Oct. 7: I’m *not* a jinx? Dammit.

Victor informed me yesterday that every one of Jack’s football games I’ve missed has been a loss. I know how seriously athletes take sports superstitions, and I cannot tell you how much this distresses me. If they’re going to win again, I really have to be at the rest of his games? Ugh. On the other hand, this might be the only time someone has actually needed me, actually wanted me to be somewhere!

So, yeah. I’m feeling kinda special!

(Who am I kidding? Turns out I don’t much like being needed.)

Fortunately, whether or not I’ve brought reading materials to Jack’s previous games seems to make no differences. If I’ve been there, they’ve won. So I’ll collect magazines and catalogs for next week, on the off-chance (ha!) that I get bored out of my skull.

Mother’s pride can be felt in photos just as well as in person. I mean, my boy does look pretty cute in all his football gear…

Aug. 7: Fairy dust? NOT. EVEN. CLOSE.

So, I’m sitting at my computer the other day, doing something important and totally not playing a game or watching YouTube videos of dogs talking, and I scratch my head. Sort of a “hmmmmm…” kind of scratch, like smart people do to help themselves think. And I look down at the front of me and see white flakes on my black shirt.

Odd.

So I scratch my head again, and there are more.

And then I think, NO FRIGGIN’ WAY, I HAVE DANDRUFF AND ALSO I SHOULD STOP PRETENDING TO BE SMART.

I search the ‘net for “chemo-related dandruff,” because I’ve never had dandruff in my life and I condition my small amount of hair regularly, and even when I was Kojak-bald I moisturized regularly so HOW THE HELL CAN THIS BE HAPPENING???

(I kinda freaked out over the dandruff, which is fairly obvious given my extensive use of the CAPS LOCK key, hm?)

In my search, I found that lots of people have dandruff post-chemo, but instead of feeling better to know this is somewhat normal, it makes me wonder when the indignities that come with cancer ever stop. I’m beginning to think they may not, and that’s going to get me yelling again if I think about it very much, so let’s change the subject.

Let’s talk about hamsters. Aren’t they cute?

OK, I can only pretend to think about things beside dandruff for so long. Somebody’s gotta talk me down, because this is what I look like right now:

 (not actually a picture of me)

And this is what I do whenever I touch my head and see a white flake fall, which is not even a tiny bit like watching snowflakes fall but more like what I imagine lepers feel when they drop limbs:

 (also not actually a picture of me)

Not funny, gods of hirsuteness. You suck. I hate you for giving me hair that grows in 14 different directions and I hate you for giving me dandruff. DANDRUUUUUFF! As soon as I find a way to get back at you, I’m totally gonna. First, though, I have to see a dermatologist because that’s just what I wanted—another specialist for dealing with the side effects of chemotherapy.

“Fairy dust,” my ass.

May 1: Plinky ~ No fun

Today’s Plinky prompt:

What's the least fun you've ever had at a place specifically tailored for fun?

Explain what happened.

Two places instantly came to mind when I read this question.

1. Six Flags Magic Mountain. Vic and I took a very early flight to L.A. and planned to take an NBC studio tour right away. We drove straight to Burbank from the airport and the tickets were already gone for the day. There were no tickets available to see a show being taped either, so our grand plans for our first day of vacation were screwed. We decided to go to Magic Mountain, which we had originally planned to do the next day. Not having gotten much sleep the night before, as well as being on a plane, apparently did something to our equilibrium or whatever it is that’s supposed to keep us from puking on the roller coasters. We also made a bad first choice to ride the Colossus—the big wooden coaster that is the bumpiest, jerkiest, slowest coaster I’ve ever been on ever in my life ever.
   
   This was in my short-lived heyday of no-fear-of-scary-rides, and I would have loved to ride most of the coasters there, but I didn’t want to be The Girl Who Turned Green And They Had To Stop The Ride And Let Her Off Why Do People Ride If They’re Sick Anyway I Hate Her For Ruining My Day. Vic went on a few rides by himself. Neither of us actually puked, but we didn’t feel well at all the whole day and were eager to leave.
   
   The other thing that sucked about our day at Magic Mountain was that hardly anyone was there. At first we thought it was cool—no lines, no crowds—but after a while it just seemed like a loser-y place because if it was so great, where was everyone?
   
   
2. Disneyland. I know, how can I not have had fun at Disneyland? I freaking LOVE Disneyland!
   
   I had a terrible headache one day and after a few hours I just couldn’t take it anymore. I left the kids with Victor and my mom and went back to the hotel to try to sleep off the pain. I was furious at myself. I really didn’t think I had it in me to voluntarily leave Disneyland.

