Jan. 8: I’ve been everywhere, man.

Have you gotten hooked on Trivia Crack yet? All the cool kids are playing.

What I like most about the game is that Katie and Jack think I’m brilliant because I know so many of the answers. They don’t understand yet that it’s called “trivia” because it’s “trivial.” My brain is so crammed full of useless information that I forget important things like how fractions work and my own middle name. Knowledge is a curse, folks.

Although sports is my worst trivia category, I’m most frustrated when I miss the geography questions. I think it’s because I expect them to be trick questions but most of them aren’t, at least not in the Trivia Crack game. The geography questions also make me realize how little of this world I’ve actually seen. I have NOT been everywhere, man. Prepare to be sad:

• Highest point in the world: Mt. Everest, Nepal (29,035 feet)
  Highest point in the US: Mt. McKinley (Denali), Alaska (20,320 feet)
  Highest point in the lower 48: Mt. Whitney, California (14,495 feet)
  Highest point I’ve ever been (still touching earth): Pikes Peak, Colorado (14,110 feet). I have a picture somewhere of me and Vic in front of the sign at the summit, but Vic’s giant head is covering the “14” so it looks like we scaled a 110-foot mountain. Yaaaay.
• Lowest point in the world: shore of the Dead Sea, Israel/Jordan/Palestine (1,371 feet below sea level)
  Lowest point in the US: Death Valley, California (282 feet below sea level)
  Lowest point I’ve been to: Probably somewhere in California, close-ish to Death Valley. Memorable, obviously.
• Northernmost place in the world: North Pole (duh)
  Northernmost place in the US: Point Barrow, Alaska (71st parallel).
  Northernmost place in the lower 48: Lake of the Woods, Minnesota (49th parallel)
  Northernmost place in the world I’ve been: Amsterdam, The Netherlands (53rd parallel)
  Northernmost place I’ve been in North America: Vancouver, British Columbia (49th parallel)
  Northernmost place I’ve been in the US: Blaine, Washington, or whatever that space between Blaine and the border is called. (48th parallel-ish)
• Southernmost place in the world: South Pole (duh)
  Southernmost place in the US: Ka Lae, Hawaii (Big Island)
  Southernmost place in the lower 48: Key West, Florida
  Southernmost place in the world I’ve been: St. Maarten/St. Martin (the Caribbean).
  Southernmost place in the US I’ve been: We visited the southernmost point of the US in Hawaii (totally violated our car rental contract getting there), and also the one in Florida, which technically isn’t the southernmost point because there’s a military base on land south of the marker, so pfffftt.
• Westernmost point in the US: one of those Alaskan islands. The one Sarah Palin thinks she lives on.
  Westernmost point in the lower 48: Cape Alava, Washington
  Westernmost point in the US I’ve been: Somewhere on the Oregon coast
• Easternmost point in the US: West Quoddy Head, Maine
  Easternmost point in the US I’ve been: An airport around Washington, D.C.
  Easternmost point in the US I’ve actually spent time: Port Canaveral, Florida
• Farthest from home I’ve been: Brussels, Belgium

I would ask you to share your “-est” places but it would just bum me out even more, so keep ‘em to yourself, ok?

Oh, and download the Trivia Crack app. You’ll probably kill me in geography.

May 26: This is just trivial.

I’ve been eyeballs-deep in school yearbook doodies the past couple weeks, but Thursday night I took a break. One of our favorite local hang-outs, Sports on Tap, was hosting a Geeks Who Drink trivia night. I’m all about trivia; my noodle is overflowing with facts about Punky Brewster and Lady & the Tramp and Sir Mix-a-Lot’s hometown, and that’s why I can’t remember maths no more.

We arrived armed with smart phones and tablets, assuming we could use them to look up answers, but the quiz master told us we could only use our brains. No way!

I thought all hope was lost.

I was soooo wrong.

