Aug. 6: Shakespeare not-so-trivia

When we were in Ashland a few weeks ago April read in one of the gift shop books that William Shakespeare coined many words and phrases that we use in our everyday language. I did some digging around today and here’s what I found.

In all of his work - the plays, the sonnets and the narrative poems - Shakespeare uses 17,677 words. Of those 1,700 were first used by Shakespeare. Writers often invent words, either by creating new forms of existing words or coining new words outright, because they are unable to find the exact word they require in the existing language. Shakespeare is the foremost of those. He was by far the most important individual influence on the development of the modern English that we speak today. (NoSweatShakespeare)

Shakespeare’s Words

• accommodation
  
• aerial
  
• amazement
  
• apostrophe
  
• assassination
  
• auspicious
  
• baseless
  
• bloody
  
• bump
  
• castigate
  
• changeful
  
• clangor
  
• control (noun)
  
• countless
  
• courtship
  
• critic
  
• critical
  
• dexterously
  
• dishearten
  
• dislocate
  
• dwindle
  
• eventful
  
• exposure
  
• fitful
  
• frugal
  
• generous
  
• gloomy
  
• gnarled
  
• hurry
  
• impartial
  
• inauspicious
  
• indistinguishable
  
• invulnerable
  
• lapse
  
• laughable
  
• lonely
  
• majestic
  
• misplaced
  
• monumental
  
• multitudinous
  
• obscene
  
• palmy
  
• perusal
  
• pious
  
• premeditated
  
• radiance
  
• reliance
  
• road
  
• sanctimonious
  
• seamy
  
• sportive
  
• submerge
  
• suspicious
  

Shakespeare’s Phrases

• barefaced
  
• fancy-free
  
• catch a cold
  
• disgraceful conduct
  
• elbowroom
  
• fair play
  
• green eyed monster
  
• heartsick
  
• hot-blooded
  
• housekeeping
  
• lackluster
  
• leapfrog
  
• long-haired
  
• pitched battle
  
• clothes make the man
  
• method in his madness
  
• to thine own self be true
  
• towering passion
  
• ministering angel
  
• dog will have his day
  
• frailty, thy name is woman
  
• neither a borrower nor a lender be
  
• brevity is the soul of wit
  
• mind’s eye
  
• primrose path
  
• flaming youth
  
• it smells to heaven
  
• the lady doth protest too much
  
• witching time of the night
  
• it’s Greek to me
  
• live long day
  
• breathe one’s last
  
• heart of gold
  
• give the devil his due
  
• too much of a good thing
  
• naked truth
  
• foregone conclusion
  
• break the ice
  
• strange bedfellows
  
• wear one’s heart on one’s sleeve
  
• all that glitters isn’t gold
  
• eat out of house and home
  
• be all and end all
  
• more sinned against than sinning
  
• one fell swoop
  
• the milk of human kindness
  
• the course of true love never did run smooth
  

A bit of Shakespeare’s nasty side

• You are not worth another word, else I’d call you knave.
  All’s Well that Ends Well (2.3.262)
  
• I do desire we may be better strangers.
  As You Like It (3.2.248)
  
• More of your conversation would infect my brain.
  Coriolanus (2.1.91)
  
• This sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, this huge hill of flesh!
  1 Henry IV (2.4.225-6)
  
• ‘Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stock-fish! O for breath to utter what is like thee! you tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile standing-tuck!
  1 Henry IV (2.4.227-9)
  
• There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.
  1 Henry IV (3.3.40)
  
• I can see his pride
  Peep through each part of him.
  Henry VIII (1.1.80-1)
  
• I scorn you, scurvy companion.
  2 Henry IV (2.4.115)
  
• Away, you mouldy rogue, away!
  2 Henry IV (2.4.117)
  
• You are a tedious fool.
  Measure for Measure (2.1.113)
  
• Some report a sea-maid spawn’d him; some that he was begot between two stock-fishes. But it is certain that when he makes water his urine is congealed ice.
  Measure for Measure (3.2.56)
  
• Men from children nothing differ.
  Much Ado About Nothing (5.1.36)
  
• Heaven truly knows that thou art false as hell.
  Othello (4.2.50)
  
• Thou lump of foul deformity!
  Richard III (1.2.58)
  
• Thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows.
  Troilus and Cressida (2.1.29)

And if you’d like some random barbs to use on anyone but me, check out this Shakespearean insult generator.

