Mar. 15: I read it: Notes to Boys

I haven’t been very good about reviewing books here at Stuff Jen Says, other than a sentence here and there in one of my month-end summaries. I tell people about books I read. I even recommend them to friends. Somehow I don’t get around to actually writing out my thoughts after I finish reading a book. But-cept sometimes I do.

This is one of those times. You remember Pamela Ribon, my BFF, right? She is toooootes my BFF. Here’s my review of her latest book, which I posted to Goodreads.

What I love about Pamela Ribon’s books is how they are simultaneously hysterical and heartbreaking. They’re like two, two, two books in one! Except they aren’t, because she manages to move between the two extremes—giving more time to the hilarious, thank goodness—in a way that feels completely normal.

In “Notes to Boys,” Ribon adult-narrates her teen dorkiness. Her notes to boys are exactly that: uncensored bits from her journals and first drafts of notes—some 200+ pages!—detailing her ascent into madness. And isn’t that how must of us entered our teens, mostly sane until the hormones hit? What she shares will make most readers cringe and nod and laugh along with her... and dig around in their parents’ attic for their old journals.

(That’s what I did anyway, and was disappointed to find that my teenage journals were far less interesting than Little Pam’s, though they were equally embarrassing.)

“Notes to Boys” is another Pamela Ribon hit. She has woven these excerpts from her journals into a story that, like her earlier books, is both realistic, relatable, and an absolute joy to read.

Inspired by Little Pam, I quoted bits from my 1985 journal a few days ago. Unfortunately, they’re amusing only to the people involved—“amusing” might be generous—and when I write up 1986’s blurbs it’ll probably be more of the same. Clearly, Little Pam was vastly superior to Little Jen—LP was writing for large audiences from the very beginning!

While I can’t eagerly recommend my walks down memory lane as entertaining reading for all, I can recommend Notes to Boys. Read it. So says I.

Jul. 31: July in review

Time to summarize July at the Manullangs’ house.

Special days I celebrated this month and how:

• Independence Day. Quiet-ish celebration at home but-cept for a little bit of blowin’ shit up after dark.
• Relay for Life 2012!
• Darlene’s and Alec’s birthdays. The fam gathered at Darlene and Wellington’s. Fun was had by all, especially those who ate that cake Sonya brought.
• Victor turned older on July 29. We didn’t do a whole lot, but in two years: WATCH OUT. Big celebration for the elderly guy in my house!

Books I read this month:

• One Thousand White Women: The Journals of May Dodd, by Jim Fergus. I loved this story, loved the white woman’s view of the blending of cultures.
• I started reading several books that I didn’t finish, either because they were totally uninteresting or simply not my thing. What a waste of time with those. Ugh.
• We met Carlos Ruiz Zafon, author of The Shadow of the Wind, at Powell’s last week and I bought his latest book (The Prisoner of Heaven) and the one before it, The Angel’s Game. They are all part of the Cemetery of Forgotten Books series. So excited to go back to that place! He’s a very talented storyteller.

Movies and TV shows worth mentioning:

• I’ve been watching a little Olympics, but otherwise not much interests me on TV these days.
• I finally got the second season of Samantha Who? on DVD. I really loved that show. So much.
• Mirror Mirror. Cute-sy cute.
• It was neither a movie nor a TV show, but we saw Jersey Boys on its stop in Portland last week. I made the mistake of not checking the appropriateness of the show for 10-year-olds, and Jack heard more profanity in three hours than he’s heard in his whole life. Oops. Heh heh.

New recipes or restaurants we tried:

• No new restaurants; just returned to some of our favorites.
• No new recipes, either. Jack and I baked cookies today and I was instantly reminded of why I hate baking cookies. An all-day summer project involving constant use of the oven? No thanks. Come talk to me when you have a Popsicle in your hand.

Special or unusual purchases we made:

• Guitar strings to replace the ones that kept snapping on Katie’s new guitar.
• I floated again. Got kinda bored this time.
• I bought a LOT of polished river rocks so I could make one of these:

This month’s disappointments:

• That guitar string problem.
• Vic’s stay-cation. (I hate that word so much. No, I resent that word so much. We needed to get o-u-t of here.) It was nice having him home for a week, though.
• Football camps and practices started. Sorry, Jill, but for me, it super-sucks.

My accomplishments:

• I almost have all the glue off me after making the river rock doormat. For a couple days, I felt like Clark Griswold in this scene from Christmas Vacation:

• We got a good report from the oncologist on my 18-month post-treatment tests. I don’t think anything I did had anything to do with that happening, so to call it an accomplishment is awfully generous. Let’s just say it happened and it was a good thing. There.
• We organized our garage and took loads of stuff to Goodwill. Related: someone stole our stove—but it was our old one, so we didn’t care. Related: we got Katie to give up a bunch of stuff (though you’d never know it by looking at her room) for the neighbors’ garage sale. Related: I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. And cleaned. I also cleaned.
• Another Pinterest-inspired project: these planners. The glass in the frames (I used two of these) makes a good dry-erase surface, and the scrapbook paper inside serves as separator between days. Every week I change the headings and write in the upcoming week’s stuff. These hang in the kitchen where everyone in the family can see them and now they are no longer allowed to yell at me for not telling them what’s going on. It’s working well so far.

• I got  my new laptop set up with minimum difficulty, and now I hardly even notice that it’s a different one. Whew. Don’t get me wrong; I’m still bitter that I had to buy a new one.
• I didn’t kill anyone, even though several people who crossed my path TOTALLY asked for it.

