there are definitely no signs of cancer in my throat. The ENT called me today to say so.

The oncologist is taking the MRI results, along with my PET scan and bloodwork, to the “tumor board” (her team of specialists) and they’ll determine the best course of treatment. That will happen on Feb. 25, and we’ll go in Feb. 26 to hear her recommendation. So that’s where we are now… and it’ll be nearly two looong weeks before we know anything else.

That’s the most frustrating part of all this for me right now. Back in 2009, things moved relatively fast once we knew I had cancer. This time, though, it’s just so much waiting. Doctor after doctor, follow-ups, tests and waiting for results… Ugh. I just want to get treatment started so it can be over. The uncertainty is making my anxiety sky-high(er than normal).

Pfffft.

Feb. 12: Stuff Jen Makes

Pretty please, I gots a favor to ask of you.

Since my upcoming medical treatments are still a mystery (but will most certainly zap me), I’ve stopped looking for full time work. Instead, I’m spending my days being creative, and I’ve opened an Etsy store to sell my handmade gemstone goodies: Dear Girl ~ Jewelry with Intention. Feel free to check it out. You’re even invited to shop. But here’s what would really help:

• If you have an Etsy account, mark my store as a favorite. You can also mark individual items as favorites, too.
• Tell your friends about Dear Girl ~ Jewelry with Intention (more on that below). Send them a link to my store, or pics of the jewelry you like most.
• “Like” the Dear Girl Facebook page. This will get my store updates in your news feed, which you can then share with your Facebook friends because you’re so awesome. Then they can like it and share it with their friends, and so on and so on. Yes. I love you for doing that.
• This is the big one: PIN my store items on Pinterest! It’s a great way to help people find my store.

So, here’s the deal with the jewelry I make… I use gemstones in most of the pieces, and I choose gemstones that will be meaningful to the wearer. Of course, everyone has a birthstone. Some moms wear the birthstones of their kids. Garnet isn’t just January’s birthstone; it’s also considered “The Gem of Friendship,” so if you’re looking for something to share with a dear friend, I would definitely recommend a piece made up of garnets. There are metaphysical properties for every stone, like how they’re used in crystal healing, their folklore, their traditional symbolism, etc. Every one of the stones I use is supposed to “do” something. Whether you believe it can actually “do” anything is up to you, but isn’t it more special to wear jewelry that has associated characteristics, especially when they’re chosen just for you?

I think it is, and that’s why I started being creative with gemstones. Now I make necklaces, bracelets, earrings, lanyards, pendant watches, bookmarks, and more. You’ll find a good selection in my Etsy store, but I also welcome custom orders. Let me know what you want and we can work together to create the perfect piece for you.

I also try to keep the prices affordable. I saw a Smithsonian catalog at the doctor’s office this week and was shocked to see $260 necklaces—one had about $3 worth of gemstones in it! Yikes. The least expensive Dear Girl items are those made with glass or acrylic beads—those are the ones I make just for the pretty of them. :) The priciest Dear Girl items are multi-strand necklaces made up primarily of gemstones, or items with precious-er gems. :)

Here’s the text of my store description:

I've always loved sparkly things, but I became fascinated with researching gemstones after my father died. He had worn an onyx ring, and I wanted to get a piece of onyx jewelry in remembrance of him. I was surprised to read that onyx is commonly used by crystal healers for grief therapy. Wearing that onyx made me feel a stronger connection to my dad.

I studied further and discovered that most gemstones have a variety of healing properties and ancient uses associated with them. Some of those metaphysical properties are common--a diamond represents constancy in a marriage, which is why diamonds are traditionally used in wedding jewelry--but more are known for their historical uses by ancient civilizations and advocates of crystal healing. Wait, CRYSTAL HEALING??? Does that sound like voodoo and witchcraft to you? It sure did to me!
Here's the thing: you don't have to be a wack-a-doo to believe rocks have power. I mean, clocks run on the energy from quartz crystals, so there's *something* in them. Like the idea of keeping a positive attitude to make yourself feel better, or carrying a lucky charm, the jewels you wear can make a difference. And if it turns out there really *isn't* anything to them, you've still got something pretty to wear, right?

