Aug. 16: IDCEAYWTPFriday

I know, two weeks in a row of shirtless Ponch. I cannot believe it also.

• Jack’s football draft has finally finished and… well… he’s on a team. Today we got an email from the coaches, and besides a schedule that has entirely too many practices and games that involve football, it listed lots of reminders like these:

Parents parent, coaches coach, referees ref, kids get the fun job to play. Any time we cross someone else’s job description, problems will arise.

On game day: parents stay in bleachers, not on the track or sidelines.

At practice: parents, no shouting instructions or commands at their own child.

If you have a legitimate concern, talk to me at practice and ask for a time to meet the following day. No emails, VM or text. Talk in person (away from other parents).

Parents: Please try watching the entire spectrum of players, not just your own child. The best parents are those without kids, the best coaches have never coached, the best marriage advice seems to come from divorcees and single people.

• You know what that stuff makes me think? They tell us these things because parents have given them reason to and therefore, parents are unbelievable assholes! I can’t believe people need to be reminded to be decent human beings. I’m running for Football Parent Non-Asshole of the Season. It sounds like there might not be a lot of competition.
• Last night Dina and I went to The Bloggess’ reading/signing at Powell’s in Beaverton. Powell’s waaaay underestimated her popularity—they didn’t have ticketed signing and they ran out of books. It was insanity. And so was her presentation, but in the best way. I adore that woman and her very twisted sense of humor. If you have not yet read the silliness that is her book, put it next on your reading list.
• Why did the Olympics have to end? Pffft.
• The other day I straightened my hair. It took approximately four hours, and that’s why I was late to everything that day. The most frustrating part was not even how long it took, but that five minutes later my hair started telephone cord-ing up again.

• Here’s my advice: if you have chemo and your hair starts coming back all curly, don’t believe people who tell you how lucky you are. You are going to fight with that hair until the end of your days.
• There’s something wrong with Vic’s car and that sucks.
• There’s something wrong with my new laptop and that also sucks, though Vic might suggest his problem is worse. Whatevs. My laptop is making a loud noise that’s super-annoying, but I suppose it won’t break down on I-205 on the way to work.
• Here’s a picture for Sonya, my fab sister-in-law. I can’t wait ‘til she looks like Kim Jong Il!!    (And no, I don’t feel bad, because the Caucasian aging process is way uglier and starts happening way sooner, IMO. Like, in my case, at 32.)

• Did you see the season premiere of Grimm this week? It was edge-of-your-seat kind o’ stuff. I hate two-parters, but I’m glad there’s some new TV to watch, so I’ll let this one slide.
• This weekend Vic’s extended fam is going to Great Wolf Lodge. I love it there, but since I’m not a swim-in-public person, I have opted to stay home. BY MYSELF. It’s possible that I still win.

Aug. 26: Hee haw

The rottenness of the past couple weeks continues, but as always, there are things here and there that make me smile—and sometimes, even laugh. I’m very thankful for those things, especially when they’re people. Ye know who ye be.

The Bloggess, one of my favorite bloggers, has also been having a rough go lately. (I just started to type out why, and it got me so bummed out, I couldn’t keep going. Just read the past several posts on her blog to find out, mmmkay? Thanks. Oh, and prepare to be totally bummed out like me. You’re welcome.) She appended her last post—about an unfortunate UPS delivery—with a reader comment that I absolutely LOVE:

This is what I like to do (besides black tar heroin) — Halloween time I buy one of those fake UPS or FedEx costumes and when either guy brings me a package I open the door in a rush and go “thanks I’ll take it from here!” and slam the door.  Will also get you a free pizza if you stock up on pizza company costumes. ~ Chris Illuminati

I’m off to find another distraction from the suckiness.

Jun. 25: IDCEAYWTPFriday

It’s Friday, and that means you get a post called I Don’t Care Enough About You to Write in Transitioning Paragraphs Friday.

• We turned on the air conditioning this week! This makes me all kinds o’ happy. It appears that summer has finally arrived here in Portland-town. Now, everybody get out and enjoy it before it disappears in a few days.
• I finally got those hotel reservations made. I used Hotwire and got a 3-star hotel for $57/night. When I go directly to the chain’s site, the rate is almost three times that. Yay for all my stressing out over it, I guess; it paid off. I don’t recommend sites like Hotwire or Priceline if you have very specific needs, but when you’re somewhat flexible, it can be awesome.
• These are pretty funny: The Stupidest Women’s Products Ever Invented.
• This week we started on a new chores program for the kids. They’re actually kind of enjoying it right now—I’ve been careful to spread their responsibilities out across the week so they don’t have to “work” more than 20 minutes at a time. We created a reward program, and they’re REALLY liking that part. If you’re an iPhone user, you gotta check out iRewardChart, which lets you customize tasks and rewards and then track them over time. Great motivator.
• Yesterday I took my book out on the deck and sat in the sun for about half an hour. I was worried about burning my bald head, and didn’t give much thought to the rest of me. Oops. Here’s how I looked after the sunburn had fully established itself on my chest by evening:
  
