Dec. 19: Santa, schmanta?

For a kid that was pretty much scared of everything, Santa didn’t freak me out when I was young. The idea of some strange, sweaty fat guy breaking into my home during the night was fascinating, not frightening. I didn’t care too much about sitting on his lap every year, but you can bet I was writing him letters and trying my best to be on his nice list.

The first time I remember experiencing Santa-related skepticism was after seeing toys hidden under our parents’ bed. When those same toys turned up wrapped and under the tree Christmas morning, I started wondering about where these things came from. I think I was five or six. Within a couple years I confronted my mom about Santa’s identity and got the truth, and that was that. I don’t remember being disappointed. I think I felt more like “Ah, now it all makes sense.”

For my sister, the truth came later and more traumatically. That’s one of my favorite family stories, and worth a whole ‘nother blog. But I will say that Kathy was scarred enough by the whole Santa conspiracy that she didn’t “do” Santa with her boys. Sean and Stephen learned from the very beginning that Santa Claus is “a nice guy who likes kids.” Which is not at all creepy...

When Katie was a toddler we decided to give the Santa thing a try. We also do the tooth fairy and Easter bunny. There’s a magic in these characters for children and we wanted our kids to experience that. It’s just been recently that I’ve had second thoughts about it.

When I wrap the kids’ gifts from Santa, I use different gift wrap than those gifts from and for others, and I keep that paper separate from the rest of the Christmas wrap. I also print out to/from labels from the computer so they don’t detect the similarity of Mom’s and Santa’s handwriting. Once wrapped, I put all the gifts in big black trash bags and store them around the garage so’s not to raise suspicion. After the kids have gone to bed on Christmas Eve we bring these into the house and arrange everything under the tree, assemble the big stuff, and smile at the thought of Katie and Jack’s expressions in a few hours. It’s the only time I feel like all that extra effort I put into keeping the Santa thing going is worthwhile.

When we decided we’d be at my mom’s for Christmas this year, one of the kids’ first questions was how Santa would know to bring their gifts to her house instead of ours. They were satisfied with our answer: “He’ll just know.” Last night Jack asked how Santa would get into Grandma’s house because she doesn’t have a chimney. Katie said he’d come through the front door. I said I wasn’t sure, since I’ve always lived in a house with a chimney. Vic said Santa is like Davy Jones and he’d just move through the walls. Vic is a dork.

Last week Vic found Jack in tears because he’d gone through the gifts I’ve wrapped and didn’t see any with his name (... because they’re all in black trash bags in the garage). Jack asked, “Why isn’t there anything for me? I’ve been good.” Apparently he forgot that Santa doesn’t deliver until Christmas Eve, but it was still so sad to us that the little guy was so upset.

It’s just that now it feels like we really are lying to the kids, not just telling a little fairy tale. I mean, SANTA WALKS THROUGH WALLS??? And all the secretive stuff is exhausting, not to mention occasionally heartbreaking. Although maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if they start thinking Santa Claus is a jackass...

Jack lost a tooth last night. I didn’t have anything for the tooth fairy to leave him (we usually do a toy instead of $$), so I opened up one of his Christmas gifts and put it in his room this morning. Is that horrible? I don’t know. I’m in a fog of made-up characters that are supposed to keep kids on their toes and make the big occasions in their lives magical and I can’t tell what’s real anymore and I think I want out.

Jack is six years old, and Katie is nearly eight. Can this be their last Santa Claus Christmas? Aren’t they old enough to be told the truth? And if so, will they react like I did (meh) or like my sister (OH MY GOD THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING)?