Oct. 14: Voters’ Pamphlet thoughts

The voters’ pamphlet has arrived! I’ll admit, there are a lot of years that I toss it into the recycle bin without a second look. While I know that votes matter, even in the minor elections, and Oregon’s mail-in ballots could not make it any easier or more convenient, I tend to be one who saves my votes for the biggies. I know this is stupid and senseless.

This year we’re voting on semi-importanter things, so I plan to exercise my right. However, first I want to make fun of things, because making fun of things is fun!

• Did you know that the order of the candidates appearing on the ballot must be random? So says ORS 254.155. I became thoroughly familiar with a lot of Oregon statutes after writing bylaws for a nonprofit corporation, but I guess I passed right by the ones having to do with general elections. Who knew? (Probably Loveliest Lori. I bet she knew.) This year’s alphabet is OQCNMRDZTHPJAYVIKBUGSFLEWX, in case you were wondering. (What’s with the “bugs flew” in this alphabet? Hmmm.)
• The information candidates submit for the voters’ pamphlet is sometimes hilarious. The ones who have “the school of hard knocks” or “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart” under “education”? That’s pretty much saying I’M NOT REAL SMART, BUT I’M PRETEND SMART. Seriously, don’t try to tell me whatever you did instead of going to college was just as educational; that’s probably not true and you probably know it. We need people representing us who know how to think. Am I education-ist? Yes. Proudly.
• Oh, and I’m also comma-ist. Why so few Oxford commas, people? Don’t you know why they’re so important?

• “Tootie,” really? The name of this local politician might never not make me laugh. ‘Course, we’ve had “Mitt,” “Tip,” “Newt,” and “Dick Armey,” so why not?
• US Rep, 3rd district, Pacific Green party candidate, this one’s for you (I don’t want to write your name on my blog). You have some good ideas, but I don’t think anyone will take you very seriously when it looks like your photo was taken under duress and by a police officer. Did you have no other options? Have you not heard of the SELFIE???
• I do not, and probably never will, understand how the phrases “right to bear arms,” “defending the family,” and “protecting our borders,” so frequently appear with “Christian.” And the justification of denying assistance to the needy? Gah.

If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn’t help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we’ve got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don’t want to do it. (Stephen Colbert)

• While the Constitution Party concerns me (because, y’know, see the quote above, and also, a party based on a group’s interpretation of their god’s word—yikes), I find the official political party statements fascinating. I mean, they all sound so righteous. I guess they should—you wouldn’t want to align yourself with a party that’s just “meh” about their platform—but it’s almost hilarious how most of them seem to have all the right answers, and they use all the “gotcha” words they know people react to. Nearly every one of the parties has at least one issue with which I agree, but being so firm in others makes me a whole lotta nervous. I want to believe there’s really not a chance of these smaller (read: kooky) parties to get anywhere, but it’s happened before. Yikes again.

• ARE YOU TOO DUMB TO VOTE? I chuckle reading some of the instructions to voters, especially the FAQs: “What if I change my mind after I have returned my ballot?” I want the job of whoever gets to answer that question because I bet it involves a lot of slapping. “Do I need to attach first-class postage to my ballot envelope if I return it to a drop site?” Really? I also enjoyed this instruction: “Some families like to make voting a communal event, but make sure the envelope you sign is your own, and doesn’t belong to some other family member. [Do not let] your spouse or child or parent sign your ballot envelope.” SMH.
• Here’s something I’m not making fun of: people working on making college more affordable. We’re way overdue on that. In fact, most of the measures that have to do with updating educational resources and buildings should pass without argument. They probably won’t, because voters are often jackasses, but they should.

The only state measures I still need to educate myself on are the ones having to do with open primaries (90), marijuana legalization/regulation (91), and food labeling (92). That’s when I’m glad to have the voter’s pamphlet. After that, it’s straight to the recycle bin.

DON’T FORGET TO VOTE! Unless you disagree with me, in which case DON’T TURN IN YOUR BALLOT BEFORE NOVEMBER 5.

Jul. 15: Mini-vacay report

Do you hate when people say “vacay”? I kinda do too.

We just got home from a week in Southern Oregon and boy, are our arms tired!

