Nov. 8: A list of things

Randomness because my thoughts are anything but incoherent these days:

1. The other night I watched part of that PBS thing in which Will Ferrell got an award. It was pretty funny. They showed clips of his performances over the years, and this particular one made me LOL fo’ realz. Blades of Glory is a stupid movie, but that one part kinda rocks, in that that-did-NOT-just-happen way.
2. I honestly don’t get what the big deal is about pumpkin. Everyone’s raving these days about pumpkin-flavored everything and I’m just so “meh,” because HELL-LOOO, it’s just pumpkin. BFD. You can eat it year-round, people. Sheesh.
3. Oh, but Pumpkin, our hedgehog niece? She’s adorable. (She belongs to Presley.)
4. When I told Vic I finally decided on the accent color for our bedroom, he acted like he didn’t even care. He was all “Um, OK.” Pffft.
5. Jack’s birthday is Sunday, and he’ll be 10 years old. Is it wrong that I’m so happy that he’s that far from baby-ness? I love having kids that are independent. Now if I can just learn ‘em to bring me beer.
6. This SNL sketch cracked me up.
7. Can someone give me a good reason to keep cable TV? Can’t everything be seen online these days anyway? I rarely watch TV on TV anymore; why am I paying for it?
8. Applying for work sure has changed. I’ve been updating my resume, and it’s taking way too much time because I’m finding conflicting advice everywhere I look. I mean, I know you’re not supposed to say you’re “detail-oriented,” a “people person,” or a “team player.” Duh. But some sites say you should always list a career objective and others say you don’t need one. Some say you shouldn’t list anything but work you’ve done in the past ten years, and others say to include everything from your first job on. Cover letters are optional? Whatever. And pink perfumed paper is a no-no? What kind of world are we living in, when a girl can’t make herself stand out from the rest by sending an application drenched in Sweet Honesty? Geez.
9. This Jogathon fundraiser I’ve been blathering about for the past two months? It’s completely over and we reached our goal! We reached our goal AND THEN SOME. Happy, happy Jen. Happy, relieved Jen.
10. Want some Christmas music? You don’t even have to ask; you know I’m good for it. I’ve been looking for new songs for this year’s CD and I’m finding some VERY cool stuff. Not Partridge Family cool, or Bobby Sherman cool, or Carpenters cool, but still cool. Trust me. You’ll find out soon.
11. I was very un-Halloweeny this year. I don’t know why, but I just felt DONE with the holiday before it even began. Normally I tolerate it—it’s one of my least favorite, all that death and gross stuff—but when the kids started talking about their costumes a couple months ago, I even tried to convince them they were too old to trick-or-treat. Mean momma, right? They both looked at online costume shops and came to the decision—ON THEIR OWN, I can’t emphasize that enough—that they’d make their costumes. Katie went as a ninja and Jack as a football player. I could not have been more proud of them. I don’t dare hope that they’ll do the same next year, do I?
12. Of course, there are times when costumes end up looking so fab that they’re worth however much effort it might have taken. Do I have an example? You bet I do! Here’s what my friend Stephanie and her husband did this year:

The ‘fros are just… killer, man.

I close this nonsense with recent Pinterest finds. You will love them because you have a twisted sense of humor like I do, you sicko.

 

 

 

(I love what’s in her lunch bag)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Later, doods.

Oct. 23: Big red freak

The book fair at our school starts next week. If you haven’t volunteered for at least one shift of cash register duty, why not? I don’t care if you’re not affiliated with the school—that’s how many blanks I have in the volunteer schedule right now. Just get your arse in here and work. Thanks.

Clifford (as in The Big Red Dog, as in the thing in the photo on the right, dummy) was making rounds this morning to get kids excited about the book fair. It did not get me excited about the book fair. I’m not a fan of people in mascot-like costumes—although I do love watching a good mascot fight; I think that might be one of my favorite things, like, EVER. Otherwise, people in full-body costumes creep me out. Even Mickey Mouse is a little sketchy, and you know I loves me some Mickey Mouse. The anonymity is mostly what’s so weird about it, like did you know that the person inside the Mickey Mouse costume is usually a female? While that certainly doesn’t bother me in theory, it goes right along with that things-are-not-what-they-seem factor that gives me the willies. Not being able to see the person’s face, of course, means that I don’t know if he or she is smiling or frowning or crying or whatever; I don’t know why, but I assume he or she is being a giant passive-aggressive asshole and making mean faces at me. Also, you know those costumes have got to be so hot and uncomfortable, and what kind of skank would voluntarily climb into a sweaty, smelly, furry suit? Do I want that person close enough to me to pose for a picture? I don’t think so.

Clearly, I’ve got issues with mascots.

The librarian—we’ll call her Emily Elizabeth—was on double-duty this morning; she escorted Clifford to each classroom AND pooper-scooped. Clifford is a BIG dog, remember; he can leave a real wake behind him. I’m guessing she was also on the lookout for excessive leg-humping—that would explain the rolled up newspaper she was carrying.

After their school tour was done, I saw the librarian carrying a large box that said “Clifford costume.” That was my first clue that the person inside wasn’t a book fair rep. The second was when she whispered to me, “Oh yeah, he’s having a great time in there.” And then I remembered that a few minutes before I saw Clifford, I saw the principal talking to the librarian. Could it have been him inside that costume? If so, I’d like to take back that skank comment, and probably should say I didn’t mean the leg-humping one either.

Nov. 1: Gwen’s Halloween

Debi e-mailed pictures of adorable Gwennie in her Tinkerbell costume. She looks like she had a blast!





I’m assuming Gwen chose this sweet get-up for herself, but Debi picked out what she wore on her first Halloween, which is one of my favorite kids’ costumes of all time.