Anything else noteworthy:

• Pamela Ribon’s newest book, You Take it From Here, came out on July 3. My name is in it. I’m way more proud of that than I deserve to be. Acknowledgement or not, I loved the book and encourage all y’all to buy it.
• We got to hang with the Fukais for the first time in way too long. Val and I caught up on People magazine news, Vic and Chris enjoyed their new fire pit, Jack dressed up in a skirt with a parasol, and Katie got schooled by Val in a Nerf gun fight (followed by Val shooting herself in the face).

• We met up with Debi and Greg while they were in Portland last weekend. Greg got a new dress! Yes, some might call it a kilt, but I called it a dress. In Portland, he was not even given a second glance because in Portland, guys in kilts aren’t even a little bit unusual. Portland is so weird and awesome. Debi and Greg aren’t so bad either.
• OMG, OMG, OMG! Snoop Dogg changed his name. That’s noteworthy, right? Yahoo News thought so and put it all big and headline-like on my page. Yay???

Bring it, August. I’m ready for ya.

May 28: Month in review

Even though there are three days left in the month, I feel prepared to review it. I do.

Special days I celebrated this month and how:

• The end of National Screen-Free Week. Ugh. I celebrated by watching THE HELL out of Hulu.
• Teacher Appreciation Week at school. This is one of my favorite PTO recognition projects, and this year’s committee (Wendy, Dina, Jenn K) did a fabulous job spoiling our teachers rotten. They had a massage therapist come in for a day, lots of great gifts, and food food food. We have such huge classes this year that our teachers have definitely earned all the delights we can possibly think to give them—and a lot more often than once each school year, if you ask me.
• The end of our reading incentive program, in which we gave books to kids who met their reading goal. I love putting books in kids’ hands! We also put pizza, candy, and popcorn in kids’ hands. That’s fun too.
• Mother’s Day. We spent the weekend at my mom’s this year, and had a lovely, relaxing visit.

Gifts I gave and/or received this month:

• I made fun little gifts for the kids’ teachers and moms who help with PTO. The idea came from Pinterest, of course. 

Yes, those are pull-tab cans with presents inside.
How I made them is a secret.
(Not really.)

• The kids gave me three big hanging flower baskets for the front porch. I love that this has become my traditional Mother’s Day gift. So cheery, so colorful! Also, dead-heading petunias is one of my favorite gardening tasks—the “refreshing the plant” part, not the “sticky fingers OMG so sticky seriously this is gross” part.

Books I read this month:

• Oh, just a book that was AWESOME and, y’know, has MY NAME IN IT! (You Take it From Here, by Pamela Ribon. I recommend.)
• The Abstinence Teacher, by Tom Perrotta. Meh.
• Unaccustomed Earth, by Jhumpa Lahiri. I’m not usually a fan of short stories, but these are beautifully written.

Movies and TV shows worth mentioning:

• I finally got caught up on all the TV I missed during Screen-Free Week. It took FORever.
• Smash finale: seriously, we have to wait until NEXT mid-season for this show to start up again? DAMMIT.
• Modern Family: still one of the funniest shows on TV.

New recipes or restaurants I tried:

After passing Buffalo Wild Wings on the way to IKEA every couple months for [how long has IKEA been open?], we finally went there. As sworn carnivores, this was a place that left us all happy. Stuffed, too. It’s not the best restaurant ever, by far, but we’ll probably go back again.

Special or unusual purchases I made:

• New phone cases. Mine is fun. Vic’s is yaaaawn.
• Miche shells and stuff.
• Other top secret things (at least until Mother Mary’s birthday in two weeks).

This month’s disappointments:

• Sunshine moved far, far away.
• I miss my Sunshine girl.
• If I think about it too much, I cry a LOT.

My accomplishments:

• This weekend I sorted through the linen closet and got rid of two HUGE bags of blankets and towels—approximately half of the linen closet’s clutter. I did 14 loads of laundry, and my most proud accomplishment is that I folded and put it all away! I went through dresser drawers, shoe boxes, hanging clothes—and Victor did too, so we had quite the trunk-ful for Goodwill. I washed cupboards and doors. I vacuumed everywhere and repeatedly. We plant-shopped. It feels satisfying to have gotten a lot done; lest you think this is the new Jen, I assure you that I spent pa-lenty of time not doing anything productive—I mean, it’s a holiday weekend, isn’t it?
  
• My Miche Bag Relay for Life fundraiser on Thursday night earned almost $400 for our team. Woo-hoo! Of course, this wasn’t my own accomplishment… thank you to everyone who shopped with me!
• Along with a few other editors, we got the school yearbook done. Anyone who’s ever worked on a yearbook before knows how great it feels to finally have the year-long project in print-ready format.
• I might never stop saying that living through Screen-Free Week was a pretty darn big accomplishment. I think I have PTSD from it.

Anything else noteworthy:

• We spent a gorgeous day at the Oregon Coast. The good feelings just last and last. Yes, the Oregon Coast is that beautiful.
• Katie got her ears pierced again.
• Last week we saw Million Dollar Quartet, one of our Broadway in Portland shows. All four of us enjoyed it way more than we expected to. What a fun evening!
• For the most part, PTO is done for the year. For me, this is kind of a big deal. For you, it means a lot less PTO-talk on my blog, and that is also kind of a big deal.