Source: all over the web

—Jen

Aug. 6: Hello Kitty Electric Chair

My Yahoo! News page today has an article about Bangkok police officers having to wear Hello Kitty armbands if they break rules. This just seems like the most useless punishment. I mean, if people who are supposed to uphold the law break it themselves, shouldn't they should get, say, the electric chair? They could put a picture of Hello Kitty on the back of the chair. Or maybe they could let the offender hold a plush Hello Kitty while he's being fried. Or maybe the guy who pulls the switch could wear a Hello Kitty mask.

OK, maybe it's a little harsh, but it's way funnier than Hello Kitty armbands. Hello Kitty is girly and dumb. 'Cept in this picture. Also, everyone knows that capital punishment is a huge deterrent to crime.

Why doesn't anyone put ME in charge of these things? I have the super-est ideas.

—Jen

Aug. 5: The way they see it

Last week I mentioned the quote on my Starbucks cup. A Google search shows that a lot of customers think these quotes are preachy and/or too liberal and don't belong on their coffee cups. I disagree, for the most part. So here are some more, randomly selected.

Americans spend an average of 29 hours a week watching television ... which means in a typical life span we devote 13 uninterrupted years to our TV sets! ... Cutting down just an hour a day would provide extra years of life — for music and family, exercise and reading, conversation and coffee.
--Michael Medved, radio talk-show host

Mother-love is not inevitable. The good mother is a great artist, ever creating beauty out of chaos.
--Alice Randall, novelist and first black woman to write a No. 1 country song

The wise healer endures the pain. Cry. Tears bring joy.
--Erykah Badu, musician

Hot allusions. Metaphors over easy. Side order of rhythm. Message: If you want to be a poet you've got to eat right.
--Nikki Giovanni, poet

When I began writing, the words that inspired me were these: 'A writer is someone who has written today.' If you want to be a writer, what's stopping you?
--J.A. Jance, crime novelist

Children are born with such a sense of fairness that they will accept no less than equal treatment for all. I know – I have three. I hope that as they grow, they keep that sense of justice and learn to challenge the old adage that life’s not fair. It should be, in so far as we have control of it.
--Beth Vanden Hoek, Starbucks assistant manager in St. Louis, Missouri

Why in moments of crisis do we ask God for strength and help? As cognitive beings, why would we ask something that may well be a figment of our imaginations for guidance? Why not search inside ourselves for the power to overcome? After all, we are strong enough to cause most of the catastrophes we need to endure.
--Bill Scheel, Starbucks customer from London, Ontario. He describes himself as a "modern day nobody."

Children are living in a world surrounded by media. If we can use television to teach tolerance and respect and promote healthy eating, we can indeed change the world.
--Gary E. Knell, President and CEO of Sesame Workshop, the producers of Sesame Street

Our greatest prejudice is against death. It spans age, gender and race. We spend immeasurable amounts of energy fighting an event that will eventually triumph. Though it is noble not to give in easily, the most alive people I’ve ever met are those who embrace their death. They love, laugh and live more fully.
--Andy Webster, hospice chaplain in Plymouth, Michigan

A mature person is one who can say: My parents may have made some mistakes raising me, but they did the best they could: now it’s up to me.
--Shannon Fry, Starbucks customer from Ann Arbor, Michigan

What would you do for someone you love?
Would you lie, cheat, steal? Break the law and call it justice?
Would you say yes? Scream no?
Would you kill? Would you give up your own life?
Would you move mountains, swallow fire, keep a promise?
Would you change the world?
Would you change yourself?
What would you do for someone you love?
--Jodi Picoult, novelist. Her most recent book is Nineteen Minutes

A very bad (and all too common) way to misread a newspaper: To see whatever supports your point of view as fact, and anything that contradicts your point of view as bias.
--Daniel Okrent, first ombudsman of The New York Times and author of Public Editor #1

