May 9: Total misrepresentation

Katie is on the student newspaper staff this year. For the April issue, her assignment was to report on Rex Reader, an annual PTO-sponsored reading program. She thought it’d be a cinch because she’d interview the closest PTO officer (me) and be done with it. I find just a few problems with her reporting skills:

1. I was not aware I was being interviewed that time she plopped down on the floor by my desk and asked me two questions about Rex Reader and giggled at the dog during my answers.
2. In her very short article, she managed to make me sound like a complete moron.

See for yourself (I highlighted the “My mom is a dummy” paragraph for your pleasure):

This is slander or libel or somethin’ sinister I saw on Law & Order once. Pretty sure.

Feb. 17: Roadus rageus maximus

OK, so I was driving home from work today, on a 35-mph hour street leading up to Division, and a car stopped in front of me with its turn signal on. This usually means the person is going to turn, correct? This person did not turn. This person stayed right there in the street, where I could not get around him. I waited for a bit before I honked a little tiny honk, like “ahem!” He stuck his hand out and waved to the side like I should go around him. I could not go around him, though; besides there being no room, there was also a bike lane and the only time I’ve ever been stopped by a cop was when I once went in a bike lane to pass a turning car. Even if there had been room to pass this guy, I probably wouldn’t have.

So, I sit there, waiting and waiting while this jackass is pretty much parked in the middle of the road, and finally I lay on the horn. This time I really gave it my all. It was a big ol’ HOOOOONK! and didn’t do a bit of good. The driver waved me on again. I’m all, I CAN’T GET AROUND YOU, EFFER! (Should I mention that the car had California plates? It seems like that is a detail that should not be left out. California plates. Yes.)

Another guy walks over from the side of the road, where the car would have turned had it done what its blinker said it was going to do, and gets in the back seat of the car. I think, OK, NOW he’s going to go. But did the car move? No. So I lay on the horn again, and this time three hands come out from the windows to wave me around them. Hands of JACKASSES, all three. Idiot jackasses, in fact. Because only idiots do what these guys were doing.

Cars are starting to line up behind me when another guy comes over and gets in the other side of the  car. Finally, the blinker turns off and the car moves forward. Of course, even though they’re moving, by now I’m completely pissed at their rude behavior—we don’t drive that way in Oregon, idiot jackass from California!—and can feel my blood start to boil. It’s right about now that I think it’s probably a good thing I don’t keep a gun in my car, because I would have totally used it on them. I’m thinking I might have to start carrying one just for situations like this. My gun would not shoot bullets, though; I’m a peace-loving person. Instead, I think I’d make it shoot staples or nails or maybe live piranha. That would get my point across just fine, and I wouldn’t go to prison. Not for life, anyway.

Jun. 4: IDCEAYWTPFriday

It’s Friday, and that means you get a post called I Don’t Care Enough About You to Write in Transitioning Paragraphs Friday.

• HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRENDA! I think Ponch over there is pointing right at you.
• Have you tried the Powerberries at Trader Joe’s? They’re really, really tasty. And healthy too! OK, they’re probably not really healthy, but they sure do taste good. Here’s a detailed description.
• Millie came in with a mouse again last night. It was deader than dead. She had a ball batting it around for a few minutes, but when she got her claw stuck in the rug and pulled it over on top of the mouse, I jumped at the chance to scoop it up and throw it away. She walked around crying and making me feel like a bad cat mom for a long time. I’m glad she’s finally catching furry things, but I’d like her to keep her toys outside.
• I have a new favorite person! Mark-Antonio, a Facebook friend Jenny introduced me to, sent me a big box of Jersey Girl gear. I have him completely fooled into thinking I’m a tough girl, but that’s OK. He’s all kinds of awesome—he sent T-shirts, a baseball cap, and an Inside Jersey magazine. What a generous guy! I’m hoping to meet him in person when he’s here next month.
• Loveliest Lori posted this video to Facebook this morning. A day that begins with a little Jon Stewart can’t go wrong, right?

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Glenn Beck Airs Israeli Raid Footage
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

• Another lovely surprise I got in the mail this week: three new books, sent to me by that fabulous author, Pamela Ribon! She sent Why Moms Are Weird, Going in Circles (her brand new book), and Cold Feet. Is she the coolest? I think she just might be. I have a big stack of books to read now, and all of them look so entertaining, it’s been difficult to make a choice each time I’m ready for a new one. That’s a very nice problem to have.
• Yesterday while I was putting on my shoes, my ankle gave out and I fell down like a big clod. I landed on my left knee, hard, and it’s all swollen and tender now. I can walk fine but everything else that involves my knee makes me whine like a whiny whiner. Why must my body rebel against me in so many ways? Stupid body.
• For many, many reasons, I’m so thankful for good friends. I don’t mean to brag, y’know, but I’ve got lots.
  
