Sep. 12: Not a fan of the goodbyes

I recently found out that one of my friends is moving away. Far away. Like, Alaska-far away. Actually, that’s exactly how far away: she’s moving to Alaska.

When friends move away, it makes life super-suck. I will definitely miss Jenn K, but Dina, Jenn K’s BFF, will be feelings aaaaall the feels. I know this, because my BFF moved a couple years ago. I consider myself kind of a pro at knowing what it feels like to say “smell ya later” to someone you love so much. I’m not saying I know how best to deal with it; I’m saying I’ve been there.

So, in the hopes of helping anyone else who’s been cruelly abandoned (oh! the drama!) by their best friend, I offer these pointers on handling this un-fun change in your life. Please note that this only applies to friends you’re losing because you’re no longer in the same geographical area, not the ones you’ve lost because one of you chose to dump the other; in that case, at least one of you is an asshole. You should probably work on that.

1. If you and your BFF currently communicate via text/email/phone calls, keep doing that, and try to do it every day. If you go more than a few days without communicating, it’s hard to catch up again. I’m not suggesting the friendship is irreparable if you miss a day of texting, but it’s a habit that really needs to continue if you want to stay close.
2. Text each other the stupid stuff that no one else will understand. The little things, y’know? Complain about the weather, traffic, a mutual enemy, whatever. Making each other smile connects you. It’s good.
3. Plan a visit. You go there, she comes back to you, something. Put a date on the calendar, no matter how far away it might be, because it gives you a goal that feels reachable. Tell yourself, “If I can just stop crying until I see her again, maybe my family won’t hate me for eating dinner without them every night.” BECAUSE OH YES, YOU WILL WANT TO EAT DINNER WITHOUT THEM. You will also want them to stop asking how you are (“I’m sad, just like when you asked me yesterday!”). You’ll want to sit in front of Netflix with headphones and the volume way up so you don’t have to interact with people. You will be a not-very-nice person for an indeterminate amount of time. Know this. And maybe warn your family now.
4. FaceTime! Val and I have done this with Sunshine several times, and it’s the best. OK, it’s not the best—the best would be actually hanging out in person—but it’s a really good alternative. I recommend FaceTime-ing with a group to heighten the fun factor. (Jenn K, get ready…)
5. Spend time with your mutual friends. They’ll be missing her too, and can understand your sense of loneliness better than pretty much anyone else. They’ll also get the inside jokes you shared. It’s surprising how good all that feels. It also serves to remind you you’re still a likeable person even though your BFF obviously doesn’t think so and couldn’t wait to move Alaska-far away from you. Which brings me to #6…
6. You can lay on the guilt as much as you want, but it will serve no purpose except to make her resent you. She would stay if she could. Decisions aren’t easy, and this one was a bitch. Don’t make her feel worse. Or maybe don’t go out of your way to make her feel worse ALL THE TIME. ;)
7. Write stories about you and her and the adventures you go on together—your own personal fan-fic.
8. Wait, don’t do #7. That’s just weird and a little creepy. Maybe haiku.
9. Nope, not haiku. That’s creepier.
10. Not that haiku is creepy. I loves me some haiku. Now that I think about it, haiku might be pretty awesome. Fine, give it a try.
11. You will feel lonely, sad, frustrated, and even angry, and there’s really not much you can do about it, sooo… Find something to do with that energy. It can be something that’s good for you—gardening, exercising, making a new BFF out of papier-mâché—or good for your family—cleaning, cooking, learning mixed martial arts. I do not recommend that you put extra energy into anything that requires copious amounts of alcohol or food. I gained five pounds in the week after Sunshine left because my motto became “Only Krispy Kreme understands my pain.”
12. Remind yourself that everyone says it’ll get easier with time, because it will. You won’t forget your BFF, and you won’t stop missing her, but you’ll start settling into life without her and one day it simply doesn’t hurt quite so much.
13. Have a friend like Val, who is super-fun and will drink excessively and say all the potty words with you. Because sometimes you will need to drink excessively and say all the potty words, and when that happens, well, let me give you my number because whoever you are, I’d be delighted to be your Val.

