Oct. 23: Hey! Hands off the magnificent rack!

There’s a salon near me that I love to go to for pedicures—it’s huge, appointments are almost never necessary, and someone always offers me booze. Yay! I also go to this salon for brow waxes. Although I usually have the same aesthetician, today’s was a different one. I think she might have been new. Most of the employees don’t speak much English, so it’s not like I chit-chat with them, but this one wasn’t that I’ve-seen-you-before kind of friendly.

No, she was a different kind of friendly altogether.

She started out like all of them, spreading the wax along my lower left brow. But this girl, just before she rips the wax off, puts her hand on my boob. I’m a little startled, but then I feel all this unforgiving pain in my forehead and forget I’d just been groped. I feel her line my upper left brow with wax and, again, she puts her hand on my boob before ripping. I open my eyes to see if my glasses, which I’d rested on my chest, have slipped. Maybe she was moving them back?

Nope. My glasses are right where I’d left them.

It is nothing less than super-weird. But it has to be an accident, I think. Right? I mean, she does see that I have boobs, doesn’t she? And that her hands are very near them?

She starts in on my right brow and it’s the same routine: wax, fabric strip, feel me up, rip. Wow—I thought the pedicure chairs got up close and personal! This is just all kinds of crazy, or as Jack says Dina would say, IT’S TOTES CRAY-CRAY. (Jack makes Dina sound like a dork.)

What’s going on, then? Does this poor girl just need leverage? It’s not like I was overdue for a brow wax and it was extra-hard work or anything. Maybe she has terrible depth perception? But no, she shapes my brows beautifully; vision does not appear to be a problem for her. Is she new at this and figuring out what’s appropriate? Was she taught to give full-service procedures? If so, what the hell kind of perv beauty school did she go to back in her home country???

I leave feeling bewildered and violated, albeit with two perfect brows. What’s worse is that, in my confusion, I think I tipped Caligula-san too much. I’ll find out in another three weeks if she read anything into that.