Jan. 7: Gas brake honk. Gas brake honk. Honk honk punch.

Happy new year.

We had a great Christmas. Katie and Jack were really excited about every part of celebrating the holidays and that made it even more fun. It also made it more stressful for us, making sure they had equal numbers of gifts, they were opening the right things at the right time, etc. I suppose the next few years will be like that. And the next phase is when they hate everything we get them, right?

I must have been a really good girl this year, because Santa left some great stuff for me. I got lots of books (something I will enjoy on kid-free days!), a wonderful selection of scrapbooking things, and some jewelry. My favorite was the necklace Vic got for me: it's got three aquamarines (my dad's birthstone) with sapphires (my birthstone) in between. It's beautiful, and very special. I'm still amazed that he put so much thought into it! (Not that he's incapable, but he's the first to admit he never knows what to get for me.)

We also got several family activity things, like the Disney DVD "Scene It?" game, puzzles, a book of ideas for family celebrations and traditions, etc. I love that kind of stuff. It's a good excuse for the four of us to sit down just to have fun; usually when we're all together it's for meal times, or in the car, or whatever, and quite frankly, it ain't always fun!

Both Katie and Jack were thrilled to go back to school this week. Vic was home during most of their vacation and they loved that, but they were eager to get back to their buddies. It's kind of nice to be back on a schedule too.

Yesterday my mom and Len's divorce became final. Mom has a lot of support from some very good friends, and called me last night just to say she was on her way out with them for the evening. I'm glad she has lots to do and fun friends to be with.

My niece is engaged! After the wedding sometime this summer, you'll be able to call her Erin Boyardee. And you should. She loves that name.

We're planning a trip to Disneyland next month. In an insane moment, I agreed to go even though we are DRIVING. No one in their right mind would drive from Portland to southern California, would they? I didn't think so. Here's the plan for Day 1:

4:00 a.m. Alarm goes off.

4:05 a.m. Jen drinks a whole bunch of NyQuil.

4:10 a.m. Vic leads bleary-eyed wife to car.

4:11 a.m. - 10:00 p.m. Jen is comatose, Vic sings praises to the drug manufacturers.

I hate hate HATE long car rides. They make me whine and complain. I haven't driven/ridden a thousand miles straight since sixth grade, but it's a pain I will never forget. And I have this feeling that Disneyland's going to be closed when we get there, I just know it. And then I'll go crazy, and the SWAT team will show up, and, well... you know how the rest goes.

We're planning to go to at least one character meal for the kids. Jack's first stop is the Pooh ride, which he LOVED in Disney World, and Katie's is Dumbo. The new Monsters Inc. ride is supposed to be open by then so we're looking forward to trying that out too. And all the 50th anniversary celebration stuff ought to make this trip especially memorable. If I can make it through the drive down and back, all the better.

My first trip to Disneyland was in 1980, during the 25th anniversary year. What I remember most about that time is my mom and me on the Matterhorn, which I immediately regretted getting on and kept my eyes tightly shut the whole ride... well, except for when I decided to give it a chance and opened my eyes just in time to see that glowy-eyed yeti coming at me. I also remember wanting to ride Pirates over and over; lines were ridiculously long (it was summer, after all) and we only went on it twice. But my strongest memory of the whole trip was that god-awful drive. Kathy and I were bored to death in the back seat, trying to get truckers to honk, waving at people with our feet, pretending we were being kidnapped, etc. Y'know, the funny stuff that made our mom so proud. Oh, and Pea Soup Andersen's. I remember stopping at Pea Soup Andersen's.

Fortunately I've made up for those memories by going to Disneyland a bazillion times in the past 15 years. Now it's Katie and Jack's turn to find parent-embarrassing ways to entertain themselves down I-5 and back.

--Jen

Dec. 24: Neener, neener

Yummy things I won't share

While I was in college I spent several Christmases at my sister's. Her in-laws always Fedex-ed Kringles from Wisconsin, and I learned to look forward to the delectable treats every year. Alas, she eventually stopped inviting me to Christmases at her house. I'm pretty sure I know why.

Imagine our glee when a few years ago we started receiving Kringles at OUR house! This is now an annual tradition and Kathy is no longer allowed to let a Christmas pass without sending them. She knows that, doesn't she? Vic and I turn into ravenous, paranoid recipients, each accusing the other of eating more than his/her share, or suggesting that three were sent but Vic ate a whole one by himself before I got home. He would totally do that.

I shed many tears for you if Kathy is not your sister, or if you've never had a Kringle. You can find all you need to know about them at www.kringle.com. My favorite is almond, but I like the pecan ones too, and other flavors are probably good too but I haven't tried them all. An important point: these are Racine Danish Kringles, which is not to be confused with "raisin" Danish Kringles, which would be disgusting, as we all know baked "goods" that contain raisins are actually baked "bads." Who came up with that ridiculous idea anyway?