Smell ya later, doods.

May 16: Geek. Ing. Out.

I haven’t mentioned Pamela Ribon for a long time, and that’s good because it means she’s probably forgotten about the restraining order that EVERY ONE OF YOU thinks she needs to take out on me. Can’t someone be a super-fan without getting the law involved? Geez.

A bit of review: I read one of Pamela Ribon’s books in 2010; she happened to see my post and left a comment asking if she could send me her other books for reading during chemo. I tried to be all, “Oh, you don’t need to do that…” but, I mean, SHE OFFERED. The next week I received all of her books, autographed to me, and even though I already loved everything about her (yes, mostly her style of writing and sense of humor), I loved her even more because of her very generous and thoughtful gesture. When I heard she was going to do a book reading/signing in the Northwest, I dragged April way up to Bellingham so I could meet Pamela in person. Picture proof of a giddy Jen and nervous Pamie:

Last year she emailed to ask if I could give her some details on surviving cancer treatment—how it made me feel, what people did that was helpful and kind, that sort of thing. She said she was writing a book in which a character was going through chemo and wanted it to be as realistic and honest as possible. I was thrilled to help, of course, and sent her links to a bunch of my posts from 2010—the ones where I raved about how awesome my friends were/are.

So, when you read Pamela Ribon’s latest book, You Take It From Here—and you will want to!—keep in mind that the nice things the cancer-fighting character’s friends do for her? They were inspired by YOU.

And before you put the book down, please turn to the acknowledgements section at the back, because that’s where you’ll see this:

OMG, she means me!!
I think she means me. That is me, right?

Pamela sent me an advance copy of the novel—it comes out July 3 for all you un-acknowledged-in-the-back-of-the-book folk—which I eagerly read and completely loved.

Here’s the publisher’s synopsis of You Take it From Here:

From the author of Why Girls Are Weird comes a poignant, funny tale about two very different best friends—one terminally ill with cancer, and the other determined to do absolutely everything she can to help…

Practical, patient Danielle Meyers escaped her small Southern hometown as quickly as possible, landing herself in sunny Los Angeles as a successful homemaking consultant and recent divorcee. Her bossy, loud, impulsive best friend Smidge stayed behind in Ogden, Louisiana, and has succeeded quite soundly—wife, mother, karaoke superstar, social butterfly, and survivor of cancer. But when Smidge and Danielle reunite for their annual girls’ vacation, Smidge reveals that the cancer is back and terminal, and Danielle vows to do anything to make the last bit of Smidge’s life easier. And Smidge has just one favor that she wants to ask: She needs Danielle to move back to Ogden and take over Smidge’s family after she dies, marrying Henry, and raising Jenny. When the friend you love “the mostest” wants you to make her last wish come true, how do you say no?

Like her other books, there is a very true-to-life balance of hilarity and sadness in You Take it From Here. Her characters are real; they are dear friends who are sometimes assholes to each other. It is a heartwarming AND heartbreaking story about being by a friend’s side as she faces cancer and what will happen after she’s gone. I very highly recommend this book—all of Pamela’s books, not just this one, but also especially this one.

I am soooo geeking out over this little blurb in the back of Pamie’s new book. I cannot even begin to tell you how much.

P.S. I asked Victor which of my friends he wants to marry when I die, and he very smartly refused to answer. I made him promise that it won’t be someone so great that he’ll forget about me or I will haunt him and not in the friendly ghost way. So, he’s pretty much damned whether he speaks up now or waits until I’m gone. Ha! Haunting him and whichever one of you he marries is gonna be awesome.

Dec. 6: Daybook

Look! I’m actually posting this Daybook thing on a Monday morning, when it’s meant to be posted. I might just be awesome. For today only.

Today…

Outside my window... it’s gross. I don’t really want to talk about it.

This weekend, I… baked two dozen cupcakes in black and orange, and two dozen in green and yellow. Yep, they were for a Civil War game party. If I cared at all about the Beavers or the Ducks, I would have probably put nasty stuff in the cupcakes representing the team I liked less. Lucky for the people at the party, I didn’t give even a tiny bit of a shit who won. In fact, most of the time I was at the party I couldn’t even see the TV. When I heard people cheering, it made me happy. When I heard people booing, it made me sad. Now I have some questions for you:

1. Did you know that Rumple Minze is good in hot chocolate?
2. Can you say “Rumple Minze” if you’ve been drinking Rumple Minze? I cannot. It comes out “rupplemist” or “rumblemist” or “rumplemints.” Wait! That’s it! RUMPLE MINTS. Rumple. Mints. Rumple Minze. Rumble Mertz. DAMMIT!
3. Can you tell that Cassie got me drunk at this party? She didn’t even have to try very hard.
4. I love Cassie.
5. That last one was not a question, was it?
6. I think maybe it’s easier to say “peppermint schnapps.” Also, to make this a question, will you buy me some peppermint schnapps? I’d like marshmallows with it, pretty please.

I am thinking... that pretty soon my in-laws and their families will be in town and I’m very happy about that. They’re nice people. Well, I’m not sure about Sonya. She can be kinda mean, like, ALL THE TIME. The rest of them are decent, I guess. Or maybe I’ll just stay home by myself.

I am thankful... for videos like this on the web. It almost hurts, how funny this is:

The 12 minutes fly by.

I am working on... fun Christmas gifts, etsy-style. That’s all I’m gonna say about that.