Evolution as described by Charles Darwin is a scientific theory, abundantly reconfirmed, explaining physical phenomena by physical causes. Intelligent Design is a faith-based initiative in rhetorical argument. Should we teach I.D. in America’s public schools? Yes, let’s do it – not as science, but alongside other spiritual beliefs, such as Islam, Zoroastrianism and the Hindu idea that the Earth rests on Chukwa, the giant turtle.
--David Quammen, author. His books include The Song of the Dodo and The Reluctant Mr. Darwin

People don’t read enough. And what reading we do is cursory, without absorbing the subtleties and nuances that lie deep within – Wow, you’ve stopped paying attention, haven’t you? People can’t even read a coffee cup without drifting off.
--David Shore, creator and executive producer of the television drama House

How would you rather spend your time: by tirelessly working to curtail our freedoms, or by joyfully celebrating our differences?
--Anthony Rapp, actor best known for his role in Rent, and author of the memoir Without You

There is a great deal one can learn from their parents. One is eating your vegetables. It’s not that your parents are getting you to eat them, it’s that they are teaching you that not everything in life is going to be sweet.
--David Warstler, Starbucks customer from Massillon, Ohio

I used to think that going to the jungle made my life an adventure. However, after years of unusual work in exotic places, I realize that it is not how far off I go, or how deep into the forest I walk that gives my life meaning. I see that living life fully is what makes life – anyone’s life, no matter where they do or do not go – an adventure.
--Maria Fadiman, geographer, ethnobotanist and National Geographic Emerging Explorer

Scientists tell us we only use 5% of our brains. But if they only used 5% of their brains to reach that conclusion, then why should we believe them?
--Joseph Palm, Starbucks customer from Oshkosh, Wisconsin

People could become better than they are right now by doing one thing: reading! This neglected activity is a pathway to greatness. By reading, people open their minds to be mentored by others whom they may not have the pleasure to meet due to time and space differences. C.S. Lewis, Socrates and Billy Graham are all available to talk when I open a book to listen.
--Sarha Neri, reading teacher at Las Palmas Middle School in Covina, CA

Risk-taking, trust, and serendipity are key ingredients of joy. Without risk, nothing new ever happens. Without trust, fear creeps in. Without serendipity, there are no surprises.
--Rita Golden Gelman, author of Tales of a Female Nomad. She has had no permanent address since 1986.

Do not kiss your children so they will kiss you back but so they will kiss their children, and their children’s children.
--Noah benShea, poet, philosopher and author of Jacob the Baker, Jacob’s Journey and Remember This My Children

Source: Starbucks

Have a good week, people.

—Jen

Aug. 4: A beautiful tribute

April shared some very sad news with me the other day. A longtime friend of her family's died while hiking in the Columbia Gorge last weekend. Here's the local news report.

I met Melissa on several occasions over the summer of 1991 at the events surrounding Jim and April's wedding. The last time I saw her was at yet another Knudson family wedding, when Victor and I sat with her and Andrus at the reception dinner. I obviously did not know Melissa well, but will always remember her as a very kind person with a friendly smile, and an affectionate mom to their two boys. This is a tragic loss for all who knew her. My heart goes out to her family and friends.

Today The Columbian published a tribute to Melissa, written by her parents.