And don't forget this important serving tip: The best thing to eat with a Kringle is...

More Kringle!

Duh.

Self-righteous pseudo-Brits

The other night I went to the Dollar Tree to get stocking stuffers for the kids. Usually I dread having to go there, but this trip was worthwhile because I saw Madonna's first childrens book, "The English Roses," BEING SOLD THERE!! Madonna and her stupid fake accent, telling everyone she won't raise her kids in the U.S. because of our depraved moral values. To think her rolling-on-the-floor-in-a-wedding-dress performances, sex-with-Jesus videos, nekkid picture books, and "documentaries" have nothing to do with that just proves what a moron she is. So seeing her book for a dollar was such justice, not only that it was so cheap but that it was sold in a store where you know the price will never go up... well, it gave me the best belly laugh I've had in a long time. Thank you, Dollar Tree. I shall return.

Non-neener neener things

Speaking of belly laughs, check out this video my friend Kirsten sent me (right-click and choose Save Target As... to save and view).

Katie and Jack saw Santa yesterday. Pics here.

Time to get Christmas Eve dinner on the table. Have a holly, jolly Christmas!

Jen-Jen

And a P.S. For Lori, who always loves my holiday-themed animated GIFs, I wouldn't dare forget...

Dec. 22: Gift-giving tips

My friend Becky is the go-to gal for e-mails that'll make you laugh so hard you pee yourself. I received this from her today. Enjoy!

--Jen

GIFT-GIVING TIPS

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb, went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh." These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: There is no mention of wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:

1. They were wise.
2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion; this is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know.

One is Steve, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it."

The other is Jim, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Jim said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.)

If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.

On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:

GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN

• Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.
  
• The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack.
  
• If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning.

YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
YOU: I also got you some myrrh.

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

~Dave Barry~

Dec. 17: Ho Ho Ho... Pimp

Today I discovered The Red Cup, a web site Starbucks apparently set up for the holidays. Every day something holiday-ish is posted, like games, recipes, funny little cartoons, etc. Check it out.

I'm writing this entry on my new laptop. It's really pretty much the same as writing an entry on my old laptop, but-cept the delete key is on the top (where most are) instead of the bottom (where my old one's was). This is more difficult to get used to than you might think. Or most likely, than you might care.

So why did Jen get a new laptop, you must be asking yourself. Because when Jen ordered her last laptop she got a basic model because she hadn't anticipated the level of programming she'd be doing. That poor thing was finally just tuckered out. It got passed down to the husband. He could very well wear it out with his car-related spreadsheets or Internet porn collection, but that's a whole 'nother blog, I tells ya.

Dorothy Frances has arrived! The lovely Deanna birthed her on Tuesday, December 6. The pictures I've seen say she's adorable, and I hope to find out for myself sometime early next year, once things have settled for their family. Congratulations, Dave, Deanna, and Pete!

Check out some new Presley pics too.

So, you may have received our Christmas card this year, and if you did, you probably received our Christmas letter too. If not, here it is:

---

Tis the season...
...to criticize poorly-executed Christmas light displays
Once again, Jen writes the annual Manullang family communiqué, but we all hope your holiday season is going well so far, and that you’re taking some time to celebrate this special time of year with family and friends.

Katie and Jack spent 2005 polishing up their basic kid proficiencies. They took swimming lessons and gymnastics and spent lots of time Razor scootering, riding bikes and swimming with neighbor kids. Katie went to "Safety Town," an excellent two-week program focusing on all different types of safety. Other milestones: Katie lost two of her bottom teeth, played in a soccer league and started kindergarten. She’ll be six years old in February. Jack finally allowed himself to be potty-trained (thank you, Grandma Darlene!), entered his first year of preschool, and just recently celebrated his fourth birthday with a pirate-themed party.

A few months ago we were given a stray dog, and after an unsuccessful search for her owners we decided to keep her. One thing nice about a used dog is they come already housebroken, and this one even has a few tricks up her paw, much to the delight of Katie and Jack. Casey is a real sweetheart, with the friendliness of Scout but a lot less bark. The dogs are less than fond of sharing attention, but good companions during the day.

In April, my mom and Len separated after 23 years of marriage. The details of the divorce don’t really belong in a Christmas letter, but I will say that I am incredibly proud of my mother. She’s doing well.

In May we went to Colorado for my nephew Sean’s high school graduation. He was class president and salutatorian; it’s safe to say this auntie was pretty much bursting with pride. We’ll go back again in 2006 for Stephen’s graduation.