Unless clearly stated otherwise, my gemstones are genuine. Many are still in their rough, natural state, but some have been cut and tumbled for sake of the pretty. I like the pretty. Occasionally I use glass beads, but will always say so.

My creations are combinations of stones that I feel represent something for the wearer ... bracelets of morganite (sisterhood) and garnet (friendship) for women on a girls' weekend (maybe throw in a little amethyst, which ancient Greeks believed protected them from drunkeness!) ... malachite and sugilite for a friend facing cancer treatment ... ... azurite and white quartz for students (mental clarity) ... for book clubs or other gatherings of like-minded people, fluorite and spirit quartz (positive group interaction) ... emerald and topaz for someone feeling the effects of age ... peridot and citrine for new business owners (prosperity and fortune) ... jade and moonstone (mood-balancer) for the new mother ... green garnet and onyx for someone making their way through a divorce ... birthstones, of course (January=garnet, February=amethyst, March=aquamarine, April=diamond, May=emerald, June=pearl, July=ruby, August=peridot, September=sapphire, October=opal, November=citrine, December=turquoise or tanzanite) ... mothers' jewelry containing their children's birthstones ...

I'm glad to make custom items--just email me your ideas and we can come up with something together.

Disclaimer: I am not a physician, nor am I a crystal healer. The properties and purposes of the stones I use in my jewelry pieces are shared here for entertainment purposes only. I have collected the data from books and numerous web sites. Folklore and reputed healing powers of these gemstones should not replace proper medical attention.

I have a small batch of pieces I’ll be listing later this week. Here are some of my current favorites:

This is a close-up on a multi-strand necklace made of rose quartz and pink opals.
It’s sparkly and love-y and will make you smile.

 

My “BFF bracelet” is made up of garnet, peridot, iolite, and morganite—stones that represent sisterhood and friendship.

 

Here’s a close-up of a necklace made of aquamarine and black onyx beads.
I love the combination of colors, and the shiny onyx twist beads are especially unique.

 

This is one of my favorite pieces because of its varying textures and gorgeous colors.
The green chips are peridot, the dark red saucers are garnet, and the light blue beads are aquamarine.
Together, these stones are perfect for someone who’s dealing with an extra big pile of stress.

 

OK, I’ll shut up now. Any way you can help me promote my creations is VERY much appreciated! Thanks so much!

Feb. 5: Medical update

Just an update on the medical stuff, not so much because it’s interesting but because I’m lazy and don’t want to try to remember who I haven’t shared the latest info with already. Also, I promised to post updates here so my stalkers can keep track of me.

I saw the ENT yesterday, and he stuck a camera thing up my nose. Waaaay up my nose. Like, up my nose and down into my stomach. Possibly just my throat. Whatever—it was weird but also kind of awesome because I got to watch it on the teevee and my vocal cords totally looked like the kraken and also the doctor didn’t find any cancer or tumor-like things and that was the whole reason I went there anyway so it was all good except for the thing that went in my nose because I didn’t like that at all but NO CANCER IN MY THROAT = yay.

In other words, it seemed unnecessary to do a biopsy when there wasn’t any suspiciousness to biopsy. The biopsy wouldn’t have been done yesterday anyway, as the doctor said it requires surgery under general anesthesia (yikes). I asked why the spot on my throat glowed on the PET scan if it’s not really cancer, and he explained that because that area is part of the immune system, and I had a bad cold at the time of the scan, the spot was inflamed and acted different from regular tissue. So, even though he’s pretty sure everything is as it should be, to completely rule out cancerous tissue in my throat, I’m going in for an MRI next week.