Our team (“These are not the answers you’re looking for”) was Lori and Anthony, Cassie and Jeremy, and me and Vic. We were, like, the DOUBLE TRIFECTA of awesomeness, it turns out, and in first place until the very end, when we lost by four points to the hipster d-bags at the next table because Vic knew all the Kung Fu Panda answers but Jeremy didn’t write them all down because Cassie said he only needed one and then it sounded like Jeremy called her an ass and I was scared she’d punch him but I’ve always wanted to be in a bar brawl so I kept watching them glare at each other but then there was no brawl but that was probably good and then we lost so Jeremy yelled “ringers!” at the d-bags and I thought for a sec BAR BRAWL again but it didn’t happen that time either DAMMIT.

I nabbed this pic from the Geeks Who Drink web site. This was at the end, after we’d lost, but we were still smiling because BEER.

(Shown: rockin’ fockin’ perfection minus four points)

Will we be there next week to claim our rightful title? You bet your useless knowledge, we will! Sports on Tap is trying to schedule weekly trivia nights but I don’t think my liver can handle them that often (only one way to find out, though).

‘Twas a super-fun night with geeky friends. That’s the way to do things, folks.

Jul. 12: Weekend non-warriors

A bunch of random things going on this weekend…

My mom went back home to Medford yesterday. All the two-legged residents of the House of Manullang were sad to see her go. The four-leggeds, though, were pretty much GOOD RIDDANCE to Gilly. Millie is now free to roam the house again, making her perhaps the happiest of all.

Life isn’t exactly back to normal, though, because Katie and Jack are in Seattle with Grandpa and Grandma this weekend. Victor and I are taking advantage of these kid-free couple of days to work on house projects. Yesterday we cleared out the playroom and shampooed the carpet. Today I’m working on Jack’s room—there are Legos everywhere and I. Mean. Everywhere.—and Vic will be shampooing more carpet. Looks like I’ll be able to paint the playroom (Katie’s new room) this next week.

Last night we went out with Scott and Christina, our new favorite people. Back at their house, Christina made the most amazing mojitos, like, EVER, and we sat on their beautiful new deck and chatted away for hours. Most of the evening’s entertainment was provided by Mambo, their very energetic and silly Papillon puppy. It was a really fun night.

I just looked up “Papillon” to make sure I spelled it correctly and read that “papillon” is French for “butterfly.” Of course, that meant it was trivia time, so I asked Victor if he knew what “papillon” meant. He said “butterfly,” so I was all HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT? in a kind of a whiny, surprised voice (hard to believe I can make such a voice, I know). And he said he just knew, it was one of those things he remembered from whatever, and I didn’t believe him because he lies all the time about everything, especially about not having anything to do with my recent injuries. Heh heh heh… And then he finally admitted that he remembered “papillon” from the worst James Bond movie ever, A View to a Kill. And I laughed my ass off. Because I like to think I didn’t learn a thing from that awful movie, but obviously Vic did and that makes it very, very fun for me to point and laugh at him. To think I was almost running out of reasons!

My cousin Emily posted this to my Facebook wall this morning:

hey Jen, the clumsy trait must be at Saltmarsh gene, I went to answer my phone tonight and somehow dropped it in such a way that I ended up hitting my mouth and giving myself a fat lip. My first thought was of you, that was kinda weird, lol.

I feel bad that she hurt herself, but am also relieved to know I’m not the only one in the family who has these crazy-stupid kinds of accidents.

Well, these Legos aren’t going to salvage themselves. I need to get busy. More later.

Aug. 21: Oregon, my Oregon

I love trivia. That’s a big reason I enjoy sites like Snopes and IMDB so. Tonight, while browsing Wikipedia, I found a list of lists about Oregon, and also this list of the state symbols. Most of them are big yawners, but a few headscratchers make it worth reading.

Oregon has 19 official state symbols. They are:

• State flower: Oregon-grape
  
• State song: “Oregon, My Oregon”
  
• State bird: Western Meadowlark (chosen by the state’s children in 1927)
  
• State tree: Douglas-fir
  
• State fish: Chinook salmon
  
• State rock: Thunderegg
  
• State animal: American Beaver
  
• State dance: Square dance (fortunately, not one of the state’s high school graduation requirements)
  
• State insect: Oregon Swallowtail butterfly
  
• State fossil: Metasequoia
  
• State gemstone: Oregon sunstone, a type of feldspar
  
• State nut: Hazelnut
  
• State seashell: Oregon hairy triton
  
• State mushroom: Pacific Golden Chanterelle
  
• State beverage: Milk (um, this is actually a state symbol? Burgerville milkshakes, I could understand, but plain ol’ milk?)
  
