I need something to take my mind off the people who are mean for no reason except to be big fat meanies oh my buddha I hate them so much I get all stabby and twitchy-eyed and I just know my day is about to become a Lifetime movie because I’ve got a lighter and a lot of flammable liquids in my pantry.
That image is of someone yelling, sure, but it doesn’t even come close to how I feel. I feel more like this…
…y’know, crazy enough over this that it shows. (Except I don’t have a porn ‘stache.)
I know I shouldn’t let these meanie jackholes get to me, but I’m human and I can’t help it. I just don’t understand how people go through their lives leaving a path of destructive hurt and cruelty behind them. My guess is that some don’t even know they do it because it comes so naturally to them, and I think that’s super-sad. I also think/hope that karma will get them in the end. Unfortunately, karma doesn’t always follow my timing demands.
I’m not completely self-deluded; I can be mean. I can. I just usually need a good reason for it. Oh, who am I kidding? Sometimes totally innocent people are on the receiving end of my grouchiness. I apologize when I’ve done something wrong or insensitive or mean. though—but only if I truly feel it. In in the end, I hope everyone gets what they deserve. I like that you-get-what-you-give thing. But mostly, I try not to go out of my way to be a meanie.
I don’t like being lied to, especially when it’s done in a two-faced way. Can I trust you or can’t I? Just wondering that makes me think I probably shouldn’t trust you. And when these liars are people I associate with regularly, that makes trust a constant battle.
I also don’t like having someone pissed at me when I have no idea what I did to deserve it. If they think I should know why they’re pissed, then I feel like an idiot and wonder if I’m just as clueless as they are and then I start hating myself and questioning every behavior and personality trait I can identify and then I feel like I need one of these things:
Or this might be more appropriate:
The problem is that when I’ve presented my case to an unbiased ear, if that ear completely takes my side and blames everything on the meanies, I question the validity of that too. I mean, when my friends support me and say mean things about the mean people, I appreciate it but I know they’re doing it because they love me. But someone I PAY to listen to me? They don’t have to be biased. They have to be honest, right? And when they say, “those people are jackholes,” then I tend to think maybe things are more like I see them than I thought. Maybe I’m not so far off when I say some people are mean for no reason.
Then I wish I was this:
Ultimately, because all of this uncertainty and self-doubt magnifies the tiniest issue, it makes me hate being a girl at times.
But back to my venting…
…please ‘scuse me while I get some of this frustration and anger OUT of me:
And to try to change it around, today I’ll work on remembering this:
"Holding on to anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die."
And this is a good one too:
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.