On June 7, my world stopped. My dad, Curt Saltmarsh, passed away at the way-too-young age of 63. He was diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia in 1998, and although he had some pretty close calls over the years, most recently he’d been doing well. I always expected to see the end coming, that he would slowly decline and we would know when it was time for him to go. His sudden death, then, (from a pulmonary embolism) was a shock. Like many father-daughter relationships, ours had its ups and downs; however, in the past ten years we found respect and admiration for each other, thanks in large part to Dotti’s determined efforts. Dad passed on to me his looks, personality, sense of humor and obsessive-compulsive tendencies (um… thanks?), but more than anything, he truly left his handprint on my heart. I adored him, and I miss him terribly. Now, adjusting to the hole in the family I’ve known all my life... well, it’s harder than I ever imagined. So, to all of you who have called, e-mailed, and sent cards and flowers, I thank you again; it has meant a lot to hear from you in this very melancholy time. I’ve been struggling to get through a lot of the everyday parts of life since then, and I appreciate those of you who have continued to check in. I feel very fortunate to have you.

It felt wrong to take a vacation so soon after losing my dad, but by the end of July I desperately needed a change of scenery. Months earlier, I had planned a girls-only trip to Los Angeles with April and Debi, so off we went. Our first stop was to see the Broadway show “Wicked” in its Hollywood run, and we busied ourselves in the days that followed with much shopping and eating of cheesecake. And if you need to ask if we spent a day with Mickey Mouse, well, you just don’t know me at all, do you? It was wonderful to get away, especially with two of my favoritest people. Vic was quite envious of the Disney part of our trip—it is the 50th anniversary year, after all—so we may end up going there together this next year.

Soon after my L.A. trip we did a Manullang family weekend in Sunriver for Vic’s birthday. We enjoyed ideal weather for swimming, taking walks and relaxing. The kids rode around and around and around our loop until their bike-riding skills were perfected; the "braking" thing was a big accomplishment for Jack, who until then had been using the Fred Flintstone method.

We painted the master bedroom this year, but otherwise most things in our house stayed as they have been for a while. No, the trim is still not completed, and there’s still a lot of patching to do here and there. Wanna come over for a work bee? I did try to keep our family web site up to date in 2005—you can find my dad’s eulogies there, and be sure to check it for news and photos throughout the year. I’ve been working on my 20th high school reunion duties (memory book, slide show, web site, losing 100 pounds), which will come together in February. Work-wise, not much has changed, for which we are thankful. Health-wise, not one of us sustained a single severe head wound, nor did we break any bones. I am not making up this good news. And finally, regrettably, I must confess that we have joined the multitude of minivan owners. Bleah.

Well, I think that’s just about everything, except for one final thought: this year, especially, we encourage you to hold your loved ones close. Best wishes for a Happy Festivus and extraordinary happiness in 2006—

Victor, Jennifer, Katie, Jack, Scout & Casey
www.manullang.com

---

You also may have received our second annual Christmas CD, Christmas Joy, in which case this playlist will be familiar to you:

1. All I Want for Christmas is You (Olivia Olsen). This is not the Mariah Carey version because I can't stand Mariah Carey's screeching. Instead, I chose a less screamy version, sung by the little girl at the end of "Love Actually," one of my new favorite Christmas movies.
2. Hey Santa (Ashanti)
3. Happy Holiday (Bing Crosby)
4. Here Comes Santa Claus (Elvis Presley)
5. That Spirit of Christmas (Ray Charles). This is the song that plays while Clark Griswold watches old home movies after getting stuck in his attic in "Christmas Vacation."
6. Have a Holly Jolly Christmas (Burl Ives)
7. Last Christmas (Jimmy Eat World). I know, I can't believe I didn't choose the Wham! version either. But this one was a little less, I don't know... Wham!
8. Snow (Bing Crosby & Friends). Little story here: I love this song performed in "White Christmas" with Bing, Danny, Rosemary, and Vera Ellen's dubbed voice. But in the soundtrack, Peggy Lee takes Rosemary Clooney's place. Apparently Rosemary Clooney was under contract with a different recording studio and couldn't perform on the soundtrack's label. Hm. Well, it doesn't totally ruin it, but nobody does it better than Rosemary. There, I said it.
9. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree (The Beatles). Although I like the Brenda Lee version, this one is just so "Beatles," we loved it.
10. Believe (Josh Groban)
11. Jingle Bell Rock (Bobby Helms)
12. Christmas Vacation (Mavis Staples)
13. We Need a Little Christmas (Johnny Mathis). We also need a little testosterone, don't we Johnny?
14. Mele Kalikimaka (Bing Crosby)
15. Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Burl Ives)
16. Elf's Lament (Barenaked Ladies & Michael Buble)
17. Please Come Home for Christmas (Southside Johnny Lyon)
18. Deck the Halls (Nat King Cole)
19. Santa Claus is Coming to Town (Frank Sinatra & Cyndi Lauper). In his later years, I think Frank was really beginning to lose it, considering the artists he recorded duets with. We liked this one, though, probably because it doesn't really sound like Cyndi Lauper.
20. Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time (Paul McCartney)
21. Frosty the Snowman (Leon Redbone & Dr. John)
22. Up on the Housetop (Gene Autry)
23. Blue Christmas (Elvis Presley)

