Sep. 23: Buh-bye, blog.

I haven’t posted since March, and for good reason: I’ve got nothing to say.

Yes, I realize that’s never stopped me before, or at least not often. Once upon a time I posted several times a day, and probably 95 percent of those posts were total wastes of bandwidth. Possibly 97.

What happened?

In 2010, my dear friend Loveliest Lori had a health emergency of which I opted not to share details publicly, and given that it was all I could think (worry) about, I simply stopped posting for a while.

I don’t dare blame Lori for my blog’s demise, because—as she reminds me when I accuse her of sleeping soundly while everyone who loved her freaked the eff out—SHE WAS IN A COMA. (“Coma” is her “cancer card,” a card I myself have occasionally been accused of playing too much. But Lori’s “coma!!” responses are just fine with me. I mean, who would seriously suggest someone plays a life-threatening condition card too much?)

I laugh. Ha ha ha. (That is sarcastic ha ha ha-ing. in case you didn’t catch it.)

I know who. Someone who was, for as long as I can remember, one of the most important people in my life, until she decided I was toxic and her life was better without me and my children in it. (Can we say “narcissist”? We can!)

I couldn’t write about that situation much either, not because I didn’t have permission, but because I was heartbroken, confused, and unreasonably protective of her, STILL. Y’all would’ve grown tired of my never-ending whining and tuned out anyway.

I held the hand of a friend whose husband fought cancer for a year and, while the experience so affected me and her other friends, the story was not mine to tell. 

The reasons behind posting infrequently just evolved from situations like these. I got used to posting carefully.

Eventually I started censoring my blog posts more than I wanted to, which got me wondering why I even had a blog if I was censoring myself, which had me asking myself who I was censoring for, which made me start feeling incredibly self-centered, which is a personality trait I detest.

Blogging can be a pretty self-centered thing to do, after all. I mean, it sometimes seems very HERE’S WHAT I THINK AND AREN’T I BRILLIANT FOR SHARING THIS WISDOM AND DON’T YOU WISH YOU HAD THE COURAGE AND ISN’T MY LIFE SO AMAZING AND AREN’T I SO CLEVER BLAH BLAH BLAH. Don’t get me wrong; unprecedented understanding can result from the process of writing out thoughts. Lately, though, it feels like there’s potentially an even greater benefit (for me) to write out my thoughts without publishing them for the world to read, and I guess that’s why I feel like my blog has served its purpose and has quietly—pfffft—faded away.

I started Stuff Jen Says while pregnant with Katie 16 years ago as an easy way to share our family news with friends. It blossomed into something so much bigger, for which I am occasionally proud (my cancer story, for instance, if it’s even the slightest bit helpful to anyone facing it themselves). My blog brought me a brush with fame: meeting and “helping” author Pamela Ribon write a book. It allowed me to share things that made me guffaw. It allowed me to share things that enraged me. It helped me make friends. It might have helped me lose a few—it’s not all been good, that’s for sure. But what my blog absolutely could not do is survive my tremendous worry that I had become that person who believed every thought that entered my head was worth sharing. I really, really hate that person. I could not bear being her.

So I’m calling it. OK, I’m kinda calling it. I won’t completely give up on Stuff Jen Says, but I’m not going to feel guilty for not posting anymore. I may occasionally post haiku, or funny Jack stories, or links to Broadway musical awesomeness. And who knows? Maybe someday my blog will find a life again. But if it does, or if it doesn’t, whatever’s meant to happen will. I’m sure of that.

What I want to make clear is that I’m not writing this as a ploy for attention or a way for my vast audience (cough!) to plead with me to revive my blog. After 16 years, I can’t just let my blog die without explanation. So… there it is. I offer up my biggest thank yous to the comments, encouragement, and support y’all have given me here over the past 16 years. There have been moments that this blog has been an absolute lifeline for me, and I’ll always be grateful for that. 

Sep. 12: Not a fan of the goodbyes

I recently found out that one of my friends is moving away. Far away. Like, Alaska-far away. Actually, that’s exactly how far away: she’s moving to Alaska.

When friends move away, it makes life super-suck. I will definitely miss Jenn K, but Dina, Jenn K’s BFF, will be feelings aaaaall the feels. I know this, because my BFF moved a couple years ago. I consider myself kind of a pro at knowing what it feels like to say “smell ya later” to someone you love so much. I’m not saying I know how best to deal with it; I’m saying I’ve been there.