I am going... to get our Christmas cards out this week. I am also going to need an editor because right now our Christmas letter is nine pages long, and that’s at least eight pages two many. Oh, and I forgot that last year we used up our supply of CD sleeves, so I had to order more last night and I am going to have to wait to mail the Christmas cards that get CDs with them until the new sleeves arrive.

In other words, I am going… to do a lot of things that are difficult and frustrating and will make me angry and possibly bitter about the holidays.

I am hoping... to check some stuff off my PTO to-do list this week. There are a lot of things to tackle this week. I am also hoping to see Val this week, because I only saw her once last week and it was on Monday and I’ve already forgotten what she looks like. I am also hoping to see Sunshine this week. I saw her a bunch last week, but I don’t think it was for a fun thing even once. We need to do fun things.

Around the house... it’s getting all Christmas’d up. I love it! The tree is in the family room this year—we think we might get to enjoy it more this way—and we’ve got our singing snowmen all over the house. Turns out I’m a little corny when it comes to Christmas décor. Thank goodness for the twitter I read this morning, which put a stop to my insanity, at least for outdoors: “I was going to cover my lawn with inflatable Christmas decorations, but I’m too busy growing a mullet and watching Jerry Springer.”

One of my favorite things... is making fun of Christmas décor. It’s hilarious, what people think looks good enough to put on and around their homes. I love the displays that are tasteful and I love that ones that are kitschy. Everything in between gets pointed and laughed at. SO. MUCH. FUN. And since you’re thinking it, YES, I will enjoy doing that in hell too.

Plans for the rest of the week: PTO doodies, work, a Pampered Chef party at Cindi’s, Wellington’s birthday celebration, the gol-durn Christmas cards and CDs, TiVo catch-up, and a top-secret project I’m hinting at below.

Here’s an image I want to share:

Yes, that’s me and author extraordinaire Pamela Ribon when we met last June. She emailed me last week. I know, I’m such a dork to share that info, but facts are facts, people. She even asked me to do her a favor, which I gladly agreed to because I think she’s so amazing and I would do anything for her. And I probably shouldn’t make a big deal out of it, but when you give someone a vital organ, aren’t you allowed to make a big deal out of it?

Oops. Spilled the beans. The kidney beans.

Oh fine, Pamie didn’t ask me for a kidney. But I’d probably give her one of mine if she wanted it. Unless she didn’t really need it, like if she wanted a spare just in case. That wouldn’t be such a cool thing.

Maybe I’ll tell you more about Pamie later. (Did I mention that she’s the coolest?)

…and the restraining order is served in one… two… three…

Want to blog your own Daybook? Here’s the info: The Simple Woman’s Daybook.

Dec. 1: An anniversary

One year ago, at this very moment, I was sitting through my first chemotherapy treatment. I can honestly say it does NOT feel like just yesterday. This has been a very long year. I never really entertained the thought that I wouldn’t be alive today, though. My cancer is “highly treatable,” as Dr. O put it during my first appointment, so as afraid as I was that first day, I figured Dr. O knew of what she spoke, and there was no reason for me to think of my diagnosis as a death sentence.

For the very vain, though, or even for those who occasionally look in a mirror, the hair loss was pretty close to a death sentence. It’s not just the head hair disappearing that gave me grief; losing my eye hair was what made me look like a freak. As Jack put it, “you look like an alien but you’re not green.” Friends, this is why we don’t rely on 8-year-old boys for boosts of self-esteem.

Few people saw me Kojak-bald. My head was covered at all times, even at home, even when I slept. I was sure that Victor would find my baldness hideous, so on the rare occasion that he saw me uncovered—usually right after a shower or when changing my scarf—I apologized. He thought that was silly, and he promised that he was fine with my baldness. Still, when you’re used to seeing your spouse with a full, thick head of hair, it has to be weird. I continued to keep my head covered.

It was May when I was first bald in public. I saw Michelle, my fab stylist, to have my makeup done and to be given temporary eye hair. People went in and out of the studio as I was being made up, and I felt incredibly naked. When Michelle finished, I put a loose scarf over my head and went to Laurelhurst Park for a photo shoot. I took the scarf off and felt a bit less naked than I had in the salon, but only because a bald woman at Laurelhurst Park is no biggie. Why did I have pictures taken? Because while I would love to forget most things about this year, the fact is that this experience has changed me dramatically, and it seemed important to mark this time in my life. I hope that someday I’ll look back on those photos, with my great-grandchildren at my feet, and marvel at how cancer was a tiny little blip on the radar screen of my life.

There were ups and downs along the way. The “ups” were tremendous, and I truly credit the people who brought them for keeping me going on some of my extra-difficult days. I mentioned many of them here. One of the nicest surprises of the past year was getting acquainted with author Pamela Ribon, who happened to read the review of her book on my blog and offered to send me her other books. I met her in person at a reading/signing in June. It was a total geek-fest for me—I’m such a book nerd. I had visits from friends who live far away. People went out of their way to see me, to connect, to offer me their best wishes. Such goodness in that. In the past year I’ve also made some new and delightful friends that are “forever” types. Pure happiness!

The “downs” I faced were fewer, but when they came, they absolutely knocked me on my ass. A guy I’d become familiar with through his wife’s blog, who had the same type of cancer as mine, received a poster his Internet friends had made—they were all giving cancer “the bird,” and I fell in love with the idea. I decided my motivational poster would be of my friends pole-dancing—Kim F’n had started the whole IV pole-dancing craze and I was determined it could, and should, live on. For months, I received photos of friends wrapped around pole-like objects, and I LOVE them! (I’m still collecting the photos, BTW… I’ve got 53, but not enough to do a poster justice yet. Send me more!)

