stuff jen says: Jan. 25: Poker Night haiku

Saturday night was Poker Night for a bunch of us. I think the best way to commemorate the evening is with haiku. (Duh.)

Tasty meal by Jim We crowd around the table Eat until it’s gone.
	“I can’t stop staring” Says Chris F about The Beard He’s so George Clooney.
		The whipped cream vodka With orange juice and ice cubes Creamsicles? More, please!
The Fancy™ Fam’ly Makes perfect gin and tonics And velour tables.
	Here is your green chip It’s worth five hundred dollars! (Of play money. Pffft.)
		Ev’ryone brings snacks Val shares her communion bread Oh, the holiness!
Chris B tries to bluff But Jen has a run of luck He’s such a baby.
	The Beard makes us cry Yes, it’s the stuff of nightmares George Clooney nightmares.
		Ace/king look pretty But don’t win. “That’s an Anna Kournikova.” Ha!
Booze flows. Lori turns. Falls right off her chair. We laugh. She looks so confused.
	Big and little blinds Become huge and monster blinds Where’d all my chips go?
		It’s late, time to go. Jim and Eric split the pot. We all stumble home.
Can’t wait for next time! Let’s do it tomorrow, please Will The Beard feed us?

facts of jen's life

So, who do you think you are? I think I’m Jen. People who don’t know me sometimes call me Jenny. That’s weird.

Tell me about yourself. I was born a small black child, and am now a grown-up, or at least my kids think I am. I’m in my mid-40s and live in the ‘burbs of Portland, Oregon. My husband is Victor, and my kids are Katie and Jack. Read this if you want the real and very long scoop.

Tell me things people might not know about you. I am an ordained minister and can perform marriages. Why no one has asked me to do this for them yet, I do not know. ● At the request of my Disney-hating friend Ed, I got mouse ears embroidered with the name “Satan” and I didn’t even get kicked out of Disneyland. It’s quite possibly the ballsiest thing I’ve ever done. ● I “helped” write this book, published in 2012: You Take it From Here, by Pamela Ribon. My name is in the back, and I’m still geeking out about it. ● I recorded a song in a studio in 1994 and it got local radio play for a few months. At least two times I turned on the radio in the car and my song was playing at that moment—very cool. ● I nearly died from a zit in 1986. I am not making this up. ● Victor and I once appeared on The Tonight Show. Really. If you can find a VCR, I’ll show you the tape.

I read some of your posts and I think you might be an alcoholic. I drink way less than I write about drinking. If I ever STOP talking about booze, then it’ll be time for an intervention.

What do you love? Books. Coffee. Fonts. Broadway musicals. San Francisco. Bacon. Rum. Law & Order. Naps. Butter. Home. Crack cocaine. iDevices. Words. Disney vacations. You.

If you could punch anything or anyone in the face, what/who would it be? Cancer. I was diagnosed with lymphoma in November 2009. I kicked its big fat ugly ass and am in remission now. ● Comic Sans. ● People who won’t take responsibility for their problems—the “I didn’t do anything to deserve this!” attitude. Look in the mirror. That’s who to blame. ● Celebrities who are famous for no reason. Y’know, if we stop looking, they’ll go away... ● Bad grammar and spelling and the dummies who use it.

You seem bitter. Did someone piss in your Cheerios? I’m not bitter. I think unicorns-and-rainbows stuff isn’t very interesting to read, so I tend not to write that way. But also, now you’re being kind of a jackhole.

It seems like no one ever comments on your blog posts. Why is that? Most people comment on the Facebook links. I don’t know why.

What if I want to tell you something? Two ways to reach me: leave a comment on a post, or e-mail me at jenniferTAKETHISPARTOUTmanullang at gmail-dot-com.

Jan. 25: Poker Night haiku

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