So, in the hopes of helping anyone else who’s been cruelly abandoned (oh! the drama!) by their best friend, I offer these pointers on handling this un-fun change in your life. Please note that this only applies to friends you’re losing because you’re no longer in the same geographical area, not the ones you’ve lost because one of you chose to dump the other; in that case, at least one of you is an asshole. You should probably work on that.

1. If you and your BFF currently communicate via text/email/phone calls, keep doing that, and try to do it every day. If you go more than a few days without communicating, it’s hard to catch up again. I’m not suggesting the friendship is irreparable if you miss a day of texting, but it’s a habit that really needs to continue if you want to stay close.
2. Text each other the stupid stuff that no one else will understand. The little things, y’know? Complain about the weather, traffic, a mutual enemy, whatever. Making each other smile connects you. It’s good.
3. Plan a visit. You go there, she comes back to you, something. Put a date on the calendar, no matter how far away it might be, because it gives you a goal that feels reachable. Tell yourself, “If I can just stop crying until I see her again, maybe my family won’t hate me for eating dinner without them every night.” BECAUSE OH YES, YOU WILL WANT TO EAT DINNER WITHOUT THEM. You will also want them to stop asking how you are (“I’m sad, just like when you asked me yesterday!”). You’ll want to sit in front of Netflix with headphones and the volume way up so you don’t have to interact with people. You will be a not-very-nice person for an indeterminate amount of time. Know this. And maybe warn your family now.
4. FaceTime! Val and I have done this with Sunshine several times, and it’s the best. OK, it’s not the best—the best would be actually hanging out in person—but it’s a really good alternative. I recommend FaceTime-ing with a group to heighten the fun factor. (Jenn K, get ready…)
5. Spend time with your mutual friends. They’ll be missing her too, and can understand your sense of loneliness better than pretty much anyone else. They’ll also get the inside jokes you shared. It’s surprising how good all that feels. It also serves to remind you you’re still a likeable person even though your BFF obviously doesn’t think so and couldn’t wait to move Alaska-far away from you. Which brings me to #6…
6. You can lay on the guilt as much as you want, but it will serve no purpose except to make her resent you. She would stay if she could. Decisions aren’t easy, and this one was a bitch. Don’t make her feel worse. Or maybe don’t go out of your way to make her feel worse ALL THE TIME. ;)
7. Write stories about you and her and the adventures you go on together—your own personal fan-fic.
8. Wait, don’t do #7. That’s just weird and a little creepy. Maybe haiku.
9. Nope, not haiku. That’s creepier.
10. Not that haiku is creepy. I loves me some haiku. Now that I think about it, haiku might be pretty awesome. Fine, give it a try.
11. You will feel lonely, sad, frustrated, and even angry, and there’s really not much you can do about it, sooo… Find something to do with that energy. It can be something that’s good for you—gardening, exercising, making a new BFF out of papier-mâché—or good for your family—cleaning, cooking, learning mixed martial arts. I do not recommend that you put extra energy into anything that requires copious amounts of alcohol or food. I gained five pounds in the week after Sunshine left because my motto became “Only Krispy Kreme understands my pain.”
12. Remind yourself that everyone says it’ll get easier with time, because it will. You won’t forget your BFF, and you won’t stop missing her, but you’ll start settling into life without her and one day it simply doesn’t hurt quite so much.
13. Have a friend like Val, who is super-fun and will drink excessively and say all the potty words with you. Because sometimes you will need to drink excessively and say all the potty words, and when that happens, well, let me give you my number because whoever you are, I’d be delighted to be your Val.

I’ll close by saying that although Sunshine and I aren’t the friends we were when we lived nine houses apart, when we’ve hung out since her move to Arizona, it’s been easy to get back into that comfortable place we used to be. While I still miss having her in my life every day, I love how we don’t set expectations for each other as long-distance friends; we just are who we are, and it’s good. I kinda ♥ her tons. She’s a keeper.

I’m grateful to have lots of dear friends in my life, actually, both near and far. It’s a mutual effort, this friends thing, but the ones that are in it for the long haul will be always do what has to be done to be present in each other’s lives. This I know for sure. And I love it.