(That is a very stupid joke. It doesn’t even make sense, because we didn’t fly to Southern Oregon, and I didn’t even suggest we flew in the sentence and let’s just start over, mmmkay?)

Last week we went to Southern Oregon. It was the vacation we took instead of going to San Francisco (the certainty of having to deal with crowds of America’s Cup watchers kept us away), and we really had a great time. Here’s how:

Saturday

Our goal on this trip was to find out if this book was science fiction:

Here we go…

We left home and drove to Medford. My mom lives there, in case you haven’t been paying attention. We sometimes call her “Mother Mary,” in case you haven’t been paying attention to that either. That evening we hung out at Mother Mary’s comfy and welcoming house, ran some errands, and not a whole lot else. Why is driving so exhausting, even as passengers? Vic wondered that aloud. More than once.

Sunday

A break from all that time in the car was in order, so we stayed in town all day. We went to Despicable Me 2. The kids and I had gone the week before, but Vic and Mom hadn’t; the movie is super-fun and definitely worth seeing more than once. Afterward we had lunch at Kaleidoscope Pizza. I’m sure there are similar pizza places in Portland and I definitely want to find them because YUM.

Monday

We got up early and headed to Brookings, which is on the southern Oregon coast. I hadn’t been there since I was a kid and didn’t realize that the best (only?) route there from Medford is through California. How weird is that? We drove north to Grants Pass, southwest across the state border to Crescent City, and back up north to Brookings. It’s cocoa for cuckoo poops, that’s what it is.

We drove along the very edge of the Redwoods and were tempted to drive a bit farther south to drive through that one tree, but stayed on course to the beach instead. We thought the weather would be better there. We are bad interpreters of weather forecasts.

Harris Beach is beautiful, at least it appeared to be when we could see through all the fog. The skies were disappointing, yes, but generally, the weather was warm so we didn’t mind much. I even got a sunburn, proving that clouds and fogs do not mean sunscreen is unnecessary. Katie and Jack did lots of wave-jumping and sand-throwing, and the dogs enjoyed romping up and down the coast.

It really was a fantastic day, and we were slightly pleased to find the southern coast weather as unreliable as the areas we visit on the central and northern parts of the coast. But our love of Harris Beach waned a few days later, when we saw this news item:

Health advisory lifted at Harris Beach

July 13, 2013

A public health advisory warning against water contact at Harris Beach was lifted Friday by the Oregon Health Authority, according to a news release.

The advisory was issued July 1 after water samples showed higher-than-normal levels of fecal bacteria at the east end of Goat Island in Curry County.

Recent samples taken by the Oregon Department of Environmental Quality showed bacteria levels had subsided and the water no longer posed a higher-than-normal risk, the release said.

But officials recommendeded [sic] staying out of large pools and runoff from water frequented by birds, whose waste was believed to be the source of the contamination.

The Oregon Beach Monitoring Program monitors the waters along Oregon's coastline for the presence of fecal bacteria annually from Labor Day through Memorial Day.

Marine waters are tested for enterococcus, which is an indicator of the presence of other bacteria. Enterococcus is present in human and animal waste.

Fecal bacteria can cause anything from diarrhea and stomach cramps to skin rashes or no reaction at all, but it is the largest threat to the elderly, children and those more vulnerable to waterborne bacteria.

Source: http://www.mailtribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130713/NEWS07/307130328

Fecal bacteria levels were higher than normal? There are acceptable levels??? Yikes.

Vic and I researched Trip Advisor extensively to find the best places to visit on the southern coast, but we didn’t think to check recent news reports. [sing-song voice] Geniuses! But really, shouldn’t there have been a bunch of warning signs posted along the beach if we were supposed to stay out of the water? We didn’t see a single one.

Fortunately, none of us have been stricken with E. coli poisoning. Whew.

One of the coolest parts about this trip—and the beach was lovely, it really was—involved a liquor store just over the California border. If you Google a phrase like “why is alcohol cheaper in California” you’ll find a variety of ideas and even contradictions; all I know is that, for the most part, the liquor store outlets near the California-Oregon border had much better prices than I’ve ever seen at home. Mother Mary and I stocked up like the world’s about to end and we want to be drunk when it does. Or maybe we were buying in preparation for the Global Booze Wars. Those are happening, right? We be ready.