As far as sickness, neither of these rotten days were the fault of the amusement parks. But as far as the stupid stuff at Magic Mountain? It was just stupid.

Now let’s hear your story.

June 25: I hate outside

This afternoon I went out on our deck with more skin exposed than normal. I was not even close to being nude so please don’t call the cops. I just had shorts and a tank top on and that, for me, is showing more skin than normal. (For my neighbors that are reading this, I’m sorry you had to see that. I don’t think it’ll happen again.)

I sat on one of the deck chairs for six seconds. Possibly ten minutes. I got hot very quickly. I also saw a bee. I remembered at that moment that I hate sunbathing and wondered why the hell I was even out there so I went back inside.

As I write this, approximately eight hours has passed since my outdoor adventure. An hour ago I noticed that my chest and shoulders are BRIGHT RED. I’ve never had a sunburn take so long to show itself. I am now grouchy and whiny and uncomfortable, and I think Vic is going to drug me so I’ll stop telling him how grouchy and whiny and uncomfortable I am. I’m gonna peel, and you KNOW that’ll be lovely. Six farking seconds in the sun and I’m a lobstery bitch! And I risked being stung by a bee.

Nature sucks.

Feb. 14: True romance

'Twas a dreary Valentine's Day.

Tuesday morning I woke up with a headache. I spent two days willing it away as I prepared for Katie's classroom Valentine's Day party today. I woke up around 3:00 this morning and was tempted to go to the E.R. because that's where the good drugs are. Instead I went downstairs and slept on the family room sofa. I'm not sure why I thought that would help anything; the family room sofa is not meant for someone as tall as I am to sleep on (how'd you do it, Kath???) and it made me grouchy (er).

My head was still pounding this morning. I slept as late as I could and then took off for the school with high hopes of being distracted enough that I could simply forget about my headache. Obviously, I am delusional when my head hurts this much. I met Katie's teacher in the hall and he said she wasn't feeling good either, and had stayed in from recess. I took her to the nurse and she was running a temp of 103° so they insisted I take her home. When the other room mother arrived and I told her I was leaving before the party even started, she looked at me like YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING. Y'know how something is totally out of your control but it still leaves you feeling irresponsible and flaky? I mean, she's a perfectly lovely person and probably doesn't hate me but I still think I owe her big time. Ergh.

I ran over to Jack's classroom to tell him I was taking Katie home and when I kissed him on the forehead he seemed very warm. He said he felt fine. I think he just didn't want to miss his classroom party. Katie and I curled up with the dogs and took naps as soon as we got home. Later I went to get Jack and he went to bed right away too, burning up. My headache really seemed immaterial at this point--any parent knows that other concerns disappear when your kids' skin feels like it's on fire. And now they're both in bed again and I still feel like crap and we didn't get even a tiny bit of Valentine's Day celebration in. What a bunch of sickie-losers we are.

It is quite possible the only good thing about today is that I did not get a dryer for a Valentine's Day gift. I got a lovely bouquet of colorful daisies, which were cheery and made me smile, briefly.

I hope your romantic tales of Valentine's Day 2008 involve far less vomiting than ours.

Oct. 26: Headaches R Us

Welcome to Day 4 of my migraine. It truly sucks to be me right now, at least I think it does. I'm hungry but the thought of eating makes me want to hurl. TiVo has, like, 15 shows waiting for me but my eyes hurt too much to watch them. I desperately want to pass the time by sleeping in a dark, quiet room but within five minutes I'm bored silly and feel like screaming. And screaming makes my head hurt even worse, even when I thought that was not possible. Turns out, it is possible.

So there ya go. That's why I haven't been writing lately. Please love me anyway. I would love you.

Sep. 3: Laboring on Labor Day

Victor's working a regular shift today. While most everyone else is enjoying their long weekend, it's just like a normal Monday to us. Bleah.

And to make matters worse, after today I can't wear white until, like, sometime next spring. Could this day suck any more?

—Jen

July 1: KMA, K-E-M

A few months ago I wrote about 7-11 stores transforming into Kwik-E-Marts to promote the upcoming Simpsons movie (view that post here). Today I read that the transformation is complete, and the stores are located in New York City; Chicago; Dallas; Denver; Burbank, Calif.; Los Angeles; Henderson, Nev.; Orlando, Fla.; Mountain View, Calif.; Seattle; and Bladensburg, Md.

What? No Portland stores? I implore you, how does this possibly do me any good? Life's just one big disappointment after another, i-in't it?

I love you anyway (grrrrrr...).

--Jen