Aug. 14: Back, baby.

For a while there, my blog was dying a slow death. Blogging frequently is a habit that has to be developed, for sure, and my habit has gone in waves over the 15 years I’ve been writing—there are times I have so much to share that I can’t hit the “publish” button soon or often enough, and other times when most of what’s happening in my life is not write-about-able.

In the past several months I’ve opted to considerably filter my writing, which I’ve never been all that careful to do. I started journaling on paper again because putting my thoughts into words is so therapeutic for me—I realized I needed to get them down, whether anyone else could read them or not. And now, as I look back at the things I felt I couldn’t/shouldn’t share on my blog, I see that some weren’t really that big a deal anyway; I plan to write about those in coming weeks. Others were a big deal and still are, and those will stay in my journal for now.

It is not my intention to be all mysterioso and vague, so I’ll give you an idea of some of these things—though I think most of you already know.

• Now that I’m nearly four years post-treatment, I try to keep the cancer talk to a minimum here. When a person is told their cancer is in remission, it’s easy for an outsider to think of celebrating and being done with it—y’know, move on, next chapter. But it’s not that simple, because cancer doesn’t just end. Follow-up tests go on and on. Side effects linger. Fear and frustration are enemies that like to hang out on the fringe of everything I do. While I have welcomed the return to many of my pre-cancer ways of life, there are some things that have been forever changed by my experience, and I deal with them regularly. Some of it really sucks and because I don’t want it to suck, I try to fold those things in with the rest of life—because I am alive and I do know how fortunate I am for that and I am moving forward—but there are always challenges. You would tire of hearing about them as often as they come up—trust me on this. That’s why I don’t write about it often. But to the people who might think GEEZ, SHE’S STILL TALKING ABOUT CANCER???, I have a middle finger I’d like to show you. Maybe two. And I know other people who’d love to show you theirs too.
• A few years ago my relationship with a person who had always been—and I thought always would be—in my life came to an abrupt end. She made accusations, I tried to explain myself, and she said she refused to get in a pissing contest. I took that to mean there was no sense in me arguing (that is what that means, right?), so I backed off. She then decided I did this because I was angry, and now blames my anger as the reason we don’t speak. I find a tiny bit of comfort knowing that I am not the only person she’s done this to. But ugh—it’s like dealing with my grandma all over again: nothing is ever her fault. So, if this is such a big deal, why don’t I write more about it publicly? One, because it would annoy the hell out of whatever audience I have here. And two, because I feel an unreasonable duty to protect this person. I know it makes absolutely no sense, but there you have it. 
• I’ve occasionally mentioned that I deal with depression and anxiety. It’s surprising how many people still think these are not diseases but “moods” (oh, they are soooo not moods), and that they’re a choice, that it’s just a matter of deciding to be happy and deciding not to worry. Some of the people who think depression/anxiety = psychopath are people I love, and when they’re vocal about it, I take it personally. These illnesses are complex and un-fun to deal with, and it’s not exaggerating to say they affect EVERY part of one’s life. I am able to keep my head above water and am generally living a normal human existence, thanks to things and more things.
• Partly related to the above item, I have been trying to avoid blogging about whatever is inciting my latest rage or concern (though I will make exceptions for topics like, oh, OUR HEINOUS HOMEOWNERS’ ASSOCIATION). These triggers push me up on a soapbox that can get me in trouble or make me seem highly unlikable. That ain’t good. Worse, my triggers can send me into a funk from which I find great difficulty to recover. For instance, I’m not writing about Robin Williams, even though he’s been on my mind so much this week. I have thoughts, I do. They could be spread across several posts and I’d still have more. But for purposes of self-protection, I just can’t let myself dwell. (I do want to share, though, this beautifully composed sentence I read on a fashion site, of all places, immediately after the cause of Robin Williams’ death became public; I think it is such a realistic way to describe the tragedy of suicide: “There’s such agony in the fact that a person’s delivery of joy to everyone else can be so inversely proportionate to what they find in themselves.”) Sooo… rants? Only sometimes. 

