Nov. 9: The Honorable Jennifer presiding

Well, that Ted Haggard dude has Britney Spears to thank for taking him off the front page this week. But I’m not done with him. Oh, no. Between being Curt’s daughter and being raised Adventist, it’s in my blood to critique others. I simply must.

Haggard preaches against homosexuality, and that’s where my problems with him begin. Saying someone is evil because they’re gay is like saying they’re evil because they’re a different race. Or left-handed, as the popular comparison goes. But if you want to interpret the Bible as anti-homosexual, go ahead. Just make sure you never wear any clothing made of mixed fabrics, eat shellfish, or style your hair in a beehive, mmkay?

Y’know what? I don’t care who you love or what you believe. If it doesn’t affect me or the people I love, you can do whatever the hell you want. But don’t tell me I’m wrong for the way I live my life when you’re secretly living your life the same way. You don’t see me privately supporting George W., do ya? (talk about evil!) I detest my homeowners’ association management company, but when I reluctantly pay my annual fee, I don’t write “Thanks for all your hard work!” on the check’s memo line. And I don’t have a-holes on my Christmas card list. I try to make my life reflect the words that come out of my mouth. I don’t think that’s an especially noble thing to do, I think it’s the only thing to do.

Ted Haggard’s problem is not being a closet homosexual. It’s not even believing that being gay is wrong, as much as I disagree. His problem is that he’s a total hypocrite. He IS exactly what he says it is so wrong to be. I feel sorry for his family. I feel sorry for all his disillusioned followers (who now need to find another idiot to idolize). And ultimately, I really do feel sorry for Ted Haggard himself, because his ridiculous beliefs won’t allow him to be who he really is.

But wait, there’s more. Don’t forget about the jackass that exposed this guy. This male escort decides he just can’t live with himself if he doesn’t tell what he knows about Ted Haggard's secret life? Honestly, who made this guy Mr. Morality all of a sudden? He’s a prostitute, for jeebus’ sake. Yes, a person in Haggard’s position having a secret life that he condemns so vehemently from the pulpit is dishonest. But as a very wise woman told me, a hooker thinking he has the moral obligation to expose him is nothing but that hooker wanting his 15 minutes. What a loser.

As I’ve said a billion times, I can’t stand people judging others, which is why I have little interest in religion anymore. And yet, this whole post has been me doing exactly that: judging these two guys. I’d like to say I’m just calling ‘em as I sees ‘em because it’s easy to justify judging others when you KNOW you’re right. So I guess if there really is a God and he really does see all sins as equal, I’m going straight to hell.

Meh. At least I’ll have interesting company.


  1. Thank you for articulating so well this entire absurdity. The revelation of this guy as gay is really all I needed for Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah. The guilt and shame he's feeling is just a smidge of what he deserves.


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