Jan. 31: Month in summary

Time to summarize January at the Manullangs’ house.

Special days I celebrated this month and how:

• New Year’s Day. Spent most of it recovering from the night before.  
• Friends’ birthdays. Some involved bacon!

Books I read this month:

• I started and stopped reading Anna Karenina.
• I’ve read three or four books on essential oils and how to use them in place of harmful chemicals in my home. The things I’ve concocted have worked well so far, but I’ve got lots more to try before I can truly be called a witch doctor.
• Uncle Tom’s Cabin, by Harriet Beecher Stowe. I’m enjoying it very much.
• I bought, but have not yet read, my pal Lisa Schroeder’s newest young adult novel, Falling for You. Yay, Lisa!

Movies and TV shows worth mentioning:

• I saw Anna Karenina—the new one, with Keira Knightley. It was fine, but a bit too artsy for me. The good thing is that it saved me from wasting any more time reading the novel. The story just was not my thing.
• Grey Gardens—the original documentary from 1975—was an absolute delight. Ca-razy women, those two.
• Sleepwalk with Me, with Mike Birbiglia. Hilarious.
• Team America: World Police. This movie is by the creators of South Park, and just what you’d expect it to be: filthy, somewhat funny, totally inappropriate. The Kim Jong Il impersonation was pretty good though.
• As for TV shows, it’s been all Downton Abbey, all the time! Season 3 started wonderfully, with Shirley MacLaine and Maggie Smith bickering about customs and countries and class. And then episode 4 just completely ruined the ride.

This month’s disappointments:

• I’ve felt rundown and tired for the last several weeks, so I went into my two year post-treatment tests nervous. Even though I have the results now and there’s little of which to be concerned, I still feel rotten. Pfffft. I don’t know if the time of year, or what.
• My two year post-treatment CT showed a lymph node that has grown since the scan six months ago. This required a PET scan to follow-up, which I had today. Results were mostly good, but I’ll know more after my oncologist gives her interpretation. This blip means I’ll have to have another CT in six months, which is a bummer because I was supposed to be done with CTs and PETs and was hoping to get my port removed. I hate cancer. I hate being afraid that it’s going to come back, and having a good reason to worry that it will, and all the appointments and tests and radioactivity. Ugh.
• I am EXTRA sick as a dog today. I had to take medication on an empty stomach (the PET scan required 6+hours of fasting), and I started antibiotics yesterday for a sinus infection, which are giving me a headache and nausea. I have a terrible cough, which makes my head hurt even more, and now I’m whining and whining and you’re sorry you ever read this.

My accomplishments:

• Lots of school stuff is getting done. We’re planning the carnival for next month.
• I’ve got a trunk-ful of donations to take to Goodwill. That always feels good.
• Katie and I cleaned out her room and we’re still friends.

Anything else noteworthy:

• Debi and I got to spend a day together when she visited Portland with friends a couple weeks ago. It was so much fun catching up while shopping and eating. I like that girl.
• The Relay for Life 2013 kickoff party was last week. This year’s event is July 27-28. Our team name has slightly changed: we’re the Super Hoe-Downs, to go with the superheroes even theme. I’m so excited to wear a cape!

Silly stuff to share:

Bring it, February. I am soooo ready for ya.

Jan. 29: Funny

Lots going on right now and too busy to blog. I’m only posting today to clear off my desktop, which is where I store images until I share them with y’all. Here you go:

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I’ve been pointing this out for years.
Close-ups of this jackass on the big screen are just one of the reasons I hate his movies.

 

 

 

 

 

Worst. Insult. Ever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

January is sadly lacking in posts; it’s already time for my month in summary. I know no one cares, but I’m pointing it out anyway.

Jan. 15: Professions I wish I had

Jen E posted a list this morning that got the wheels turning in my bloggin’ noggin. Here goes my version (and I promise never to use the phrase “bloggin’ noggin” again; that was really terrible and I am very, very sorry):

Professions I Wish I Had

Event Planner. I love, love, LOVE all the planning that goes into parties, weddings, travel, and holidays, but I much prefer to be paid for it.

Artist. But-cept I can’t draw and I get tired of art projects before they’re done.

Fertility Counselor. I have no background or experience helping people who are infertile, but there are lots of people out there who have no business being parents. I am perfectly willing to be the person who tells them that. Then I want them sterilized. And fitted for a Cone of Shame.