I have an appointment with the oncologist a few days before the MRI, but I have a feeling it’ll get rescheduled. The appointment was to talk about the biopsy results on my throat.

Going forward, the oncologist will probably want to biopsy the spots in my pelvis. I’m not excited about being awake for that.

That’s the newest news, as promised. Yaaaaawn, right?

Jan. 31: Month in review

January 2014 is almost over. I’m kinda glad.

I’m also glad that today is Friday, because we all need a little Ponch now and then, right?

You’re welcome, Fancy Lori™. I know you like the Ponch pic. ;)

Special days I celebrated this month and how:

• New Year’s Day was celebrated in high style here at the House of Manullang. Three of the four of us were sick and napped throughout the entire day. Wheeeee. We’re the funnest.
• Jenn K’s birthday! We went to a wine bar, where I tasted a wine I actually like. I took a picture of the label so I can look for it in stores—so far, no luck. Figures. Time to place a special order, and I don’t even know how or where to do that because I’m so wine-stupid. After the wine bar we checked out a new local place, Valley Growlers. Big thumbs up for their fab selections! I think Jenn K had a good birthday, but none of us really remembers for sure, including her.
• I went to a baby shower for Erin, my niece. So fun to celebrate a new baby, even though he made me a great-aunt and that makes me old. More on Baby below.
• There was a celebration in our family when the Seahawks won the NFC championship, and there will be more celebration this weekend when they compete in the Super Bowl. As I am neither a Seahawks fan nor a Seahawks hater, I was not a celebrator nor a throw-things-at-the-wall-er (Loveliest Lori, I’m looking at you…). It sure is nice to have such happy boys in the house though. I also like seeing happy Seahawks-adjacent Facebook posts from happy Kim F’n, happy Melodie, happy Jordan family, happy every Manullang/Nienhuis, and happy neighbors. Happy is good.

I saw things with my eyes:

• Downton Abbey and Sherlock have started up again on PBS, and that makes for some happy Sunday nights here. The If-Downton-Abbey-Took-Place-Entirely-On-Facebook summaries that appear the next day at this site are priceless.
• I watched, for the first time, Mommie Dearest. Wow, I say, both for Joan Crawford’s awfulness and Faye Dunaway’s ridiculous over-acting. Still, it was oddly entertaining. One of the best things about Amazon Instant Video is having access to lots of movies (mostly trash) that I’ve never gotten around to watching.
• Last year I watched (and kinda loved) the documentary Grey Gardens, and this month I finally saw the Jessica Lange-Drew Barrymore movie version of it. Both were fascinating in that train-wreck/I-can’t-look-away way.
• Who needs to wait for the DVD release of Frozen, like a sucka? It’s online! Bootleg video, anyone?
• Armistead Maupin’s final tale from his Tales of the City series was published last week, and he was at Powell’s the other night for a reading and signing. He was as entertaining as always—I love that man. I’m thinking about re-reading the first eight books before I start the new one, just to experience the whole series in one great big delicious bite.
• I read Amy Tan’s latest novel, The Valley of Amazement. It contained a bit more detail about life as a courtesan than I really needed to know, but was beautifully written, as her books always are.
• I’m not entirely sold on e-books; I like holding actual books in my hands, turning pages, the eyestrain, all that. However, if a book is interesting enough, I’ll attempt to read it on my iPad. I just finished When You were Older, by Catherine Ryan Hyde. The story is set in the months following 9/11; I thought the author did a good job capturing the emotions of that tense time. (Someday I hope NOT to associate certain books with whether or not I read them on my Kindle app, but this was the second I’ve read start-to-finish.)