   
• If you have handheld electronics, you should have an invisibleSHIELD for the screen. I got one for my iPhone last year and I love it—it not only protects it from scratches, but makes the touch much nicer. The iPhone shields are $20, which is a lot more expensive than most screen protectors you can buy, but they’re a lot stronger too. I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned the invisibleSHIELD before, but I was reminded of how fab they are because I got one for my new phone today.
• Oh, and I got a new hat! Debi knit (knitted?) it and gave it to me last weekend. It’s super-soft and such beautiful colors. Do I have a picture? Well, you bet I do!
  
  
  Deanna gets credit for giving Debi a gift bag for the hat. Thanks, Deanna!
• I can’t stop playing Coin Dozer on my iPhone. It’s a coin pusher game, like those lame ones in arcades, and it’s as stupid as those and I hate that I can’t stop playing but it’s kinda fun and I wish I’d paid more attention in physics or whatever class would have taught me something about how the game works because then maybe I would think it was boring.
• I know my paragraphs aren’t supposed to have transitions, but while I’m on the subject of iPhone apps, Moxie 2 is out! Moxie is the most fun word game EVER, and Moxie 2 has all these cool enhancements over the original and makes it even better. You totally have to get it. Totally.
• I. Am. Tired. Of. All. The. Rain. I know true Oregonians aren’t supposed to complain about the rain, but COME ON. It’s June. We just want enough sun so we know it’s not winter anymore, OK, Mother Nature?
• Also, I’d like a pony.
• Are we the only ones waiting for Captain Phil to fall over on Deadliest Catch? I know he had the stroke when they were off-loading at St. Paul Island, so at least we know it won’t all begin while they’re still at sea. He lived for ten days afterward, and I remember reading that they filmed a lot of stuff in the hospital. This week’s episode mentioned his health issues, so I think they’ll start featuring more of him soon. So sad. His last episode’s gonna be a big bummer.
• Here’s a picture of my handsome nephews, which I stole from my sister’s Facebook album because I just couldn’t resist, and that defense will definitely hold up in court, right?
  
  
  That’s Sean (23) on the left, Stephen (22) on the right.
• This week has been exhausting. I’ve had no energy. It could be the weather, or it could be the busted kneecap, or maybe it’s the cancer. Whatever it is, I’m tired and I’m tired of it. I’ve got stuff to do, and I want to do it. Grrr.

Have a super-fantastic weekend, y’all! Smell ya later—

Apr. 22: Ketchup

I haven’t blogged much lately. No reason, really, except that I’ve not been feeling like there’s much to say. I know, you’re wondering what one has to do with the other.

So rather than individual posts about a bunch of different topics like I usually write, I’m going to smash everything I haven’t said for the past several days into one post to get caught up. Totally cheating, yes.

Movie

For Manullang Family Movie Night on Friday, Jack chose Monsters vs Aliens. We went to the cinemas and approximately $467 later, enjoyed a very, very funny movie. I was pleasantly surprised. The voice talent was good—Reese Witherspoon, Hugh Laurie, Will Arnett, Seth Rogen, Stephen Colbert (as the president!), Rainn Wilson, Kiefer Sutherland, just to name a few—and the story was sweet. Not Pixar-caliber, but still good, and deserving of many alien thumbs up from the Manullang Fam.

Concert

Lori and I went to Unwigged & Unplugged at Keller on Sunday evening. If you enjoyed the movies This is Spinal Tap and A Mighty Wind, you should punch yourself in the nuts if you missed this concert. It was Christopher Guest, Michael McKean and Harry Shearer, appearing as themselves, and incredible—it’s amazing what those guys can do; they play several instruments and create some awesome harmonies. And their lyrics—oh my word, they are talented! They did songs from all their movies and albums, interspersed with film footage of various types and a couple special treats, like 3-D effects for one lucky audience member and a dramatic reading of an NBC censors’ memo. The crowd was enthusiastic and that made it even more fun. Lori and I loved it.

My friend Chris also went, and even got autographs before the show. Is this the coolest?

He left me a very strange and amusing message on my Facebook wall yesterday:

I didn’t look closely to see what was available at the merch stand, but I saw the green skeleton t-shirt on several audience members. If only I’d known they had “Big Bottom” spandex Speedos! They’d be perfect to wear at the Lassens’ housewarming pool party!

Illness

Jack stayed home from school today. He said his stomach hurt but we weren’t altogether sure he didn’t just want to stay home and play with his Nintendo DS. Still, he was moving pretty slow and I didn’t want to get to work and then get a call from the school saying he needed to go home. I stayed home with him and babied my little guy, which I loved much more than he did.

He seems to be feeling better; right this minute he’s sleeping on the couch with his hand in his pants.

New bed

Our new bed was delivered Saturday morning and I could hardly wait to go to sleep that night. I was disappointed that I slept terribly, though—it was one of those nights where I felt like I just tossed and turned and never really fell asleep. A nap a few hours later went fine, but Sunday night was more tossing. Of course, I wasn’t ready to return the mattress quite yet, but I was frustrated at it being less than perfect. As I said before, I had unreasonably high expectations in that bed.

