Jul. 20: Sincerely

Here are some chuckles, and that’s all I have for you today because I’ve got a big to-do list to tackle and there’s no way I have time for you I love you.


Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving ‘til 5.

Sincerely,
Unicorns


Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.

Sincerely,
The Titanic


Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely,
Canada


Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…

Sincerely,
Google


Dear Girls Who Have Been Dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea. Just kidding! They’re all dead.

Sincerely,
BP


Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

Sincerely,
God


Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.

Sincerely,
Black people


Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain. No one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely,
Sarah Palin


Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.

Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere


Dear Batman,
What was your power again?

Sincerely,
Superman


Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.

Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies


Dear Ugly People,
You’re welcome.

Sincerely,
Alcohol


Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, OK?

Sincerely,
The Mayans


Dear White People,
Don’t you just hate immigrants?

Sincerely,
Native Americans


Dear iPhone,
Please stop auto-correcting all of my rude words into nice words, you piece of shut.

Sincerely,
Every iPhone User


Smell ya later.

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