May 30: Be very afraid

Katie has her first piano recital on Sunday. Is it strange that I’m nervous, probably more nervous than she is? Don’t get me wrong—she’s certainly not okay with the idea. I’m trying to be as encouraging as I can, but I know she doesn’t want to perform and if I thought I could get her out of it, I think I would.

I always hated my piano recitals. I was sure I’d mess up, forget my piece, trip in front of everyone, or people would laugh at me. I never understood why I had to memorize anything—when wouldn’t I have my sheet music available to me???—and had no plans to be a concert pianist. So what was the point?

My mom wasn’t great at making me feel any less apprehensive, but to be fair, I don’t remember ever telling her how nervous I was. She probably assumed I was excited; she and Kathy would do anything for an audience (Kathy still will) so the idea that one of her daughters might not want to perform in front of strangers likely never even crossed her mind.

Katie and I are similar in our approach to things like piano recitals and public nudity. We both do it with great fear. Occasionally a panic attack. Always increased heart rate and extreme blushing. Should kids be forced to perform when they don’t want to? As a regular ol’ person, I say it’s probably good for them. But as a mom, I want to protect my little girl from the terror of feeling like the whole world is watching every move she makes. Because I remember how that feels. And I don’t think performing in recitals did anything to build my confidence. It didn’t make me any more comfortable being watched. It didn’t make my turns in speech classes any less nerve-wracking. And yes, I am a trainer and stand in front of people often, but it’s not the same as playing the piano (for me). I still avoid situations that could give others the opportunity to point and laugh at me.

Maybe Katie will decide recitals aren’t so bad. Maybe she’ll be willing to continue lessons—which I’d really like her to do—but only if she doesn’t have to perform again. Maybe she’ll love the thrill. We’ll get through this first one, and then we’ll see.

Y’know, there was one thing I liked about my recitals: I usually got a new dress to wear. That was cool.

I’m taking Katie shopping tonight.

May 27: A delightful evening

Armistead Maupin is doing a book tour for Michael Tolliver Lives, which is a follow-up to the beloved Tales of the City series. Tonight’s stop was in Portland.

I saw him a few years ago when he toured for The Night Listener, my first time seeing a big-name author. He read a chapter, talked a little, answered some questions, and autographed books. In the Q&A portion I was annoyed by some in the crowd—you know the types, they want everyone to know that have some tiny connection to the author so they ask an obscure question just to show off. Bleah.

Tonight he followed a similar schedule. The chapter he chose to read was when Michael goes to see his mom in the nursing home in Orlando, and I loved hearing “her” voice—all sass and thick Southern accent, and so different from the way it read in my head!

None of those in attendance tonight were really obnoxious know-it-alls, thank goodness. There were lots of questions about the TOTC characters’ fates, the miniseries, and personal questions about Maupin’s life. I could have listened to him talk for hours, and I think he would have liked to. While many authors may prefer to be admired from afar, Maupin seems to be an open book and will talk about virtually anything. I respect that so much.

Some of the things you Armistead Maupin fans may care to know:

• Someone asked what he thinks about people like Perez Hilton that “out” closeted celebrities. His reply was, “Can we use someone other than Perez Hilton as an example? I can’t stand that little worm.” His complaint with Perez’s manner of pushing celebrities out of the closet is that he is mean-spirited about it even when he has the chance to do it in a much kinder way.
  
• When asked when his next book will come out, he says he has a title for it, but that’s all so far. His plan is to finally redeem Mary Ann. Circumstances will bring her back to San Francisco and the book will be primarily about her. He’s planning to call it Mary Ann’s Autumn.
  
• He said he found Laura Linney to be the embodiment of Mary Ann, and now hears her voice (rather than his own) when he writes her. Linney was a big influence on his decision to start this next book.
  
• There is a Broadway musical based on Tales in the works. One of the Avenue Q writers is involved, as well as the lead singer of the Scissor Sisters. It is planned to be part of the 2009-10 Broadway season.
  