This month’s good and bad:

• NEW BABY NEW BABY NEW BABY NEW BABY!!! Erin & Kevin’s son was born four weeks early, but he’s doing well. I met him when he was two days old, and OMG, I forgot how lovely it is to hold someone else’s newborn! What a little sweetheart. Picture proof:

Baby Max (with Erin’s piggies in the background)

I love this pic of a very tired Erin and her sweet boy
(Totally stole it off their blog, but with permission)

• Debi visited! We need to see each other more than once a year. Boo.
• I opened an Etsy store and am going to sell my gemstone jewelry creations. I’ve been beading like a madwoman—it’s a very fun creative outlet. I’ll post the store info here when it’s all ready for shopping and sharing with your friends. I feel like I’ve been asking a lot of favors lately, so I apologize in advance for yet another.
• There aren’t enough creative new ways to use four-letter words that convey our frustration with the results of my PET scan. The cancer is back. I have a biopsy next week, and will meet with the oncologist soon after to decide on our next course of action. I’ll do my best NOT to turn Stuff Jen Says back into an all-cancer-all-the-time blog, but will also try to share news as it happens.
• And while I’m on the topic, I’d like some credit for not using more of those four-letter words on my blog. They sure come out of my mouth more than they end up here. Somebody praise me for my restraint RIGHT NOW.

I likes to share the silly stuff:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time to enjoy some February. You should do it too. Laterz.

Jan. 27: Cancer super-sucks.

Last week I had a PET scan as follow-up to my CT in July, which had shown a few enlarged lymph nodes. Cancer shows up bright on PET scans, and there were several bright spots on this one: three in my groin and one in my throat. There are clusters of lymph nodes in both those areas, so the fact that the bright spots showed up where they did is not so concerning as the fact that bright spots showed up at all.

Pfffftt.

The radiologist’s report on the PET scan was hard to decipher, and even though Victor was able to talk to him about it, there was uncertainty as to how the oncologist would interpret the results. I was eager to get in to see her this morning. Here’s what I found out:

• She thought it was weird that there’s a spot in my throat, nothing in my chest or abdomen, and then more spots in my groin. She seemed to think that the spot in my throat could be just an enlarged node from having a cold. That would be pretty great, if that’s all it is. I don’t know why it would’ve shown up bright on a PET scan if it’s not cancer, but all I know about PET scans is what my oncologist has told me. It’s possible she leaves out details sometimes. One time she spent 20 minutes (of an unimportant checkup) telling Val, my chemo buddy, about a really cool wine bottle opener she just bought.
• She wants to have the spot on my throat biopsied by a specialist. The area is relatively easy to access, and if it’s cancerous, it will help her determine the course of treatment. If it’s not cancerous, it will move the focus to my nether regions (heeheehee), which means…
• The nodes in my groin-al region are deep and therefore harder to biopsy, but if the throat thing is nothing, she wants to biopsy the other. That will suck. So it’s not like I WANT the thing in my throat to be cancerous, but I soooo hate the idea of a needle biospy on my nethers.
• The spots are each approximately one inch wide (“relatively small”). Dr. O says this is good because we have time to figure out how best to handle treatment, and also it gives her time to go on the vacation she’s scheduled for this week.
• It’s possible the new spots are follicular lymphoma, rather than the diffuse large B-cell lymphoma I was diagnosed with in 2009. Follicular lymphoma is quite a different beast; it’s something that doesn’t exactly go into remission, but is treated occasionally throughout a person’s life. I haven’t done any research yet, and I don’t want to until we get more test results. If that sounds ignorant to you, think of it this way: you know how it feels to check out a simple symptom on WebMD in the middle of the night, only to find that every possible cause is something that will kill you? Now imagine that that’s actually true. THAT is why I have no interest in researching a type of cancer I do not definitely have. That kind of anxiety does no good.
• Treatment possibilities include a bone marrow transplant and something to do with stem cells. Those options, I assume, are in addition to more standard treatments like chemotherapy and radiation, although I honestly don’t know. Again with the ignorance!
• One of the new standards of cancer care is a pneumonia vaccine. I got the first part of it today. I’ll get the second part in 56 days. Not 55. Not 57. FIF. TEE. SIX.
• She made me get a flu shot. I am very anti-flu shots, not because I think they’re part of a government conspiracy or because I think they’ll make me sick, but because I think flu shots do absolutely NOTHING to keep a person from getting the flu. Victor gets the shots every year (all hospital employees are required) and still gets makes-me-want-to-kill-him sick every winter. And YES, I know that one flu shot can’t possibly protect a person from every strain of the flu, but what’s the point then? Unless you’re 1,000 years old, WHAT IS THE FRIGGIN’ POINT?
• They took a gallon of my blood to test a vajillion things. (Did you know recurrent cancer causes a person to exaggerate wildly? I just found out!)
• If you’re counting, that’s three new holes in my body in one day. If I drink water, I’ll be like one of those wacky sprinklers that kids think are hilarious for five seconds.

