Sometimes it seems like I write about anything and everything that’s going on in the House of Manullang. I don’t. In fact, there are lots of times that most of my thoughts are best left unsaid, unwritten, and unshared. That’s what’s going on right now—life is too damn dramatic to go into the details. I’ll tell you what I hate about the drama:
- The drama. Nope, I’m not a fan. Never have been. I like the slow, even keel days. A high once in a while is alright, and the lows are expected to come sometimes. But the constant up-down-up-down just sucks.
- The lack of sleep.
- The panic attacks. I’ve had two in the past seven days; before that, it had been years.
- The guilt from drawing away from others and the suspicions it brings. I want to say “I’m okay,” but I’m really not.
- The inability to vent by writing. I don’t want to hurt certain people, incriminate others, or piss off even more. I know, I could write something that is not meant for publication. I should work on getting better about that. When I was a journaler, I did it all the time.
So, ‘scuse me while I figure some things out and possibly disappear from the blogosphere for a bit. I’m okay. Well, I’m so-so. I’ll be okay, I can promise you that.
Sorry to hear about the drama. Hope things work themselves out soon! ::hugs::
ReplyDeleteJen,
ReplyDeleteI hope it all works out in the end. I wish I lived nearby; I could swing by with a GIANT Salted Caramel Mocha from Starbucks for you. Heck, I might just have to do that sometime. Be ready.
sheila r.
BOO to drama
ReplyDeleteThanks for your willingness to share the hard stuff. Anxiety and Depression = scary and complicated to live with - and especially to have to explain when you're so damn tired of dealing with it (says a usually hopeful and upbeat spouse of 20+ yrs.). Hang in there!
ReplyDelete