Tuesday

Mom took us to see My Fair Lady at the Oregon Shakespearean Festival. Anthony Heald played Eliza’s father and stole every scene he was in. What a hoot! Most of us know this actor from his baddie roles in Silence of the Lambs and tons of other movies and TV shows, but who knew that is actually quite delightful and can sing and dance, often at the same time?*

The show was spectacular. Somewhat sadly—but just somewhat—our kids recognized much of the music from the particularly hilarious My Fair Laddy episode of The Simpsons. In other words, Jack didn’t hate My Fair Lady. If you ask him to sing anything from it, though, you’ll hear “Wouldn’t It Be Adequate,” “I’m Gettin’ Blue Pants in the Morning,” and “In the Shack Where You Live.” Sorry. There’s only so much culture I can try to pound into that kid.

After the show, Mom treated us to a delicious dinner at Larks Home Kitchen Cuisine, the restaurant in Ashland Springs Hotel. Ten thumbs up.

I love Ashland, and there are lots of eateries worth a try, but here’s something I don’t understand: why do so many restaurants refuse to split checks? Larks actually had it printed at the bottom of their menu that they have a one-check-per-table policy. Is it really that much extra effort for them? And wouldn’t you think they should be willing to split checks just to please their customers, many of whom visit Ashland in large groups? Servers will inevitably get bigger tips that way, right? Puzzling.

Wednesday

Back to California! We left the dogs at home this time, and headed down I-5 to the Shasta area, touring Shasta Dam and appreciating shady parking spots and our vehicle’s powerful A/C. It was H-O-T HOT in them parts. Beautiful scenery though.

Since we were a handful of miles from Redding and the northernmost In-n-Out Burger, we went a leeetle bit out of our way for lunch. Those of us who ordered cheeseburgers were glad to make the detour. And did we stop at a liquor store before crossing back into Oregon? You bet your sweet open container ass we did!

The really memorable thing about the day was doing things we’d (mostly) not done before. I mean, how many times have we seen the sign to Shasta Dam/Lake from I-5 and thought “We should do that someday”? Too many times.

Thursday

We had tentatively planned to go back to Portland on Thursday, but Mom convinced us to stay for one more day of relaxation. We spent the hot morning in Auntie Donna’s pool and then went out for lunch, came home and watched the first two Iron Man movies, Life of Pi, and the film version of My Fair Lady. Except for the packing-up-to-go-home part, it was a bonus day of even more vacation fun.

Friday

We drove back north. ‘Twas a long and boring drive, but sooo worth it for our week of vacation with Mother Mary. Thank you, Mom, for hosting us!

Conclusion: this book had some excellent ideas for family activities. Not science fiction-y at all.

---

Since we’ve been home, the list of things we hoped to get done over the weekend mostly went undone. Today Vic is back to work and I’m doing all our vacation laundry. Blech.

*Lyric lifted from Spamalot and shamelessly paraphrased. I apologize.

Jul. 16: Our water dog

We took our gigantic Lab puppy to the river today. Did you know there’s a river near us? Yeah yeah, the Willamette and  Columbia run through Portland, but I’m talking about the Clackamas River, which is popular with rafters and drunks and a bunch of people drown in it every year. This river is super-close to us—like walking distance-close—and I don’t think I’d actually ever been on it before today.

The problem with going to a river we’ve never been to before is we didn’t exactly know how to get there. I mean, it’s a long, wind-y thing and we drove along it for miles. There were people out there. HOW DID THEY GET OUT THERE? We couldn’t figure it out. All we wanted to do was park the car and walk out into the water—no boat ramp necessary. We wanted a beach-ish area and shallow water. That’s it.

We eventually ended up at Clackamette Park, which is where the Clackamas and Willamette rivers meet. I know it best as the park at which a scene from Grimm was set last season, and also from the time it was underwater during the floods of 1996.

“The floods of 1996.” That makes me sound like an old lady. Back in myyyy day, this was all underwater, far as the eye could see, dontcha know. You kids today don’t know floods like we knew floods. Anyhoooo…

Lucy hadn’t experienced a river before, but she loved it like we expected she would. It would have been fun to let her off the leash to see if she’d swim, but we just don’t know how much we can trust her yet. She was especially interested in four ducklings swimming by, and I was a little worried her instincts might kick in and suddenly we’d have ourselves a bird dog. No thanks.

