Dec. 7: It was like “Pandora’s MP3 Player”

I usually listen to Pandora Internet Radio on my phone when I’m sitting at my computer. If I don’t listen to something, anything, I start humming random stuff and give myself a headache because I’m so annoying.

I’ve created several Pandora “stations” and choose a different one each time I first turn it on for the day. I’ve got “Halloween Party Radio” (don’t much like that one, not sure why it’s still there), “R&B/Pop Holiday Radio” (I loves me just about any kind of Christmas music), “Today’s Adult Hits Radio” (oh lord, what’s become of me?), “Contemporary Singer-Songwriters Radio” (lots of John Mayer, Jason Mraz, Sara Bareilles, Colbie Caillat, etc.), “80s Radio” (surprisingly annoying), and “Showtunes Radio,” which might just be the best thing EVER if it didn’t play so much of that horrible Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Pandora’s rating system is all fancy-like, or the idea is. If I tap the “thumbs down” icon when a dreadful song comes on, it goes on to a different one that’s sometimes less dreadful. What it’s supposed to do is file away the little “Jen didn’t like this” nugget and (1) never play it again, and (2) never play anything like it. That (2)-part doesn’t always work very well, and I know this because sometimes Showtunes Radio plays that horrible Andrew Lloyd Webber EVEN THOUGH I HATE EVERYTHING HE’S EVER DONE EVER EVER EVER.

If you thumbs-down six songs in an hour, Pandora won’t let you skip any more for that hour. You can still thumbs-down songs, but they’ll keep playing, just like when you tell your kid NO MORE [OBNOXIOUS INSTRUMENT] UNTIL MOMMY’S EARS STOP BLEEDING and your kid just keeps practicing like the little sadist he or she is. If one of my kids grows up to be another Andrew Lloyd Webber, please get used to what I look like with blood spurting from my ears all the live-long day.

I’ve been listening to Pandora long enough that it’s pretty good at playing only what I want to hear; I don’t thumbs-down much anymore. However, I do get tired of listening to the same music over and over. Yesterday nothing appealed to me—no Pandora stations and none of the playlists on my iPod. I chose, instead, to listen to my entire collection on “shuffle.” This was possibly the weirdest and wrongest thing I’ve ever done.

You know why? Because I kept trying to thumbs-down songs. Why do I have stuff I hate on my iPod?

Even worse, I forgot about all the audio books I have. A song from Wicked followed by some David Sedaris is all kinds of cool, but not when the Sedaris starts at the third section of the story and then goes on to Miley Cyrus (who’s only on there at my kid’s request, I promise)? Ugh. Thumbs WAY down.

Man. Music is hard.

P.S. Yes, Fancy Lori™, “wrongest” is a word. So’s “wronger.” And “funner.”