Apr. 3: Chemo thoughts

Oh, the randomness of things chemo-related.

• Stupid side effects. I’ve been having night sweats more frequently, and I hate them. I especially hate that moment between first waking and becoming fully awake, when I manage to convince myself I have indeed peed the bed. It scares me every single time. (Hey, if you peed the bed until you were 12, you’d be freaked out too.) Kathy recommended moisture wicking clothes, so I got pants and a couple shirts the other day, and after just one night, I’m sold. They’re awesome at keeping me from waking up freezing and frightened, and they’re also very comfy. Thanks, Kath, and thanks to the scientists who invented fancy workout clothes in which I can sleep.
• I wish very much that I didn’t have this tidbit to share. I’ve become more sniffly in the past couple months; I don’t have a cold, but it seems like my nose is always, always drippy. Brenda mentioned last weekend that she’s had the same problem, and guess why? BECAUSE CHEMO ATE OUR NOSE HAIR. That means there’s nothing to filter out the dust and grime and general grossness in the air, so it all goes right up our noses and makes us sniffle. And with nothing to hold in the drippy mucus, we sniffle. Nice, isn’t it?
• My typing accuracy has gotten worse than ever. It’s taken me at least twice as long to write every post now, with all the proofreading I make myself do. And I still post with mistakes. I know, I also can hardly believe that I would do such a terrible thing! I’d like to think my brain just works faster than my fingers, but I’m pretty sure the real truth is that I’m just plain losing my mind. We’re blaming the chemo, people. It’s the chemo.
• I’ve been thinking about getting some pictures taken without my hair. As much as I’d like to forget this chapter of my life, I think someday I’ll want to look back on it as a fight I successfully fought. If I get my makeup done up, and apply some fake eye hair, I think it could distract from the cue-ballness of my fuzzy noggin. Is that a totally weird idea?
• I’m still hoping for your pole-dancing pictures! If you haven’t sent yours yet, why the hell not?
• There are two things I want to do when I’m completely done with chemo and have been told I’m in remission: have a big party and go on vacation. Since I’m pretty sure I won’t have the energy to throw a big party, that one might never happen. But the vacation, OH BOY THAT IS SOOOO HAPPENING. Jack and I decided yesterday that a Disney cruise would be a fabulous way to celebrate. One of the ships is in the Mediterranean this summer and the other one is in Mexico and Alaska. If we wait until next spring or summer, the new ship will be in service so we’ll have some additional options. Still, I think the Mexico or Alaska cruises would be fun. The Mexico cruise could easily have a Disneyland visit tacked on, and the cool thing about Alaska is that the ship leaves from Vancouver, B.C. so driving up and back is totally do-able. Yay!