I don’t know what I did, but my left hand is all jacked up. It’s messing with my ability to use my iPhone. I know! I don’t know how I’m surviving this either.
I like having opposable thumbs. I use them. Well, I use my right one, anyway. My left one is being a real a-hole. I know all the moving of boxes and furniture over the weekend couldn’t have helped, but seriously, Thumb. I kinda needja. Here’s why:
- When I drive, I hold the bottom of the wheel with my left hand, and hook my thumb around it. Now I can’t, because it hurts. So now I drive crazy. You’d best get out of my way.
- When I use my laptop, I tend to “drive” it like I do my car. Now I can’t, because it hurts. So I cry.
- When I hold my phone and do very important things for hours at a time, I use the index finger and thumb on my left hand as a stand—they’re pretty perfect for that. Now I can’t, because it hurts. I figured out that if I use a boob, I can almost get my iPhone to stay upright. Whatever works.
- When I pick things up, I often enlist the use of my thumb. Now I can’t pick things up, because it hurts. So I whine a lot more than normal, and I knock stuff around because I’m angry. HULK MAD THUMB HURTS!
- When I open the washer or dryer doors, my left thumb comes in handy. Now I can’t open the washer or dryer doors. So I don’t do laundry. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to get away with this.
- When I think, which I do almost constantly, I rest my chin in my left hand and tap my thumb on my jaw. It’s very “The Thinker” (not really) and I look like an idiot if I can’t do it just exactly that way at all times. Girl, you know it’s true.
- When I sleep, I look like an angel. That has nothing to do with my hurt thumb; I just wanted to brag a little.
- I’m afraid my promising future in thumb wrestling may be over. My dreams have died.
Why am I telling you all this?
So you’ll feel sorry for me. So you’ll understand the lengths I go to for you, my adoring public of four, in keeping my blog updated even when it’s causing me great pain. It’s for you. It’s all for you.