MELISSA J. L. PAHN

Melissa made her entrance into this world in 1954 in New Orleans. Her family was living there while her father was attending University. She moved with her parents to E-Town, PA. She had an older sister, Jenanne, and a brother, Kevin. She and her family lived on the hospital grounds while her dad was one of the physicians caring for 200 hundred children. She was adored by the medical staff. Everyone wanted to talk to her and hold her. In 1957, the family headed west and returned to Lodi, CA to the home of where her paternal family members were raised. At an early age she appreciated the family pets. By the time she was school age, she wanted to be punctual, get her work done and enjoyed her friends. She was social and began making lifetime friends. Melissa graduated from the Lodi Academy and had decided to work in a field where she could make a difference in the world. Her field of interest was occupational therapy. She graduated from Loma Linda University with a degree in her chosen field. Melissa wanted to get her Master's Degree in Public Health. A sad night came when we helped her load a China Airlines Plane headed west in the darkness of the night. Her studies in the Republic of China were scheduled for a year. About three months in her studies, she was grocery shopping when blaring over the store the music “Stuck in Lodi” struck a responsive chord in her heart and suddenly she became homesick. She called us and we responded by traveling to Taiwan for a visit. She was an excellent guide because she could communicate in Mandarin Chinese. She got her Master's Degree in Public Health. She worked near home and got better acquainted to her family: her older sister, Jenanne, and her brother, Kevin and his wife, Heidi; and her younger sister, Shawna, who is married to Johnny Unser of the Unser racing clan. In 1984, which Melissa and her mom and dad traveled to China for several weeks. Unknown to us her serious friend, Andrus Pahn, gave her a letter to open on the Great Wall of China. After she read it her personality changed. We didn’t know why but when we arrived in San Francisco she looked up to the balcony and spotted Andrus. They gave each other a high sign and Melissa turned to us and told us about “The Letter.” Andrus had proposed, via the letter, on the Great Wall of China. Life was never the same. She and Andrus were married in Boring, OR. Because of their interest in children a group of them sang at their wedding. Melissa and Andrus blessed our family Trevor, now 19 and the eldest grandson. Then came a brother Christopher. They now have cousins. Kevin and Heidi have Chase and Jacqueline. Johnny and Shawna have Loni Unser. Jenanne has three stepchildren. She and Robert Rodriguez live in Ohio. Melissa and Jenanne are confidants. As I reflect on our favorite middleist daughter, she was a people person. She was gracious and willing to help at the appropriate time and way. As a parent I pray that I can live more like out middleist Melissa. Melissa lived in the present. Her faith remained strong. She finished her work early and her Maker called and said: “Missy, you need a rest.” In summary, Melissa was a beautiful daughter, a faithful wife, and mother. She was perseverant and an ambassador for her creator. She was like the glue that held our family together. If you knew Melissa you would have loved her. We will miss you Melissa, but you will be in our hearts and we’ll be looking for you in the hereafter. A Celebration of Melissa's Life will be held on Saturday, August 4, 2007, at 4:00pm, at Pleasant Valley Seventh Day Adventist Church, 11125 SE 172nd Ave., Happy Valley, OR 97086. Memorials in Melissa's honor may be made to Paralyzed Veteran's of America, or to the Pleasant Valley Adventist Church Youth. To send condolences or to sign the online guestbook, please visit www.brownsfh.com. Brown's Funeral Home and Cremation Services in Camas has been entrusted with arrangements.
Published in the Columbian on 08/04/2007

It's a good reminder for us all to live our lives doing what we love.

—Jen

Aug. 3: If they weren't stars

If celebrities were just normal folk that couldn't afford plastic surgery, personal trainers, stylists and couture, here's how TMZ thinks they'd look. Make sure you read the descriptions--some of them are even better than the pictures.

Ordinary stars

I think my favorite is the Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta-Jones J.C. Penney portrait.

—Jen

Aug. 2: I just don't feel like it

Well, this will undoubtedly be a huge surprise, but I am not always the most motivated of people. Sometimes when I have a list of things to do I just stare at it for a while and finally add tasks like, "wake up," and "take vitamins," and "brush teeth," just so I can cross them off.

(OK, sometimes I don't always get "brush teeth" crossed off.)

I love to organize things. In my mind, empty boxes and shelves simply beg to be filled neatly. But measuring and calculating my Rubbermaid needs and then shopping for the perfect storage materials wears me out. In other words, I buy all the boxes and they sit empty while I continue to live in chaos. I'm a perfectionist in so many ways but you'd never believe it if you looked at my closets. I used to wonder what was wrong with me until I read that perfectionists are often the worst housekeepers because their need to organize perfectly supersedes their need to just straighten things up. If it can't be done right, it's not worth doing at all.