I know the flipping-off-cancer story sounds like an “up,” but it’s not. The guy had a recurrence of his lymphoma just months after being told he was in remission. It sucked. He died, and that sucked even more.

A few months later, Loveliest Lori had a medical emergency of epic proportions. It was scary, and seemed like forever before we were sure she’d live through it. The experience was life-altering for everyone who loves her.

Some of the downs weren’t as big a deal as those. For instance, as my hair began to grow in, a bad case of dandruff came with it. Not cool. My post-chemo aches and pains kept me in bed for several days. My veins got worn out from the infusions and the nurses started having an extra-tough time getting my IV started before every treatment. I lost a lot of sensation in my left hand; my rheumatologist recommended a (painless) steroid shot in the base of my thumb. Dr. O said the numbness had nothing to do with chemo but it was so obvious it had EVERYTHING to do with chemo, so I asked to get a port to avoid being poked two or three times every session. I had the port placement surgery—a relatively easy procedure and recovery, but oddly painful too. Add these things to the fatigue, weakened immune system, chemo brain, and all the other typical side effects of chemo drugs, and you’ve got a girl that gets grouchy more than once in a while.

On the bright side, there were very few surprises during the first six months of my cancer treatment. This was a good thing, a sign that everything was progressing as it should. I was initially told I would have 6-8 CHOP-R treatments, and my hopeful heart set its sights on six. My heart is a wishful thinking dummy. After scanning my tumor site, Dr. O ordered two more treatments. Bummer. Once #8 was over, though, I was excited to be DONE, until I realized that I would be doing follow-up/maintenance treatments for six months and they were just as frequent and took as long as the original treatments. The only big difference was the “H” was no longer part of my regimen. The “H” stands for Adriamycin (I know, I don’t get it either), and is that evil red stuff that made all my eye hair fall out.

Without the Adriamycin my hair began to grow back, and on October 4, I finally went “topless.” Even though I totally looked like a boy with a lot of grey hair, it made me feel like a human to go out without a scarf or hat—not a very attractive human, but a human nonetheless. I have taken to wearing earrings almost constantly—they help me look more like a girl human—and lipstick and eye makeup when I remember.

The follow-up/maintenance chemotherapy regimen I’ve been on since mid-May is supposed to end on December 14. I would love to make that chemo session a big ol’ party, with cake and balloons and friends and happy happy happy things. I’m too afraid to celebrate much, though, because I’ve been disappointed by false endings before. Who knows yet what kind of follow-up I’ll have to do for the next couple years? It could be Adriamycin every three weeks. I don’t know when I’ll see the last of the chemo nurses, but I doubt it’ll be on December 14.

The thing is, if my doctor tells me I’m officially in remission, then I should celebrate, RIGHT? Maybe I should celebrate the milestones instead of waiting for the ding-ding-ding! GRAND FINALE ding-ding-ding! of my cancer experience, which may not happen for a long, long time. Celebrating milestones will allow me to eat a lot more cake.

I like cake.

Jul. 13: I read it: Stupid and Contagious

I’m reviewing chick lit again. What’s become of me?

This morning I finished reading Stupid and Contagious (2006), Caprice Crane’s first novel. Here are some things you should know about Caprice Crane:

• She is very, very funny. I follow her on twitter and you should too.
• She has written for numerous TV shows; most recently for the new versions of 90210 and Melrose Place.
• She’s, like, an authority on pop culture, one of the things that makes this book guilty-pleasure-fun to read.
• Her web site, www.capricecrane.com, is named “A Site For Sore Eyes.”
• Her second novel, Forget About It, is being made into a movie called Love, Wedding, Marriage.
• She has a lot of fellow writers for fans. Who comments about her book on its cover pages? Brian Doyle Murray. Anna Maxted. Isabel Rose. Karen Salmansohn. Erica Kennedy. Johanna Edwards. Liza Palmer. Pamela Ribon. Yes, THAT Pamela Ribon.

Things that are fun to know about Caprice Crane:

• Her mom is Tina Louise. You know who I’m talkin’ about. Her dad was Les Crane.
• On the acknowledgements page in Stupid and Contagious, Caprice thanks her parents (duh), and Danielle Brisebois.

I’ll be honest; when I first started reading this book it seemed a little fluffy. Sure, it was funny and the writing was good, but overall I just wasn’t too impressed. The book alternates between the two major characters’ voices, and it was around page 36 (of 320 pages) that it became obvious their stories would eventually overlap; that’s when it became more interesting. Heaven and Brady are both sarcastic and quirky, and the kinds of people I think I would love to have as real-life friends (save for Heaven’s habit of unapologetically stealing mail). The evolution of their friendship seems mostly real, although it’s crazy enough that I could easily picture it as a movie too.

The story takes place in New York City for most of the book, and near the end heads to Los Angeles and then Seattle. I liked the Seattle parts a lot because of my familiarity with the city, and the things that happened there were so funny I didn’t stop to think how implausible they were.

Celebrity encounters with Ben Stiller, Russell Simmons, John Ritter, Ron Jeremy, and others are especially amusing moments. Heaven’s waitressing experiences are hilarious. Brady’s “idea man” thoughts are silly, and yet I found myself cheerleading for his success.

