Nov. 23: Happy Turducken Day

I just re-read my post from yesterday. It sure was mean. I guess I got so caught up in the perfection of the "if brains were gasoline" jab that I lost all sense of decorum on the eve of this hallowed day. But sometimes the need to tell you how I really feel simply overcomes me. I'm human. I make mistakes. Please forgive me.

Is that an O.J. Simpson/Mel Gibson/Michael Richards kind of apology, or what?

BTW, "hallowed" sounds much cooler if you pronounce it with three syllables rather than two. Try it and you'll see.

In an effort to make up for yesterday's cruelty, I shall attempt to write a much less offensive post today. For instance, being that it's Thanksgiving, I could list the things for which I'm thankful. Let's see...

• My seester. She's super smart and pritty.
  
• Deodorant.
  
• Disneyland.
  
• Coffee.
  
• Drugs.
  
• The movie "Elf."
  
• My Grandma Saltmarsh, who taught me how to make the best mashed potaters EVER. The secret ingredient? Love. And a pound of butter.
  

I should also say that I'm thankful for my family, a roof over my head, food, etc. And all the other things I'm supposed to be thankful for that I just can't think of right now.

I need to finish up the potatoes. Have a great day. And remember, you can shop on the Internet tomorrow morning instead of getting up before dawn and fighting traffic and moms desperate for $3 Barbies. It ain't worth it.