I like having opposable thumbs. I use them. Well, I use my right one, anyway. My left one is being a real a-hole. I know all the moving of boxes and furniture over the weekend couldn’t have helped, but seriously, Thumb. I kinda needja. Here’s why:
- When I drive, I hold the bottom of the wheel with my left hand, and hook my thumb around it. Now I can’t, because it hurts. So now I drive crazy. You’d best get out of my way.
- When I use my laptop, I tend to “drive” it like I do my car. Now I can’t, because it hurts. So I cry.
- When I hold my phone and do very important things for hours at a time, I use the index finger and thumb on my left hand as a stand—they’re pretty perfect for that. Now I can’t, because it hurts. I figured out that if I use a boob, I can almost get my iPhone to stay upright. Whatever works.
- When I pick things up, I often enlist the use of my thumb. Now I can’t pick things up, because it hurts. So I whine a lot more than normal, and I knock stuff around because I’m angry. HULK MAD THUMB HURTS!
- When I open the washer or dryer doors, my left thumb comes in handy. Now I can’t open the washer or dryer doors. So I don’t do laundry. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to get away with this.
- When I think, which I do almost constantly, I rest my chin in my left hand and tap my thumb on my jaw. It’s very “The Thinker” (not really) and I look like an idiot if I can’t do it just exactly that way at all times. Girl, you know it’s true.
- When I sleep, I look like an angel. That has nothing to do with my hurt thumb; I just wanted to brag a little.
- I’m afraid my promising future in thumb wrestling may be over. My dreams have died.
Why am I telling you all this? So you’ll feel sorry for me. So you’ll understand the lengths I go to for you, my adoring public of four, in keeping my blog updated even when it’s causing me great pain. It’s for you. It’s all for you.
Are you sure you didn't fall on it? Seems like a possibility, from past experience.
ReplyDeleteWould it make you feel better to know that I did a face plant into my strawberry patch Friday night? Like, dirt in my nostrils. Very attractive. Of course, I thought of you, immediately. With love.
xo
Aw, thanks for sharing that story, Sherilee! That makes me feel all warm an un-lonely in my clumsiness. :) xoxo
ReplyDeleteI think you should sue Steve Jobs. That thumb problem has Apple written ALL over it. I KNEW those phones were troule.
ReplyDelete:)
P.S. Any pics of the strawberry patch face plant? I snorted a bit when I read that. Not in a really mean way though.