June 18: Camping sucks

I hate tomatoes. I may have mentioned that earlier today. But I also hate camping. This hatred can easily be traced back to the way I had to camp when I was a teen. The jackass that took us refused to pay for a camp site, so he would park on the side of a gravel road. Anywhere. There were no facilities, no fire pits, no running water, no hookups of any kind. Got the picture? That was how we camped, and it was a nightmare from start. To. Finish.

Showers? Who needs 'em?

Toilets? Find a stump.

I know! You're probably saying, "That is not camping! That is something homeless people do because they don't have a choice! It is not fun! It is not an adventure! It is not anything but you being cheap and filthy and cheap!"

I bet you're jealous you didn't grow up with that jackass. (He was not my father, by the way. This guy didn't give a $#!+ about me or Kathy, and we felt just about the same toward him. Not that I'm bitter or anything... )

Anyway, whenever the subject of camping has come up in the past 15 years or so, I do whatever is necessary to get out of the potential outing. My friends think I'm crazy because many of them love camping. But they are clearly idiots. "Camping" to me and Kathy, now that we can be bossy and control our environment somewhat, is a hotel with no room service. Blame the jackass for making us "camp" in hellish conditions, and blame our mom and dad for being ultra-clean bathing-type folk. Those things really just don't go together.

Unless you go camping with Carolyn Neil. She sweeps her camp sites. She makes delicious food that most people would not dare attempt while camping. She's a delightful camping hostess. I'll bet she even showers.

... and I have forgotten the point I was trying to make.

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Oh yes. I read this frightening article online and it just adds fuel to my non-camping fire. Read this tragic and horrific news item.

To sum up, I shall paraphrase the title of my favorite Charlie & Lola book: I will never not ever go camping.

I may hate camping, but it doesn't change my feelings for you one bit. Lovies!

--Jen