Looking back to 1999, when I first started my blog, I remember thinking it would be a great way to keep family and friends up to date with our lives. It certainly has served that purpose well over the years, and I suppose that’s the biggest reason I can’t just chuck the whole thing. (Pssst: If you read Stuff Jen Says from 1999-now, really fast, it’s like a flip-book in which you can clearly see the route I took to bonkersville. Yaaaaaay.)

I also remember what a powerful tool my blog became while I was fighting cancer. I often wonder how else I would’ve felt such a strong sense of support and love—it really was an amazing thing to behold. That’s why, when I was diagnosed with cancer again in January, this was the first place I came to share the news. Many of you sent positive and  uplifting messages, and I felt ready to face the fight with a big ol’ army behind me. And THEN. Then I was incredibly embarrassed to pull it all back when, in March, my doctors decided that I didn’t have cancer after all. Happy news, yes, but humiliating to share. If it seems ridiculous that I would be embarrassed by such a thing, please just put yourself in my shoes; I felt like people would think I announced a recurrence just to get attention. (People do shit like that, y’know—I know someone who calls herself a “cancer survivor” because she once had a suspicious mole tested. It was benign, but BOY, does she like to act as though she knows what it’s like to have fought cancer.)

When it was time for getting re-tested for all the cancer stuff this summer, I shared with just a few people what was happening. Three weeks in June and July were spent in pretty much non-stop appointments and phone calls related to this testing. Now that they’re over, I feel okay to blog about the results, which are really quite simple in summary, and YES, SHE IS STILL TALKING ABOUT CANCER:

I had a PET scan mid-June and the same spots that lit up in January lit up again. It was scary and pissed us off. There were only slight changes in the size of the spots from the last PET, so that was good. They decided to do another needle biopsy (owie), which, just like the one in March, came back negative for cancer. Hooray! But don’t celebrate just yet… The radiologist wants to test again in six months because he thinks it’s very strange that these spots continue to act like cancer on scans. If they light up again, my oncologist says we’ll do an open biopsy, which is a surgical procedure. Pfffftt.

So we wait.

I hate the waiting. Waiting for these things is a trigger. My mind goes to dark places when there’s waiting. These places are deep and gloomy and it’s easy to get lost on the paths that lead to even more murkiness. Dark places are not fun or funny or light or silly or cheery or anything of the things I prefer in life. They’re dark. (And they’re places.)

I don’t think I should blog from the dark places. I really try not to.

Moving forward, my plan is to make blogging regularly a habit again. I would like my blog to do what it was originally created to do—keep our family and friends up-to-date with our lives. And yes, that means it won’t always be fun and happy, because life is not always fun and happy. But I have always tried my best to turn the dark stuff a teensy bit lighter. “We laugh to survive,” right?

And we avoid some topics to survive too.

Dec. 31: The year in review

Seems like a good day to look back at 2013 and summarize the highlights and lowlights. Although our Christmas letter states most of this pretty clearly, I like the idea of focusing on my blog a little here. Also, our Christmas letter was full of lies.

The most-read 2013 posts

1. The post about my glass painting adventures had hundreds of visits, according to Google Analytics. Credit for all the visits goes mostly to Sherilee, I think, because she linked to the post on her blog (or Facebook, or Instagram, or somewhere) and probably paid her friends to read it because she would totally do that just to make me feel important. I like that Sherilee girl.
2. During the September 2013 Blog Challenge, I made a butter cake just so I could post a recipe. It was delicious (I followed someone else’s recipe, so I can say it was delicious without sounding like I’m all I’M THE BEST PASTRY CHEF IN THE UNIVERSE!!) 
3. My third most-read post was the story of my quasi-evil mother-in-law.  
4. My neighbor-friend has a silly kid who sends emergency (and by “emergency,” I mean “tattletale”) comments to her via Instagram. 
5. Our Christmas letter, posted on Christmas Day, was mailed to some recipients in actual cards, and emailed to others. The rest of them had to read it on the blog. Looozers.

I find it interesting that the five most popular posts of 2013 were all from the last few months of the year. I don’t know what that means. It certainly wasn’t because life got more interesting.

My favorite blog posts of 2013

It’s hard to choose, because the ones that I think are the most amusing are the ones like this, which are just silly pictures I collect. My soapbox ones (like this and this and this) are full of feelings that I feel. I like the story of how Victor and I re-met. I like the one about creating more joy for the world—which I really didn’t even write—because every time I re-read it, I remember that some of those methods are too easy NOT to keep doing every day.