• He and his husband were married in Vancouver last year and are planning to be married in California this summer.

I asked him to sign my copy of Michael Tolliver Lives (see crappy phone pic). He saw my bookplate and read my name out loud (brave guy). He wondered about the origin of “Manullang” and then asked with a smile, “And ‘Saltmarsh’ is the name you took on during your hippie phase in college?” He almost didn’t believe me when I told him it was my maiden name. While he was writing, I told him I had recommended his books to several “Lenores” (the name of Michael Tolliver’s ultra-conservative sister-in-law) and he laughed. I said, “I just tell them the truth—they’re good books—and hand them over without any warning of the elements I know will freak them out.” He said he’s actually been praised by conservative critics for not writing those kinds of characters unfairly. (Maybe he’s a little too nice???)

On the way home I got this text message from April: Pls ask armistead what-the w/the end of night listener. Well, on the last tour, he wasn’t willing to give too much away about the truth behind the novel. This time he came right out and gave the facts. April, you can check out the details here.

Best part of the evening, besides our short chat: he opened with the hilarious story of his sister’s mother-in-law, who wears a bag over her head during gynecological exams. If you ever get a chance to hear this man speak, it’s worth it just to hear that story.

Linky linky...

Tales of the City (1978)
More Tales of the City (1980)
Further Tales of the City (1982)
Babycakes (1984)
Significant Others (1987)
Sure of You (1989)
Maybe the Moon (1992)
The Night Listener (2000)
Michael Tolliver Lives (2007)
Wikipedia: Armistead Maupin
Wikipedia: Tales of the City

May 26: CinderJen & CinderVic

‘Scuse the lack of posts. It’s been a busy past few days. Katie and Jack went to my mom’s for the long weekend, and Victor and I have been cleaning and organizing their rooms. We had hoped to work on a few other projects too, but everything took longer than we planned. The good news is that our to-do list for the kids’ bedrooms and playroom now has these things crossed off: de-clutter, shampoo carpets, organize toys in marked Rubbermaid boxes, collect and re-box crayons and markers and coloring pencils (oh my!), sort clothes, install shelves, hang new window coverings, remove trash and itty-bitty pieces of paper, catalog books according to the Dewey Decimal system, move new desk into playroom, donate outgrown toys and clothes. I think that’s it. Hard to believe we spent three days doing just a paragraph’s worth of stuff.

Katie never throws anything away. She keeps every math worksheet, scrap of paper, torn crayon wrapper, orphaned pen cap, Barbie hair extension… it’s infuriating. I gained a lot of sympathy for my mom when I realized Katie was like this, because I was exactly the same way as a child. What??? You threw away my bottle cap collection? My life is over!

Jack hoards underwear in his desk drawers, most of which is dirty. That was a super-fun discovery. He also painted on his door and then covered it with an art project from school. From now on, before I praise his artwork I’m going to look underneath it to see what he’s trying to hide.

We found a Nintendo 64 game system that we stored away long before the kids came along. Fortunately we also found the only game we ever bought—some Star Wars thing that Jack is going to love. Vic says he’s sorry he erased all your high scores, Stephen. Note that he deleted them; he did not beat them.

Casey was nervous watching us work. Because we’ve pretty much concluded that she was dropped off in our neighborhood after her owner died, it’s no surprise. Every time I looked at her she had this expression like, “Oh no. This is just like when the old lady disappeared and her kids packed up her things and then they took me for a ride in the car.” Poor girl. She’s been getting extra lovin’ on our breaks from cleaning.

That, in turn, pisses off Scout. To make up for it, we’ve had the dogs sleep with us every night. Vic and I both go to bed fully clothed when the dogs are on the bed because we know our blankets will be stolen during the night. Sure enough, this morning I woke up in the upper corner of the bed with my feet hanging off the side and all the blankets under Scout’s big fat beagle ass. Now I’m not only sore from all the work I’ve been doing, I’m sore from the position in which I’ve had to sleep.