And in case you're interested in what was on our first annual Christmas CD, Christmas Wishes (2004), here's the playlist:

1. It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (Andy Williams)
2. Merry Christmas Darling (The Carpenters)
3. Home for the Holidays (Perry Como)
4. Jingle Bells (Bebe & Cece Winans)
5. Count Your Blessings (Bing Crosby)
6. Grown-Up Christmas List (Michael Buble)
7. Sleigh Ride (Andy Williams)
8. Silver Bells (Perry Como)
9. The Christmas Waltz (Michael W. Smith & Sandy Patty)
10. My Christmas Prayer (Bebe Winans & Rob Thomas)
11. White Christmas (Bing Crosby)
12. Let it Snow (Dean Martin)
13. The Christmas Song (Nat King Cole)
14. The Night Before Christmas (Amy Grant)
15. Christmas Time (Michael W. Smith)
16. Winter Wonderland (Andy Williams)
17. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (Rosemary Clooney)
18. Celebrate Me Home (Kenny Loggins)
19. O Holy Night (Josh Groban)
20. Silent Night (Michael W. Smith)
21. The Happiest Christmas (Michael W. Smith)

If you didn't receive either or both of these CDs and you really want one, let me know. I can probably burn another copy or two. See, I'm a nice girl, no matter what you've heard. I don't know if there are enough Christmas songs left to create an entirely new CD next year, but we'll see.

My sister got a really great gift from Lori this year: tickets and backstage passes to the Journey concert in Denver last week. Lori's brother-in-law is the drummer. It's cool to know Lori. Here's a picture of an ecstatic Kathy with drummer dude Deen, Stephen and Dayna, and Ron:

The Christmas party episode of "The Office" last week was hilarious. If you didn't see it, it's probably because you don't have TiVo, and why you haven't gotten TiVo yet, even though I keep telling you to, I don't know. Anyway, try to catch it in a rerun. You won't be sorry.

I probably won't post again until after Christmas, so here are my parting thoughts for the holiday season:

• Have a good Christmas, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, Hanukkah, whatever
• Eat your vegetables
• Go easy on the eggnog

And remember, nothing ruins a perfectly good Christmas morning than not getting your wife what she wants. You've been warned.

Toodles!

--Jen

Nov. 29: Don't miss the Bi-Polar Express

One of the things that is NOT fun about the holiday season is the grey weather in Portland. Bleah. Nothing like taking a perfectly pleasant time of year and mucking it up with blustery-ness.

How was your Thanksgiving? Ours was unusual this year. My mom invited us to Walla Walla for the holiday, but a couple weeks ago I realized that Vic would have to work the day after Thanksgiving and was on call for the weekend, so we'd either have to make the trip very short or drive separately. On Wednesday I met my mom halfway between Portland and WW and handed Katie and Jack over to her, then went back home to spend Thursday with Vic. This was the best solution I could think of so we could all be with family for the day. On Friday morning I drove up to WW by myself and spent the weekend at my mom's. We had a good time--didn't do much, but it was wonderful to just hang out and relax together. Katie and Jack love being at her place, visiting Nana, and playing at the great parks in town. Mom had LASIK surgery (she prefers not to say she "had her eyes done") a few days before all this and is doing really well.

When the kids and I got home Sunday evening we were greeted by a house lit up for Christmas! Vic had hung lights on the porch and trees and bought a few new decorative things, and it was fun to see everything all festive. We're no Griswolds, but we have some neighbors that are, and the kids love to drive or walk around our nearby streets to ooh and aah at all everyone else's handiwork.

One of my personal favorite activities this time of year is to make fun of people's Christmas lights. This is definitely not one of Vic's favorite seasonal activities, nor does he really enjoy that it is mine. Nevertheless, I rarely hesitate to comment on the crappy job some people do hanging lights. A whole section of the icicle lights is out? Oh well, hang 'em anyway. Every fourth or fifth bulb is dead? Meh, who cares, it's too much trouble to fix. All the light strings blink except one? Well, I am not going to try to find one of those lights with the red tip, just to make them all do the same thing! Then there are the houses with the light strings that aren't quite long enough (or are too long) for the house line, but instead of trying to even things up, the idiot hangers just leave it, assuming no one will drive by, point, and laugh. They obviously have not met me.

I know I sound witchy, Scroogey, psychotic, shallow, and Grinch-like, but I really do love Christmas. It's just the people that make it ugly that I think should be punished severely.