Fashion Cop. I don’t want to do the awards shows, necessarily, or even the “What Were They Thinking?” pages of celebrity magazines. I’d be perfectly happy arresting the people at the mall. Exceptions would be made for women who have thrown on yoga pants, a baggy sweatshirt, and fake Uggs to run errands—those women are well aware of how horrible they look and just hoping no one sees them. (Ahem.) It’s the people who got dressed using pictures of Justin Bieber and/or Ke$ha as a guide; those people should be arrested, according to Jen’s Book of Fashion Laws. (It’s not so much a book as a pamphlet. Really more of a paragraph.)

Supreme Court Justice. Duh. In fact, I can think of several friends who should serve on the Supreme Court with me: Loveliest Lori, Val, Dina, Larry, Laura LL, Jack S, Tracey, and Mike D. That’s nine! Don’t worry; if any of them are unfit to serve (never!), my list of alternates is crazy-long. I have many Supreme Court Justice-worthy friends.

Asshole Detector. Society could really benefit if someone would just let me hang big neon warning signs on assholes.

Flight Attendant. I’m always super-nice to flight attendants because I think they are secretly willing and able to decide the evacuation order of a plane afire. I would like to be at the front of that line, if it’s not too much trouble. So, if I were a flight attendant, I would make sure everyone on the plane was convinced that I had that power. Fun times.

Cat Lady. Not a Crazy Cat Lady. And I’d have dogs too. Well, one dog. Maybe two, if they’re not Lucy-huge. But I do love the kitties, and I could easily adopt six or twenty if given the chance. I would totally hire a professional litter box emptier though, because YUCK.

Billionaire. Seriously, I would be soooo good at being a billionaire. Gimme a chance and I’ll prove it.

What professions do you wish you had? You know you want to share. I promise I won’t judge.

P.S. I will totally judge.

Jan. 10: Questions of the day

What makes a person put an empty coffee pot back on the burner? You do realize what happens when you do that, don’t you? And you know that the smell of scorched coffee hangs in the air long after the coffee has completely burned away? Yes, it might remind me of my Grandma Saltmarsh’s house—she was Queen of Putting the Empty Coffee Pot Back on the Burner—but I STILL hate the smell of burning coffee.

Are you quite finished, PSY? Please say yes. Pretty sure we’ve had enough.

Why are some people are so threatened by the term “gun control”? They scare me. They scare me very much.

Sometimes I think I’m invisible when I’m driving. That’s the only reason people would pull into the street and make me slam on my brakes, right? Or go 15mph on a 40mph street? Or back out of a parking space without looking? I never think I’m invisible when it really benefits me, though, and that is downright unfair.

Fleas. Why they gotta keep coming to my house? I have made it a very unwelcome environment for them.

Do we really have to spend the next 6+ months hearing Kim Kardashian talk about being pregnant as though she’s the first person on earth who’s gone through the experience? Remember, if we ignore these worthless reality stars, they’ll go away…

The trash collectors in my neighborhood are jackholes. I know that isn’t a question.

Why WHY WHY can’t my breakfast be made of Powerberries?

If Victor hadn’t left the empty coffee pot on the burner this morning, this post might never have been written. You are invited to thank him when you see him next by doing something incredibly annoying. Please.

Jan. 3: This'll make you itch

Science is dumb.

I thought we were done with the fleas, but it seems that they've come back. Well, not so much come back as we have all new ones, dammit. Would you like to know what I've learned about the life cycle of the flea while researching flea prevention in the past three days? And when I ask if you'd like to know, what I really mean is IMMA GONNA TELL YA RIGHT NOW.

Fleas lay eggs, like chickens but without the tasty omelet option. Those eggs turn into fleas, like, within a day, and that makes me all itchy. It also makes me angry because of all the *just in case* laundry I have to do; today makes the fifth time I've washed our bedding in the last week.

Oh yeah, and Lucy. The fleas love her. They love to eat her. They also nibble on Vic, which is a tiny bit funny (to me only, apparently), because it suggests a tiny bit that maybe Vic is sweeter than I am a tiny bit and that they don't bother me because I have evil coursing through my veins a tiny bit. In fact, the only reason I'm itchy is that I know fleas exist, and right now they exist in my vicinity. (Pssst... "evil" should be pronounced "eee-ville." Re-read this paragraph if you did not pronounce it that way in your head the first time. It totally matters.)

Science. Pfffftt. It's so unnecessary. I hate it.