Sooo… what happens now?

I’m waiting for the ENT to tell me when I can get in for a biopsy. That’s our next course of action, and there’s nothing else to do until we get the results.

And how does all this make me feel?

• Angry at cancer. It is such an asshole. You know this.
• Tired of doctors and tests and shots and scans and medical terminology. This is possibly a carryover from 2009.
• Frustrated at the idea that I have to start the fight all over again.
• Afraid that this fight could be even harder.
• Vain. Am I going to lose my hair again? Will I get even fatter?
• Confident in Dr. O’s methods. She’s flighty at times, but truly brilliant. I trust her completely.
• Eager to get started with whatever needs to be done so it can be over with ASAP.

I’m putting on my poodle bulldog skirt and preparing to kick cancer’s big, fat, ugly ass AGAIN. I’d love to have your help.

Jan. 2: TBT – Ugly Boy

This might be my first-ever Throwback Thursday post. I tend to throw back whenever I feel like instead of waiting for a Thursday.

Let me preface my post by saying that we thought Katie was pretty from her first moments, and were thrilled to discover that she was very photogenic. I mean, even her not-very-good pictures weren’t awful. I think she gets it from her Auntie Sonya, which is why I sometimes don’t like Auntie Sonya.

I wrote the other day that if I could find Jack’s ugly baby picture I would post it. It took me forever to track it down because it wasn’t digital. In fact, this picture was the reason we bought a digital camera—The Boy was ten times whatever the opposite of photogenic is. I finally found the horrific thing in a scrapbook and snapped a photo of it with my phone, which promptly broke itself in half.

So, here it is—and I present it with a warning: looking directly at this photo has been known to cause nausea and vomiting. I’ll give you some scrolling room so you can back out now if you need to.

Jack, six weeks old, on Christmas Day 2001:

I’m right, aren’t I? Ugliest baby EVER. What you can’t really see in this picture is just how big his ‘fro is, which, believe it or not, makes him look even more like he should live under a bridge. Fortunately, Jack gradually cutened up and we were able to take him out of the house without fear of being chased back by a pitchfork-wielding mob. Here he is at five months old:

 

And here’s our bird-flippin’ boy at one year—no need to ask why this is our favorite of Jack’s milestone portraits:

I can’t resist sharing one of my other favorite Jack pics, an outtake from my attempt at something cutesy for our 2004 Christmas cards:

We love that kid. He’s weird, but we love him.

Dec. 31: The year in review

Seems like a good day to look back at 2013 and summarize the highlights and lowlights. Although our Christmas letter states most of this pretty clearly, I like the idea of focusing on my blog a little here. Also, our Christmas letter was full of lies.

The most-read 2013 posts

1. The post about my glass painting adventures had hundreds of visits, according to Google Analytics. Credit for all the visits goes mostly to Sherilee, I think, because she linked to the post on her blog (or Facebook, or Instagram, or somewhere) and probably paid her friends to read it because she would totally do that just to make me feel important. I like that Sherilee girl.
2. During the September 2013 Blog Challenge, I made a butter cake just so I could post a recipe. It was delicious (I followed someone else’s recipe, so I can say it was delicious without sounding like I’m all I’M THE BEST PASTRY CHEF IN THE UNIVERSE!!) 
3. My third most-read post was the story of my quasi-evil mother-in-law.  
4. My neighbor-friend has a silly kid who sends emergency (and by “emergency,” I mean “tattletale”) comments to her via Instagram. 
5. Our Christmas letter, posted on Christmas Day, was mailed to some recipients in actual cards, and emailed to others. The rest of them had to read it on the blog. Looozers.