Cool things I recommend for Christmastime, or gift giving/receiving, or whatever:

• www.scrapbookpictures.com has some fun and unique photo gifts.
  
• TiVo. If you don't have one, get one. Or buy it for someone else. TiVo is the best invention in the history of the world, and I am not exaggerating one bit.
• An Amazon Wish List is a great way to keep track of stuff you want. And at this time of year, you can direct other people to it when they ask what you want. For the sake of those putting things under your tree this year, make a Wish List!
• The 2005 movie version of "The Producers" starts in late December. If it's anything like the Broadway show, it is not to be missed.
  
• www.photostamps.com, where you can order postage with your picture on it. No Hitler stamps, please.
• Starbucks gift cards. You can never have too many, and you can never give too many. If you receive one and you're not a coffee drinker, do not despair; they have a strawberries and cream frappuccino-like drink that is dee-lish. They also sell some decadent treats this time of year.
• Want to read some laugh-out-loud Christmas stories? Check out "Holidays on Ice," by David Sedaris. You'll pee.
• Online shopping tips: www.froogle.com, www.mysimon.com, www.bizrate.com, and other similar sites are fabulous for price comparisons. And check out coupon code sites like www.flamingoworld.com for more savings.
• You've probably seen them already, but they're worth watching again. These are the holiday movies I recommend this year: Love Actually, Christmas Vacation, White Christmas, Elf, A Christmas Story.

Here are pictures of Jack's fourth birthday party. Can't think of anything else for now.

--Jen

Nov. 2: And on your left, Memory Lane

Man, I was doing so well for a while, writing more often and feeling like I'm not totally wasting web space. Bleah.

Well, Halloween is over for another year, but here are pictures. It took weeks of preparation this time, because for the first time Katie & Jack both totally "get" the holiday. Jack decided with the arrival of the first Disney costumes catalog a few months ago that he wanted to dress up like Captain Hook--or as he says it, "Tackin Hook." Katie took longer to decide and I was trying my best not to influence her too much. I loved the JoJo costume, and it would've been nice and warm, but Katie didn't like it. She ended up choosing the Dory (from "Finding Nemo") costume, which was also very cute. Lots of people thought she was a bird, but she still looked cute. Now both kids are having a ball dressing up and pretending to trick-or-treat. I keep telling them I've run out of candy but they won't go away.

Check out the page of the kids on their new scooters.

Can you believe I'm old enough to be attending my 20th reunion? Me neither! As Ralph Wiggum says, "It's unpossible."

It's a girl! It's a girl! My friend Debi is having a baby girl! Pretty cool that she'll have a cousin so close in age; they'll probably grow up like sisters. I can't wait to meet them both.

I took a trip to southern Oregon a few weeks ago with my mom, grandma, and sister. We had a delightful time visiting family and friends. My mom pointed out all the houses she (and we) had lived in, the schools we went to, and other points of interest. It was a lot of fun to see these places, even though things have changed a lot in 30 years. One of our favorite parts of the weekend was getting to see my uncle perform in a musical, "The 1940's Radio Hour" and attending the cast party afterward. The other was getting to see our aunt Hazel and our favorite cousin, Deanna. Our least favorite parts of the weekend were, well, never mind.

I just finished reading the sequel to "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West." It's called "Son of a Witch," by Gregory Maguire. Now I'm reading Amy Tan's newest novel, "Saving Fish from Drowning," and I'm enjoying it very much, as I have all of her books. It's not getting great reviews, but so far I don't see why.

Sarah Vowell was in Portland last week, and Ed and I went to see her. She was hilarious! I haven't read much of her stuff--mostly just heard her on NPR--but I've ordered all her books. She's fabulous and her humor is similar to David Sedaris--you just can't lose.

And speaking of funny things, here's a graphic from today's edition of The Onion: tonight's TV schedule.

Vic and I had our first parent-teacher conference a couple weeks ago. Katie's teacher said she's doing well and is impressed with her drawing skills (obviously inherited from Auntie Sonya). She also said she has "leadership potential," and Vic said, "Oh, Jack's gonna LOVE that." It went so much better than the only parent-teacher conference I remember being part of, which was when I was in 5th grade. Mrs. Webster said I rolled my eyes when she asked me to do things sometimes. I don't remember doing it, but I remember thinking she was ridiculous, so I probably did. I fully expect to have a similar conversation with one of Katie's teachers someday, and I fully expect my mom to sit back and laugh when I tell her about it.

Coming up in the next few weeks: Debi's visit, my mom's visit, Jack's pirate-themed birthday party, a "family night" at Katie's school, and Thanksgiving in Walla Walla. The coming holiday season seems a little early; didn't we just do Christmas?