So I have three boxes of loose papers that need to be filed, but the color-coded hanging file tabs still haven't been made. The clothes Katie and Jack have outgrown fill random boxes in their closets because I haven't gotten around to sorting them by size and season. The space saver bags I bought--you know, the ones you vacuum the air out of--were apparently not sealed tightly and now the mass of blankets and pillows I'd put in them are permanently wedged on the bottom shelf of the linen closet. And don't get me started on my half-assed shoe storage methods.

I'm always looking for new and easy ways to create good habits. My sister's great about sharing ideas. I've found a few fabulous books on organizing, and keep them handy on my nightstand. And today I found this little goodie. What I like about it is that it can be used to meet so many different kinds of goals.

After spending 5-6 hours searching the Internet for the perfect one-page calendar maybe I can actually put this technique to the test. Go me!

—Jen

Aug. 1: When white trash gets $$$

Britney Spears' parenting style makes my own look kinda good. Here's the latest, courtesy of Us Weekly and Life & Style magazines. If any of this is true, I feel terrible for those two little guys.

Spears gives her toddlers Coca Cola out of baby bottles and “asked an L.A. dentist if he would whiten her kid’s teeth!” The dentist refused.

...when Brit misplaces her pack of cigarettes, “she’ll actually turn to Sean and say, ‘Baby, where are Mama’s lollipops?’ Sean runs, gets her cigarettes and brings them back to her.”

I hope my own mother is paying attention to this next one because no matter what I've ever done to make her mad, I've never done this (yet--heh heh):

When Sean asks for Grandma, the singer (who blames Lynne for making her go to rehab in February) “tells the boys, ‘she’s a bad lady,’” says the insider.

When you can afford to pay a gajillion people to do whatever you need them to, maybe having a grandma around isn't so special. In our family, grandmas are what keep mommies sane!

Oh, let's not forget that other super mom, Melanie Griffith.

Clearly, I'm feeling a little high and mighty on my pedestal this morning--

—Jen

July 31: Science question

Grrrr... I have three huge mosquito bites on my shins. So shaving my legs would be a bad thing, right? I would hate to risk slicing the top of the bite off, exposing myself to possible infection and gangrene and death. That could kinda suck.

I occasionally get normal mosquito bites; they're small and itchy for a day or so and then they disappear. And sometimes everyone around me gets a bunch of bites and I don't any. But usually I end up with these huge bites that look like I've been sleeping in a nest of spiders. Here are 40-some remedies for these very annoying summertime afflictions. I don't know if any of them really work so you can try them out for yourself and get back to me.

Which reminds me, here's another reason I won't go camping: I have been bitten by a mosquito TWICE on the eyelid, both times while sleeping outside in our "great" nature. Pffft.

And here's a really dumb mosquito killing game.

Mosquito Bite

Now, how long can I use the mosquito bites as an excuse not to shave my legs? I mean, I might as well get some kind of good out of this.

—Jen

July 31: Festivities

Happiest of birthdays to my big seester. I love you more than all the candles!

—Jen

July 30: Ashland trip report

If you’ve been paying attention you know that the 2007 Girls’ Weekend™ was July 20-23. Our destination was lovely southern Oregon, where we saw a variety of Shakespeare’s works performed. Here, finally, is the trip report I've been promising.

Friday morning April got to my house and we picked up Debi at the airport. We headed to Bridgeport for a delicious lunch at California Pizza Kitchen. (What, no more Pear & Gorgonzola pizza? They took it off the menu! Our server said people have been complaining so they might put it back but that didn’t do ME any good today. Bummer.)

Next stop was the Woodburn Company Stores. April had left her hanging clothes in Seattle so she needed to buy stuff to wear for the weekend. Debi and I just felt like spending money. We shopped for about an hour, made a Starbucks stop, and continued the drive to Medford.

We got to my mom’s house around 10 p.m. She wasn’t home. She was out partying with her homies at the Jackson County Fairapalooza. We waited around until she staggered in and then everyone went to bed.

Just kidding about the staggering, of course. But seeing Mom fully awake at 11 p.m. was a first for me.