We did have one nice break this weekend. Last night our neighbors hosted a barbecue and we all gathered outside for a few hours. Although I was tired, it was lovely to sit around and talk with our friends. (Note: Mike’s Hard Tea is goo-ood)

Well, I’m going to finish this cup of coffee and get the last few things on the list done. Then we’re headed down to Cottage Grove (halfway point between here and Medford) to retrieve our kids. Yay.

May 22: Nerd alert!

Since I was in middle school, I’ve had an interest in rocks. It started at summer camp when I registered so late the only activity left was Natural Science. We went hunting for thundereggs—camp was in central Oregon, so, y’know, duh—and glued crystals and rocks to a board with fancy labels. And yes, I actually memorized Moh’s scale of mineral hardness. (Shut up, Sonya—I know you’re laughing at me and Shanna right now.)

Today the only thing I remember about mineral hardness is that talc is the softest and diamond is the hardest. So I may be a nerd girl of epic proportions but I no longer don’t walk around reciting this oh-so-interesting data. Got it?

In the past couple years I’ve done research on gemstones and their metaphysical properties, information I use when creating jewelry. I keep this data in a Word document that is currently 86+ pages long and could probably scare a lot of people who think I’m somewhat normal. The idea that gemstones have powers puts me in the stratosphere of “kooky” in some people’s minds.

I don’t care; maybe I am kooky. But I think it’s cool. And while it’s possible that people are just being nice, they seem to appreciate my efforts to select stones especially for them when I make jewelry gifts. (This pic’s for you, Sonya…)

It’s common knowledge that magnets and copper are used as alternative health treatments. A lot of stones are considered helpful in treating the immune system, depression and anxiety, high blood pressure, and other common ailments. Some work better when combined with other stones. Here are a few of the more interesting tidbits from my research:

• Emerald makes the wearer clever and funny
  
• Who needs Gatorade? Poppy Jasper can help increase physical endurance and ward off dehydration.
  
• Lepidolite heals wrinkles
  
• Riding in a car with children for a few hours? Give everyone a Green Aventurine for their pockets. It will keep attitudes positive, encourage a happy spirit and provide some protection against the misadventures of other drivers.
  
• Leopardskin Jasper helps control body odor
  
• In ancient times, Chalcedony was used as a talisman against idiocy (I say it’s worth a try in current times too)
  
• Iolite is thought to protect the wearer on marine journeys
  
• The wearer of Garnets is kept in good health and protected while traveling. It is also considered the Gem of Friendship.
  
• Mookaite connect us to loved ones who have passed away
  
• Sardonyx makes its wearer a pleasant person
  
• It is said that Amethyst “prevents” drunkenness. Ancient Greeks were so convinced of this that they created wine goblets made from Amethyst so they could drink and drink and drink. Crazy ancient Greeks!
  
• Morganite promotes sisterhood
  
• Peridot is another stone of friendship
  
• Moonstone helps your pet to deal with stress and emotional instability
  
• Apparently Yellow Topaz can do it all! It cures gout, sleeplessness, lunacy, and sudden death.
  
• The Masai tribes of Tanzania are said to consider Tanzanite to be connected with birth and give it as a gift on the birth of the first child
  
• Silver can be worn as a belt buckle to improve fertility. (Must be common knowledge in Texas, hm?)
  
• Nephrite aids cure of bed-wetting
  
• White Onyx is said to soothe quarreling couples
  
• Opal will help blondes keep their hair color longer
  
• Unakite can aid in gaining weight. Uh, yeah… who wouldn’t want that?
  
• Pearls are thought to inhibit rough behavior, and are a good stone for children to wear (and we laughed at Lisa Simpson!)
  