Cheerio--

Jen

Sept. 27: One more mouth to feed

No, we're not having another kid, unless someone's invented something more powerful than a Prozac-Xanax-Vicodin cocktail for Mommy. Last weekend our neighbor brought us a stray dog (a Rat Terrier, just like cousin Shelby!) and we haven't had any luck finding her owners. That's actually not too upsetting for us because she's turned out to be a real sweetheart, and we're hoping to keep her. We've been calling her Casey, as in "at the bat," or the famed Yankees manager, not K.C. as in "& the Sunshine Band." Just to clarify.

I've added a couple new pages to the site. There are pictures of Katie and the first tooth she lost here, and another couple of pictures from soccer practice earlier this month. I'll add pictures of our sweet Casey once we're more confident she's here to stay.

Sally and Presley are visiting next week!

Hooray for the new TV season making my TiVo useful again. Now I can watch all that crap whenever I damn well please.

Time for a survey for you parents out there. Every once in a while I hear myself saying something to my kids that I never thought I'd need to say. This goes beyond "Don't run into traffic," and "We don't need to see the food in your mouth, thank you." I know I'm not alone, and I want to hear some of the things YOU have surprised yourself saying. For funsies, I'll start:

1. Do NOT take things out of the toilet.

2. Please don't spit on the dog.

3. We don't pee in the front yard.

4. Who left their sandwich in the bathroom?

Now it's your turn.

Sept. 18: Another year wiser?

Victor got me a great birthday surprise: a wide-format inkjet printer. It can print on paper up to 13" x 19" so I can use it for scrapbooking and other paper crafts. I love the gift, but I also love the idea that my husband was actually paying attention to me a couple weeks ago when I mentioned I wanted one. What a good guy. I received lots of cards, e-mails, and phone calls from my favorite people over the past few days. The kids are headed to Grandma & Grandpa's while Vic and I enjoy dinner this evening at Ruth's Chris (thank you, Daryl & Sally!!). Not too shabby a birthday for this 37-year-old, all things considered.

I think we might be starting another house project. Vic and I have decided to re-claim the spare room upstairs since the playroom thing just hasn't really thrilled K&J. Vic also wants to switch our family room/living room back to the way it was originally, which is no easy task because it will involve much gnashing of teeth and painting. You'd think we would learn. But you'd be wrong.

I just heard about another Dine For America event coming up October 5. The restaurant associations ran this the first time right after 9/11 and raised $20 million, and this year it'll benefit Katrina victims. Here's a list of participating restaurants in Oregon and here's the DFA web site. Be sure to dine out that evening--you'll see even fast food restaurants are participating. If you've been looking for a way to help out, it doesn't get much easier than this.

Jacob had a heck of a start to school when he broke his wrist last week. Poor guy; that wasn't the worst of it. Here's the latest from Sonya's last e-mail: We went to the hospital this morning to have a second routine x-ray to check that things were healing properly. Unfortunately, things weren't healing well at all, so the doctors admitted him immediately into the pediatic ward for an evening procedure. Basically they needed to straighten his wrist by pulling (sort of re-breaking) it straight. Yikes. Gives me the creeps thinking about it. This was a big surprise for all of us, and as Jake had assumed he was going to be back to school by lunch recess, the news of a procedure/surgery and then a hospital stay was quite shocking. At first Jake was really concerned about the general anesthetic and being put asleep. Then he was worried about how much blood they needed to draw for a test. Finally in the evening, when his only concern was worrying that people could see his "buns and crack" (sorry, his words not mine) with the hospital gown he was wearing, I knew he was back to his old self and would be fine. The procedure went well; he and Chris called around 9:00 pm and I should be picking them up after lunch tomorrow.

"Yikes" is right. That oughta learn ya how dangerous playgrounds can be.

--Jen

Sept. 13: Life's more painless for the brainless

It's official, I'm a soccer mom™. Katie joined a soccer league a few weeks ago and had her first game last weekend. It was at 8:30 on a Saturday. Yes, you read that right. 8:30! No one in their right mind should be up at that hour! If I had known there would be games that early I wouldn't have signed her up. I mean, it's not like the kids play an actual game. They're spending too much time finding bugs in the grass, and waving to their parents on the sidelines to follow a soccer ball around a field. Actually, it's all very entertaining, though I think Vic is going to play "single parent" the next time we have a game that early. Bleah.

Katie started kindergarten last week and loves it. Jack's in preschool two days a week and is doing well so far, but then, he's only gone 1½ times.

We painted our bedroom last weekend. It had been navy blue for a few years and I was looking for something a little less dramatic, so we went with a soft bluish-green ocean-y color. I changed the curtains and all the bedding to white. We assembled the nightstand lamps we bought at Ikea a hundred years ago, and I can also finally display the beautiful spring water candle lamp I got at the last candle party I went to. The room has changed so much; it's calming and lovely and bright and makes me feel happy. Vic doesn't get how a room color can do that, but he knows better than to make fun.