The heart of this book is in its humor. There were “bummer” moments, sure, but nothing as deep and serious as what I’ve found (and love) in Pamela Ribon’s books. So yes, in that way, Stupid and Contagious was “light.” It was still very fun—perhaps the perfect follow-up read to a more serious or dramatic novel? Yes, I think so.

Amazon’s description of Stupid and Contagious:

Twenty-six-year-old Heaven Albright is a failed PR executive turned embittered waitress. Twenty-nine-year-old Brady Gilbert is a struggling independent music producer with no bands and a get-rich quick product idea: "Cinnamilk"--a delicious beverage derived from leaving cereal in the bowl too long. What do these two people have in common? Not much--except for a shared dislike for one another as neighbors. You see, Heaven has an annoying habit of opening Brady's mail. The tide turns, however, when she rescues Brady from an awkward encounter with his psycho ex-girlfriend, sparking an unlikely friendship and a united quest to pitch Cinnamilk to the founder of America's biggest coffee chain. But will Brady and Heaven's fortune-seeking adventures also brew romance?

Caprice Crane is also the author of Family Affair (2009) and Forget About It (2007). I’ll be reading those too, between my adventures with F. Scott Fitzgerald and Chris Bohjalian.

Jul. 2: IDCEAYWTPFriday

It’s Friday, and that means you get a post called I Don’t Care Enough About You to Write in Transitioning Paragraphs Friday.

• When you have to ask yourself repeatedly what day of the week it is, is that a good thing? I mean, it’s probably because you’re enjoying your life a whole bunch, right? It doesn’t mean that you might possibly be losing your grip on reality, does it? I think I might not want to know the best answer to that question.
• Sunshine is home from her vacation! I missed her much. Kim F’n, on the other hand, has gone off to Ho-Tah ‘er somewheres and I’ve almost forgotten what she looks like. Because my tears are blinding me. Also, they burn. And itch a little. It could be the herpes.
• My week started out on the nicest kind of foot, with a girlfriends’ lunch at Serratto in NW Portland. Sherilee came over for the day and met up with me and Kim F’n. There was much laughter and joy, and many, many smiles from the ever-in-love Kim. Here are some secrets I’m gonna share with you: Kim doesn’t listen when you ask her not to wear that jacket again in your presence, and Sherilee has a very expensive deck of cards. She also only occasionally has water at her house, so you might want to hug her from a distance. The three of us had a lovely afternoon together because together, we are lovely people. See? I’m totally right, huh?
  
   
• Vic and I are thinking about re-claiming the spare room upstairs and turning it into an office again. Why? Because we try to do everything the hard way and 16 times. We’ll put the Wii back downstairs and let the kids have the family room as their play area. It will then be the messiest room in the house again, and we will grow weary of the screaming and nagging and switch it up in another couple years. It’s how we do.
• I avoid going into my kids’ bedrooms because the cleanliness of them makes me want to scream. Today I walked past Katie’s open door and saw she has a Justin Bieber poster on her wall. Now I have a whole new reason not to go in there, I don’t care how clean it gets.
• We’re having a little thing with a few friends here on Sunday evening. The kids talked me into it and I haven’t regretted the decision YET; talk to me in a few hours when they’re still playing video games and not cleaning their rooms. Anyway, if all goes as planned, here are some of the fun foods the kids and I are making for Sunday’s festivities (click the photos to link to more info):
  
    
• Guess how much I love the new folders feature in the iPhone software v.4? So much. Nine screens’ worth of icons are now smooshed into two. I can’t find things any easier, but being organized is no longer the problem.
• Check out the Cash Cow game for the iPhone. The full version is free at iTunes right now. It’s annoyingly addictive and you’ll hate me for recommending it.
• My sister got this napkin at an airport coffee shop last week. I love what it says, but have to agree with Kath’s amendment; fake boobies are an exception in the “fake anything” category. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with fake boobies.
  
   
• Not that this has ANYTHING to do with fake boobies, but Wednesday night I witnessed behavior between friends the likes of which I’ve not seen before in my very sheltered past. It was scary and funny and weird and since there’s photo evidence, I would recommend that those friends always always always be nice to Val. This is not one of the incriminating photos, but it does show an amazing group of women whom I dearly love:
  
  
  

  Chris, Sunshine, Cindi, Val
  Cassie, Wendy, Jenn K, Dina, me 

  That’s Daisy, Cindi’s very sweet Doxie, cuddled in my lap. I don’t know how the empty Jell-O shots ended up in front of me. Weird.
• Oh, and speaking of Val, the more I get to know that girl, the more I love her. Our latest discovery: we both hate Twilight! Yay us! Not to worry, Sunshine, Dina, Jenn K and our other friends who love Twilight. We still love YOU. See how generous we are? It kinda makes you love us even more, right?
• I want a puppy. Katie wants a puppy. Jack wants a puppy. Millie would probably like a puppy. Scout would tolerate a puppy. Casey would not like a puppy. Victor thinks a puppy is a bad idea. Guess who’s going to win this one? Hint: Not Casey and not Victor. Ha. I know of a litter of rat terrier puppies looking for homes and OMG they are irresistible.
• A couple years ago I read my mom’s issue of Utne Reader and thought it was a great magazine. She gave me a gift subscription for Christmas that year, and I have since decided that Utne Reader tends to be too full of its intellectual self, like a guy I dated in college. Just when I’m ready to give up on the magazine, there’ll be an issue with a handful of articles I really enjoy and they make me give it another chance, like when I decided that guy didn’t make me feel like such a dummy after all. I was wrong about him—soooo wrong—but I kinda love this article about parenting.
• I think it’s kind of amazing that I’ve gone a whole post without mentioning Pamela Ribon, don’t you?
• (Oops. Dammit.)
• It started raining last night, and was still raining when I woke up this morning. Mother Nature is a bitch. Can someone tell her it’s July? Gah.
• Ooooh, I just had a thought! If we take over the playroom upstairs, I can decorate it however I want. That means I can paint the walls! I love to paint walls. This is going to be so much fun. I gotta think about paint colors now. Bye.