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An interviewer I just made up asked me to answer these questions about 2013.

Did you learn any important lessons about life in 2013?

• It wasn’t a new lesson, but on a number of occasions, I was made aware of the fragility of life and the importance of telling people we love them EVERY DAY.
• I was reminded that I can’t please everyone and that it’s in my nature to try anyway and I HATE that about myself.
• I got a better grasp of this sentiment:

“It’s not what happens, but how you react to it, that matters.” (Epictetus)

• I learned that “your perception is your reality” is frustratingly true, especially when trying to make someone understand that they’re wrong about the things of which they accuse others. At the same time, the idea reminds me to stay more open-minded.

If your life in 2013 were a movie, how would it be categorized?

If my choices are action/adventure, drama, comedy, romance, foreign, documentary, animation, or horror, I’d have to go with none of those and say that 2013 was a dramedy, the least enjoyable movie genre of all. Living a dramedy is normal, but watching it is a big ol’ yawn, amirite?

What events stand out as highlights of the year?

We went to Disneyland for spring vacation… repurposed a room in our house to better fit our family’s current sources of entertainment… I had kidney stones… Jack finished grade school… I finished PTO…

What accomplishments in 2013 are you most proud of?

• All the PTO stuff. I didn’t do it alone, of course—I had a great group of people at my side.
• I created (what I think is) a pretty awesome grade school yearbook—a huge feat.
• I started writing my cancer memoir.
• My kids aren’t the worst kids in the whole world.
• I was able to fool Victor into staying married to me for another year. He’s so easy.

What do you look forward to in 2014?

There’s really only one thing I know for sure will happen: Katie will start high school in September, which I am both excited and nervous about.

Have you set goals for yourself or your family in 2014?

I’m not a big fan of new year’s resolutions, but off the top of my head:

• Read more books. My attention span this year has been… uh… not… good. I have a big stack of amazing books. There is no excuse!
• Set up a new office space in the house. It’ll be small and minimalistic no matter where it is, and I hope that’ll work for me.
• Work on menu plans. Trying to plan our meals is one of the most difficult things for us as a family. Too many times we’re picking up carry-out food on the way home or making trips to the grocery store nearly every day.  Our conflicting schedules just make it trickier, but I feel like there has to be a good solution for us somewhere.
• Find more work, hopefully doing something rewarding. Even though I didn’t get paid for my work on PTO, it was mostly fun, and when it was rewarding it was VERY rewarding. I hope to find that in something more reliable than the scarce work I’m doing now.
• CREATE. I want to make nice things. That’s completely vague and lofty but it’s what I want to do.
• Exercise more, lose weight, keep up with laundry, reduce clutter, walk the dog, blog more frequently, blah dee blah blah blah.

What words did you use most on your blog in 2013?

Glad you asked! Here’s a word cloud. The bigger the word, the more frequently it shows up in my 2013 posts.

You’ll have to click the image to see a larger, legible version. Here’s what surprised me about my word cloud:

• “Cancer” is teeny-tiny. I love that.
• Neither “booze” nor “alcohol” show up in the cloud. Shocking, eh?
• “PTO” didn’t show up either. Weird.
• I like that most of the big words are positive, or things that I like (besides the obvious, “home,” “made,” and “think” made me smile).

 

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Stolen from Dana’s FB wall:

And from somewhere on Pinterest:

And from Emily McDowell’s shop:

I hope your 2013 was a good one, and that your 2014 shapes up to be something you might enjoy.

Oct. 26: What brung ya

When I heard that Google changed the way searching works, I didn't much care. But then I realized that Blogger—a Google product—would no longer tell me the search terms that have brought people to my blog (not as easily, anyway, and with far less detail). THAT, I care about. Sometimes those things are way-funny head-scratchers.

I had been collecting the best ones in a draft post, and I might as well share them with you now since the list won't be getting any longer. Stoopid Google. Here are some of the words and phrases that brought people to Stuff Jen Says.