My friend Debi is having a baby! She's ten weeks behind Deanna's pregnancy, and I think it's safe to say those sisters have made their parents giddy with grandparently joy. Now, as a public service, I offer the following name suggestions for the new additions, courtesy of the Cornwall Records Office researchers in London:

• Abraham Thunderwolff
• Freke Dorothy Fluck Lane
• Boadicea Basher
• Philadelphia Bunnyface
• Susan Booze
• Elizabeth Disco
• Edward Evil
• Fozzitt Bonds
• Truth Bullock
• Charity Chilly
• Gentle Fudge
• Obedience Ginger
  
• Offspring Gurney

And then there are Ed's favorites, Syllabi and Memoranda. Yes, Debi and Deanna, you're welcome. You know you can always count on me to help with the important things.

I don't have much else to say, but want to share some silly stuff with y'all. First, a joke:

Bad Dog!

One day I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence. To my dismay it was the next-door neighbor's 10-year-old daughter's rabbit. For years I had watched her come home from school and head straight to its cage, free it and play with it in the yard. I knew today would be no different, and fearing for our dog I had to think fast. The rabbit was quite dirty, as if it had put up quite a struggle, so I washed it off with the hose, combed it with the dog brush, and blew it dry with the leaf blower. Upon finishing its grooming I hopped the fence and placed it in its cage, hoping its death would be written off as "natural causes." Within the hour the neighbor's car pulled in as usual and out popped the little girl. As usual, she headed straight for the cage, only this time she stopped about six feet away and screamed, "DADDY!!" Her father, panic stricken, stood looking at the cage. Being the good neighbor that I am I rushed to the fence and asked if there was anything I could do. Her father less than calmly blurted, "What kind of sick individual would dig up a little girl's dead rabbit and put it back in its cage?"

---

Assassin
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. The agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

---

If you've ever had a bad seat on an airplane, you'll appreciate this complaint letter (thanks, Deb!). I checked it out at snopes.com and it appears to be authentic, but even if it wasn't, it's still pretty darn funny. View the PDF.

Thinking of joining a cult but just can't decide which one? Here's something that might help you narrow down your choices (because who wouldn't want magic unders???): Cults: A Handy Reference Guide

OK, that's enough silliness for today. Feel free to forward more to me at jennifer@DELETETHISmanullang.com --

Jen

P.S. Almost forgot! Here's a pic of our country's fine leader during Katrina coverage:

Couldn't have said it better my own damn self.

Aug. 16: Not all of us can come and go by BUBBLE

Welcome back.

It's been more than two months since I lost my dad. My heart still feels so heavy. For my sanity, I've tried to make myself grasp that he's no longer a phone call away, or across town waiting for a visit from Katie and Jack. There are so many things I want to tell him about, stuff he's missing out on. House stuff he could advise me on, like he was always ready to do. I guess I never realized how much he still took care of me.

I feel incredibly selfish to say that Dad was too young or that he wasn't sick enough to die. I know he was tired of dealing with all the side effects of his medications, tired of medical appointments and hospital stays. He hated feeling like he wasn't in control of, well, everything... but especially his health. But I really don't think he was ready to go. When I talked to him the Sunday before he died, he was wanting to come over to see Katie and Jack in a few days. He sounded so energetic, so happy, so full of life. And I wasn't done with him yet.

Kathy and I had small medallion-like pendants made with Dad's thumbprint embossed on them. We both have said that when we wear them we can't stop running our fingers over the texture of the print, just to feel--literally--a part of him. I put another pendant on my chain that holds some of Dad's ashes. The urn (a silver heart) and thumbprint make a very soft "clink" together, so even if I'm not touching them I have a quiet little reminder that they're around my neck. It's eerie to think they made the print just before they cremated him, so we decided to believe that they got his fingerprints from his stint in the CIA or his years as double-oh... um... eight. If anyone suggests that it's more probable they came from his police record, you can expect a good shin kick.

I'm doing my best to pick up the pieces and get to what is the new normal of life, but it seems too soon to do the proverbial "moving on," as though I'm cheating Dad out of time that he deserves. People say that burying our parents is part of life, and I know that's true, but the hurt of losing my dad is so "mine" (and Kathy's, of course) that it's hard to believe it happens all the time, and to so many people. Of course, knowing that it happens all the time is not at all comforting either. Something that is comforting is to talk to others who have been through this before; many have good suggestions for ways to remember my dad, ways to commemorate the anniversaries of his life. I appreciate that very much, and I thank you for being willing to share that with me.