I find it interesting that the five most popular posts of 2013 were all from the last few months of the year. I don’t know what that means. It certainly wasn’t because life got more interesting.

My favorite blog posts of 2013

It’s hard to choose, because the ones that I think are the most amusing are the ones like this, which are just silly pictures I collect. My soapbox ones (like this and this and this) are full of feelings that I feel. I like the story of how Victor and I re-met. I like the one about creating more joy for the world—which I really didn’t even write—because every time I re-read it, I remember that some of those methods are too easy NOT to keep doing every day.

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An interviewer I just made up asked me to answer these questions about 2013.

Did you learn any important lessons about life in 2013?

• It wasn’t a new lesson, but on a number of occasions, I was made aware of the fragility of life and the importance of telling people we love them EVERY DAY.
• I was reminded that I can’t please everyone and that it’s in my nature to try anyway and I HATE that about myself.
• I got a better grasp of this sentiment:

“It’s not what happens, but how you react to it, that matters.” (Epictetus)

• I learned that “your perception is your reality” is frustratingly true, especially when trying to make someone understand that they’re wrong about the things of which they accuse others. At the same time, the idea reminds me to stay more open-minded.

If your life in 2013 were a movie, how would it be categorized?

If my choices are action/adventure, drama, comedy, romance, foreign, documentary, animation, or horror, I’d have to go with none of those and say that 2013 was a dramedy, the least enjoyable movie genre of all. Living a dramedy is normal, but watching it is a big ol’ yawn, amirite?

What events stand out as highlights of the year?

We went to Disneyland for spring vacation… repurposed a room in our house to better fit our family’s current sources of entertainment… I had kidney stones… Jack finished grade school… I finished PTO…

What accomplishments in 2013 are you most proud of?

• All the PTO stuff. I didn’t do it alone, of course—I had a great group of people at my side.
• I created (what I think is) a pretty awesome grade school yearbook—a huge feat.
• I started writing my cancer memoir.
• My kids aren’t the worst kids in the whole world.
• I was able to fool Victor into staying married to me for another year. He’s so easy.

What do you look forward to in 2014?

There’s really only one thing I know for sure will happen: Katie will start high school in September, which I am both excited and nervous about.

Have you set goals for yourself or your family in 2014?

I’m not a big fan of new year’s resolutions, but off the top of my head:

• Read more books. My attention span this year has been… uh… not… good. I have a big stack of amazing books. There is no excuse!
• Set up a new office space in the house. It’ll be small and minimalistic no matter where it is, and I hope that’ll work for me.
• Work on menu plans. Trying to plan our meals is one of the most difficult things for us as a family. Too many times we’re picking up carry-out food on the way home or making trips to the grocery store nearly every day.  Our conflicting schedules just make it trickier, but I feel like there has to be a good solution for us somewhere.
• Find more work, hopefully doing something rewarding. Even though I didn’t get paid for my work on PTO, it was mostly fun, and when it was rewarding it was VERY rewarding. I hope to find that in something more reliable than the scarce work I’m doing now.
• CREATE. I want to make nice things. That’s completely vague and lofty but it’s what I want to do.
• Exercise more, lose weight, keep up with laundry, reduce clutter, walk the dog, blog more frequently, blah dee blah blah blah.

What words did you use most on your blog in 2013?

Glad you asked! Here’s a word cloud. The bigger the word, the more frequently it shows up in my 2013 posts.