• Smoky Quartz is good for people with radiation-related illness or those in chemotherapy
  
• Sapphire can kill spiders
  
• Sodalite blocks radiation and thus is a good stone to keep by a television or computer
  
• Turquoise can be helpful to those that suffer from motion sickness

One more thing and then I promise, no more science. Here’s a link to 11 extreme close-up photos of sand. Besides being quite beautiful at this magnification, it’s interesting to see what sand actually consists of in different parts of the world. Most importantly, with all the potential healing power of these rocks, I’m going to go ahead and assume that the best thing we can do for our ailing selves is to spend time on a beach.

Just call me Dr. Jen. I prefer that to Dr. Nutjob, thank you.

May 20: Blue plate not-so-special

You probably haven’t been able to sleep, waiting to hear about my new license plates. So sorry. I finally went by and picked them up today. Drum roll, please…

The letters are DUC.

I shouldn’t complain, but, y’know, meh. I mean, D-U-C. How much boringer could that be? And again I say: meh.

Oh, geez! That’s what I want! MEH! As in M-E-H! As in even better than KMA or OMB. Dangit, dangit, dangit. I hate the DMV or DOT or FBI or whatever government agency is responsible for my stoopid license plate letters.

So there it is. And now you can get a good night’s rest. I’m off to pout a little while longer but you go right ahead and continue on with your merry day, you person with a cooler license plate than me.

May 20: Ice cream cravings?

If you’ve got a bun in the oven, you get ice cream.

Tomorrow’s Bump Day at Baskin-Robbins in honor of expectant moms. Take in a printout of the announcement at the link and you can get a free ice cream cone. Yay.

And you think I never have anything worthwhile to share…

May 18: A resolution of sorts

A former classmate of mine was killed last weekend. Obviously, this is shocking and tragic. People my age are not supposed to die. We’re supposed to be mid-career, becoming parents, developing arthritis, getting Botox injections, attending reunions as “honor class” members. Not going to funerals for our peers.

He and I met when we were Outdoor School counselors in the fall of 1985; later we attended WWC at the same time. He and Vic’s brother were good friends, and he came to our wedding because he was married to a friend of mine at the time. But I honestly never knew him all that well.

Thanks to Google, it was easy to find details about the accident in which he died. Almost everyone that signed his web site’s memorial guest book mentioned his enthusiasm for motorcycle racing and something about how he died doing what he loved. Like Steve Irwin, JFK Jr., Dale Earnhardt, and many astronauts, there are those who literally live and die for their passions. Some of us left behind find comfort in that kind of ending.

I’ve thought about this a lot lately. If people find comfort in my untimely death, it’s not going to come from the assurance that I died doing something I love to do. I mean, I don’t exactly have any risky hobbies. Occasionally going on amusement park rides and walking to my mailbox after dark might be the most dangerous activities I pursue. I suppose if I was electrocuted by the TiVo remote and found on my bed with the “Now Playing” screen on TV, surrounded by empty pudding cups… THEN I think people would say “the last moments of her life were spent doing what made her happiest.” Yeah, there’s a big woo-hoo for Jen.

The thing is, I don’t want to take up riskier hobbies. The live-every-moment-like-it’s-my-last conviction is not suddenly pounding in my chest, pushing me to run down the street and cannonball into the Clackamas River. I’m really quite satisfied to spend a sunny day on the deck with my laptop and a stack of good books, thank you. Maybe even if it were my last day. This lack of adventure is pathetic only if it’s something I think I might regret one day, no?

I like the idea of living fully, like this classmate seems to have done. “Full” for me does not involve bungee jumping or fishing in the Bering Sea, but at the end I hope to feel that I didn’t miss an opportunity to do the things that were truly important to me. The things that fed my soul. The things that made me—to paraphrase a famous line from Our Town—realize life while I lived it.

May 16: Another Lori that rocks

My friend Lori knits. Not this Lori. The Other Lori™. The Other Lori™ has a bumper sticker on her car that says “Friends don’t let friends knit ugly” and it’s not even magnetic, so you know she’s hard-core. Every time I see some funny-weird-hideous knitted thing I think of sending The Other Lori™ a picture. Sometimes I do. I think she would block my e-mail if I actually sent her pictures of stuff as often as I consider it. (Apparently I tend to scare people.)

