Aug. 16: IDCEAYWTPFriday

I know, two weeks in a row of shirtless Ponch. I cannot believe it also.

• Jack’s football draft has finally finished and… well… he’s on a team. Today we got an email from the coaches, and besides a schedule that has entirely too many practices and games that involve football, it listed lots of reminders like these:

Parents parent, coaches coach, referees ref, kids get the fun job to play. Any time we cross someone else’s job description, problems will arise.

On game day: parents stay in bleachers, not on the track or sidelines.

At practice: parents, no shouting instructions or commands at their own child.

If you have a legitimate concern, talk to me at practice and ask for a time to meet the following day. No emails, VM or text. Talk in person (away from other parents).

Parents: Please try watching the entire spectrum of players, not just your own child. The best parents are those without kids, the best coaches have never coached, the best marriage advice seems to come from divorcees and single people.

• You know what that stuff makes me think? They tell us these things because parents have given them reason to and therefore, parents are unbelievable assholes! I can’t believe people need to be reminded to be decent human beings. I’m running for Football Parent Non-Asshole of the Season. It sounds like there might not be a lot of competition.
• Last night Dina and I went to The Bloggess’ reading/signing at Powell’s in Beaverton. Powell’s waaaay underestimated her popularity—they didn’t have ticketed signing and they ran out of books. It was insanity. And so was her presentation, but in the best way. I adore that woman and her very twisted sense of humor. If you have not yet read the silliness that is her book, put it next on your reading list.
• Why did the Olympics have to end? Pffft.
• The other day I straightened my hair. It took approximately four hours, and that’s why I was late to everything that day. The most frustrating part was not even how long it took, but that five minutes later my hair started telephone cord-ing up again.

• Here’s my advice: if you have chemo and your hair starts coming back all curly, don’t believe people who tell you how lucky you are. You are going to fight with that hair until the end of your days.
• There’s something wrong with Vic’s car and that sucks.
• There’s something wrong with my new laptop and that also sucks, though Vic might suggest his problem is worse. Whatevs. My laptop is making a loud noise that’s super-annoying, but I suppose it won’t break down on I-205 on the way to work.
• Here’s a picture for Sonya, my fab sister-in-law. I can’t wait ‘til she looks like Kim Jong Il!!    (And no, I don’t feel bad, because the Caucasian aging process is way uglier and starts happening way sooner, IMO. Like, in my case, at 32.)

• Did you see the season premiere of Grimm this week? It was edge-of-your-seat kind o’ stuff. I hate two-parters, but I’m glad there’s some new TV to watch, so I’ll let this one slide.
• This weekend Vic’s extended fam is going to Great Wolf Lodge. I love it there, but since I’m not a swim-in-public person, I have opted to stay home. BY MYSELF. It’s possible that I still win.

Mar. 10: More of the same

My last several blog posts have contained very little continuous thoughts of the cohesive variety. You probably haven’t noticed, but I have, and it just seems like that’s how my brain is working these days. My life, really… just lots of little stuff happening. Weird, since I’m usually obsessed with something, it seems.

But not lately. Nope. Just a constant flow of nothingness.

Soooo… here’s some more!

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Here’s Sunshine demonstrating my new hands-free device for my iPhone. Awesome, right? Even though she’s holding it, I still call it “hands-free” because you can totally prop it up on your shoulder and use your hands for typing or making dinner or playing games on your phone while you talk. I love it! I ordered mine from a Groupon special a couple weeks ago, but if you search for “retro handset” you can find lots of others out there. Overstock has the inexpensivest I’ve seen.

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I offer this one without comment.
OK, maybe with apologies to certain people who exceeded their texting allowances this week.

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I read this book last week. You can probably guess what drew me to it—I thought it would be a how-to guide. (hahaha hilare…) The story was amusing/cleverish and not exactly a painful read, but as our PTO treasurer put it, “it’s not going to win a Pulitzer prize.” What bothered me more than anything? The author’s name on the cover in Comic Sans. Ugh.

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We made something similar to these treats in honor of the school’s classified employees this week. I thought they were cute, and they were easy to put together. I actually didn’t find them on Pinterest, but I’m sure they’ve popped up there—such a great resource for teacher gifts, that Pinterest.

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A bunch of the area schools went in lockdown on Thursday morning because of this. It’s hard to believe people are that flippin’ stupid. Gah.

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This Pinterest find is going in the crockpot this morning.

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I’m off to get my hair cut—it’s been months and I’m actually getting shaggy. I found this book that I’m hoping will help me manage the texture of my post-chemo hair, which seems to be here to stay. Argh.

Have a great weekend!

Mar. 5: Shtuff in my head today

Jan. 29: Like your 4th grade self was any better…

‘Member when I told you that my new glasses are just like my old glasses? I finally found a picture of my old glasses:

While it turns out my old glasses are much rounder than my new glasses, they are the same color. But finding this photo brought up additional questions besides WHY DID MY MOM LET ME GET THOSE???, such as:

• WTF has happened to my hair in the past 35 years? I mean, besides having it all fall out and turn grey ‘n stuff. It was totally blond back then! It verged on cute! Can I have my old hair back? You can keep the pink sponge rollers; they totally gave me Dwight Schrute bangs.
• Can I have that perfect skin again too?
• And the denim vest? (You can’t see it, but I remember: it was the cutest denim vest you ever did see, and I knew the day I got it that it’d be PERFECT for my fourth grade school picture. I was oh-so-right, obvy.)
• What’s the deal with that smile?