You’ll have to click the image to see a larger, legible version. Here’s what surprised me about my word cloud:

• “Cancer” is teeny-tiny. I love that.
• Neither “booze” nor “alcohol” show up in the cloud. Shocking, eh?
• “PTO” didn’t show up either. Weird.
• I like that most of the big words are positive, or things that I like (besides the obvious, “home,” “made,” and “think” made me smile).

 

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Stolen from Dana’s FB wall:

And from somewhere on Pinterest:

And from Emily McDowell’s shop:

I hope your 2013 was a good one, and that your 2014 shapes up to be something you might enjoy.

Dec. 30: Month in review

This was December. No doubt you were aware.

Special days I celebrated this month and how:

• My father-in-law turned another year older. No one knows for sure how old he is. Apparently his sisters disagree with the date on his birth certificate and have debated his actual birthdate since the beginning of time. Well, the beginning of Wellington’s time, anyway. Aaaanyway… we celebrated like we do every year: we went out for brunch and at the end he paid.
• It was also our niece Presley’s TENTH birthday this month! How is she already ten years old???
• Sonya’s husband, Chris, had a birthday too.
• A bunch of friends had birthdays. Don’t you December birthday people know how much it sucks to be born in December? You shoulda thought of that a long time ago. If I do shout-outs I know I’ll miss some, but here goes anyway: Dorothy, Michael, Cassie, Greg, Jen E, Stephanie, Lisa, Fancy Lori™, Terri, Cindi. I know I forgot someone there. Sorry.
• Dur, this month was Christmas. Yes, I celebrated Christmas, not because I’m a Christian, but because my family has always celebrated Christmas and I love the traditions of the holiday season. What I do not love is people being jackasses about it being CHRISTmas. I know, I know, Linus has been reminding us since 1965 that Christmas is too commercial and frequently Nativity story-free. But why aren’t we all taking responsibility for that, since few of us actually celebrate ONLY the Christ of Christmas? Why do the “Christians” (quotes because the Sarah Palin types are not very Christ-like, in my opinion) blame the atheists, Jews, and whoever it is that celebrates Kwanzaa (I don’t know any black people who do…) for it? The whole thing is just ridiculous.  
• P.S. I’ve said “happy holidays” for years because it’s shorter than saying “merry Christmas” and “happy new year.” It’s not because I’m hyper-sensitive to other types of celebrations this time of year; I’m being succinct. So if I say “happy holidays” to you, please don’t accuse me of being the whole reason there’s a war on Christmas. Just be grateful I said something with good intentions behind it. Gah!

Moving on…

I was in the audience:

• Jack’s music class performed at the mall one afternoon. They didn’t have microphones and, well, have you tried to carry on a conversation inside a mall in December? It was impossible to hear them. They looked cute though.
• Unfortunately, we could hear them much better when they performed again at a winter concert at the school the next week. I know they’re kids and I shouldn’t be critical, but I don’t blame them for the awfulness; I blame the people in charge. First, the music teachers need to take the songs down a few keys—very few people sound good singing at the top of their range, and none of those people are in the middle school choir. Secondly, kids need to be given more than a week’s worth of class periods to rehearse before performing in front of an audience. The real bummer of it was that some of the kids were quite good and had obviously practiced outside of class, but they were drowned out by the ones who couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.
• On the other hand, it was lovely to have actual Christmas music performed in a public school setting. Maybe people are starting to freak out less about having to be so PC in December??? One can hope.
• We watched lots of our favorite Christmas movies. They’ve become a tradition in which I find great delight.
• Psych the Musical: it was big, silly fun.
• This month we watched both Sherlock Holmes movies starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. I liked them very much. RDJ wasn’t the worst Brit ever.

