Sept. 20: per‧spi‧ca‧cious‧ness

Hello, good people. Today's web site is thesaurus.com. And that means today's word is a big one: perspicaciousness. Can I use it in a sentence? Sure. "Today's word is perspicaciousness." You're welcome.

• Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Let the machine get it.
  
• A friend in need is a pest indeed
  
• He who laughs last thinks slowest
  
• Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
  
• Who cares if it's wrong? Them raccoons make good hats.
  
• If a problem has a single neck, it has a simple solution
  
• A Nobel Peace Prize. I would kill for one of those.
  
• Trust in God. But lock your car.
  
• If life gives you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat)
  
• We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually produce a masterpiece. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
  
• One good turn gets most of the blankets
  
• All true wisdom is found on T-shirts
  
• Hit any user to continue
  
• Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars, I thought, 'Where the hell is the ceiling?'
  
• How do you get holy water? (Boil the hell out of it)
  
• If we quit voting will they all go away?
  
• The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them
  
• I think, therefore I am... I think.
  
• Everything goes on forever since the fat lady retired
  
• A metaphor is like a simile
  
• A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken
  
• If you keep your feet firmly on the ground you'll have trouble putting on your pants
  
• If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished
  
• How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
  
• All things being equal, fat people use more soap
  
• I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
  
• The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
  
• Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, 'Why did they believe me?'
  
• What has four legs and one arm? (A happy pit bull) (Sorry, Molly!)
  
• And God said, 'Let there be vodka!' And He saw that it was good. Then God said, 'Let there be light!' And then He said, 'Whoa -- too much light.'
  
• 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand (It is--try it!)
  
• Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
  
• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
  
• Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.
  
• All that glitters has a high refractive index
  
• Hospitality: making your guests feel at home even if you wish they were
  
• Never shave with a weedwhacker
  
• Where subtlety fails, we must simply make do with cream pie
  
• On the other hand, you've got different fingers
  
• I've got a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel
  
• Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy
  
• Time may be a great healer but it's a lousy beautician