• contra dancing adultery
• I’m not crazy now get away from my unicorn
• someone clumsy
• my leg hurts
• funny shit to post on Facebook
• lh[[,/,'n,\gyjhb
• mccain look alike
• non cancerous causes of mild mesenteric fat stranding
• perfectly cooked quinoa close up
• naughty giggly lady
• diana’s fingernails
• diaper straightjacket
• frightened sucking thumb in corner
• girls with swagger
• hot straitjacket girl
• Mr. T Christmas
• I shouldn’t have said that Hagrid

For the first time in years, “Zac Efron pantsless” did NOT make the list of Things That Made People Leave Jen’s Blog Super-Disappointed. I never understood that one.

Sep. 23: Why I blog

Day #23, blah-dee, blah-dee, blah… Today’s topic:

Why did you start blogging?

I said in this post that I started my blog to easily share news and photos when we were expecting our first bebbeh. A lot of the things I posted back then have since been deleted, not because they were ultra-private but because the way I used to blog was really, really dumb. Back then, apps like Blogger were not readily-available; I had to edit HTML pages. Instead of updating a page with new news and photos, I would simply replace old content with new. See? Dumb.

My blog really hasn’t changed that much since it started, except for a few years in which I blogged almost every day. I still share family news and photos, still post silly images I find around the ‘net, still try to make y’all believe I’m a better wife than I am. I’ve occasionally tried new types of post, but nothing really *sticks* for the long term. Sherilee has posted a “Friday Night Grateful Moment” every week—such dedication! Some people do “Wordless Wednesdays” (photos only), “Throwback Thursdays” (an old photo, sometimes accompanied by fun memories), and other regular post types. I do my monthly summaries, but I don’t think there’s much else you can count on seeing on a regular basis at Stuff Jen Says.

Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of posting something because someone says to. It’s one thing if you’ve set up the tradition for yourself (like Sherilee’s), but if you’re blogging only because some all-powerful site says “post a picture today but don’t use words,” well, shouldn’t you just do that any time you feel like it? I realize that this month I’ve been blogging exactly like someone’s telling me what to do, and as I’ve hinted over the last few days, I’m getting tired of it. However, Sherilee and I came up with the list of topics on our own (yes, some topics were inspired by other blog challenges, but we still put the month together ourselves) for the purpose of getting back into the habit of posting regularly. And I’m pretty sure neither of us will continue posting every day, answering questions that we answered two days earlier.

I’ve been trying to get my mom to start a blog for years. She enjoys writing, and there’s nothing like the good practice you get from writing for publication. Well, she finally obeyed my command (ha!), and I’d like to recommend her blog to you: Flying Free. It’s been up for a couple weeks now. Take a minute to leave her a comment—it’ll totally make her day.

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And now I’ll share a story with you that makes me glad I have a blog on which I’m allowed to vent.

Sometimes Fighting Cancer is really super-duper annoying

The other night I went to a poker fundraiser for Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I knew there’d only be one other person there that I’d ever met (Theresa, one of my BFFs), but because L&LS is an organization I care about, I didn’t mind spending the evening with strangers. Of course, Theresa and I ended up at different tables and I was stuck playing poker with six people I didn’t know. They all knew each other. It wasn’t the most comfortable setting, but, y’know, it was still POKER. I loves me my poker.

Our table was very long; I was seated at the end and struggled to deal cards to the players at the opposite end without flipping them. EVERY time I dealt, this loud guy at the other end would say NO, NO, START OVER. YOU MESSED UP. I’d stop and count, along with everyone else at the table, and the rest of them would say KEEP GOING, YOU’RE FINE because I hadn’t messed anything up. Every time, he’d yell. I really wanted to tell him to shut the hell up, but I kept quiet.

At one point he yelled at me that I needed to get the cards “somewhat close” to the person they were for because the wrong person would touch them. Did he want me to place his cards directly in his booger-stained hands? Why was this jackass telling me how to deal? I kinda channeled Val for a sec and yelled right back: NO ONE ELSE IS COMPLAINING. IF YOU WOULD JUST PAY ATTENTION IT’D BE PRETTY EASY FOR YOU TO FIGURE OUT WHICH CARDS ARE YOURS. I even threw him a dirty look. (Val, aren’t you proud of me???)

