Oct. 10: Gotta getta skidmark

Oh my word.

This is real, folks. It's a "brief safe," and it's the latest in security. Here's what the web site (Shomer-Tec) says (punctuation and spelling errors are theirs!): "The "Brief Safe" is an innovative diversion safe that can secure your cash, documents, and other small valuables from inquisitive eyes and thieving hands, both at home and when you're traveling. Items can be hidden right under their noses with these specially-designed briefs which contain a fly-accessed 4" x 10" secret compartment with Velcro closure and "special markings" on the lower rear portion. Leave the "Brief Safe" in plain view in your laundry basket or washing machine at home, or in your suitcase in a hotel room - even the most hardened burgler or most curious snoop will "skid" to a screeching halt as soon as they see them. (Wouldn't you?) Made in USA. One size. Color: white (and brown). To add realistic smell, check out "Doo Drops" on Page 65."

I especially love that last sentence, so I searched for "doo drops" at Shomer-Tec and found this: "These "special ingredients" are just what you may need in some "special situations". Manufactured under contract by DSG Laboratories to fulfill the occasional unusual operational requirement of CIA and other federal agents, these products are now available for non-governmental sale. Use only with utmost discretion. Doo Drops look and smell just like real diarrhea. Many useful applications, all of which will be left to your imagination. It's just like a tube of explosive diarrhea, except silent for stealth deployments. It comes in a handy dropper-top squeeze dispenser for rapid, realistic applications. All-natural. SMELLS LIKE CRAP."

You wouldn't think a last sentence in a product description could get any better than the one for the Brief Safe, but then you read the Doo Drops description, hm? This is one of the best things I've seen in a long, long time.

--Jen