I’ll close by saying that although Sunshine and I aren’t the friends we were when we lived nine houses apart, when we’ve hung out since her move to Arizona, it’s been easy to get back into that comfortable place we used to be. While I still miss having her in my life every day, I love how we don’t set expectations for each other as long-distance friends; we just are who we are, and it’s good. I kinda ♥ her tons. She’s a keeper.

I’m grateful to have lots of dear friends in my life, actually, both near and far. It’s a mutual effort, this friends thing, but the ones that are in it for the long haul will be always do what has to be done to be present in each other’s lives. This I know for sure. And I love it.

Mar. 5: Oops.

The biopsy I last wrote about ended up NOT being on the spot in my throat; it was on the spots in my pelvis. We found out this week that there were no cancer cells in the tissue they sampled. None. This is very good news, because, in case you were not aware, no cancer = yay!

I’m trying to concentrate on that “yay,” because I’m incredibly frustrated that they told us my cancer had come back when they didn’t actually know my cancer had come back. Given my history, it was a safe assumption on their parts, but OMG, what a roller coaster they’ve had us on. I won’t be trusting scans over biopsies EVER again. Grrr.

The radiologists are uncertain I’m as cancer-free as my oncologist is, but all of them agree that another PET scan in six months is a good idea, so that’s the plan for now. The past five weeks have been all-cancer-all-the-time, and I gladly give that up for the everyday-ness I had grown to love.

All this radiation means my super powers should be kicking in any day now, right? They better be somethin’ good.

Nov. 21: Work or play?

Every year since 2004, we’ve sent out CDs of oh-so-carefully-selected Christmas music to some of the people on our Christmas card list. Creating the playlist is a project that typically begins in July and continues through late November. I make up a rough list over months and months of research and occasional piracy, design the CD label and case (sleeve) sticker, and Victor jumps in at the end with final approval and the ceremonial Burning of the Huge Spindle of CDs Why Oh Why Do We Continue To Do This Every Year I Don’t Think People Even Care But Jen is a Creature of Habit and Can’t Not Do It So Shut Up and Keep Clicking Those Buttons. That is totally what we call it.

I get excited to start the process every year; it’s become a holiday tradition in the family. Even the kids like to get in on the fun. I enjoy teaching them the fine art of blending The Carpenters, Bing, and Frank with Jimmy Eat World and Barenaked Ladies in a way that makes the finest hour of music anyone’s ever heard.

I might (might!) be overestimating the importance of this thing. Might.

We never set out to create a new CD every year; in 2004, it was just a fun addition to our Christmas cards. But then we talked about how there were still lots of songs we thought we’d like to share, and made another CD in 2005. I don’t think we even discussed whether or not we should make one in 2006. We just did it, and we kept doing it, and now I’m working on our Tenth Annual Christmas CD Extraordinaire. Again with the overestimating and Unnecessary Capitalization!

This year I got a late start. A few weeks ago I checked iTunes for new releases and made notes, but it wasn’t until yesterday that I actually got serious. I made the mistake of setting up at the kitchen table (instead of my desk) and sat in a chair that, while quite comfortable for a meal, is not ideal for seven hours of intense musical work. That’s why I took a handful of muscle relaxants before bed last night and also why this year’s possible CD titles include:

Joy to the OMG I Need a Drink
The 12 Days of Chiropractic Adjustments
All I Want for Christmas is an Ass That Doesn’t Hurt

And now this CD has become a chore. Now I’m not having fun. Now I kinda hate Christmas music. Now I’m remembering that EVERY YEAR I go through the questioning and the re-thinking and the frustration and the throwing in of the embroidered poinsettia towel… but then it all comes together and people say nice things and I’m glad I made the effort. I’ll finish up my part today, turn the rest over to my husband, and will once again be the Christmas music-loving, listen-all-year-long dork that you know and love shake your head over.

Maybe it’s just my extremely relaxed muscles talking, but I already can’t wait to start on the playlist for 2014.

Yep, I’m doing another blog challenge. This one is photo-riffic!