   
  Try not to be too distracted by my giant rack. It’s the sunburn I’m show-offing.
• My friend Jim posted this link on Facebook yesterday and I. LOVE. IT. A distraught cat owner and graphic designer neighbor disagree about how the search for a lost cat should best be handled. Careful, you might pee yourself.
• So yeah, we’re leaving for Seattle this afternoon. Kathy’s running in the Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon in the morning and I’m planning to meet her at the finish line—or more specifically, at the ‘V’ reunion spot near the finish line. I’ve never been to one of these big runs; I hope I’ll be able to find her. She got a runner tracking thing so I’ll know her progress throughout the race—I will think it’s sooo cool if it tells me when she trips or if someone cuts her off and she curses at them—I’ll want her to wear it all the time.
• April and I are going up to Bellingham in the evening to meet Pamela Ribon at her book reading/signing. She’s the fab author of Why Girls Are Weird (and pamie.com), and she sent me all of her other books to help me through the boredom of chemo. I love her. I mean, I love that she did that. If I say I love her it makes me sound all stalker-y. I am not stalker-y. I am totally, completely normal and the opposite of frightening, and if David Sedaris’ people try to tell you anything else, don’t believe them.
• Hearing the Thompson Twins makes me smile. Sweet high school memories.
• I’d like you to meet my new friend Val. She’s super-cool and fun. We’ve had four dates so far but it was on our first date that I knew I would love her.
  
  
  Val’s husband is half-Asian, so this is how Victor described her to Katie and Jack when they asked whose house I’d just been at: “She’s a whitey with a weird last name, just like Mom.”
• My grandma has returned to Oregon. My mom and brother-in-law drove her back this week. It’s looking like she’ll need to go into assisted living, which she’s not going to be pleased about; Mom and Uncle Paul are hoping to talk to her about it this weekend. I’m glad I won’t be anywhere near them when she hears that news.
• I recommend y’all read this article by Rev. Patrick S. Cheng, Ph.D.: ‘Love The Sinner, Hate The Sin’ And Other Modern-Day Heresies, recently published at The Huffington Post. I think if more Christians had this Christ-like attitude, they would be seen as a much less sanctimonious, judgmental group. Sadly, the ones who really do feel this way are often too quiet about it and let the jackasses speak for them. Let the nice guys preach on the street corners, not the hateful loonies!

Those of us who walk the Christian path should reject the modern-day heresy of "love the sinner, hate the sin," especially when it comes to LGBT people. Instead, we should focus on the two great commandments of (1) loving God with all of our hearts, souls, and minds, and (2) loving our neighbors as ourselves (see Matt. 22:37-40). Nothing more and nothing less. We should spend far less time worrying about how to make others repent, and far more time worrying about our own repentance, or metanoia. If we truly believe in a gospel of grace as opposed to a cult of works-righteousness, then we should believe that God -- and not humans -- will take care of the rest.

• Speaking of nice guys, I’ve got a lunch date on Monday with two of my favorite people: Sherilee and Kim F’n! How lucky am I? The fun with Kim will continue into Tuesday, when she’ll be my chemo buddy for the day. Fellow patients, ye be warned. We kinda rock the hell out of that chemo room, what with the Pop Rocks and IV pole dancing and noise OMG the noise!
• Here’s an eBay auction that’ll give you a chuckle: http://item.ebay.com/200487505908. I ♥ The Bloggess.
• Except for overnight trips to Salem and downtown Portland, this weekend in Seattle will be my first “vacation” in many months. I’m totally out of practice with packing for out-of-town weekends. Let’s see, what will I forget? It’s usually a toothbrush or deodorant or jammies. Vic often forgets underwear. Katie almost always forgets her much-needed hairbrush, and the last thing on Jack’s mind is anything to do with grooming or cleanliness. I’m gonna be Smart Mommy™ and examine ALL of our bags before we load them into the car.

Have a great weekend!

Jul. 27: Read The Bloggess, I say!

I’ve told you about The Bloggess before, but in case you don’t read her regularly, watch this short little video in which she shares healthy breakfast tips. That oughta pull you in. On her blog, you’ll find links to all the other sites she writes for, and you really must read every one. I can’t promise you won’t ever be offended, but I can promise you’ll be entertained.

The Bloggess is the only person I know who owns—and regularly wears—a collection of “confidence wigs.” Plus, her name is Jenny and her husband is Victor and that’s almost just too awesome to believe.