• State fruit: Pear
  
• State motto: Alis Volat Propriis, Latin for “She Flies with Her Own Wings” (since 1987; this was the original motto of Oregon, but had been changed to “The Union” in 1957)
  
• State hostess: Miss Oregon (duh... what else is she gonna do?)
  
• State team: Portland Trail Blazers of 1990–1991 (sure, we all liked them that year)
  
• State father: Dr. John McLoughlin
  
• State mother: Tabitha Brown

Source: Wikipedia, of course, though I found the links on my own

—Jen

May 2: All about Jen

OK, I want someone to play with, mmkay? Copy this stuff into a comment and answer the questions for yourself. I'll come after you if you don't. You know I will.

• What is your favorite color?
  navy blue
  
• What is your favorite TV show?
  The Office
  
• What was your first car?
  Toyota Corolla
  
• What was your first crush’s name?
  Donald. I was in 4th grade, he was in 6th.
  
• What is your greatest fear?
  spiders
  
• What's your favorite non-alcoholic beverage?
  brewed iced tea
  
• What's your favorite alcoholic beverage?
  just about anything with Midori in it
  
• What is your all-time favorite movie?
  I have to pick just one? No way! Um... probably White Christmas
  
• Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
  lots
  
• Have you ever been on a blind date?
  nope
  
• Have you ever peed your pants after age 8?
  while awake? no.
  
• Have you ever performed on a stage?
  yes, and I was fabulous! (throws arm in the air)
  
• Have you ever made out in a movie theatre?
  no, I would miss part of the movie
  
• Have you been roller skating since 8th grade?
  I can't remember, so probably not
  
• Have you ever made a person?
  yup, two
  
• Have you ever set off the security alarm in a store?
  not because I stole anything
  
• Can you whistle?
  yes
  
• Can you belch the alphabet?
  yes, but it's so much work I'm not really proud of it
  
• Can you gleek?
  not on command
  
• Can you blow a bubble?
  yes
  
• Can you roll your tongue in a circle?
  no
  
• Can you touch your tongue to your nose?
  no
  
• Can you cross your eyes?
  yes
  
• Can you dance?
  I guess so, but it ain't pretty. Let me belch the alphabet for you instead.
  
• Can you write legibly with both hands?
  nope, and barely with one
  
• Can you stay up a whole night without sleep?
  yes, but I'm grouchy for days afterward
  
• Can you speak a different language?
  not fluently
  
• Can you impersonate someone?
  no, but that doesn't stop me from trying
  
• Can you make a card pyramid?
  yes, is this difficult?
  
• Who was the last person to tell you they love you?
  my sweet boy Jack-Jack
  
• Who was the last person to call your cell phone?
  My seester. I was working and she left a message and I haven't called her back yet.
  
• Who was the last person to buy you something?
  Vic got my dinner last night
  
• Who was the last person to go with you to the movies?
  Vic--we saw Blades of Glory a couple weeks ago
  
• Who was the last person to text message you?
  Kathy
  
• Who was the last person to e-mail you?
  someone from work
  
• Who was the last person to make you laugh really hard?
  probably Vic or Kathy
  
• When was the last time you held a newborn baby?
  end of January, when Alisa's baby girl was born
  
• When was the last time you changed a diaper?
  hooray, I can't remember!
  
• What celebrity would you like to portray you in a movie of your life?
  Jennifer Aniston
  
• What celebrity would your friends say should play you in a movie of your life?
  Jennifer Coolidge
  
• What celebrity would you like to meet in person?
  Tina Fey
  
• What celebrity would you like to punch in the face?
  oh geez, the list is long... very very long...
  
• What TV family or group do you wish you could be part of?
  I don't know
  
• Who would drop whatever they’re doing just to listen to you cry or complain?
  my mommy
  
• Who would dedicate a song on the radio to you, and what song would it be?
  Kathy, "Sisters" (dur)
  
• What piece of electronics would you not want to live without?
  TiVo! I would die without my beloved TiVo!
  