On the way home, we bought a very small kiddie pool for our water-loving girl. She’s a fan. She sloshed around happily and then came inside to shake herself dry. (We’re still working out the kinks on learnin’ her proper pool behavior.)

Later this week: the Oregon coast. Happy Lucy!

May 21: Perfect day

Here’s one thing I love about living where we do: the ocean is less than two hours away. So are mountains, rivers, desert, rain forest, city, country—we’ve got it all ‘round these parts—but my favorite quick-trip destination is almost always the Oregon Coast. Being at the beach is one of the few times I can honestly call the outdoors “great.” Otherwise it’s “the ‘meh’ outdoors.” True story.

Victor checked the forecast on Friday afternoon and quietly suggested going to the beach the next day; I agreed that it would be fun and since we had no other plans, why not? Stuff happens, though, and by morning we weren’t sure we wanted to make the drive. We’ve got the dogs to deal with, traffic, kids with opinions, things to get done around the house… and sleeping late on weekend mornings is a luxury we hate to sacrifice. I call us “adorably lazy.”

But what’s cool? I’ll tell ya. On Saturday, it was nice north Oregon coast weather and the fact that the sun doesn’t set until after 8:30 or so. Even though some of us slept until 9am, we still had pa-lenty of time to get to the beach. 

We left the little dog at home, packed up the big dog and (suddenly) eager kids and headed northwest. Even with quick stops at Old Navy (for flip-flops) and Walgreens (to replace the sunglasses I lost, which I found ten minutes after I put on the new ones, DAMMIT), we still had our toes in the sand by 1pm. It was warm and there was almost no wind—both very rare things at the Oregon Coast. Cannon Beach is beautiful no matter what the weather, but when there’s blue sky peeking through the clouds and you don’t need a jacket, it’s as close to heaven as you can get.

Lucy was crazy on the beach. She couldn’t stop digging in the sand or drinking the sea water. She was fascinated by the surf. We even let her off the leash for a little bit and she behaved like a big girl. We’ve never had a water-loving dog, so it was all quite fun for us, too, and also OMG, how wet is she going to get??? (Answer: very.)

We had lunch in Seaside... Katie got her ears re-pierced... I got new books… we made a few other stops, and then headed back to Portland. It was a gorgeous day and we spent it in “moving slow” mode—the very best mode of all. Still, we were exhausted when we got home. I think it was watching The Frolicking Giant Yellow Lab that wore us out. It certainly wasn’t anything else we did.

It was a perfect day, and we were glad we finally got moving Saturday to get out and enjoy it.

For my fellow US 26 travelers: does Cooterville City Hall ever not make you laugh for two miles past it? We can’t possibly be the only ones.

Aug. 24: Beach pics

I promised a while back that I’d post pictures of our beach trip, and here, finally, they are:

We started our day at Cannon Beach. That there is Haystack Rock, obvy.

This is just the right level of crowded-ness for me. The other day, after the weekend’s beautiful beach weather was all over the news, I heard someone on their phone say, “We were in Seaside, and it took us and hour and a half to go one mile.” That is FAR from the right level of crowded-ness for me. Ugh.

All of these photos were taken with our iPhone cameras. It was the zoomed-in ones that turned out fuzzy and ugly.

‘Course, even blurry, Haystack Rock is pretty cool.

Starfeesh! Where you see the pack of people in some of our pics? They were lookin’ at that weird fish. It was shaped like a star!!

Goofy boy.

 

Weird kids.

 

I’m siiiiinkiiiiing!! Oh, the drama.

 

Love this girl. Love her.

This is the pic I took for Sherilee to prove to her the sun was shining. Ouch.

 

That, my friends, was a beautiful day on the Oregon Coast.

Dec. 6: Daybook

Look! I’m actually posting this Daybook thing on a Monday morning, when it’s meant to be posted. I might just be awesome. For today only.

Today…

Outside my window... it’s gross. I don’t really want to talk about it.