He made a big deal about the rules of the game, betting amounts, and playing only when it’s your turn, blah blah blah… I didn’t have a problem with his know-it-all-ness, because there were newbies at our table; it was good for everyone to be reminded of the rules. Funny thing was, sometimes after the cards were dealt he would just get up and leave. He might have planned to fold when it was his turn, but he didn’t tell anyone that, so we’d sit there and wait for him to come back. People would call for him, but there were three other full tables in the place, and he was doing lots of socializing. BUT if someone else at our table got up during a hand, this a-hole would start a very loud countdown and then declare their turn “lost.” He also changed the rules of betting increments halfway through the game. There was no use arguing with this guy, so I didn’t say a thing.

One time after I dealt the cards he accused me of dealing too many to him. He actually hadn’t turned in his cards from the previous hand, but when someone suggested that, he insisted that that wasn’t it. Yes, he was probably right—I dealt two cards to everyone else, but four to him. That makes perfect sense.

As the evening went on, the beer was flowing and a lot of it went straight into his giant, noisy, asshole-y face. He started arguing with two other players about who was dealer and how he’d been the big blind for at least three turns in a row. I wasn’t drinking at all (I know, I can’t believe it either), and was obviously the only player who could focus enough to see what was going on, but even when I spoke up he wouldn’t stop insisting on whatever he was so “completely, 100 percent, totally, definitely, bet all my chips sure” about. Blerg.

After two hours, the hosts started moving players around so we were down to two tables. I was getting my things together and looked up to see Mr. Loud Guy pick up my chips, knock a bunch to the floor, and take off to the other room. I went up and said WHAT ARE YOU DOING?, grabbed my chips back, and he bellowed (yes, bellowed!) I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU. I should’ve have blamed it on how drunk he was, but I had reached my limit with him and was D-O-N-E DONE. I got down on the floor to pick up all the chips he’d dropped and he came back to me, yelling down at the back of my head that he was just trying to help. I yelled back I CAN TAKE CARE OF MY OWN CHIPS. I had been doing really well in the game, had four full trays of chips, and would have loved to keep on playing, but I soooo needed to  punch that guy in the throat. It was time to go. Theresa had left. I had contributed to the L&LS fundraising, and that was the important thing.

I handed my chips over to someone else and asked her to finish for me. I thanked the hosts and headed home. Theresa texted me yesterday to say the host contacted her and wanted to apologize to me for Mr. Loud Guy’s behavior, which was very kind of him. Too bad he has such a d-bag for a friend.

As if cancer isn’t bad enough, trying to prevent it means having to deal with jackholes like this? Yikes. Not that I want to stop fundraising for cancer, EVER, but maybe next time I’ll bring Val to be my bodyguard.

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If you’re a blogger and want to do our blog challenge with us, let me know and I’ll send you our list! Otherwise, tune in here (and on Sherilee’s happy little blog) every day in September.

Sep. 21: Using social media

It’s Day #21 of the September Blog Challenge. Today’s topic:

Discuss ways that blogging or social media has changed you.

I started blogging when I was pregnant with our first child back in 1999 so I could easily share information with friends and family. The habit (however frequent) has become such a part of me that it’s hard to remember how I communicated with people before that. I suppose group emails (ugh) and handwritten/typed letters, right? Nowadays I have a tough time finding a postage stamp in my house. My blog has also become my preferred method of journaling, although I am far less personal on my blog than I would be when writing only for myself.

Believe it or not, I think about what I’m writing and, in most cases, what other people will think of it. I try to be careful with the amount of detail I share on my blog. One way my blog has changed my life is that not a week goes by without someone pausing in their conversation to tell me DO NOT PUT THIS ON YOUR BLOG.

Whatevs.

Besides my blog, “social media,” to me, is Facebook, Pinterest, texting, and email. I don’t do much on Twitter these days, and while I have Instagram and Tumblr accounts, I rarely post on them.

Facebook has changed my relationships TONS. On the positive side, I’m able to keep in touch with people I care about and reconnect with old friends. I love that Facebook has made me better friends with some people than ever. Having just celebrated a birthday, I have to say that Facebook birthdays are the BEST. What sucks? I now know about friends’ political and religious views that make me super-sad… I am surprised at how many people I know don’t know how to spell… and how many are totes cray-cray.

  
 

 
 

Pinterest, on the other hand, makes me LOVE people! I get on there and think MAN, MY FRIENDS HAVE GREAT TASTE!