Saturday morning Mom prepared a delightful breakfast for us. We weren’t in much of a hurry to get anywhere and it was nice to sit around and chat. Once we finally got moving, we went to Jacksonville for some shopping. Found a very cool toy store—in a brief moment of insanity I almost bought Jack an accordion—and some fun artisan shops. Ate lunch at Bella Union, where Uncle Paul performs regularly, and sat outside on their lovely vine-covered patio. We purchased some delicious souvenirs in the huge Harry & David store when we returned to Medford.

We went back to Mom’s to get ourselves ready for an evening in Ashland. Debi and her sharp eye noticed Jen’s idiot mistake: our play tickets were for 2 p.m., not 8 p.m. We had missed our show. While I checked the Internet for a solution, Debi called the box office and a lovely woman transferred our tickets to the evening performance. Hooray! However, even though she assured us there was another show that day, we started checking around and could find no evidence of it. We headed to Ashland, not sure how we would be spending our evening, but confident by then that we would not be seeing a play. Sure enough, “Distracted” was matinee-only on Saturday. I went to the box office as instructed and found that the lovely woman who transferred our tickets actually put us in a September show. Odd, hm? I wasn’t sure I’d be able to make it back to that one—April and Debi almost definitely wouldn’t—but I took the tickets and decided to figure it out later.

We drove a couple miles further into Ashland and saw the movie “Hairspray.” There’s something wrong with going to a movie in a city like Ashland, especially in a cinema that looks like a supermarket, but at least our evening wasn’t a complete loss. Debi and I had seen both the original non-musical “Hairspray,” as well as the Broadway musical version, so we critiqued it from that snobbish point of view. Except for John Travolta, whose portrayal of Edna Turnblad nearly ruined the movie, we agreed that it was very well-cast. April (who was probably rolling her eyes in the back seat listening to our Siskel & Ebert-like review the whole way back to Medford) said she liked it too.

When we got to Mom’s around 11 p.m. she was still out. She had gotten her hands on Doobie Brothers concert tickets and staggered in soon after we got home. How on earth did my mom end up at a Doobie Brothers concert? I’m still trying to wrap my head around that.

During brunch Sunday morning I got a call from the Shakespeare Festival box office; the woman who had promised us tickets for the previous evening’s nonexistent show apologized profusely and refunded our $$. We thought that was very generous, as it was my own stupid mistake that we missed the show in the first place. Moral of that story: people in Ashland are nice.

Just before the play on Sunday afternoon we had a so-so lunch at Martino’s. “The Compleat Works of Wllm Shkspr (abridged)” matinee was fabulous. I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys laughing. Here’s a spot-on review.

Shopping in Ashland was fun and walking through town was almost bearable in the heat. We found some nice little gift shops and purchased some souvenir goodies. We had dinner reservations at Cucina Biazzi. I had never tried flash-fried sage leaves before but April made us eat them and they were really quite tasty.

Our evening entertainment got off to a horribly horrible start (in my opinion) when we stood in the Festival Courtyard for the Green Show, a performance of renaissance music and dancing that made my ears and eyes bleed. While I’m sure that a lot of the people there enjoyed it, I was definitely not one of them. Fortunately things improved from there; “The Tempest” was very good. I had never seen anything on the Elizabethan Stage before. And except for the guy behind me that started snoring loudly during the second act, we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Prospero was incredible.

Monday morning I woke up with a terrible headache. April and Debi both felt yucky too. The drive back to Portland was quiet-ish. We made a quick return visit to the Woodburn outlet mall and then took Debi to the airport. April and I went to the hospital where she was to meet her mom and sister, and I took off to Clackamas to get Katie to her swimming lesson.

For anyone that isn’t me, April, or Debi, it must suck to be you. So sorry. Our memories of the 2007 Girls’ Weekend™ will be of a marvelous few days full of entertaining entertainment and edible food. As you know, that’s what Girls’ Weekends are all about. FYI, they are not about pillow fights in panties or anything remotely like that, much to some husbands’ dismay. Although after all that high-brow entertainment of the Shakespeare Festival, we do have culture and sophistication pouring out our collective arses (to paraphrase a song from “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels,” not to imply we have food poisoning).

—Jen