This weekend, I… baked two dozen cupcakes in black and orange, and two dozen in green and yellow. Yep, they were for a Civil War game party. If I cared at all about the Beavers or the Ducks, I would have probably put nasty stuff in the cupcakes representing the team I liked less. Lucky for the people at the party, I didn’t give even a tiny bit of a shit who won. In fact, most of the time I was at the party I couldn’t even see the TV. When I heard people cheering, it made me happy. When I heard people booing, it made me sad. Now I have some questions for you:

1. Did you know that Rumple Minze is good in hot chocolate?
2. Can you say “Rumple Minze” if you’ve been drinking Rumple Minze? I cannot. It comes out “rupplemist” or “rumblemist” or “rumplemints.” Wait! That’s it! RUMPLE MINTS. Rumple. Mints. Rumple Minze. Rumble Mertz. DAMMIT!
3. Can you tell that Cassie got me drunk at this party? She didn’t even have to try very hard.
4. I love Cassie.
5. That last one was not a question, was it?
6. I think maybe it’s easier to say “peppermint schnapps.” Also, to make this a question, will you buy me some peppermint schnapps? I’d like marshmallows with it, pretty please.

I am thinking... that pretty soon my in-laws and their families will be in town and I’m very happy about that. They’re nice people. Well, I’m not sure about Sonya. She can be kinda mean, like, ALL THE TIME. The rest of them are decent, I guess. Or maybe I’ll just stay home by myself.

I am thankful... for videos like this on the web. It almost hurts, how funny this is:

The 12 minutes fly by.

I am working on... fun Christmas gifts, etsy-style. That’s all I’m gonna say about that.

I am going... to get our Christmas cards out this week. I am also going to need an editor because right now our Christmas letter is nine pages long, and that’s at least eight pages two many. Oh, and I forgot that last year we used up our supply of CD sleeves, so I had to order more last night and I am going to have to wait to mail the Christmas cards that get CDs with them until the new sleeves arrive.

In other words, I am going… to do a lot of things that are difficult and frustrating and will make me angry and possibly bitter about the holidays.

I am hoping... to check some stuff off my PTO to-do list this week. There are a lot of things to tackle this week. I am also hoping to see Val this week, because I only saw her once last week and it was on Monday and I’ve already forgotten what she looks like. I am also hoping to see Sunshine this week. I saw her a bunch last week, but I don’t think it was for a fun thing even once. We need to do fun things.

Around the house... it’s getting all Christmas’d up. I love it! The tree is in the family room this year—we think we might get to enjoy it more this way—and we’ve got our singing snowmen all over the house. Turns out I’m a little corny when it comes to Christmas décor. Thank goodness for the twitter I read this morning, which put a stop to my insanity, at least for outdoors: “I was going to cover my lawn with inflatable Christmas decorations, but I’m too busy growing a mullet and watching Jerry Springer.”

One of my favorite things... is making fun of Christmas décor. It’s hilarious, what people think looks good enough to put on and around their homes. I love the displays that are tasteful and I love that ones that are kitschy. Everything in between gets pointed and laughed at. SO. MUCH. FUN. And since you’re thinking it, YES, I will enjoy doing that in hell too.

Plans for the rest of the week: PTO doodies, work, a Pampered Chef party at Cindi’s, Wellington’s birthday celebration, the gol-durn Christmas cards and CDs, TiVo catch-up, and a top-secret project I’m hinting at below.

Here’s an image I want to share:

Yes, that’s me and author extraordinaire Pamela Ribon when we met last June. She emailed me last week. I know, I’m such a dork to share that info, but facts are facts, people. She even asked me to do her a favor, which I gladly agreed to because I think she’s so amazing and I would do anything for her. And I probably shouldn’t make a big deal out of it, but when you give someone a vital organ, aren’t you allowed to make a big deal out of it?

Oops. Spilled the beans. The kidney beans.

Oh fine, Pamie didn’t ask me for a kidney. But I’d probably give her one of mine if she wanted it. Unless she didn’t really need it, like if she wanted a spare just in case. That wouldn’t be such a cool thing.

Maybe I’ll tell you more about Pamie later. (Did I mention that she’s the coolest?)

…and the restraining order is served in one… two… three…

Want to blog your own Daybook? Here’s the info: The Simple Woman’s Daybook.