Oct. 31: Twas Halloween night...

Alright, so my kids think I’m a meanie mom about Halloween costumes because I will not let them freeze while they’re out trick-or-treating. Pfft.

Every costume Katie wanted this year was sleeveless or short-sleeved. Halloween around here is COLD, so what is the point of having a cute little costume when you have to cover it with a coat? My rule: something long-sleeved so she could wear warm, insulating clothes underneath it. She finally went with a very cute witch costume, which is perfect to top 16 layers of long underwear. She bitched and moaned the whole time she was getting dressed and I was this close to saying FINE, NO TRICK-OR-TREATING FOR YOU THIS YEAR. I did not. I just told her to knock it off and get ready.



Fortunately, Vic is totally on my side with this so she got no sympathy from him. And since he’s usually the one that takes the kids out for trick-or-treating, he’s the one that ends up giving her his coat when she gets cold. This is her ninth Halloween; we’re familiar with her modus operandi.


Jack was easy; not a lot of boys’ costumes are sleeveless unless you’re going for that Village People look. His costume was easy to layer but he whined about the gloves. We got him nice black ski gloves because they looked exactly like the Darth Vader gloves he wanted at the costume store, and (bonus!) he can wear them all winter. But then he decided he should have white gloves because clone troopers wear white gloves. How dare I suggest no one would even notice! I found a pair of tiny stretchy knit gloves in Katie’s dresser and while normally Jack would flatly refuse to wear girl gloves even if they looked perfectly unisex, he thought they were great. We made them pose for a few photos and they took flight into the cold neighborhood.

So far there have been two groups of unrecognizable kids that have yelled, “That was Katie’s mom!” as they ran off to the next house. And there was a very politically incorrect costume that politely and sweetly said, “Hi, Mrs. Manullang.” Still can’t figure out who that was. I haven’t seen too many pregnant nuns yet, which is disappointing. But I think because the rain finally stopped this afternoon, everyone is excitedly out and about and ringing my goll-dang doorbell nonstop. It’s taken me more than an hour to write these few paragraphs. Katie and Jack better come home with some good stuff for Mom.

Oct. 30: Halloween meme

Yet another meme stolen from mommablogsalot.

1. Would you let your children go trick-or-treating at Michael Jackson’s house? Certainly not by themselves! He’d probably have good candy, though, so I’d totally take them.
   
2. Did you eat paste and/or glue as a child? I tasted it, sure. But I don’t think I ate it on a regular basis or anything. Only the weird kids did that.
   
3. Look at the wall to your right, what is on it? Nothing. But there’s a large bookcase, a tall lamp, and a TV so hanging anything on the wall would be kinda superfluous.
   
4. Do you put butter and/or salt on your popcorn? I like my popcorn in extremes—love movie theater popcorn (without the Valvoline, thank you) but also love air-popped popcorn with nothing on it. Debi got me hooked on Kettle Corn a while back and if I do the microwave stuff, nowadays that’s my preference.
   
5. What does your favorite coffee cup look like? We have a large collection of Starbucks City Mugs. Most of the time I just grab whichever one is in front, but occasionally I’ll seek out a specific one. Most have been gifts so we have them from all over the world. When Vic brings me coffee, I always look at the city he hands me and compare it to the city he took for himself—invariably they’re on opposite sides of the world—and accuse him of wanting to be far away from me, etc. It’s super-fun!
   
6. What was your favorite Halloween costume? I was Holly Hobbie lots of times. It wasn’t my favorite, but I was never all that proud of my costumes. Mom never really got into Halloween and my kids are totally reaping the benefits from my resentment of that. Probably the best costume I’ve ever seen, though, was on our friend Michael—a few years ago he wore one of those air blown sumo wrestler costumes. Hilarious!
   
7. Toilet paper - hard, soft, extra soft? Whatever’s near.
   
8. Have you ever rescued/taken in a stray animal? Casey, our rat terrier, was a stray that Michael and Kristine brought to us. We looked for her owners but didn’t find them, and ended up being pretty glad about that because she’s a sweetie. Millie, our new kitten, was a pound rescue.
   
9. Name three things you want your kids to learn before they grow up (if you don’t have kids, feel free to skip this one or add your own twist to the question). First, I want them to learn that they are free to be the person they are; that they need to follow their hearts and dreams. Second, I’d like them to learn how important it is to be open to other people’s ideas (not sure who they’re going to learn this from; certainly not me). Lastly, I want them to take opportunities to see the world, where they’ll learn things they’d never learn any other way.

Your turn...

Oct. 27: Pet costumes

I love this picture because it’s a rat terrier in a cow costume and we have a rat terrier and she looks a lot like this one and would look just as awesome dressed up as a cow. The beagle would probably look good too. But dang it, both of them would kill me if I tried to dress them up. One Halloween I put an orange skrunchie around Scout’s neck and she pawed at it all evening and then left a turd in our bed. I learned my lesson; watching Vic clean that up was really funny icky.



Besides this little cutie, you’ll find a bunch of other great pet costumes on one of today’s posts at Cute Overload. If I had a pet turtle I think I’d make it wear the shark costume every day.

Oct. 30: Easy costumes

It's not too late. If you're still looking for the perfect Halloween costume, Forbes.com is here to help. They've got celebrity masks for you to print out and wear, like this creepy Fred Thompson one (click it if you're brave). It makes me shiver in fear, but I'm not sure if it's because Fred Thompson looks so scary without eyes or he looks so scary overall. I love the Stephen Colbert mask; it's not funny so much as it's AWESOME.

I know, I know... and you're welcome.