Jan. 29: Like your 4th grade self was any better…

‘Member when I told you that my new glasses are just like my old glasses? I finally found a picture of my old glasses:


While it turns out my old glasses are much rounder than my new glasses, they are the same color. But finding this photo brought up additional questions besides WHY DID MY MOM LET ME GET THOSE???, such as:

  • WTF has happened to my hair in the past 35 years? I mean, besides having it all fall out and turn grey ‘n stuff. It was totally blond back then! It verged on cute! Can I have my old hair back? You can keep the pink sponge rollers; they totally gave me Dwight Schrute bangs.
  • Can I have that perfect skin again too?
  • And the denim vest? (You can’t see it, but I remember: it was the cutest denim vest you ever did see, and I knew the day I got it that it’d be PERFECT for my fourth grade school picture. I was oh-so-right, obvy.)
  • What’s the deal with that smile?

OK, maybe I couldn’t pull off the denim vest again. I don’t think I’d even want to try. But the skin! Oh, the smooth, smooth skin of 8-year-old Jen. It almost makes up for the ugly glasses.

I know, it doesn’t even come close to making up for the glasses. I was a troll.


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