OK, maybe I couldn’t pull off the denim vest again. I don’t think I’d even want to try. But the skin! Oh, the smooth, smooth skin of 8-year-old Jen. It almost makes up for the ugly glasses.

I know, it doesn’t even come close to making up for the glasses. I was a troll.

Oct. 2: Going into hiding

I watched last night’s episode of Saturday Night Live and thought the “taste test” sketch, in which host Melissa McCarthy chugged salad dressing, was pretty funny until I realized that her gross, ugly hair in this sketch looks EXACTLY like mine looks every day and now I’m not leaving the house for at least a year.

FML.

Sep. 23: Jen’s birthday came and went

My birthday was last weekend and my friends and family showered me with delightful gifts. It almost made it fun to turn 43 years old. OK, nothing’s fun about being 43. But as my friend Carla says, “Every birthday spent outside the urn or on top of the grass is a GOOD birthday.” She is a wise woman.

Still, the night before my birthday I pulled a muscle in my back while plucking grey hairs from my head. A reminder of my age could not have been better-timed, and I spent much of my birthday hobbling around like an 80-year-old. Pffft.

One of the most amusing things this year was that almost every card I received had some reference to drunkenness. Is that really what people think of when they think of me? Don’t answer that question. Here’s one of the hilarious cards—this one’s from the Jordans:

 

Funny, right? Sweet Emma, April’s 10-year-old, added this:

(Heh heh heh. Best they learn early, right?)

On the same card, April’s 8-year-old declared his very poor taste in Broadway musicals:

 

Here’s a sampling of the other fabulous things I received on Sunday…

 

Most oversized edible gift:

Yup, it’s a ginormous gummy bear.
Someone suggested I post pictures of the bear as I eat it—missing an ear, missing a leg, etc. 
Good idea, right? 
I think it’s super-funny that people think it will take me more than one day to eat it.

 

Most practical item to use when working

with all those kids at school:

Fancy Anthony™ said, “If you’re using it at school, you should just cross out the ‘maybe’.”

 

The gift I am totally taking to Jack’s

next early-morning football game:

 

 

Most semi-automatic gift my kids

have already stolen from me:

Sunday at 7pm: Manullang Family Nerf Gun Fight.
Be there.
SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS.

 

Best excuse to get my frozen treats

and coffee on the outside:

Seriously, aren’t these the best gift cards a person could ever receive? 
In my world, they are.

 

Most inedible gift that I am totally gonna

try to eat anyway because

OMG it smells like deliciousness:

Seriously, these candles should be approved by the FDA.
Someone get me a spoon, stat.

 

 

The thing I’ve been asking for since I was 6

and still have not received, dammit:

All things considered, it was a good birthday. I felt loved and happy, and there’s not much better than that. Thank you for knowing me so well, and for your generosity, goodness, stolen music, floor deck food, friendship, and everything else that makes me smile on non-birthday days too.

Jul. 28: Big day for Katie

I’m so proud of my sweet Katie girl today. She’s been talking about getting her hair cut short, and this week she decided she wanted to donate it. We looked into Locks of Love, which makes wigs for children with alopecia or cancer, but she preferred the Pantene’s Beautiful Lengths program because it makes wigs for women going through chemotherapy. She liked the idea of helping someone like ME. Beautiful Lengths accepts a shorter length than Locks of Love, and I think she was nervous about getting TOO much cut off. Who wouldn’t be?

We spent the morning washing, conditioning and drying her hair thoroughly. I kept telling her how much easier that process would be once she got the cut—I think it made me happier than it made her, because OMG, it took forever to dry her hair and I got soooo bored. I’m glad she doesn’t ask me to help her do that very often. Yes, I’m a horrible mom.

We went to my stylist extraordinaire, Michelle, for the cut. Michelle did my hair and makeup for my wedding, and she did my makeup for last year’s topless photo session. I’ve been going to her for nearly 20 years, and she’s gotten me through some very important and special moments in that time. This was definitely one more.

Michelle started out by putting Katie’s hair in a low ponytail, and then she braided it. Katie has a TON of hair—it was one very thick braid, and nine inches long. (I tried to take a picture of it but it looked less like a big thick braid than something really kinda gross that should not be photographed.) Then the cutting began. It’s probably a good thing Katie couldn’t see this part. It freaked me out—just the no-turning-back-ness of it, y’know? She hasn’t had hair this short since first grade.

We used Miss Emma’s hair as a guide for the new style—thanks, April, for getting your girl that way-cute haircut that Katie and I both love! There was more trimming and texturing…

And when it was all done, here’s how my very happy Katie looked:

Tomorrow we’ll be putting her giant braid in the mail to Beautiful Lengths. I hope someone will soon be wearing a wig made of Katie’s gorgeous hair and feeling more confident about the way she looks. That’s what this is all about, right?