Sep. 17: IDCEAYWTPFriday

It’s Friday, and on most Fridays that would mean you get a post called I Don’t Care Enough About You to Write in Transitioning Paragraphs Friday. But I got nothin’, folks. Nothin’ to say, or certainly nothin’ about which you want to read. So today I’m going to share some of my favorite Twitters with you.

Now, if you check in here regularly, you read these in the left sidebar over yonder, but there’s a chance you’ve missed some. That is something that cannot be tolerated. These are clever, funny people. You need to see examples of their brilliance. Click their names to see their Twitter feeds and follow them for yourselves, if you choose. The awesomeness is beyond your imagination, I can assure you. Okay, not really. But these Twitters are definitely chuckle-worthy. I’ve dedicated some to my friends who I know will appreciate them most.

stevewhitaker I wonder if Huey Lewis ever found out if that was it. 10:38 AM Sep 15th

adamisacson Thanks to ringtones, I now associate all my favorite songs with the annoyance and dread of being interrupted and having to talk to somebody. 5:43 AM Sep 13th

This (and all the Glenn Beck ones, really) are for Mike Devitt and other fellow Beck-despising friends:

gknauss My five favorite nuts: 5. Peanut (honey roasted) 4. Macadamia 3. Cashew 1. Glenn Beck / Right testicle (tie) 12:59 AM Sep 13th

Applies to Popsicle sticks too:

strutting Q. What did the Laffy Taffy wrapper say to the kid? A. I want to warp your still-fragile definition of the word "joke." 4:10 PM Sep 9th


cpinck Thanks to his first day of school, my son raised his hand when he wanted to ask me a question. I called on his brother instead. 7:15 AM Sep 9th

bcompton I keep forgetting which end of the hand towel is for my face and which end of the hand towel is for my butt. 6:34 PM Sep 8th

JimGaffigan Before we start burning, is it "Koran" or "Quran"? Oh, we should also bail on that whole freedom of religion stuff while were at it, right? 4:22 PM Sep 8th

CranberryPerson Family football day- discovered my younger son got my ability to bust out a sweet touchdown dance despite being in the wrong end zone. 5:52 PM Sep 5th

This isn’t for anyone specific, but I just gotta say that “yam bag” is my new favorite term for scrotum.

biorhythmist Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Give a toddler a wiffle ball bat, he goes at your yam bag like a piñata. 5:34 PM Sep 5th

Oh, lord. Did I really just write “scrotum” on my blog? Let’s move along:

JimGaffigan If you are too young to make breakfast, you should not be allowed to get up before 7am. 6:52 AM Sep 5th

samhey Now when I see a mother bird regurgitate into her blind babies' mouths, I think of Glenn Beck. 10:02 PM Sep 4th

_mattie Sometimes having an old dad sucks, but then he'll accidentally call an email a telegram and it's all worth it. TEN POINTS FOR: ADORABILITY. 10:49 AM Aug 31st

ereillypdx Earthquake drill. Really expected it to be roomier under here. 10:32 AM Aug 31st

Ed, try being in a grade school during an earthquake drill, when everything is sized for 8-year-olds. That day was one of my most painful as a classroom volunteer.

Sherilee and my other foodie friends:

JephKelley Malcolm Gladwell: Please do your next book on cold soups. Topic: How they ever became popular. Name: "Gross Things; The Story of Cold Soups" 11:51 AM Aug 30th

Val, if this were their only problem, right?

badbanana Just once I'd like to see these young vampires show a little respect and put on a freaking cape. 2:04 PM Aug 29th


MooeyTie I'm shocked that you profess conservative values on Facebook just under the spot on your profile where you also admit "I don't like books." 7:25 AM Aug 29th

theTCAT Glenn Beck has a dream. That one day people won't be judged by the content of their character, but on the color of their skin. #beckrally 10:03 AM Aug 28th

essdogg If I was Glenn Beck's manager I so would've tried to get a Kool-Aid sponsorship out of this rally. 9:58 AM Aug 28th

essdogg So when does Minister GlennBeckhan's Million Honky March get started? 6:50 AM Aug 28th

badbanana Bristol Palin is going to be on this season's Dancing With the Stars. I wonder which star she'll be paired with. 1:30 PM Aug 26th


CallMeBez Yeah? Well your kid's 5th birthday party sucks, so hiring an obese clown-stripper was the only way to ensure I didn't die of boredom. 11:29 AM Aug 26th

I would totally buy this:

badbanana Other words just added to the Oxford Dictionary: Bromance, Chillax, Frenemy, and Interweb. Guy Fieri will be on the cover. 1:20 PM Aug 23rd

Sorry, Erin, but I’ve heard this is true:

scottsimpson Remember: when a Realtor is retrieving their Open House signs, attack! That is the only time they can be killed. 11:21 PM Aug 22nd

For you, Fancy Lori™:

FakeAPStylebook Strunk & White sure were a couple of dicks, weren’t they? 3:00 PM Aug 20th

Dan K:

badbanana New York Yankees nicknames. Best: The Yankee Clipper. Worst: The Yankee Candle. 6:56 AM Aug 20th


samhey Sometimes when I squash a spider, I scowl at its corpse and flex my glutes. Then I see its leg twitch and I freak the fuck out. 6:42 AM Aug 20th

Just plain funny:

sween Voldemort probably goes by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named because his first name is Leslie. 8:15 AM Aug 18th

Richter_Andy Some domain names are so cheap! Just got for $10! Also, anyone know how to get in touch with Celine Dion? 9:35 AM Aug 17th

Kath, Cassie, et. al.:

thedayhascome We can put a man on the moon, but we can't design a margarita glass that doesn't spill while jogging? 8:25 AM Aug 17th

Good ones:

adamisacson If they're not going to paint these speed bumps, they should at least give us a freeze-frame and a Waylon Jennings voice-over. 6:39 AM Aug 16th

CcSteff I've reached the stage of pregnancy where both my husband and my belly button look like assholes. 5:14 PM Aug 15th

Dan, again. Sher and Corinne, too:

strutting Rejected drink idea: the poutini. (May be available in Canada.) 11:14 AM Aug 14th

Love these:

StephenAtHome If a Butterfinger doesn't list butter as an ingredient, then is it all just finger? 11:34 AM Aug 12th

mollycrabapple Eat Pray Love makes me want to Stab Stab Stab 10:41 AM Aug 12th

samhey I fear my daughter's chalk drawings in front of our house are hobo warning symbols: 'don't trust him- brings milk when you ask for juice.' 8:17 AM Aug 11th

adamisacson What the hell? This is just a Cheeto wrapped in rice and seaweed. Definitely avoid the Delaware Roll. 4:53 PM Aug 9th

capricecrane "Lady Gaga Gets Licked By Fan." Just to be clear -- which one are we concerned for here? 3:40 PM Aug 9th

Jen E and Sally, my fellow Scarry fans:

sween Listen, Richard Scarry. I was fine with a snake wearing a shoe. But a walrus owning its own home? In that neighborhood? Please. 4:52 AM Aug 7th

Enjoy your weekend, friends.


  1. Thanks for the spider-re-tweet/quote thingy. Awesomeness.

  2. Thanks for the spider-re-tweet/quote thingy. Awesomeness.


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