Between trick-or-treaters last night, Vic and I sat in the living room doing what we usually do when we’re together: playing on our phones. (You’re envious of how romantic our lives are, I know. Everyone is.) I read random headlines to him while he played Words with Friends and mostly ignored me.
Me: “Kim Kardashian filed for divorce after ten weeks of marriage. Shocking.”
Him, not looking up from his game: “Her family makes the Hilton sisters look classy.”
Me, in a voice that got increasingly loud and complain-y: “I can’t stand these famous-for-nothing celebrities. No talents, no skills, nothing. But they show up at every friggin’ event in Hollywood so their pictures are on the front of every magazine and we’re supposed to care about them and their pregnancies and plastic surgeries and brief marriages and endorsements of every imaginable product on which their face can be plastered.”
Him, still not looking up from that damn game: “What’s the deal with the Kardashians anyway?”
Me: “Their dad was a friend of O.J. Simpson’s and their mom is married to Bruce Jenner and someone thought those things seemed like a good premise for a reality show, and that’s turned into, like, eleventy more reality shows about their family. Also, Kim has a big ass that she frequently shows off and apparently people like to see. The bits they do on Saturday Night Live are way too accurate.”
And that’s when I stopped talking and realized I know way more about these people than I want to (which is, yes, almost nothing but THAT’S STILL MORE THAN I WANT TO KNOW). I hated myself for a little bit. If we stop looking, won’t these faux-celebrities go away? Can we just agree as a society that ignoring them is the best idea EVER? Because OMG I’m tired of them showing up in my “Breaking Showbiz News” as though they matter. If ignoring them doesn’t work, can someone maybe pay me a vajillion dollars for having no talent or skills? I realize that my ass, while big, is not the kind of “big” that people want to see more of, but COME ON.