Recently I found a photo of some old shoes that had been converted into Converse high tops by replacing the worn out uppers with knitted uppers. Odd and impractical, yes, but interesting. Knitters seem to have the (yarn)balls to try lots of things us non-knitters wouldn’t. I e-mailed a pic of the shoes to The Other Lori™ and she e-mailed back two examples of booties she’s done. Click to get the full, adorable effect.




Are these the cutest? I think they just might be. They’re way better than the underpants knitted with licorice strings, anyway. But probably not as edible.

Oh, another reason to like The Other Lori™: she actually quoted “You can’t win friends with salad” to me once. That was worth, like, eleventy points on the coolness scale.

May 14: 3 numbers, 3 letters

The license plates for the new car are in. Y’know that nervous feeling you get right before you see them? The incapacitating fear that the arrangement of letters will suddenly make your car appear to have personalized plates therefore making it hugely embarrassing to drive because why would anyone choose THAT for a personalized plate? These are just some letter combinations I hope have not been assigned to me:

PMS
ZIT
FRT
FAT
VAG
VJJ

Truthfully, I’m crossing my fingers for KMA, though OMG or OMB (Oh My Buddha) would make me giggle with glee. I’m going to the dealership tomorrow to pick up the oh-so-mysterious plates. I shall keep you informed.

May 14: Weird Portland

Here’s an interesting article about Portland’s quirkiness from the Canadian newspaper, The Globe and Mail. Outsiders’ perspectives are always amusing, even if they spell “meters” incorrectly.

I think “Little Beirut” is one of my all-time favorite nicknames for our fair city, ‘specially considering who it came from and why. Heh heh heh.

May 14: Rate yo wifeness

Check out this chart and see what kind of wife you would have made in 1939.



What's with the "cold feet" question? I bet Vic can't even fall asleep without my frozen piggies between his butt cheeks anymore.

Not surprisingly, I got a negative score.

May 12: Boo-friggidy-hoo

Mother Sues Town After Child Steps In Dog Dropping

Read the full story insanity here.

May 11: Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there.

With one exception, today has been pretty sucky for me. I woke up with a killer headache yesterday and it’s still going strong. Is it allergies? Is it stress? Who knows? Whatever it is, nothing I do makes it go away. This is exactly why curse words were invented.

The exception to my otherwise $#!++¥ day is the lovely morning I had. Wellington, Victor, Katie and Jack took me and Darlene to Mother’s Day brunch at the Monarch, and I loved it because the Monarch has very thick, greasy bacon. As if that wasn’t enough, the kids each presented me with sweet gifts they made at school last week. They also gave me three hanging baskets of colorful spring flowers, which distract slightly from the ugliness of our front porch.

Otherwise I’ve been feeling like at least three of the Seven Duffs (Sleazy, Queasy, Dizzy, Tipsy, Edgy, Surly, and Remorseful)—I’ll let you guess which, but does it really matter?

I hope all of you who have moms pampered them sufficiently, and those of you who are moms got to enjoy every minute of your day.

May 9: I know you’re jealous

Oh. My. Word.

I just discovered the very best thing about my new desk.





The awesomest blanket fort ever!

May 9: Mmmmm... bacon...

From XKCD, a webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.

May 8: Office space

I loved that movie. But I’m talking about something else.

Last fall we converted our fourth bedroom, which had been my office, into a playroom again. The idea of confining Katie and Jack’s toys and gear in one room was the biggest factor in this decision. With their things having a place, at least we can yell at them about stuff not being where it belongs, right? I hated to give up my office but figured I could use the bookshelves in the family room to store my work and scrapbook supplies. I figured wrong. I rearranged the family room over and over and just couldn’t get it to be anything but a mishmash of Rubbermaid storage boxes and file folders. Yuck.

