Dec. 11: Quotes from the 'net

I've been searching web sites for fonts most the morning. Most web sites show fonts using the font name as the display text. I prefer when the fonts are shown with a clever quote as the display text. Here are a bunch that I found in today's search (apologies if any have shown up in earlier posts; I'm too lazy to check).

• Sometimes I think I'm a genius. Then I realize I've already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
  
  
• For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat and wrong. (H.L. Mencken)
  
  
• A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.
  
  
• Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
  
  
• To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question... ... or is it?
  
  
• What's the greatest worldwide use of cowhide? To hold cows together.
  
  
• It's all fun and games until someone opens a portal into Hell.
  
  
• Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
  
  
• Your mind is like a taco: the more you try to cram into it, the more that will fall out.
  
  
• We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
  
  
• Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
  
  
• On the other hand, the early worm gets eaten.
  
  
• Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
  
  
• Carpe diem - seize the day; carp in denim - there's a fish in my pants!
  
  
• Join the Army, see the world, meet interesting people, kill them.
  
  
• "Happiness is a warm puppy," said the anaconda.
  
  
• The first piece of luggage out of the chute does not belong to anyone, ever.
  
  
• If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
  
  
• Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
  
  
• It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.
  
  
• You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  
  
• Evolutionists have proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof.
  
  
• An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the president but is always polite to traffic cops.
  
  
• The new childcare-screening legislation sends a powerful message to Americans: If you want to harass children, get your own, as no parent-screening legislation will be in the works anytime soon.
  
  
• If my calculations are correct, SLINKY + ESCALATOR = EVERLASTING FUN
  
  
• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  
  
• Politicians, like diapers, have to be changed frequently - and for the very same reason.
  
  
• How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
  
  
• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
  
  
• Go into a store's fitting room and announce loudly "there's no toilet paper in here!"
  
  
• Caution: I drive like you do.
  
  
• I used to wonder what was so holy about a silent night, now I have a child.
  
  
• "Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." - Dave Barry
  
  
• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.