Gifts I gave and/or received:

I’m not going to list every single thing that was under our pagan, unJesus-y tree this year, but here were some of the biggest hits:

• The kids got an Xbox One for our newly-created media room (formerly my office). It’s super-creepy when I walk in there and “Hi, Jennifer!” appears on the TV.
• Another media room addition was a wireless printer, which I am looooving—I can print from my iPhone or iPad anywhere in the house. Why didn’t I get one sooner? So convenient.
• I hand-painted more glass goodies for gifts.
• Totally not exciting but still awesome: vacuum cleaner! Everything in our house constantly has a fine layer of Lucy-ness, and this new little wonder picks it up surprisingly well.
• I discovered these sports fan glasses on Etsy and had a pair made for one of our nieces. I think they’re way fun.

This month’s good and bad:

• There was much whining about this last month, and here’s some more: Victor had to work on Christmas Day. Pfffftt. We did everything on Christmas Eve, and when he got home the next day we went to Wellington and Darlene’s for a traditional turkey dinner. It would have sucked a lot more if not for the Xbox and the company of Mother Mary.
• I got my office cleaned out and the kids’ media room stuff moved in. Instead of tossing all my office things into boxes and moving them  into the hallway, I actually sorted every drawer and shelf. I threw away TONS of stuff, donated about the same amount, and organized all that was left over. It’s not perfect, but it’s closer than it ever has been. I think the hardest part of organizing, for me, is making decisions. I start out with piles like “file,” “shred,” “toss,” “donate,” and then as I go I add more piles, like “give to [specific person],” “sell on eBay” (which I probably won’t do), “put in a scrapbook,” “store somewhere, ANYWHERE else,” “file in that home organization binder I keep thinking I’ll create but never get around to because it requires too many decisions.”
• I floated a couple times this month. I’m enjoying floating more than ever, and truly feel refreshed and renewed for days afterward. If you haven’t floated, I recommend it. Highly.
• Victor is super-sicky today. He’s running a fever, doing the cold sweat thing, and generally feels miserable. This afternoon my throat started feeling scratchy, and now I’m worried I’m coming down with the same thing—just in time for a very non-memorable, now-all-our-plans-are-cancelled New Year’s Eve. Stoopid germs.

newsy bits from in and around our family:

• Katie’s done with the first major phase of her braces! In mid-February she’ll get the spacing appliance removed and have the railroad tracks put on her top teeth. Brace yourself (haha)—she’s a big baby when in pain.
• Jack told me today that his favorite food is ramen noodles, drained of all moisture and with no seasoning whatsoever. What is wrong with that boy??? Blech.
• A while back I mentioned that my last post-cancer treatment checkup had shown some weird stuff. I wasn’t being intentionally vague, but some of you have asked about it since and I want to clarify with a bit more detail. Here goes.
  
  My regularly-scheduled January 2013 CT showed a single lymph node that was several centimeters larger than the scan in July 2012. The radiologist recommended a PET scan, which showed no new cancer growth—they decided the lymph node was enlarged for no apparent reason (totally normal in a person who hasn’t had lymphoma, but a red flag for someone who has). I was advised to have another CT in six months.
  
  Even though my cancer was still in remission, I was frustrated because January 2013 was supposed to be the last of my 6-month checks. I desperately wanted to get my port removed, but figured I should keep it since I had another checkup on the calendar. I went in for a CT in July 2013 and there were 4-5 enlarged lymph nodes. Some of them were two and three times what they had been in January 2013—but we’re still talking millimeters/centimeters; it’s not as concerning as it might seem (apparently). Still, given my history, my oncologist said we would keep our eyes on those nodes. On the radiologist’s recommendation, we scheduled a PET scan for January 2014.
  
  Again, this is frustrating because I can’t have my port removed yet—and I have to go to the chemo room every six weeks to have it flushed and I HATE being back there, even briefly—but also because I just want to be DONE with cancer. Grrrrr.
  
  My next PET scan will be January 23, and I’ll see my oncologist on the 28th. Think good thoughts, please.

I likes to share the silly stuff:

I know I just posted silly pics the other day. Here are a few more.

 

 

  

Tomorrow I’ll post my YEAR in review. You are on pins and needles waiting. I know this.