Part of the problem was that the family room bookshelves weren’t big enough for a lot of my 12x12 scrapbook supplies. Another issue was that my desk did not have any drawers. I loved the workspace on the desktop but storage was a problem.

This is what I had:


And this is what I replaced it with this week:


The new shelving unit is about five feet square with 16 sections, each about 13” square and 15” deep (the pic only shows part of the fourth column). The desktop is as spacious as what I had with my other desk, perfect for all my work projects and scrapbooking adventures. The whole thing fits a lot nicer in the family room too. I love, love, love it.

IKEA makes a bunch of different types of storage that perfectly fit in the 13” sections. I haven’t bought any yet because I can’t tell which and how many I’ll need. The problem, really, is how to arrange my things in these 16 squares. Where do I begin? Because do you understand that I’m talking about SIXTEEN squares??? I don’t know if I even have 16 squares’ worth of things that belong there. I think I’ll shove stuff in most the sections and continue to rearrange until it all feels right. Then I can head back to IKEA for doors or boxes or drawers or baskets or whatever I decide to use to disguise all my crap. Because, you see, my ultimate goal is for the office area of the family room to look better than a mishmash of Rubbermaid storage and file folders.

That shouldn’t be difficult, right?

May 8: Mother's Day photo

May 8: Plug in your dongle

I've said it before and I'm saying it again; if you don't visit Overheard in the Office at least once a day, you're missing out on unparalleled hilarity. Here's an example.

---

9AM Oh No, My PayPal Account Is Empty! How Will I Pay This Strapping Young IT Guy?

Tech guy: I need to update your microscope software, have you seen the dongle?
Grad student: Um... Excuse me?
Tech guy: I need to plug the dongle in to get access to your machine.
Grad student: Uh... What would... That... Look like?
Tech guy: Oh wait, never mind, I see it. Thanks!
[Tech guy leaves.]
Grad student, to undergrad nearby: What the hell was he talking about?
Undergrad: I don't know, but I feel like we were about ten seconds away from being in a very nerdy porno.

North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: LabCat
via Overheard in the Office, May 8, 2008

---

For reals, check it out. It's okay, I'll still be here when you get back.

May 8: I hate yard work

May 6: Typing race

OK, all you fast fingers out there. Here’s TypeRacer, a typing game that pits you against other typists. You should probably turn the Out-of-Office reply on your e-mail and warn your co-workers you won’t be one bit productive today because this game is totally addictive. I haven’t played it much yet but so far I kinda suck at it. I need to play when the 124wpm people are offline!

Good luck.

May 4: Grouchy kitties

A long time ago some guy told me about hiring Wilford Brimley to do some advertising for the company he worked for. Apparently he was one of the most difficult people to work with, like, EVER. Talk about a diva! Every time I see his grouchy diabetes medication commercials I am reminded that he is as much of a dick as he seems to be. Check out this link to Five Cats that Look Like Wilford Brimley. Those cats look mean.

(BTW, sounding like Sammy Davis, Jr. in that last sentence was unintentional.)

May 4: Happy birthday, Sally!

Seems like lots of people are turning 40 lately, but Sally is not one of them. She’s still got another year, damn her. But we love her anyway because she keeps us young (or something like that). Actually, I love Sally because she can make me laugh until birthday cake comes out my nose. People like that are rare, so you gotta hang onto them! Have a great day, Sal. See you soon!

May 3: ABC’s o’ me

Tagged by Chris...