Jul. 1: I read it: “Going in Circles”

It’s taken me a while to write up my thoughts about Going in Circles, the latest novel by Pamela Ribon. This is partly because my blog is kind of becoming all-Pamie-all-the-time and I thought maybe you/she deserved a break, but it’s mainly because it took me some time to decide exactly what I wanted to say about the story. If you don’t want to read this whole post, know this: I LOVED Going in Circles. I LOVED IT SO MUCH.

Here are some of the reasons why:

• Just about any book in which I’m not re-writing sentences in my head as I read is good by me. Some authors write in ways that I absolutely DO NOT LIKE. They’re not necessarily bad writers—though that is frequently the case—but their sentence structure and use of our language just doesn’t work with the way my brain processes text. Pamela Ribon is, in my opinion, an excellent writer. When I read her blog posts and books, I never try to re-write sentences. I usually don’t even need to re-read one to make sense of it. Her writing flows and every word helps to develop the story. (Even better, every third word or so makes me laugh out loud.)
• The subject matter. I don’t think I’ve ever read a book that even mentioned roller derby, much less made it a major topic. Even with no familiarity of it, I loved Pamela’s descriptions of the sport. The idea of roller derby scares the living shit out of me—there ain’t enough elbow and knee pads in the world!—but it was surprisingly fascinating.
• The growth of Charlotte’s character. There was a definite difference in Charlotte in the beginning of the book and Charlotte in the end. I think part of what made me love that is how obvious it was that her friends had so much to do with getting her to that new place. I feel very much that way as I go through my cancer fight; my family and friends are such tremendous support to me, and I’d probably drown in a pool of self-pity without them.

And here’s where I have to very reluctantly admit something: I’m afraid this book fits in the category of “chick lit,” and that means that maybe I like chick lit after all. Dammit. (In my defense, I’ve always thought of chick lit as being poorly written—like one step above Danielle Steel and Jackie Collins on the intelligence ladder. It’s possible I’ve been wrong about that all along, because it’s certainly not the case here.)

Besides the roller derby thing being completely foreign to me, I’ve honestly never thought of a divorce between a childless couple to be such a big deal—more like a “mulligan.” There are no kids to be affected, so it’s pretty much just dividing up property and that’s no biggie, right? Sooo wrong. I appreciated how both Charlotte and Matthew dreaded the idea of ending their marriage. It made perfect sense that they would put off making a decision (thanks to the author’s creative ways of sharing Charlotte’s thoughts), and I found myself going back and forth between rooting for them to last and feeling that it was time for them to end it. In that way, this story opened my eyes to an aspect of divorce I’ve not dealt with personally. This was far from a self-help book, but I can easily see how it would be hugely comforting to someone who has gone through a similar experience. I don’t see that very often in novels, but I like it when I do.

The last few chapters of Going in Circles were powerful and humorous and sad and uplifting all at the same time; they showed Charlotte challenging herself in roller derby, coming to terms with what had happened in her marriage, and making decisions that would change her life. As much as I enjoyed the entire story, I especially loved the last third.

It’s a very nice thing to enjoy a book that much, to smile even as I finish the last page. I thought Going in Circles was one of the best ones I’ve read in a long time. And meeting Pamie in person soon after? It was like Neosporin on those roller derby injuries.

Jun. 29: What brung ya

It’s been months since I’ve looked at my blog stats, but as always, the search terms that brought people to Stuff Jen Says have given me chuckles. One even made me snort, but just pretend I didn’t tell you that because snorting is unladylike and I am, if nothing else, a petite and fragile flower.

These are in order of popularity. Some are surprises; most are not.

1. stuff jen says
   Obvy.
2. "pamela ribon" and ribon "going in circles" and ribon pamela
   Dur. She rocks. Who wouldn’t want to find references to pamie?
3. jennifer manullang and jennifer says and jennifer saltmarsh and jennifer saltmarsh manullang and jennifer.manullang blogspot
   Can I just tell you how much I love that all the Pamie searches were more common than the searches for variations on my own name?
4. "got contact lenses" or "got * contact lenses" or "got contacts" or "got * contacts" or "got glasses" or "got * glasses" -"optical health" site:blogspot.com
   Ooooookay…
5. "mr. squash you all flat"
   On my blog, this either refers to my bra or the driving habits of Kim F’n.
6. coin dozer cheat
   How the hell can you cheat at that game???
7. covered wagon kits portland oregon
   See, we’re not the only desperate people looking for covered wagon kits ‘round here.
8. david gates and bread hardy boys
   Oh, YEAH.
9. gummy bear jewelry
   If only.
10. kimberly felkley nelson
    The true identity of Kim F’n. Who’s Googling Kim F’n? Hmm.
11. saltmarsh 2010 "@hotmail.com"
    This is not my email address.
12. what jen says
    So close. So very, very close.

