Jun. 23: Don’t ring mah bell

Neighborhoods like mine are magnets for unwanted doorbell ringers. When the kids aren’t home, I don’t answer the door unless I’m expecting someone. But when they are home, they race for the front door and then wake me up come get me when the person there asks “Is your mom or dad home?”

We are looong overdue for a “no solicitors” sign. We used to have a doormat that said GO AWAY, but it was always out of order; people would ring our doorbell and say, “I love your mat! Wanna buy magazines?”

I don’t like guns, but these people make me wish I did. And that I kept a collection by the front door.

Last night I searched for “soliciting” on Pinterest and found some very exciting options. Tell me what you think.

This sign was the most common search result (soooo… I don’t like it).
What’s good about this particular one, though, is that the pretty frame is deceiving;
it draws people in by giving them the impression that it has something nice to say,
and then it says GET THE EFF OUT. Sneaky-good.
photo 2 (3)


Not my cat. I like my cat. But a random cat, sure.
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I’m afraid too many people don’t understand what the word “soliciting” means, exactly.
This explains it a little. I like the idea of having a window decal more than hanging a sign,
but our front door windows are six inches from our doorbell and therefore we cannot
be sure an idiot would see the message before pressing the doorbell. Because idiots are such idiots.

photo 1 (3)


This could not be more straightforward.
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This could not be more awesome.
photo 1

I like it.
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This could definitely work on some people.
Heh heh heh.

photo 2 (4)


I wouldn’t do the Pokemon thing, but I’d have no problem
asking for some kind of show tune or Robert Frost poem.

photo 2
A Robert Frost poem WITH VOICES.

Again with the sensible. I like the sensible.
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Good. Very good. Probably too wordy, though.
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I think this would be like the GO AWAY doormat; people would ring the bell
just to say how hilaaaarious we must be!! To have a sign like that!! So funny!!!!!!

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The message is cutesy, but the butterfly ruined it for me.
Also the “y” in “says”—why is it way up there? Bad font choices irritate me.
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I like. I like very much.
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For the most part, I like the message of this one… but I might add the words “we know” to the end.
I hate those little poopus kids who come from other neighborhoods to sell stuff.
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Simple. Good.
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Disgusting… and probably pretty effective.
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So many choices, right? I’ve gotta put something out front, because no way am I spending my summer pretending that our yellow Lab is way more vicious than she seems. Even an idiot who doesn’t know the meaning of the word “solicitor” will figger that one out.


1 comment:

  1. I like the unless you're a kid (I know) one because that's what keeps me from hanging up a sign like that. If the neighborhood kiddos are selling popcorn or thin mints, I'm interested. Everyone else? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO


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