A - ADVOCATE FOR: basic human rights, including marriage for anyone who wants to be married
B - BEST FEATURE: my eyes, I guess—the only part of me that isn’t fat
C - COULD DO WITHOUT: close-mindedness, religion (same thing)
D - DREAMS & DESIRES: to have more money than God. Oh, and world peace, I guess
E - ESSENTIAL ITEMS: laptop, good moisturizer
F - FAVORITE PASTIME: scrapbooking, beading, reading
G - GOOD AT: scrapbooking, beading, reading
H - HAVE NEVER TRIED: marijuana, regretfully (it’s too late now, isn’t it?)
I - IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: take family and friends on a big ol’ vacation
J - JUNKIE FOR: a fabulous restaurant
K - KINDRED SPIRIT: several people, fortunately (for me)
L - LITTLE KNOWN FACT: I sat on Spiderman’s uncle’s lap when I was two years old
M - MEMORABLE MOMENT: several, but my wedding day is probably the biggie
N - NEVER AGAIN WILL I: try to list the things I will never do again
O - OCCASIONAL INDULGENCE: Morton’s Godiva chocolate cake
Q - QUOTE: “It’s your god. They’re your rules. *You* go to hell.”
R - REASON TO SMILE: “You’ve got mail!”
S - SORRY ABOUT: being a meanie that one time
T - TAG SOME FRIENDS: Lori, Sheila, Kath
U - UNINTERESTED IN: sci-fi, cleaning my kitchen
V - VERY SCARED OF: spiders, middle-of-the-night phone calls
W - WORST HABIT: procrastinating
X - X MARKS MY IDEAL VACATION SPOT: Maui
Y - YUMMIEST DESSERT: Breyer’s coffee ice cream
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Virgo

May 3: Queen for a day

I can’t believe it, but I was actually asked to go on another one of Jack’s field trips. Geez, they really must be desperate. You might remember the last one didn’t go so well because of inappropriate behavior of some of the chaperones. These chaperones shall not be named because they know who they are and they were just having fun and what’s the harm anyway, it’s not like they started a fire at the fire station or embarrassed the firefighters with their depravity.

My memory might be fuzzy on that one.

So yesterday’s field trip was to the Children’s Museum. For you Portland old-timers, the Children’s Museum is where OMSI used to be. There’s no weird blue planetarium thingie anymore. And remember the jet outside the building? Now it’s a covered eating area. Weird. Katie and Jack go to the Children’s Museum regularly, courtesy of Grandpa & Grandma, but yesterday was my first time. I was completely and thoroughly impressed—it’s noisy and crowded but totally fun.

The joy began as we were standing in line to get on the school buses and the four boys in my charge asked what they were supposed to call me. I told them “Queen” would be just fine. Jack thought that was ridiculous and said he’d call me “Jen” (evidently much less ridiculous). But the other three boys actually called me Queen all day long. They would run from one section to another, yelling back at me, “Queeeeeen! We’re going over here now!” If being “Queen” doesn’t show you exactly the kind of fabulous day I had, then are you even paying attention?

I won’t be asked to chaperone again, I know that. But it has less to do with my behavior this time and more with the fact that there are no field trips left in the school year. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. Right, Sabrina?

May 3: Happy day late, Lisa!

Happy birthday to my friend Lisa (Ross) Nicholson, who celebrated a big day yesterday. You can party with us in July, okay?

(And big apologies for the late wishes. Yesterday was super-bizzy but I thought of you all day, I promise.)

Lovies!

May 2: Obama facts

From last night’s Late Show with David Letterman:

Top Ten Surprising Facts About Barack Obama

10. My first act as president will be to stop the fighting between Lauren and Heidi on “The Hills”

9. In the Illinois primary, I accidentally voted for Kucinich

8. When I tell my kids to clean their room, I finish with, “I’m Barack Obama and I approved this message”

7. Throughout high school, I was consistently voted “Barackiest”

6. Earlier today I bowled a 39

5. I have canceled all my appearances the day the “Sex and The City” movie opens

4. It’s the birth place of Fred Astaire (Sorry, that’s a surprising fun fact about Omaha)

3. We are tirelessly working to get the endorsement of Kentucky Derby favorite Colonel John

2. This has nothing to do with the Top Ten, but what the heck is up with Paula Abdul?

1. I have not slept since October

Top Ten Archives (warning… you’ll waste a good hour or two if you follow this linky goodness)