Monday and Tuesday nights, I slept much, much better. Like a baby, even. Now I think I’m loving it. My back pain is gone. GONE!

Victor’s been sleeping just fine, as snore-y as ever.

pto

It’s official: I’ve been nominated for the PTO board. Next month they vote. I’ll probably be the VP of Student Programs, which means I’ll coordinate a bunch of the events that are supposed to make the kids smarter. Because of my responsibilities, I think a more appropriate title would be VP of Central Intelligence. Not sure when I should propose that revision…

Many homes in our neighborhood are now well-represented by the PTO board and active members, and more than one person has called us a gang because of this. This is thrilling because I’ve never been in a real gang before. When do I get to kill someone for looking at me the wrong way? Soon, I hope, because I’ve already got my eye on someone.

iPhone

My favorite iPhone applications so far are twitterific, Huff Post, and Scramble. Scramble is like Boggle, and you can play against other people. Sometimes I rock at it and sometimes I think I must be playing against that guy who wrote the dictionary himself.

My fat fingertips are getting used to the teeny-tiny keys on the keyboard, and although I’ve not received nearly as many texts as I had been promised (ahem!), I’m getting better at texting too. Yay.

The lack of my custom ringtones still pisses me off. Boo.

Bad guys

I ran into a friend of mine yesterday whom I hadn’t seen in quite a while. Her 26-year marriage is ending and the reasons why are completely depressing to me. It was really good to see her again and catch up a little, but she’s planning to move soon to get away from all the bad stuff and that was the saddest news of all (for me). I don’t blame her for wanting to move; I’d want to too. Strange how you think you know someone and then realize how much they’ve kept from you all along. Gah. Makes me mad.

Also, some people’s exes are just jackasses extraordinaire, or so they tell me. Makes me mad.

EmCityGuy’s wife Bryan got hit by a car while riding his bike yesterday. He’s alive but hurtin’. The idiot who hit him wasn’t paying attention because she was “rushing home to relieve her au pair.” (I’m sorry, Ma’am, but you have a babysitter. You can call her an au pair, but you’ll sound exactly like the moron you are.) I’d like to hit HER with a car! Stupid woman shouldn’t have a license. Makes me mad.

I’m like the Hulk (if he was in a gang)

And you should not make me mad. Remember, I’m in a gang and we are BAD ASS.

Aug. 10: Fashion, it's criminal

If your mom always said to wear clean underwear just in case you get in a car accident, what are you supposed to wear just in case you get arrested?

The Smoking Gun has grouped together some mug shots of people with amusing and/or ironic and/or unsurprising sayings on their shirts. An earlier assortment can be found here. Enjoy looking at these stupid people and their unfortunate fashion choices.

—Jen

Aug. 6: Hello Kitty Electric Chair

My Yahoo! News page today has an article about Bangkok police officers having to wear Hello Kitty armbands if they break rules. This just seems like the most useless punishment. I mean, if people who are supposed to uphold the law break it themselves, shouldn't they should get, say, the electric chair? They could put a picture of Hello Kitty on the back of the chair. Or maybe they could let the offender hold a plush Hello Kitty while he's being fried. Or maybe the guy who pulls the switch could wear a Hello Kitty mask.

OK, maybe it's a little harsh, but it's way funnier than Hello Kitty armbands. Hello Kitty is girly and dumb. 'Cept in this picture. Also, everyone knows that capital punishment is a huge deterrent to crime.

Why doesn't anyone put ME in charge of these things? I have the super-est ideas.

—Jen

July 20: Too much hairspray

The movie version of the Broadway musical Hairspray opens across the country today. I hope to see it this weekend.

I got the movie soundtrack last night. I was disappointed that there's no "The Big Dollhouse" but otherwise it's fairly similar to the Broadway cast recording. The last song on the CD is "Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now," with Ricki Lake, Marissa Jaret Winokur and Nikki Blonsky singing the three girls' parts. There's also a special uncredited line from Harvey Fierstein. Genius!

I wanted to burn a copy for my upcoming road trip so I did a Google image search for a Hairspray graphic I could put on the CD label. There were a lot to wade through, and I thought there'd be no harm in making Link Larkin (Zac Efron) my desktop wallpaper. I mean, the image was there, and I couldn't not right-click it... right? And look at that boy! He's just dreamy. Vic now thinks I'm a perv. He thinks that if he put a girl that age on his desktop wallpaper that I'd make fun of him. He's so very right about the making fun. But I am not a pervert! I probably shouldn't tell Vic that last night I had a dream about meeting Zac Efron and he fell in love with me before I could tell him I'm old enough to be his mother. I hate when that happens. In that same dream, Chris and Sonya bought a TiVo that played oval DVDs and they were just sure oval DVDs were the wave of the future. Hm.

I did finally find a good image to use for the CD label. I know you were wanting to know how that all came out.

I also found a lot of other images that were under the category of "hair spray," like this very scary one:


That's right, altogether now: YIKES.

To paraphrase Taylor, no more hairspray words.