Texting has nearly eliminated my need to call people on the phone. I love it. It’s mostly a good communication tool.

  

Email has been around a lot longer than the rest, and I have always found it one of my favorite ways to communicate. But spam sucks. So do people whose email addresses change every other day.

 

But to answer the question of today’s blog challenge topic, how has social media changed me? … It got me through the scariest fight of my life. I truly believe that my outlook during cancer treatment would have not been nearly so positive and hopeful without the support of friends and acquaintances via social media. That’s the kind of thing that make it worth putting up with all the sucky stuff in social media.

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If you’re a blogger and want to do our blog challenge with us, let me know and I’ll send you our list! Otherwise, tune in here (and on Sherilee’s happy little blog) every day in September.

Jun. 20: Trying again

Can I tell you something that happened that made me super duper mad? Of course I can? Thanks! 

I couldn't sleep the other night at 3am so I blogged on my iPad while laying in bed hoping to fall asleep at any second. Then I tried to make the post slightly interesting and I lost the whole thing.

Why did this make me mad? You are being very helpful today, so I'll tell you.

One. Because I lost it. (Stupid question gets stupid answer.)

Two. Because I tapped out the entire post with my fingers. I didn't use my keyboard because it was in the other room where I keep it buried under other technology that I once thought would be useful but has become totally unnecessary. Tapping lots of letters, as you probably know, takes FOR-FLIPPIN'-EVER.

Three. How did I lose the post? It's a mystery that haunts me to this day. I do know that I won't be using that piece-o'-shit Blog Press app again.

Four. Because I was still awake at 3am. This rarely happens because I take I'm Just This Side of a Crazy Person drugs. Sometimes when I drink caffeine in the late afternoon I will then have a hard time falling asleep. Sometimes I can't make my brain stop running and that keeps me from falling asleep. But when I tapped out that post the other night, none of those things had happened AND it was the third night in a row of insomnia AND I was sleep-depangry (you figger that one out).

Five. There is no five.

Six. It was probably one of the best posts I'd ever written. It would have undoubtedly gone viral because of its unprecedented use of correct grammar, spelling, and profanity, as well as its shockingly perfect level of profundity. Profanity-and-profundity are my favorite kinds of posts, though I admit I prefer the shockingly perfect profane to the shockingly perfect profound.

Seven. Six is a lie. The post sucked.

Eight. When I realized the post was gone, I was still wide awake but in no mood to re-create it. Grrr.

Nine. I finally got a decent night's sleep but can't remember anymore what my lost post was about. I do remember that I had just added these photos when it disappeared:

(...she says before she saves repeatedly, then goes to photo library with her fingers crossed...)

Yay!!! It worked! 

...and that's it, friends. The pointlessiest post ever.

Jen

(This post was tapped out on my iPad using the Blogger app, which is considerably less shitty than the Blog Press app. Still shitty, just less so.)

Jan. 2: Whatever. I give up.

Stoopid iPad/BlogPress/fake Apple keyboard works for shit.

Happy new year, y’all.

Dec. 26: 2011 in review

I used to enjoy Plinky, but then the site was sold to someone who thinks “What’s your favorite number?” is an interesting question. A Plinky prompt from last week, though, I can do:

Summarize your 2011 with one sentence for each month this year.

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January: There’s nothing quite like being happy and feeling loved; visits with friends are the perfect pick-me-ups!

February: It’s a busy month of celebrations, with Katie’s birthday, Valentine’s Day, and our anniversary, but still so fun because, y’know, CAKE.

March: Sunshine and I met Curly Girl!

April: How can it already be 25 years since my high school graduation?

May: After giving us 14 years of unconditional love, sweet Scout, our baby beagle girl, died.

June: My first six-month follow-up after chemo assured us there was no new cancer.

July: Relay for Life was a day (and night) full of friends, love, and life.

August: A family trip to the coast was just the change of scenery I didn’t know I needed.

September: School started but my PTO duties kept me from enjoying quiet days with the kids out of the house--grrrr.

October: It’s hard to remember anything other than Jogathon in October.

November: How lovely is it that Vic’s sister and her family are just a few hours’ drive away, instead of on the other side of the world?

December: Puppy!

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Feel free to play along in a comment or your own blog.