Here are some chuckles, and that’s all I have for you today because I’ve got a big to-do list to tackle and
there’s no way I have time for you I love you.
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving ‘til 5.
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…
Dear Girls Who Have Been Dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea. Just kidding! They’re all dead.
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
I feel your pain. No one wants to run with me either.
Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.
What was your power again?
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Nail Salon Ladies
Dear Ugly People,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, OK?
Dear White People,
Don’t you just hate immigrants?
Please stop auto-correcting all of my rude words into nice words, you piece of shut.
Every iPhone User
Smell ya later.