• What was the last movie you watched?
  Spiderman 2 on TV last night
  
• Who is the last person you called?
  Vic
  
• Where did you go on your last vacation?
  Orlando and the Caribbean
  
• What's the last book you read?
  Double Trouble in Walla Walla
  
• What's the last computer game you played?
  Spider Solitaire
  
• What's the last restaurant you ate at?
  Macaroni Grill
  
• What shoes did you last wear?
  black Rockport loafers
  
• What's the last store you were in?
  Albertsons
  
• What's the last song you heard?
  "Heartlight" (Neil Diamond) after ET-related trivia on a morning radio show. I switched back over to NPR right away.

If someone doesn't respond soon I'm going to be very upset.

--Jen

Feb. 18: This I believe...

1. It is wrong that rose quartz is a beautiful stone but on my skin it disappears because it is the same color, yet my skin is not beautiful. Instead it is the color of unbaked, salmonella-laden chicken. I believe this is proof that there is no God, and if it turns out there is, then why do tanning beds kill us?
   
2. It is a fact that logic eludes me.
   
3. You've heard me say it before, but it's as true today as it was when I was 5 years old: Kraft Macaroni & Cheese is the most perfect food ever created.
   
4. I don't think my husband should sing the words "moose knuckle" to the tune of "Moon River."
   
5. It should be illegal for my children not to listen to me.
   
6. It is wrong how much laundry there is.
   
7. It is a waste of time to watch non-TiVo'd TV. You'd have to be some kind of sucker, a chump, a sucker chump.
   
8. Speaking of TV, there should be more than one Thursday night a week.
   
9. It is wrong that I had to remind Jack three times last week not to touch Scout's butt hole.
   
10. We get way too much mail.
    
11. Puddles suck.
    
12. Life would be a lot more entertaining if it were a musical.
    
13. The Doodlebops make me miss the Wiggles.
    

--Jen

Dec. 30: What's in your wallet?

The things I seem to need with me at all times:

1. Oregon driver license, expires on my birthday in 2012. According to the state, I wear corrective lenses and am an organ donor. I don't wear corrective lenses. The state also says I weigh 135 pounds. Silly Oregon.
   
2. Clackamas County library card
   
3. Hollywood Video rental card
   
4. Blockbuster Video rental card, issued 5/8/03. I haven't been there in years, but it has nothing to do with owing them, like, $12 in late fees for "The Wedding Singer."
   
5. Bi-Mart membership card (issued 6/16/88, it still says "Jennifer Saltmarsh")
   
6. list of my physicians and the medications I take, last updated in March 2006
   
7. old medical insurance card
   
8. new medical insurance card
   
9. 2 39-cent postage stamps, snowflake design
   
10. 1 63-cent postage stamp, Bryce Canyon design (used for sending out the Christmas cards that contained CDs)
    
11. Albertsons Preferred Savings card
    
12. Costco membership card, issued 6/97
    
13. AAA membership card, issued 1997
    
14. Hallmark Gold Crown card
    
15. Safeway Club card (a new one, since those $%@#-ers got my phone number wrong when I first signed up and I finally decided to stop trying to get it corrected). I despise Safeway for oh-so-many reasons.
    
16. Visa
    
17. MasterCard
    
18. debit card
    
19. Great Harvest bread card ("buy 12 loaves, get the 13th free!"). #1-7 are checked. I was supposed to get a free cookie with #6 but I forgot.
    
20. 2 Disney Store coupons for 15% off next purchase, good 11/1/06-11/13/06
    
21. Eddie Bauer outlet store preferred shopper card ("Get 5 stamps. Get 10% off!"). I've got one stamp. Card valid 1/1/05 through 12/31/05.
    
22. $1 bill
    
23. $5 bill
    
24. $10 bill
    
25. 2 nickels
    
26. 1 quarter
    
27. 5 pennies (one is of questionable value, as Lincoln is completely obscured by some gooey unidentifiable substance ... where's my blacklight?)
    

OK, your turn.