Oct. 28: Proud/exasperated sports momma

Katie’s cross-country championship was last week. It happened right in the middle of a torrential rainstorm, and runners were sliding and falling down all along the route. The parents were none too thrilled to be there either; it wasn’t just the rain (we’re Oregonians and used to it) but the hail, wind, biting cold, mud, and moderate flooding. What a mess. When it was over, and they started announcing stats for the season and all that, I really felt like they needed to just say who won and let us all go home, but nooooo…

Anyway, Katie’s team won. This is from the weekly school newsletter:

Congratulations to the RCMS Girls Cross Country Team who are the 2012 Willamette River League Champions! This past week, the girls brought home some serious hardware in the form of a giant championship trophy. Earning league honors were the following students – L. Hayes won 1st place (girls league champion), M. Edwards earned 3rd place, A. Marshall 5th place, and J. Iranshad finished in 6th place. Also contributing to the league championship were team members: M. Benware, A. Betancourt, D. Cyphers, E. Edwards, K. Gwynn, M. Harris, K. Manullang, H. Ranum, A. Ruth, and R. Viola. Way to go girls!

Things for which I’m proud:

• That Katie participated in an athletic activity by choice.
• That she did it without whining (I think I whined a lot more about it than she did).
• That she was so excited about their big win—not for herself, but for her team.

And WOW, those Edwards girls! They belong to my pal Cindi. That Cyphers girl isn’t too bad either—in fact, getting to cheer for the girls alongside her mom (Dina!) made the season a lot more fun for moi.

So yeah, it’s cool. I’m pretty sure Katie only decided to join the team because I said I’d buy her running shoes, but in the end she really did like it. I hope she sticks with running, too, because wouldn’t it be cool if she DIDN’T inherit my trip-over-myself-ness and actually benefited from something her body does?

The other thing that happened recently was even more exciting (she said, knowing you would read her sarcasm between the lines): Jack’s football team made the playoffs. The results of two games yesterday mattered: Jack’s team had to win their game, and a Tigard team had to lose theirs.

Both happened.

Dammit.

This changes our travel plans for next weekend, and definitely not in a good way, but Jack is happy so I’m pretending I am too. We have at least one extra week of practice, and who knows how many games, and OMG will somebody just kill me because I am so tired of this sport! Don’t tell Jack I said that. Meh. Jack knows what I think.

Here are things that are amusing about 5/6 football:

• The way the boys congratulate each other after a good play. It’s so cute to watch those little guys doing what the big guys do. The coaches teach them a lot about sportsmanship.
• The “take a knee” thing. The boys are all so good about it—something unexpected happens on the field, and suddenly every kid’s on his knee. Even on the sidelines. I am sooo trying this at home.
• That kid we call “supernintendo.” Long story, but it makes me chuckle every time.
• The crying. There’s a lot, and sometimes it’s loud. I know I shouldn’t think it’s funny, but I just imagine that 15 minutes later, that kid’s gonna be really embarrassed that he wailed in front of his macho buddies. (Note: wailing is totally allowed for broken bones, concussions, etc. I’m talking about the stubbed toes wailing. Weeeeener kiiiiiids!)

I wish so much that my dad was around to see Jack play football. He would be crazy-proud to sit in the stands and cheer him on. Not to mention that Jack wears #7, in honor of Grandpa Curt’s hero. Melancholy face.

Alright, let’s get back to our regular programming. What are my kids doing succeeding at athletics anyway? It’s like they’re not even mine.

Jun. 18: Currently

Listening

…to the bark bark barking of a neighborhood dog THAT ISN’T MINE. This might be a first.

…to the weird weather outside. It’s raining and hailing between brief sunny breaks. The sunny breaks don’t make noise, so it’s really only the rain and hail I can hear. Just thought I should clarify.

Loving

…these pictures of Lucy and Gilly at Bark for Life, a Relay for Life fundraiser we attended last weekend. They had a blast making new friends!

…that Sunshine has been in town for the past few days. She goes home tomorrow, and that means my next post will be from a mental hospital. Pretty sure.

Feeling

…excited and a little anxious about my work friend, Terri, who had a heart transplant yesterday. The surgery went well and her daughters have been great about posting updates to Facebook ever since she got the call Saturday night. They’re planning to take out her breathing tube today and then her real recovery can begin. Yay, Terri!