As un-fun as it is to feel such sadness, I'm also frustrated at my lack of concentration. It's been difficult to get back to work, and even if I have the energy or desire, programming a database feels next to impossible. Usually when I haven't been doing a lot of complex work I'll do crossword puzzles or play Scrabble against the computer, just to keep my brain sharp. But I can't finish a puzzle anymore, even those easy ones in the Oregonian. I'm just not me. I know grief can change a person, but I hope it doesn't make me stupid.

I've made some efforts to let myself enjoy life a little, no matter how guilty it sometimes makes me feel. I had a trip to California planned since last April, and forced myself to go (admittedly, it did not take much convincing).

Girls' Weekend

April, Debi, and I spent four days in Los Angeles in July. It had been three years since our trip to San Francisco, so this getaway was long overdue, but well worth waiting for. The highlights:

• Seeing the touring production of the Broadway musical Wicked: The Untold Story of the Witches of Oz, or as April and I called it, "The Wizard of Oz 1½." It was fabulous. The music was incredible, the story was fascinating, and the choreography was weird. We were most thankful for the problems with Glinda's bubble vehicle that stopped the show and allowed us to get to our seats, missing only the first few minutes. Hollywood Blvd. traffic totally sucks.
• Our sexy rental car, for once not a seafoam green Grannymobile
• Shopping at Fashion Island, Santa Monica, Venice beach
• Lunch at The Ivy in Santa Monica, a great place for spotting celebrities
• What has become a tradition: eating cheesecake in our jammies while making calls home
• A day at Disneyland, California Adventures, and Downtown Disney
• When it comes to Disney souvenir shopping for our kids, April's as big a sucker as I am

Un-highlights:

• The hours we spent looking for a parking space in Venice
• Dinner at Ralph's (yes... the grocery store)
• Our sexy rental car's teeny tiny trunk
• Not spotting any celebrities during lunch at The Ivy
• Flying out of LAX. Between the 3-card Monty gal with the important task of relieving escalator traffic (oh, thank god for her!) and waiting 15 minutes in a line just to say "Yes, my luggage is unlocked," I have realized that no sane person would ever fly through that airport by choice.

Other things

My nephew visited for a couple weeks. I wasn't sure how I'd keep a 17-year-old entertained, but I don't think he had too terrible a time. I showed him some of the sights of the city, and he also spent some time with Mom in Walla Walla.

We celebrated Victor's birthday over five days in Sunriver. It was hot indoors but mostly comfortable outside, making all of our bike-riding, swimming, and walking quite pleasant. I love Sunriver, but it still always brings back the so-so memories of my high school senior class trip. A bunch of girls (not me, and I regret this greatly) froze the guys' underwear, and the guys got back at ALL of the girls (me included, and I regret this greatly) by filling our suitcases with each other's clothes, rocks, and deer droppings. For the next week at school we were trading shoes and unders until everyone got their own stuff back. Stoopid boys.

Two of my good friends are pregnant. One is Deanna (not my cousin!), who just found out she's having a girl. Just for Dave, I have added these pages to manullang.com: Application to Date My Daughter, and Daddy's Rules for Dating. Enjoy.

Our Explorer lease was up in July. After many months of research and Excel analysis, Vic made a decision on a new vehicle: a Mazda MPV. Yes, this is a minivan. Yes, I also cannot believe it. Yes, I still insist on driving my Passat. And yes, the practicality of a minivan is almost worth having one parked in our driveway.

Chris, Sonya, Julianne, and Jacob are in the U.S. right now. Katie and Jack have been spending quite a bit of time at Grandpa & Grandma's playing with their big cousins, whom they completely adore. Vic's uncle and his family just arrived in town too, so there have been lots of family gatherings, and the kids just love it. (We big kids do too.)

I've finally been to a rheumatologist for my chronic pain. Turns out what I have doesn't really have a name. I suggested to Vic that maybe they could name it after me, but he said that's not usually a good thing. Anyway, the closest thing to describe what I have is lupus, but I don't have enough of the symptoms for an official diagnosis. I'm on several new medications and so far they just make me feel like I'm gonna puke, which sucks, though it does take my mind off pain in the rest of my body.

Big event in the Manullang house on Sunday: Katie lost her first tooth! The Tooth Fairy brought her a book of princess paper dolls. It's really strange to see her without that gap and makes her look like such a big girl. I took pictures, of course, and I'll try to remember to post one here on my next update

Things that have made me laugh

• Kathy unknowingly drove around for two days with "I am an X-Man" written in the dust on the back of her minivan, courtesy of Stephen. But this story trumps it: I came up behind a Fedex van and someone had written in the dirt on the back door, "Driver is wearing no panties."
• The best-of-craigslist.
• The quiz at AllLookSame. The quiz ain't so funny, but my husband's low score sure is!

It's taken me nearly two weeks to finish up this blog entry, and it's time to just call it good and publish. There are some changes to the Shop with Jen and Fun Stuff pages, but otherwise there's nothing new on manullang.com.

--Jen