Our new principal is big on translating all the flyers we send home and wants to hire people to make them in a bunch of different languages. Before we do that, I thought I’d try my own translations using Google Translate to see how well it would interpret the PTO’s latest flyer. Here’s the English version:
Attention all dads!
The PTO invites you to a special event that’s just for you! Bring your kids to school early on Thursday and enjoy complimentary donuts, coffee, and milk in the cafeteria.
Dad not available? No problem! Kids can bring a grandpa, uncle, neighbor or their best friend’s dad.
Remember to use the cafeteria doors to enter the building, not the front doors. Follow the signs (or the smell of delicious, fresh donuts!).
Please park on the street or in the gated lot rather than the regular parking lot to save spaces for teachers arriving for work!
You can walk your students to their classrooms at 8:20.
Pretty straightforward, right? I translated it to Vietnamese and then back to English and here’s what it did:
Note all of dad!
Oregon Trail PTO invites you to a special event just for you! Take children to school early on Thursday and enjoy free donuts, coffee, and milk in the cafeteria service.
Cha is not available? No problem! Children may bring a neighbor of his grandfather, uncle, or father of their best friends.
Remember to use the coffee shop to the building, not the front door. Follow the signs (or smells delicious, fresh donuts).
Please park on the street or in lots, not gated parking lot frequently to save space for teachers to work!
You can walk your students to their classes at 8:20.
I love the thing about bringing a neighbor of your grandfather. Here it is translated into Russian and back to English:
Attention all Dads!
Oregon Trail PTO invites you to a special event, this is just for you! Take the kids to school early on Thursday and enjoy free donuts, coffee and milk in the cafeteria.
The Pope is not available? No problem! Children may bring a grandfather, uncle, neighbor or their best friend's dad.
Do not forget to use the dining room door to enter the building, rather than the front door. Follow the signs (or the smell of delicious, fresh donuts!).
Please park on the street or in a private lot, and not a regular parking space to save the teachers who came to work!
You can walk your students in class at 8:20.
I think you can guess what my favorite part of that translation is. 
Here it is in Spanish and back:
Attention all parents!
The Oregon Trail PTO invites you to a special event just for you! Bring your children to school on Thursday and enjoy complimentary donuts, coffee and milk in the cafeteria.
Dad is not available? No problem! Children can take a neighbor's grandfather, uncle or father of his best friend.
Remember to use the cafeteria doors to enter the building, not the front doors. Follow the signs (or the delicious smell of fresh donuts!).
Please park on the street or parking lot closed instead of normally to save spaces for teachers who go to work!
You can walk students to their classrooms at 8:20.
Google Translate seems to have its worst trouble with relationships. Yes, please bring your neighbor’s grandpa to Donuts with Dad!
English, Vietnamese, Russian, and Spanish are the most common languages spoken by our school families, so I could have stopped there, but I didn’t because this is just so much fun! Here it is translated into Chinese and back:
Note that all of my father!
俄勒冈特雷尔 PTO invites you to a special event, just for you! Bring your children to school as early as Thursday, and enjoy free donuts, coffee, milk in the cafeteria.
Dad does not? No problem! Children can be a grandfather, uncle, neighbor or their best friend's father.
Remember, use the canteen door into the building, the front door. Follow the signs (or delicious, fresh taste of donuts!)
Please park on the street or in a gated lot, rather than the regular parking lot to reach the work of teachers, to save space!
You can take your students in a classroom, at 8:20.
Children can be grandfathers? OK!
This one’s the translation to Latin and back. It’s way weirder than it seems like it should be:
Welcome to all dads!
Welcome to School Board in a special way that calls you, is for you? Click images to enjoy a school morning honorably donuts, coffee, and milk of the CAFETERIA.
Tata not available? No problem! Disease can make grandpa, uncle, dad or best friend is a friend.
We CAFETERIA threshold of the house, not before the door. Follow the signs (the smell of fresh donuts or iPod).
We are a more a list in the park itself is fully backward compatible gated teachers came to use this position your work?
We walk in their classrooms at 8:20 thy disciples.
Here’s the Azerbaijani translation, which sounds suspiciously Yoda-like.
Attention all dads!
The Oregon Trail, a special event for you to PTO! Bring the kids to school early on Thursday and free donuts, coffee and milk have a cafeteria.
Dad does not exist? No problem! Children of a father, uncle, neighbor or their best friend's dad can bring.
The building is, but be sure to use the front door to the cafeteria door. Signs (or delicious, fresh donuts and smell), please.
Gated the street or next to a lot more work for teachers to keep in regular parking spaces, please park!
8:20 You can walk in their class for the students.
This is more fun than a PTO co-president should be allowed to have. I could go on and on. I shall stop now.
funny shit to post on Facebook
I haven’t done one of these Google searches for a long time, probably because I enjoy them way more than the person I do them for. Here are the ones I did for 
The other day I wrote about 
But then I look closer and see that for most visits, the average time on the site is 0:00:00. This means someone clicks on a link to get here and then sees nothing of interest and leaves immediately. I have special words for those people. They are words like, "Oh, so you think you're too good for me? You think I'm a bore? You have better things to do with your time than read what I write?" And then I sit in the dark and cry for an hour or two.