…like an idiot over one of our Father’s Day gifts for Victor. He recently got a new gas grill, so the kids and I decided his FD gifts would be grill-related. We found fun gadgets and tools, and I was especially excited about the bag of mesquite charcoal… because I’m a moron. Not sure what he’s going to do with that fancy charcoal ON HIS GAS GRILL.

…lonely without my wiggly Ollie.

Wanting

…to apologize to everyone who was in earshot of me at our party last Thursday. I think I was potty-mouthier than I realized. I was also, apparently, quite grabby. I am so very, very sorry to anyone I might have offended and promise to pay for your kids’ psychotherapy and the cost of cleaning my many grimy handprints off your clothes.

Needing

…to work up some motivation to reorganize my office. Not only do I have piles of papers to sort and general clean-up to do, I want to rearrange the furniture to make it a more usable space. It’s actually a very comfy room; I used to spend most of my time in there. When Lucy came to live with us, our upstairs was off limits to her, so I started hanging out in the family room to keep an eye on her. She doesn’t need constant supervision anymore, and I’m ready to move back upstairs… just waiting for that PUSH to get the reorganization project going.

Accomplishing

…more of the tasks toward readying our Relay for Life day-of-Relay fundraising project. Our team is going to sell lanyards and “lap beads,” which will help walkers track the number of laps they walk. When I started planning, I had no idea how many decisions were involved in these crazy things. I’m glad my mom was around this past weekend to help. She and I picked out fun beads to represent each lap and mile:

The lanyards have lobster clasps at the bottom, which can hold these additional charms we’ll have for sale:

All survivors will get one of these for their lanyard:

I’m excited about this fundraiser—I’ve read about lots of other Relays that have done lap beads and they’re crazy-popular. Many Relay teams double their fundraising on the day of Relay with this kind of thing. I just hope we’ll be able to cover our costs.

Enjoying

…Jack’s most recent fascination: making stop-motion videos on the iPad. He and Mack are upstairs right now, setting up another LEGO minifigures movie. It’s a tremendous time-waster, but I gotta admit, it’s pretty amazing to see the finished product.

…relative peace and quiet now that school is out. I like not having anything urgent to complete today—just laundry. Maybe a stab at some of the piles in my office. And a nap? Yes, a nap would be delightful.

sharing silly stuff

Later—

Jun. 15: Second annual last day of school blowout

Fifteen minutes after yesterday’s dismissal bell, bunches of us gathered at Tina’s and my houses for a last-day-of-school party that would go until almost midnight. I think we have the best friends EVER. What a blast.

I love these cocktail napkins

See that sweet girl Angie is hugging on the left?
She’s having to comfort her because I said a very naughty word.
I’m a bit of a potty-mouth drunk, but for realsies, I didn’t know she was there.
So sorry, Angie!

Two of  my best girls: Sunshine and Val

Tina’s bounce house is always a hit with the little peeps

Cindi and Sunshine do NOT look happy with whatever Olivia is telling them

Darby and Jim brought the testosterone

This should really have said “Adults Spilling Drinks”

Aw, this be my favorite boy and my favorite girl!

Tina and Jenn K

How much do I love this picture?
Julie L., me, Wendy, Theresa, Heather L.
We are feeling fiiiiiine.

 

Here are some things y’all left behind. Please claim them or I will.

 

I think Julie H. brought this cake vodka.
If it was left intentionally, THANK YOU!
If not, I’ll try not to drink too much of it before I have the chance to get it back to you.

 
The green bag says “Sharon Manuel” so I think it might belong to Sharon Manuel.

Annie’s?

 

This morning I went out in the driveway to survey the damage we wrought. It was a bit like viewing the wreckage of the Titanic, but-cept we lost far fewer third-class passengers in this chaos.

Oh, if this cocktail stirrer could speak, the tales it would tell…

Our recycle bin tells the real story, although it’s not even the whole truth:

Here are three very large, very empty bottles of vodka.
I’m embarrassed to say they were full when the party started.
Needless to say, I don’t feel super-great today.

 

We had a great time celebrating the last day of school, even though some very important people were missing from the party. I don’t remember a lot, but I’m pretty sure it was a good time. How lucky are me and Tina to know such amazing people???

Now, can anyone can tell me how to make the buzzing in my head stop?