Somebody answer me this: do you have any experience using diatomaceous earth? It's supposed to be a good bug killer because it explodes the bug from the inside. I like that idea because any way I can make these fleas' death more painful sounds fun. In this article, diatomaceous earth looks like tiny Corn Chex. I've always thought that Rice Chex was the deadliest of the Chex cereals, but it seems that Diatomaceous Earth Chex holds that honor. Anyway, I want to know if I should get some of this stuff. Maybe it will make me hate science less.

Thanks in advance for your help. I'm off to Petsmart to get a flea collar for that non-evil husband o' mine, but I eagerly await that good advice you always have to share.

- I posted this from my iPad using BlogPress and that's why my signature is centered and my apostrophes are straight. You totally noticed.

Jan. 2: Whatever. I give up.

Stoopid iPad/BlogPress/fake Apple keyboard works for shit.

Happy new year, y’all.

Jan. 2: I promise I won't test forever.

OK, blog test #2. Formatting and links and photos, oh my!
Here's a picture of my keyboard.




Like I said, it's an Apple(ish) keyboard and there are things about it that confuse me. For instance, it's been years since I've used a Mac--decades, actually--and I cannot remember what this key does: ⌘
My friend Lafe just fell over in shame that I have forgotten about the ⌘. Sorry, Lafe.
I have a feeling that it's a magical key (impressive italics there, no?). I bet it's the secret behind the curly apostrophes and quotes. I bet it lets me travel back in time. I bet it cures cancer.
Or maybe it's just a stoopid ⌘ and doesn't do anything. The enter key is all kinds of helpful for typewriter-trained peeps, as it says "enter" AND "return." But the backspace key says "delete" and that is way wrong. The "Del" key right above it--which seems like it might be a delete key and not a backspace key--just turns off my screen and makes me shout swears.
Since Fancy Lori and Michael Menger were so helpful in defining the word "scree" for me, I hope one of my other two readers can help me with that ⌘ thing and all the other things that anger me about this Apple(ish) keyboard.
Blockquote time!
These were Michael's suggestions for using "scree" in a sentence:

"If I fall off a cliff, I'll die in the scree."
"If life is a cliff to climb, I'm still in the scree."
"Sure, I'd wingsuit off a cliff, but those screes look like they could cut you up." (*bonus plural usage*)
"I went trick-or-treating last year and all I got was some scree." (Charlie Brown on Scree)
"The economy is stuck in the scree."
"WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE??? YOUR ROOM LOOKS LIKE A SCREE!"

Picture time!
My kids are enjoying Siri and love to ask her the same questions repeatedly. Usually they ask her some variation of "Siri, are you gay?"--she's quite coy with her answers, too; I love her!--but this conversation made me chuckle:




Link time!
Here's a link to something that will make you happy: Amazon. (What, I'm the only person who loves Amazon? Or maybe I'm just too lazy to find a useful thing to link to right now. Shut up.)
I can't get my signature image below to un-center. I'm gonna go all Hulk on this setup if it doesn't start behaving soon. Maybe I will throw it off a cliff just to watch it land in the scree below. (How'd I do?)




- I posted this from my iPad using BlogPress and that's why it's all farked up.

Jan. 2: Blog testing

I'm testing new blog stuff. Bear with me.
1. I got a super cheap Bluetooth keyboard so I can do more stuff on my iPad. I am using it right now, and so far I think it's pretty awesome.
2. I downloaded this app to let me blog easily because I hate the Blogger iPad app. I think the app is called BlogPress, but I don't know because it doesn't say so at the top of the screen. It says "BlogPress" at the bottom of the post, though, so I'm going with "BlogPress" as the app name. Yes.
That's already too many things to be testing at once. But nooooo...
3. This keyboard is a (fake) Apple keyboard. I love it for its simplicity and normal key size, but there are things like WHERE THE EFF IS THE END KEY and WHY DOESN'T CONTROL+ARROW MOVE ME ONE WORD AT A TIME??? Then I remember that I can just tap on my screen to move around and I feel like an idiot.
4. I think there's no spellcheck in this app and that sucks. Or maybe I'm not doing it right. Wait, it red-underlined "nooooo," but not a "scree," my typo of "screen." Maybe "scree" is a word of which I'm unaware? I'd check but I'm afraid to close this app for fear the entire post will implode. It could happen.
5. Seriously, no curly apostrophes and quotation marks? That may lead to this app's demise... I loves me my curly apostrophes and quotation marks.
6. Now I shall attempt to add a photo. Cross your fingers.




It worked!
7. Now I'll see how publishing goes. If it works well, I'll try adding formatting and hyperlinks and fancy stuff like that in my next post. Hold your breath...
Jen
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad