OK, remember how I complained most of last year about how much my back hurt, and when I finally found a doctor who took it seriously enough to order a scan, we found out that my back hurt so much because there was a gigantic cancerous tumor pressing on my spine? Yeah, I remember that too.
I had always heard that cancer doesn’t hurt—“if it’s painful, it’s not cancer.” Whoever came up with that little chestnut forgot to mention that if the cancer is big enough to push vital organs and spinal columns out of place, it might. possibly. hurt. <cough> Jackass! <cough>
Anyhoodle, the problem is that now I’m afraid everything is cancer. My hand’s all wonky: it’s gotta be cancer of the hand. I have a weird thing near my eye: it could not possibly be a big, disgusting zit; it’s more likely eyelid cancer. My knee hurts: cancer of the patella. It feels like I have a sliver in my toe but I can’t find it: piggie cancer. Don’t you DARE tell me about your aches and pains. You won’t want to hear my professional diagnosis, I’m quite sure.
Yes, it sucks what cancer does to people’s bodies.
But it sucks what it does to their heads, too.
(the weird signature is because the Internet’s down at our house… prob’ly modem cancer.)