I’m quite relieved to see that “pictures of Zac Efron pantsless” has finally dropped off this list.

Jun. 29: Someone’s in trouble

Guess what I plucked out of my neck this morning?

Yes, that is a hair, and it is not a cat hair. It is also not a dog hair. It is a Jen hair. It is a hair that was growing out of my neck. It is a hair that was completely, totally, OBVIOUSLY visible for as long as it took to grow, which has to have been about three weeks. And not a single one of you said anything. Do you all hate me that much? Really?

I can understand if you didn’t see the hair when it first sprouted; it was light and probably fine enough that it was not readily visible. But as soon as it got longer and turned dark, well, there’s no excuse for that at all. I’ve seen a lot of people in the past few days, and there are many who should have said something. But did they? No. They just went on their merry way, giggling about Jen’s long neck hair and probably telling everyone they knew.

Because that’s what I would do if I saw a hair growing on your neck but didn’t want to tell you.

Here are the people who could be responsible:

1. Victor. As I’ve said before, what’s the point of being married if your spouse won’t tell you when you have a thick, wavy black hair growing out of your neck? COME ON.
2. Katie. The girl notices everything. What gives, Girl?
3. Jack. He notices nothing.
4. April. I’m gonna give her the excuse of having sat on the right side of me for much of the weekend—the hair was on the left side of my neck—so she’s out of the blame game. Unless she makes me mad; then she’s totally back in.
5. Kathy. She was too busy running a half marathon. Normally I would count on her to alert me to hair growing out of my neck, but I’m letting her off this time. Cuz I’m a good baby seester.
6. Brenda. Too nice. Wouldn’t say so if she saw it.
7. Sean. Probably didn’t notice.
8. That waitress at Cheesecake Factory. What a wench. I know she saw.
9. Pamela Ribon. WTF, Pamie? I thought we were friends.
10. Jim Sharon. He was too busy being jealous of the hair on my head, I guess.
11. Kim F’n. She sat across from me at lunch yesterday, and I’m sure if her eyes weren’t so frosted over with LOVE, she would have noticed.
12. Sherilee. She gets the same pardon as April; she sat to the right of me at lunch yesterday. But during dessert at Mio Gelato? Out in the sun? I guess she was too busy worrying about whether there was water at her house. Like that matters.

Whether I excuse you or not, I think y’all owe me an explanation. Or can we at least make an agreement that in the future, you will always always ALWAYS tell me if you see a hair thick as a tree trunk growing out of my neck? Please?

Jun. 28: “Eat, Cry, Shove”

Saturday night I went to a book reading by Pamela Ribon. It’s hard for me to know what and how much to say about the event, because if I say a lot then it’ll sound like I took notes the whole time (I didn’t). If I don’t say very much, then it will seem like it was a so-so reading and I didn’t enjoy it (I totally did). There’s a very slight chance that Pamela will read this, so I don’t want it to make her uncomfortable, y’know?

See, if you’ve read Why Girls Are Weird—and if you haven’t, why not? It’s hilarious and sweet and entertaining and makes reading fun!—you know that the main character ends up with a stalker-y kind of fan. I imagine Pamela herself has dealt with those to some degree, and that many of her non-creepy fans are worried about seeming like one of the creepy types. I would most certainly be part of that extra-cautious group.

I love her!

Well, I mean, she’s a very good writer and I enjoy her books a lot.

I don’t love love her.

I mean, she’s perfectly nice and all, but I don’t need to be her best friend or anything.

Although that would be cool.

Being best friends with a famous writer who is clever and quick and fun to hang with would be VERY cool.

Not that my real friends aren’t all those things.

Well, except the famous writer part.

Maybe if they applied themselves, they could be famous writers. I should suggest that to some of them. I’m sure they’d appreciate it. People always like being told what to do, right?

Anyway, I was talking about my new best friend, Pamela Ribon.

Oh gawd, she’s not my new best friend. I don’t think that. I didn’t say that. That stupid Stalker Tess has me all flustered and nervous. I just think Pamela is rockin’ awesome and I will totally read every little thing she writes. Did you know she wrote an article for oprah.com? I do, because I read it. You should too.

Alright, so at the reading in Bellingham this past Saturday night, Pamela read a chapter from Going In Circles, answered questions, and signed books. She was tremendously funny, and when a transient walked up to the podium and asked for a gift, she seemed only slightly rattled and then managed to get the audience roaring with her reaction. See? It’s just more awesome.

She announced that anyone who asked a question would get a gift. There were eight or so items wrapped and/or bagged, and she said they all had something to do with divorce and/or roller derby, which are the two primary topics of Going in Circles. Let’s see if I can remember the gifts:

• A pain reliever with a sleep aid
• Cash
• Wine
• Kleenex
• A big teddy bear
• Cat food

Dammit. I can’t remember what else there was. I’m sure there were more.

After the reading, Pamela signed books for the audience. I didn’t have any books for her to sign BECAUSE SHE ALREADY SENT ME HER BOOKS, ALL AUTOGRAPHED AND EVERYTHING. I might have mentioned that, like, eleventy times already. April took our picture together and Pamela asked us to sign a roller derby poster she had brought.

And that was that. It was thrilling to meet Pamela in person, fun to share the experience with my dear friend April, and totally worth the drive from Seattle and back.